I had dinner out tonight.I went to the new foodcourt at AMK Hub.It was difficult to find seats there,when my parents and I finally did,we sat down.Mom went to order her food.
A few tables away sat a group of foreigners.I assume this because they didn't speak like/dress like/look like locals.What's more,they seemed to find the foodcourt strangely interesting,and were taking photos of themselves,etc.I think they were Indonesian.Anyway,they were sitting at a table,squashed together,ready for a photoshot.They got a passer-by to take a photo of them,for them.The guy whom they asked got ready with their camera,but was stopped by a cleaner working in the foodcourt.
I just realised these cleaners are treated like dirt by society.Like I've said before,society is cruel.At the moment,I can't think of anything worse.
The poor cleaner blocked the shot.She tried to explain,in Mandrin,that photo-taking wasn't allowed in the foodcourt,according to rules set.She was of course,ignored by that stupid guy.The stupid guy just shrugged her off.She had to give up and get on with her job cleaning,poor woman.
I wonder if it would've made any difference if she had a different job?
Oh,and may I ask why everyone is so shocked by the "big" Virginia Tech massacre?I mean,you know,not that I don't feel sorry for the people who died in it,but why are people so shocked that 33 people died?Millions of people die all over the world everyday but nobody seems to care.33 people are gunned down and suddenly the world has gone mad.Logically speaking,it's no use taking measures to prevent it in Virginia Tech after this,because shooting rampages can happen anytime,anywhere.
Also,why are animals so insignificant compared to human beings?If an animal is killed,nobody gives it another thought.If a person is killed,the world goes crazy.Don't you find it quite unfair?It's not as if animals are lifeless things that don't feel pain,don't have feelings,whatsoever.
I had another dream last night:
It was like a zoo.People were viewing serial killers through glass panels like they were animals.There was Ed Gein [A real life serial killer whom I researched on,he was a cannibal].I walked past his glass panel.When I made a round and walked past his panel again,there was suddenly a big commotion.People in the crowd were shouting and jostling.Ed Gein had disappeared.
Later on,I went to the toilets with some people whom I was with (I can't remember who).Then for some reason,near an elevator,I blacked out.When I regained consciousness,I was in a room.There was a bed,a desk,windows with metal bars across all of it's panels except one.I didn't think twice about smashing the glass with my fist and escaping,although I didn't know where I was or who had brought me there.I was on the second level,so I had to climb down to the first,down a pipe that stuck to the side of a wall outside.The scene looked suspiciously like the school at Thompson Rd before we moved in 2006.
I was on the grass.Dunno how,but I caught sight of Ed Gein and 2 men walking towards the building I had escaped from.
I had to think quickly.If I pretended I was dead and lay in a drain,I couldn't escape,because he would chop me up and eat me anyway,so either way,I would have died.The only way I could get out of that place alive was to run,run for my life.
The people who were with me back at the "zoo" were captured and both managed to escape,too.We ran and ran and ran.Ed Gein spotted us and gave chase.I ran until blood pounded in my ears,but I didn't stop,I couldn't.I didn't want to die.
We reached one of those high green wire fences you always see in ball courts to keep balls from flying out.We had to climb over it,which we did.Anything to get away.After we climbed over,we continued to run.I kept running,hoping to find safety far away from that place,from that man.
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Thursday,Apr 19th 2007
Society is evil.
It has influenced my father into thinking that girls can only have long hair.What's his problem?!First he keeps asking me to go for a haircut,then when I opt for short hair,he says I cannot cut anymore?Bloody hell.
Who the hell said that guys couldn't like pink and have long hair?Who said girls couldn't have short hair?WHO?!
Curse that person to death.
It seems to me now that society has more bad sides than good.I can't even think of any good sides of it.Society is so unwilling to accept,so narrow-minded,and so bloody stubborn there's no way they'll budge.
Stupid.
It has influenced my father into thinking that girls can only have long hair.What's his problem?!First he keeps asking me to go for a haircut,then when I opt for short hair,he says I cannot cut anymore?Bloody hell.
Who the hell said that guys couldn't like pink and have long hair?Who said girls couldn't have short hair?WHO?!
Curse that person to death.
It seems to me now that society has more bad sides than good.I can't even think of any good sides of it.Society is so unwilling to accept,so narrow-minded,and so bloody stubborn there's no way they'll budge.
Stupid.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Wed,Apr 18th 2007
I have decided that one of the ways to practice "writing" is to blog. Of course, since tomorrow is my English paper, I had better type properly.
There are so many things going on in my life right now. There are exams, homework, SYF, constant worrying about a lot of things. One of them is choir, and how I am going to cope with it as well as my schoolwork. It was never much of a problem before, because I never really did my schoolwork until this year. I also fear that once my fellow Sec 4 choristers leave, the standard of the choir would drop, in terms of discipline, and also vocally as a choir.
Once they leave, I would be all alone again.
Sigh.
It is such a constant struggle to finish my schoolwork, as well as pay attention in class and try to absorb everything that is taught. Yet, I keep finding people breathing down my neck, forcing me to work harder.
That is what I hate about success, and the one thing I like about failure.
Take failing a test as an example.
If you were never good at Math, and you have been failing Math tests and exams for at least seven years, people's expectations of you would be that you fail Math again, but of course they would keep hoping for you to pass.
Eventually, you do pass, due to some kind of miracle. You just made it past the passing mark. Of course, even you would feel happy for yourself. However, from then on, people expect more of you. They develop greater expectations of you, and if you do not meet those expectations, everybody would be utterly disappointed.
Even I cannot see why, because nobody is perfect.
It has been exhausting trying to get through "Sophie's World" by Jostein Gaarder. "The Christmas Mystery" and "Through a Glass, Darkly" were much more straightforward and easy to understand. There is a lot of philosophy in "Sophie's World", sometimes boring, but I have found many interesting questions in that book. They require deep thought, but are fun to think about. You can come up with your own theories.
I had better stop here. Am still a little sick. I could not even eat ice-cream on Ben & Jerry's free cone day, and I absolutely love their ice-cream! Dearest Cherry Garcia.. My doctor said I cannot consume anything spicy, oily, or anything to do with milk. I have not had a decent night's sleep for the past two weeks. Not one consisted of at least eight hours. If I want to do well and be able to concentrate during the exam tomorrow, I had better turn in early tonight.
There are so many things going on in my life right now. There are exams, homework, SYF, constant worrying about a lot of things. One of them is choir, and how I am going to cope with it as well as my schoolwork. It was never much of a problem before, because I never really did my schoolwork until this year. I also fear that once my fellow Sec 4 choristers leave, the standard of the choir would drop, in terms of discipline, and also vocally as a choir.
Once they leave, I would be all alone again.
Sigh.
It is such a constant struggle to finish my schoolwork, as well as pay attention in class and try to absorb everything that is taught. Yet, I keep finding people breathing down my neck, forcing me to work harder.
That is what I hate about success, and the one thing I like about failure.
Take failing a test as an example.
If you were never good at Math, and you have been failing Math tests and exams for at least seven years, people's expectations of you would be that you fail Math again, but of course they would keep hoping for you to pass.
Eventually, you do pass, due to some kind of miracle. You just made it past the passing mark. Of course, even you would feel happy for yourself. However, from then on, people expect more of you. They develop greater expectations of you, and if you do not meet those expectations, everybody would be utterly disappointed.
Even I cannot see why, because nobody is perfect.
It has been exhausting trying to get through "Sophie's World" by Jostein Gaarder. "The Christmas Mystery" and "Through a Glass, Darkly" were much more straightforward and easy to understand. There is a lot of philosophy in "Sophie's World", sometimes boring, but I have found many interesting questions in that book. They require deep thought, but are fun to think about. You can come up with your own theories.
I had better stop here. Am still a little sick. I could not even eat ice-cream on Ben & Jerry's free cone day, and I absolutely love their ice-cream! Dearest Cherry Garcia.. My doctor said I cannot consume anything spicy, oily, or anything to do with milk. I have not had a decent night's sleep for the past two weeks. Not one consisted of at least eight hours. If I want to do well and be able to concentrate during the exam tomorrow, I had better turn in early tonight.
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Sunday,Apr 15th 2007
Learnt to play "Moon River" and "As The Deer" on the piano today!If you try these few songs,you'll realise that they make use of the same few chords -_-"
I'm not sure if I played them correctly,but I think it's a start.
A very,very slow start.
Tsk!
Today,I was awoken by mom's shrill talking.I think she was talking about dogs.She was excited about the fact that a pet shop in Joo Chiat was closing down and thus giving away free dogs,though of very limited number and species/breed (which one to use,I forgot?).Most were of the large kind.Anyway,we didn't get any.I guess it isn't that big a loss,I already have Rabbit.
I woke up close to 9am.Waited till everyone was out of the house,except for my brother,who was in deep sleep,then I got up,washed up and dawdled for some,ate grapes and some milk chocolate for breakfast.Yeah,I know.What an unhealthy breakfast,but my choice was quite limited.Texted dad and asked him if he could bring me to the doctor since mom could claim the fee from her company.He replied "get ready now".
While waiting,I ate my breakfast and watched "Power Rangers" on TV -_-"
An hour and a half later,they finally came home,and they brought me to my doctor.Dermatologist cum doctor.Blah blah blah happened inbetween,I can't really remember.Too tired now.Dr.Chan gave me tablets to take,3 times a day,5 tablets each time.
That excludes the "poison" tablets I have to take twice a week.
Poor me.
Spent my afternoon watching "With Honours" on Channel 5.Cried while watching,it was sad at one point.Also,I never knew Brendan Fraser was so tall!
Then,I did my homework,which was Bio (bloody thick!) and SS.
I'm worried because I can't remember if we were given Math homework or not.I remember Mrs Khoo storming out of the class because she thought we weren't using the time she gave us,wisely.I can't remember what else she told us,except that we have to bring the 2 past years papers we did to class the next lesson.
I've been having a stiff neck,and I don't know why.It's only 9.40pm,but I'm tired already.
I'm not sure if I played them correctly,but I think it's a start.
A very,very slow start.
Tsk!
Today,I was awoken by mom's shrill talking.I think she was talking about dogs.She was excited about the fact that a pet shop in Joo Chiat was closing down and thus giving away free dogs,though of very limited number and species/breed (which one to use,I forgot?).Most were of the large kind.Anyway,we didn't get any.I guess it isn't that big a loss,I already have Rabbit.
I woke up close to 9am.Waited till everyone was out of the house,except for my brother,who was in deep sleep,then I got up,washed up and dawdled for some,ate grapes and some milk chocolate for breakfast.Yeah,I know.What an unhealthy breakfast,but my choice was quite limited.Texted dad and asked him if he could bring me to the doctor since mom could claim the fee from her company.He replied "get ready now".
While waiting,I ate my breakfast and watched "Power Rangers" on TV -_-"
An hour and a half later,they finally came home,and they brought me to my doctor.Dermatologist cum doctor.Blah blah blah happened inbetween,I can't really remember.Too tired now.Dr.Chan gave me tablets to take,3 times a day,5 tablets each time.
That excludes the "poison" tablets I have to take twice a week.
Poor me.
Spent my afternoon watching "With Honours" on Channel 5.Cried while watching,it was sad at one point.Also,I never knew Brendan Fraser was so tall!
Then,I did my homework,which was Bio (bloody thick!) and SS.
I'm worried because I can't remember if we were given Math homework or not.I remember Mrs Khoo storming out of the class because she thought we weren't using the time she gave us,wisely.I can't remember what else she told us,except that we have to bring the 2 past years papers we did to class the next lesson.
I've been having a stiff neck,and I don't know why.It's only 9.40pm,but I'm tired already.
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Saturday,April 14th 2007
I feel so insulted!
Was on Yahoo! Answers,asked a question about "Murder and Fun",if they ever associated the two.Some woman called me a "sick ****" and reported me.Lol.So I reported her back.It wasn't fair of her,I simply asked a question!
Several people who have answered that question have labelled me "crazy" and "sociopath".What gets to people so much?
10 days to SYF!!!
Had choir this morning.It wasn't a bad practice.The sec 2s,3s,and 5s had to go for their 2.4km run,so for most of the practice,only the sec 1s and 4s were present.We learnt a little of "Magos a rutafa",this Hungarian song which I last performed in Sec 1.It feels good picking it up again after 2 years,vaguely knowing how to sing it,notes especially,except maybe for the first page.The end of the first page,I'm not really sure about.Managed to teach juniors,I think they're going to be fine with the song.The language needs some getting-used-to,though.
I'm getting better at Chinese songs, too.Getting better at following the lyrics and singing along.For someone like me,it's not easy,but it's getting less tiring trying to guess the words in the booklet of lyrics.Don't forget in some songs,the rhythm is much faster than in others.
Also,I discovered that playing the piano is actually fun.I don't (and never did) like music theory much,but playing keys on the piano is quite fun,especially when you hit the right chords and it makes music.I only knew the VERY basics of piano,I took lessons long ago.I learnt to play "Seek Ye First" and "Father,I Thank You" by myself today!!!
Nice accomplishment after so long.
Still ill.I wonder what's happening in my body's digestive system?Something clogged up?Might be a bile issue.Scary.
Family isn't displaying any signs of worry,I've been sick for a week now.
You know,I've been thinking,if one is suffering from a terminal illness,why should he try to fight it?Shouldn't he just accept what's coming to him?
Was on Yahoo! Answers,asked a question about "Murder and Fun",if they ever associated the two.Some woman called me a "sick ****" and reported me.Lol.So I reported her back.It wasn't fair of her,I simply asked a question!
Several people who have answered that question have labelled me "crazy" and "sociopath".What gets to people so much?
10 days to SYF!!!
Had choir this morning.It wasn't a bad practice.The sec 2s,3s,and 5s had to go for their 2.4km run,so for most of the practice,only the sec 1s and 4s were present.We learnt a little of "Magos a rutafa",this Hungarian song which I last performed in Sec 1.It feels good picking it up again after 2 years,vaguely knowing how to sing it,notes especially,except maybe for the first page.The end of the first page,I'm not really sure about.Managed to teach juniors,I think they're going to be fine with the song.The language needs some getting-used-to,though.
I'm getting better at Chinese songs, too.Getting better at following the lyrics and singing along.For someone like me,it's not easy,but it's getting less tiring trying to guess the words in the booklet of lyrics.Don't forget in some songs,the rhythm is much faster than in others.
Also,I discovered that playing the piano is actually fun.I don't (and never did) like music theory much,but playing keys on the piano is quite fun,especially when you hit the right chords and it makes music.I only knew the VERY basics of piano,I took lessons long ago.I learnt to play "Seek Ye First" and "Father,I Thank You" by myself today!!!
Nice accomplishment after so long.
Still ill.I wonder what's happening in my body's digestive system?Something clogged up?Might be a bile issue.Scary.
Family isn't displaying any signs of worry,I've been sick for a week now.
You know,I've been thinking,if one is suffering from a terminal illness,why should he try to fight it?Shouldn't he just accept what's coming to him?
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Tuesday,April 10th 2007
I had a dream last night.
It was more of a nightmare,but I didn't wake up crying or in cold sweat.It was quite frightening,though.
My dream went like this:
It was very near choir's SYF day,and I was getting my choir gown ready and stuff.For some odd reason,I decided to make soup while waiting for time to pass,the time between then and the time for a full dress rehersal at VCH.
I didn't have flavouring for my soup,so I brought plain water to a boil and hunted around for something to flavour it.
Finding nothing,my eyes landed on my dear pet rabbit.
Even while I was dreaming,I somehow saw how stupid my own thinking was when I was me in my dream.However,the "Me" in my dream didn't know how stupid her thinking was.
She thought that her rabbit could spare some juice and flavouring to/for the soup after boiling in the pot for awhile and somehow still be alive minutes later.She thought that her rabbit wouldn't die if she put it into the pot of boiling water.
So she did.
Eight minutes later,after she came back from the bathroom,she looked in and saw a shrunken rabbit,less than half it's original size.She expected the head to be the only "alive" part of the rabbit,but how silly of her.
To her horror,half of the shrunken rabbit's face had hardened,eye and all.It was all brown and baked earth-like.
It was boiling,boiling...
And she wept at her stupidity.
______________________
I think I've been reading/thinking too much (about) Hannibal Rising.
In the book,two things were boiled in the copper baby bathtub that belonged to Mischa.One was a little deer that was hunted by the soldiers who took refuge in the lodge where Hannibal and Mischa were hiding,the other thing was Mischa herself.
Hannibal had memories of the skull of the deer bubbling in the baby bathtub,it's horns hitting against the side as if making a last desperate attempt to butt it's way out.
I'm still ill,I've been since Sunday morning.I was fine yesterday,although I tried not to move around too much.This morning I ran 7 rounds around the track for morning run(s),and I had a pretty unhealthy recess.A piece of roti prata and a piece of fried egg.Thinking about that now,I feel sick.Little bit of honey when I was trying the samples at the temporary honey stall set up by some people in the canteen.I had a bad headache during some classes.
It was raining,so I asked dad to fetch me from school.He took exactly half an hour to get there.What is this?!He only takes about 15 minutes to fetch me to school.Of course,there are always delays,so lets make that 20 mins.
Oh yeah,while we're typing about this,I would like to add how difficult it is for me to get to school on time in the morning.
Choir just increased morning run(s) to twice a week,and we have to start latest by 7.10am.If I don't get there on time,my attendence won't be taken,then I'll be scolded,probably by Mrs Low.
How unfair is it if you're the first one to wake up at 5.50am every school day and is the one scolded for being late?I'll tell you why.When you're hurrying people at 6.40am,they say it's still too early.STILL TOO EARLY.
I can't stand my father's taunting face when I keep quiet after he says that because he knows that without him,I wouldn't be able to get to school on time.No,be it on time or not.I can't take the MRT because he'll suddenly become suspicious and go crazy about why I have to be in school so "early".
At 6.45am,people are still choosing clothes,what to wear,etc.It's bloody annoying.I don't even want to read/hear any comments on it.DON'T.
Can't you people see how difficult things are for me?It's not as if I'm running in the morning by CHOICE.Who the hell wants to wake up so early and have to make everyone else unhappy,just to go early enough to run?!
Just because I'm the youngest doesn't mean I'm not a person.
I don't feel like elaborating on that now.
Back to the topic of me being sick.
I think it was the Mac & Cheese that made me feel sick again today.I had that for lunch,perhaps it was too cheesy for my ill-conditioned digestive system to take.I couldn't finish the meal anyway.I drank a bottle of Yakult after that,all while watching "There's Something About Mary".
Took a shower,did some Math homework,felt too sick to complete.I felt strangely bloated and felt like vomiting.I lay daydreaming for awhile,then came outside to use the computer because I remembered my dream and wanted to blog about it.
It's now 8.33pm,I haven't had my dinner.Still feeling sick.Hands injured in many places.Poked by thick wire,thin wire,thinner wire,impaled by a pencil & safety-pin,cut by metal toilet-roll holders,cut by paper,bruised by watch,by wire,and being accidentally hit by people...
English Oral Prelims are tomorrow.I don't know how I'll do.Worried about my Accounts homework because I have no idea how to go about doing it.Just remembered the two English compres Ms Yip gave us today.I can almost swear just thinking about them,and how I'm going to have choir after Eng Oral tomorrow and get home really late with no time to complete,and my uncompleted Math homework as well,don't forget that we've to draw those stupid diagrams.Speed-time graphs/Velocity-time graphs/Distance-time graphs...There's SS tomorrow and we were supposed to do Q 1(b) from the 5-yrs series.I did that already,but I'm not sure if my answer will be considered acceptable.Curse the people who introduced Social Studies to the world.
Oh no,Mom just told me to drink some soup.
It was more of a nightmare,but I didn't wake up crying or in cold sweat.It was quite frightening,though.
My dream went like this:
It was very near choir's SYF day,and I was getting my choir gown ready and stuff.For some odd reason,I decided to make soup while waiting for time to pass,the time between then and the time for a full dress rehersal at VCH.
I didn't have flavouring for my soup,so I brought plain water to a boil and hunted around for something to flavour it.
Finding nothing,my eyes landed on my dear pet rabbit.
Even while I was dreaming,I somehow saw how stupid my own thinking was when I was me in my dream.However,the "Me" in my dream didn't know how stupid her thinking was.
She thought that her rabbit could spare some juice and flavouring to/for the soup after boiling in the pot for awhile and somehow still be alive minutes later.She thought that her rabbit wouldn't die if she put it into the pot of boiling water.
So she did.
Eight minutes later,after she came back from the bathroom,she looked in and saw a shrunken rabbit,less than half it's original size.She expected the head to be the only "alive" part of the rabbit,but how silly of her.
To her horror,half of the shrunken rabbit's face had hardened,eye and all.It was all brown and baked earth-like.
It was boiling,boiling...
And she wept at her stupidity.
______________________
I think I've been reading/thinking too much (about) Hannibal Rising.
In the book,two things were boiled in the copper baby bathtub that belonged to Mischa.One was a little deer that was hunted by the soldiers who took refuge in the lodge where Hannibal and Mischa were hiding,the other thing was Mischa herself.
Hannibal had memories of the skull of the deer bubbling in the baby bathtub,it's horns hitting against the side as if making a last desperate attempt to butt it's way out.
I'm still ill,I've been since Sunday morning.I was fine yesterday,although I tried not to move around too much.This morning I ran 7 rounds around the track for morning run(s),and I had a pretty unhealthy recess.A piece of roti prata and a piece of fried egg.Thinking about that now,I feel sick.Little bit of honey when I was trying the samples at the temporary honey stall set up by some people in the canteen.I had a bad headache during some classes.
It was raining,so I asked dad to fetch me from school.He took exactly half an hour to get there.What is this?!He only takes about 15 minutes to fetch me to school.Of course,there are always delays,so lets make that 20 mins.
Oh yeah,while we're typing about this,I would like to add how difficult it is for me to get to school on time in the morning.
Choir just increased morning run(s) to twice a week,and we have to start latest by 7.10am.If I don't get there on time,my attendence won't be taken,then I'll be scolded,probably by Mrs Low.
How unfair is it if you're the first one to wake up at 5.50am every school day and is the one scolded for being late?I'll tell you why.When you're hurrying people at 6.40am,they say it's still too early.STILL TOO EARLY.
I can't stand my father's taunting face when I keep quiet after he says that because he knows that without him,I wouldn't be able to get to school on time.No,be it on time or not.I can't take the MRT because he'll suddenly become suspicious and go crazy about why I have to be in school so "early".
At 6.45am,people are still choosing clothes,what to wear,etc.It's bloody annoying.I don't even want to read/hear any comments on it.DON'T.
Can't you people see how difficult things are for me?It's not as if I'm running in the morning by CHOICE.Who the hell wants to wake up so early and have to make everyone else unhappy,just to go early enough to run?!
Just because I'm the youngest doesn't mean I'm not a person.
I don't feel like elaborating on that now.
Back to the topic of me being sick.
I think it was the Mac & Cheese that made me feel sick again today.I had that for lunch,perhaps it was too cheesy for my ill-conditioned digestive system to take.I couldn't finish the meal anyway.I drank a bottle of Yakult after that,all while watching "There's Something About Mary".
Took a shower,did some Math homework,felt too sick to complete.I felt strangely bloated and felt like vomiting.I lay daydreaming for awhile,then came outside to use the computer because I remembered my dream and wanted to blog about it.
It's now 8.33pm,I haven't had my dinner.Still feeling sick.Hands injured in many places.Poked by thick wire,thin wire,thinner wire,impaled by a pencil & safety-pin,cut by metal toilet-roll holders,cut by paper,bruised by watch,by wire,and being accidentally hit by people...
English Oral Prelims are tomorrow.I don't know how I'll do.Worried about my Accounts homework because I have no idea how to go about doing it.Just remembered the two English compres Ms Yip gave us today.I can almost swear just thinking about them,and how I'm going to have choir after Eng Oral tomorrow and get home really late with no time to complete,and my uncompleted Math homework as well,don't forget that we've to draw those stupid diagrams.Speed-time graphs/Velocity-time graphs/Distance-time graphs...There's SS tomorrow and we were supposed to do Q 1(b) from the 5-yrs series.I did that already,but I'm not sure if my answer will be considered acceptable.Curse the people who introduced Social Studies to the world.
Oh no,Mom just told me to drink some soup.
Sunday, April 08, 2007
Sunday,Apr 8th 2007
Just my luck to be sick on Easter Sunday!Thought it was a day when everyone would rejoice.
It's only 2.49pm,and since 8am I've suffered from diarrhoea and vomiting.I won't gross you guys out with details,but I feel terrible.Can't even eat properly!Tried to do a little Math homework,but feel too terrible to complete it.I haven't touched paper 2.If I'm feeling better I'll try again later.
I'm more worried about my Chinese homework,which I totally forgot about until half an hour ago.I left the newspaper in school,and Chinese is first thing tomorrow morning!I'm so gonna die.Lao shi would never believe my long-winded but truthful explanation.I wouldn't either,if I were her.
Couldn't sleep well last night.Felt terrible around 7am this morning.Thought the terrible feeling was gonna pass,so I ignored it and stayed in bed till about 8am,couldn't take it anymore and sat up in bed.See,the most pitiful thing about me was that I wasn't comfortable in any position.When lying down,my tummy/intestines hurt.When I sat up,I felt like vomiting.When I stood up,I felt dizzy.
Even I found myself pitiful.
Here's the most ironic part: I vomited right after I finished brushing my teeth.
Been too sick to think much,but I wonder if Singapore is considered a free country?What on earth is a free country anyway?!
It's only 2.49pm,and since 8am I've suffered from diarrhoea and vomiting.I won't gross you guys out with details,but I feel terrible.Can't even eat properly!Tried to do a little Math homework,but feel too terrible to complete it.I haven't touched paper 2.If I'm feeling better I'll try again later.
I'm more worried about my Chinese homework,which I totally forgot about until half an hour ago.I left the newspaper in school,and Chinese is first thing tomorrow morning!I'm so gonna die.Lao shi would never believe my long-winded but truthful explanation.I wouldn't either,if I were her.
Couldn't sleep well last night.Felt terrible around 7am this morning.Thought the terrible feeling was gonna pass,so I ignored it and stayed in bed till about 8am,couldn't take it anymore and sat up in bed.See,the most pitiful thing about me was that I wasn't comfortable in any position.When lying down,my tummy/intestines hurt.When I sat up,I felt like vomiting.When I stood up,I felt dizzy.
Even I found myself pitiful.
Here's the most ironic part: I vomited right after I finished brushing my teeth.
Been too sick to think much,but I wonder if Singapore is considered a free country?What on earth is a free country anyway?!
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Sunday, April 01, 2007
Sunday,April 1st 2007
It's gonna be short,it's already late.
Well,that applies to my compo as well,the one that was due days ago,which I haven't written.
I've finally gotten my hands on the book "Hannibal Rising".It's difficult to pry myself away from it,but I did last night before I went to bed only because I feared that it would fall off the bed if I hugged it to sleep.
It's pretty scary,the way it makes one think while reading it.It makes one think so deeply,about the story itself and poor Hannibal,and wonder about a lot of other things.Quite enjoyable,in a way.
It's a library book,by the way.I got it after my 2.4km run,and I consider it my reward for not giving up halfway during the run.Oh,and for buying 3 packets of tissues from that old handicapped lady in a wheelchair I always see sitting infront of the entrance to the MRT station.
She's been making a living out of selling tissues for years,I should know.I see her sitting there almost everyday,looking tired,holding out 3 packets of tissues,hoping someone would buy them for a dollar.
I never could bring myself to go out of my way to stop and dig out my wallet to produce a dollar (definitely laziness),but I finally did afew days ago,and it felt good because I think she needs that dollar more than I do.
Well,that applies to my compo as well,the one that was due days ago,which I haven't written.
I've finally gotten my hands on the book "Hannibal Rising".It's difficult to pry myself away from it,but I did last night before I went to bed only because I feared that it would fall off the bed if I hugged it to sleep.
It's pretty scary,the way it makes one think while reading it.It makes one think so deeply,about the story itself and poor Hannibal,and wonder about a lot of other things.Quite enjoyable,in a way.
It's a library book,by the way.I got it after my 2.4km run,and I consider it my reward for not giving up halfway during the run.Oh,and for buying 3 packets of tissues from that old handicapped lady in a wheelchair I always see sitting infront of the entrance to the MRT station.
She's been making a living out of selling tissues for years,I should know.I see her sitting there almost everyday,looking tired,holding out 3 packets of tissues,hoping someone would buy them for a dollar.
I never could bring myself to go out of my way to stop and dig out my wallet to produce a dollar (definitely laziness),but I finally did afew days ago,and it felt good because I think she needs that dollar more than I do.
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Saturday,March 31st 2007
Some thoughts in the car on the way home from dinner @ Queenstown:
1)If you think a lot,technically,you'd learn something from everything you feel,see,touch,smell,taste.
When you start out as a child,you'd touch something and discover if it's smooth or rough.As you grow a little older,you start to wonder what's it made of.Then,you wonder why it's rough or smooth.
Feelings can teach you things.Causes and impacts,and why you are feeling that way.
The others are basic senses,with which you discover different sights,smells and tastes.
It's quite fascinating how curiosity develops more and more as people grow,how thoughts get deeper with each maturing step they take.
2)What's the limit of a human mind,or does it even have a limit?
For every person,there are two worlds.The one inside,and the one outside.For every 88 people,there are 89 worlds.No two people's inside worlds are exactly the same,like thumbprints.
Every person shares the world outside,but each and every person rules their own one inside.The world outside can be so boring,because after so many years,we have accustomed to routine.People wake up,brush their teeth,have breakfast,go to work,etc.
People in the world outside think it's crazy to do certain things,like trying wingless flight,or eating other people (Hannibal!),things like that.In the world inside,however,you can choose what to put there.People whom you don't want there,you can get rid of them.You can choose what you want to happen there,anything at all.
It's like dreaming,and nothing can hurt you in that world.
I had my 2.4km run at NYJC today.Thought it would be easier for me since I exercise regularly,but noooo.The first round seemed easy enough,but by the middle of the second round,I felt like I was dying,and what was most depressing was that I had 4 1/2 more rounds to go,and a time limit to fall under.My air passage closed up halfway so it was really difficult to breathe.The sweltering heat made me feel like my legs and feet were on fire,despite having socks and shoes on.They burned as if they were held over an open stove,I could almost imagine the orange-red flames dancing.
I had a goal to reach,and it was to get an A for my 2.4km run,which meant that I had to complete the run under 14.11mins.I felt like giving up halfway,but I pushed myself to the limit,coming up with reasons not to give up.It felt like total hell.I wasn't even told whether it was my last round or not,and when I ran past the group sitting at those large stone steps,they shouted some confusing stuff about me having finished my run,I was so flustered.I was furious at them for that,thinking that I missed my A because of it.However,Iffah told me I got my A.Isabel almost fainted or something,so Iffah helped me record my timing.I went to the group of PE teachers sitting not far away,asked for the standards of A.When I found out I really did get an A,I smiled to myself,glad that I finally reached my goal of getting 30 points Gold for my PFT.I never could do it,and for years I tried,but I probably only really made the effort this year.You know,extra stretching and training and stuff.
Now I'm aching every possible place in my body,even walking hurts now,but I'm happy and satisfied with what I've achieved.
1)If you think a lot,technically,you'd learn something from everything you feel,see,touch,smell,taste.
When you start out as a child,you'd touch something and discover if it's smooth or rough.As you grow a little older,you start to wonder what's it made of.Then,you wonder why it's rough or smooth.
Feelings can teach you things.Causes and impacts,and why you are feeling that way.
The others are basic senses,with which you discover different sights,smells and tastes.
It's quite fascinating how curiosity develops more and more as people grow,how thoughts get deeper with each maturing step they take.
2)What's the limit of a human mind,or does it even have a limit?
For every person,there are two worlds.The one inside,and the one outside.For every 88 people,there are 89 worlds.No two people's inside worlds are exactly the same,like thumbprints.
Every person shares the world outside,but each and every person rules their own one inside.The world outside can be so boring,because after so many years,we have accustomed to routine.People wake up,brush their teeth,have breakfast,go to work,etc.
People in the world outside think it's crazy to do certain things,like trying wingless flight,or eating other people (Hannibal!),things like that.In the world inside,however,you can choose what to put there.People whom you don't want there,you can get rid of them.You can choose what you want to happen there,anything at all.
It's like dreaming,and nothing can hurt you in that world.
I had my 2.4km run at NYJC today.Thought it would be easier for me since I exercise regularly,but noooo.The first round seemed easy enough,but by the middle of the second round,I felt like I was dying,and what was most depressing was that I had 4 1/2 more rounds to go,and a time limit to fall under.My air passage closed up halfway so it was really difficult to breathe.The sweltering heat made me feel like my legs and feet were on fire,despite having socks and shoes on.They burned as if they were held over an open stove,I could almost imagine the orange-red flames dancing.
I had a goal to reach,and it was to get an A for my 2.4km run,which meant that I had to complete the run under 14.11mins.I felt like giving up halfway,but I pushed myself to the limit,coming up with reasons not to give up.It felt like total hell.I wasn't even told whether it was my last round or not,and when I ran past the group sitting at those large stone steps,they shouted some confusing stuff about me having finished my run,I was so flustered.I was furious at them for that,thinking that I missed my A because of it.However,Iffah told me I got my A.Isabel almost fainted or something,so Iffah helped me record my timing.I went to the group of PE teachers sitting not far away,asked for the standards of A.When I found out I really did get an A,I smiled to myself,glad that I finally reached my goal of getting 30 points Gold for my PFT.I never could do it,and for years I tried,but I probably only really made the effort this year.You know,extra stretching and training and stuff.
Now I'm aching every possible place in my body,even walking hurts now,but I'm happy and satisfied with what I've achieved.
Friday, March 30, 2007
Friday,March 30th 2007
What a long long week it's been.
It's been so tiring,so many things have happened and I've been struggling to catch up with homework all week.
Lets tackle these things one by one.
1)IJ Superstar:
It was terribly scary to have to go first.I was usually happy to have someone else go first,you know,so the rest of us had an example to follow,if we wanted to.Then I was picked to go first,because I had to rush off to choir practice anyway,I almost died.I had to set the benchmark.
Tried to keep calm and all,the keeping calm part didn't go too badly,but I couldn't walk around and sing,it felt as if my feet were nailed to the floor and when I tried to move them,I couldn't,so I just stood there,almost frozen save for a little bit of swaying through the song.
Well,sing I did,got nice comments from people,but I didn't make it through anyway.The judges were Mr Bernard Chan and Ms Lu Wenshi.I guess that explains a lot.I walked out of there knowing I did my best,and I didn't sound bad,so that was fine.
Kinda upset that Tiffy didn't make it.I mean,she deserves it.Nice voice,suited for Chinese pop,I guess,but I didn't get to hear her sing when her turn came because like I said,I had to rush off to choir prac.
Maybe I'll give it a shot again next year,we'll see.
2)Choir SYF Auditions:
Yes!I did it!I was practically shaking by the time I got to the Performing Arts room after IJ Superstar.The climbing down 6 stories contributed to the massive abdominal cramp I got just before choir started.Could hardly walk,felt dizzy,it hurt when I breathed.You can almost imagine how much I suffered.I felt so terrible,I almost gave up on recovering in time for the auditions.However,I knew I had to go for the auditions if I wanted to sing in SYF,so I asked Amanda if I could grab a bite because I hadn't had lunch and was feeling dizzy.She said yes,so I took the sausage roll thingy that mom bought the day before,and sat outside the room eating it.Thankfully,there was a tall stool there beside the shoe rack for me to sit on.I did,and I had to cling onto the shoe rack with one arm to keep myself from falling.I ate with the other hand.
I started to get better as my tummy filled up with food.I didn't have time for lunch before IJ Superstar lah. It still hurt a bit by the time I went in,but I was much much better than before,so I went to sit with my group and got ready for the auditions.
Somehow I still felt so scared from the IJ Superstar experience,I didn't feel nervous about the choir SYF auditions at all!I just sorta breezed through it.Surprisingly,my group sounded pretty good.We sounded confident.At least in tune.Some groups ended on really terrible chords.
Anxiety can destroy a lot of things,I've learnt.
I've also learnt never to miss lunch before doing something that requires a lot of courage.
3) PFT (5 Items)
Another accomplishment!Last year,I was so mad at myself when I only got Gold 28 points.I've been getting that for years now,I don't want to sustain,I want to improve,so I really pushed myself to the limit this time.I made sure I planned my time properly.My class' slot was at 4pm,we had to assemble in the hall at 3.45pm.We ended lessons at 1.35pm.I really took my time.Had lunch,then went up to class to waste some time for the food to digest.I had a lor mai kai,a white lotus paste pau,and an orange for lunch.I was the lame person who passed time by changing the words that were written on the board by Mr Fausta Tan when he came in for SS lesson before.It was some stuff about "Healthcare in S'pore",and there was a lot of stuff about that written on it.We did a draft on answering the question.I changed the topic on the board to "Hathcae in pore",whatever that is/was.I just had to entertain myself.
At around 3.15pm,the people who were in class got stretching.I stretched and stretched and stretched.I couldn't afford to miss an A in "Sit and Reach" by 0.5cm again.What's worse is that last year I was younger so I had less to reach A.This year's is increased by a few cm.I had to reach 45cm.Stretched until it felt so easy to reach so far forward I couldn't bend anymore.Hurt,but I forced myself.My aim was to get an A in every item so I could get 30 points Gold,including my 2.4km.Then,we ran around the 3rd level once,and then went to the hall.
First station was sit-ups.I managed 40 in a minute,darn.Shall aim for 50 next year.One second is clearly enough for a sit-up.
I can't remember what came next,it was all a blur,so I'll just type out what I got.Managed to reach 49cm for "Sit and Reach",185cm for Standing Broad Jump,11.25 seconds for Shuttle Run (I hate that),and 29 for Inclined Pull-ups.I improved from 27,which was all I managed to do last year,but somehow it wasn't as satisfying as I hoped.I need to get into the 50 push-ups-a-day routine again soon.
I got all As,and it was all just such a beautiful blur.I was so happy.Then I walked to class to pack my bag,ready to go home.Watched the Guitar Ensemble play for awhile.I reached level 1 after climbing down the stairs,suddenly felt really terrible.
Went into the chapel,cried and cried.
It's been so tiring,so many things have happened and I've been struggling to catch up with homework all week.
Lets tackle these things one by one.
1)IJ Superstar:
It was terribly scary to have to go first.I was usually happy to have someone else go first,you know,so the rest of us had an example to follow,if we wanted to.Then I was picked to go first,because I had to rush off to choir practice anyway,I almost died.I had to set the benchmark.
Tried to keep calm and all,the keeping calm part didn't go too badly,but I couldn't walk around and sing,it felt as if my feet were nailed to the floor and when I tried to move them,I couldn't,so I just stood there,almost frozen save for a little bit of swaying through the song.
Well,sing I did,got nice comments from people,but I didn't make it through anyway.The judges were Mr Bernard Chan and Ms Lu Wenshi.I guess that explains a lot.I walked out of there knowing I did my best,and I didn't sound bad,so that was fine.
Kinda upset that Tiffy didn't make it.I mean,she deserves it.Nice voice,suited for Chinese pop,I guess,but I didn't get to hear her sing when her turn came because like I said,I had to rush off to choir prac.
Maybe I'll give it a shot again next year,we'll see.
2)Choir SYF Auditions:
Yes!I did it!I was practically shaking by the time I got to the Performing Arts room after IJ Superstar.The climbing down 6 stories contributed to the massive abdominal cramp I got just before choir started.Could hardly walk,felt dizzy,it hurt when I breathed.You can almost imagine how much I suffered.I felt so terrible,I almost gave up on recovering in time for the auditions.However,I knew I had to go for the auditions if I wanted to sing in SYF,so I asked Amanda if I could grab a bite because I hadn't had lunch and was feeling dizzy.She said yes,so I took the sausage roll thingy that mom bought the day before,and sat outside the room eating it.Thankfully,there was a tall stool there beside the shoe rack for me to sit on.I did,and I had to cling onto the shoe rack with one arm to keep myself from falling.I ate with the other hand.
I started to get better as my tummy filled up with food.I didn't have time for lunch before IJ Superstar lah. It still hurt a bit by the time I went in,but I was much much better than before,so I went to sit with my group and got ready for the auditions.
Somehow I still felt so scared from the IJ Superstar experience,I didn't feel nervous about the choir SYF auditions at all!I just sorta breezed through it.Surprisingly,my group sounded pretty good.We sounded confident.At least in tune.Some groups ended on really terrible chords.
Anxiety can destroy a lot of things,I've learnt.
I've also learnt never to miss lunch before doing something that requires a lot of courage.
3) PFT (5 Items)
Another accomplishment!Last year,I was so mad at myself when I only got Gold 28 points.I've been getting that for years now,I don't want to sustain,I want to improve,so I really pushed myself to the limit this time.I made sure I planned my time properly.My class' slot was at 4pm,we had to assemble in the hall at 3.45pm.We ended lessons at 1.35pm.I really took my time.Had lunch,then went up to class to waste some time for the food to digest.I had a lor mai kai,a white lotus paste pau,and an orange for lunch.I was the lame person who passed time by changing the words that were written on the board by Mr Fausta Tan when he came in for SS lesson before.It was some stuff about "Healthcare in S'pore",and there was a lot of stuff about that written on it.We did a draft on answering the question.I changed the topic on the board to "Hathcae in pore",whatever that is/was.I just had to entertain myself.
At around 3.15pm,the people who were in class got stretching.I stretched and stretched and stretched.I couldn't afford to miss an A in "Sit and Reach" by 0.5cm again.What's worse is that last year I was younger so I had less to reach A.This year's is increased by a few cm.I had to reach 45cm.Stretched until it felt so easy to reach so far forward I couldn't bend anymore.Hurt,but I forced myself.My aim was to get an A in every item so I could get 30 points Gold,including my 2.4km.Then,we ran around the 3rd level once,and then went to the hall.
First station was sit-ups.I managed 40 in a minute,darn.Shall aim for 50 next year.One second is clearly enough for a sit-up.
I can't remember what came next,it was all a blur,so I'll just type out what I got.Managed to reach 49cm for "Sit and Reach",185cm for Standing Broad Jump,11.25 seconds for Shuttle Run (I hate that),and 29 for Inclined Pull-ups.I improved from 27,which was all I managed to do last year,but somehow it wasn't as satisfying as I hoped.I need to get into the 50 push-ups-a-day routine again soon.
I got all As,and it was all just such a beautiful blur.I was so happy.Then I walked to class to pack my bag,ready to go home.Watched the Guitar Ensemble play for awhile.I reached level 1 after climbing down the stairs,suddenly felt really terrible.
Went into the chapel,cried and cried.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Tuesday,March 27th 2007
RUBBISH!!!
I feel like rubbish.So much homework to do.Also,dad "offered" to sit with me and do Math for an hour everyday.Actually,it's as good as death.
I'd rather die than sit with him and do Math for an hour everyday.I tried doing Math with him before,I couldn't survive a week of it.Awhile (one word or two?) of doing Math with him could make we crack.
I absolutely refuse to sit with him and do Math,even though it's nice of him to want to sacrifice his time for me.
It always ends in tears.
IJ Superstar semi-final rounds are tomorrow.I wonder if people will be allowed into the Dance Studio to watch?Most of me prays that people won't be allowed in,so as to save me the embarrassment if I don't sound good tomorrow.The acoustics there might suck.
You know,I don't think I'll care very much about whether I'd gotten past the semi-finals or not.I wanna walk out of that room knowing that I sounded good,and that I tried my best.
If they don't like it,they can jolly well kick me out.
Like I said,the people who said things were mostly the ones who didn't know a thing about singing.
Wish me luck! :)
I feel like rubbish.So much homework to do.Also,dad "offered" to sit with me and do Math for an hour everyday.Actually,it's as good as death.
I'd rather die than sit with him and do Math for an hour everyday.I tried doing Math with him before,I couldn't survive a week of it.Awhile (one word or two?) of doing Math with him could make we crack.
I absolutely refuse to sit with him and do Math,even though it's nice of him to want to sacrifice his time for me.
It always ends in tears.
IJ Superstar semi-final rounds are tomorrow.I wonder if people will be allowed into the Dance Studio to watch?Most of me prays that people won't be allowed in,so as to save me the embarrassment if I don't sound good tomorrow.The acoustics there might suck.
You know,I don't think I'll care very much about whether I'd gotten past the semi-finals or not.I wanna walk out of that room knowing that I sounded good,and that I tried my best.
If they don't like it,they can jolly well kick me out.
Like I said,the people who said things were mostly the ones who didn't know a thing about singing.
Wish me luck! :)
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Thursday,Mar 22 2007
How do you find joy in telling the truth when people think that everything you say is a lie?
Monday, March 19, 2007
Monday,March 19th 2007
I wish I had Celine Dion's voice.
When she hits certain notes,her voice just rings in this wonderfully pleasant way.I love her singing in "I'm Alive".The only thing in it I have to pick at is when she hits this long,high note on "my life",her placement changes and you can hear it so clearly.Darn,if only she didn't change her placement in the middle of that note.Must remind myself never to do that sort of thing.
Thanks,WY,for getting me the songs I wanted.
Ahh,still panicking.I haven't found someone who can remove vocals from a song,making it a minus-one track.Went to bed at around 12 midnight after watching a short DVD.Couldn't sleep."Woke up" tired this morning,but I survived the day.Terrible terrible day.
I still can't bring myself to show my parents my report book.I mean,yes,I finally passed Chinese,but that was only one of the many Chinese tests I took,and that was the only one I managed to pass,if only by 2 marks.In my report book,it's shown that I only passed 3 subjects.Dude.I wish they added the Physics/Bio marks into the combined Science marks.Can't remember which one they left out,but they did for one.I failed by a little for Art and Science.Damn it.
Passed 3 subjects,but that's only because Ms Kalpana allowed us to bring it home to re-do,and she keyed in those marks we got after we re-did it.Chinese,well,I didn't even know we were taking a CA.There was a Chinese test every week,so I guess they picked the one with the best results achieved generally.
If you don't count those two,I'd have only passed one subject-English.
I guess you could say that it's my fall-back subject.You know,like a cushion at the bottom of a pit in which I'll fall,if I ever.However,it's not as if my English is terrific.
People don't care about how hard it is for you to get there,they only want to see good results.They don't know how difficult it is,going up a notch.Suddenly you're forced to work a lot harder,and regardless of how hard you work,your grades start to slip because you came from the notch below.Watching your own grades drop,you start to feel hopeless because everyone around you is that notch higher.Your parents don't understand that either.They just want to see the same results you achieved when you were that notch lower.If your grades have become borderline,they assume you've become so much worse acadamically.See how it works now?
It's like that time my choir got a silver medal at the Choir Olympics 2006.
We've always been a "gold" choir,you see,at least for a while.Mrs Low always mentioned the gold medals whenever something about us was (being) announced.She's very proud of the golds.It's a reputation thing,you know?
When we came back with a silver medal in July 2006,I could hear the voices.Sneers.Smirks.Glares.
The girls at school were saying things.
You see,we were a "gold" choir.Having suddenly gotten a silver,it seemed as if we dropped a level.People don't care how a big deal that silver is to us,people don't care how much work it took to get there,they don't care how difficult that competition is/was.They just want to see the gold medal.
What gets to me most is that the people who said things,majority of them didn't know about singing.
Oh,yes,singing.What,pop songs?
Sure.
When she hits certain notes,her voice just rings in this wonderfully pleasant way.I love her singing in "I'm Alive".The only thing in it I have to pick at is when she hits this long,high note on "my life",her placement changes and you can hear it so clearly.Darn,if only she didn't change her placement in the middle of that note.Must remind myself never to do that sort of thing.
Thanks,WY,for getting me the songs I wanted.
Ahh,still panicking.I haven't found someone who can remove vocals from a song,making it a minus-one track.Went to bed at around 12 midnight after watching a short DVD.Couldn't sleep."Woke up" tired this morning,but I survived the day.Terrible terrible day.
I still can't bring myself to show my parents my report book.I mean,yes,I finally passed Chinese,but that was only one of the many Chinese tests I took,and that was the only one I managed to pass,if only by 2 marks.In my report book,it's shown that I only passed 3 subjects.Dude.I wish they added the Physics/Bio marks into the combined Science marks.Can't remember which one they left out,but they did for one.I failed by a little for Art and Science.Damn it.
Passed 3 subjects,but that's only because Ms Kalpana allowed us to bring it home to re-do,and she keyed in those marks we got after we re-did it.Chinese,well,I didn't even know we were taking a CA.There was a Chinese test every week,so I guess they picked the one with the best results achieved generally.
If you don't count those two,I'd have only passed one subject-English.
I guess you could say that it's my fall-back subject.You know,like a cushion at the bottom of a pit in which I'll fall,if I ever.However,it's not as if my English is terrific.
People don't care about how hard it is for you to get there,they only want to see good results.They don't know how difficult it is,going up a notch.Suddenly you're forced to work a lot harder,and regardless of how hard you work,your grades start to slip because you came from the notch below.Watching your own grades drop,you start to feel hopeless because everyone around you is that notch higher.Your parents don't understand that either.They just want to see the same results you achieved when you were that notch lower.If your grades have become borderline,they assume you've become so much worse acadamically.See how it works now?
It's like that time my choir got a silver medal at the Choir Olympics 2006.
We've always been a "gold" choir,you see,at least for a while.Mrs Low always mentioned the gold medals whenever something about us was (being) announced.She's very proud of the golds.It's a reputation thing,you know?
When we came back with a silver medal in July 2006,I could hear the voices.Sneers.Smirks.Glares.
The girls at school were saying things.
You see,we were a "gold" choir.Having suddenly gotten a silver,it seemed as if we dropped a level.People don't care how a big deal that silver is to us,people don't care how much work it took to get there,they don't care how difficult that competition is/was.They just want to see the gold medal.
What gets to me most is that the people who said things,majority of them didn't know about singing.
Oh,yes,singing.What,pop songs?
Sure.
Friday, March 16, 2007
Friday,March 16th 2007
Another terrible day,but I really don't want to type about it.
Only that I went for Chinese supplementary lessons this morning at school.Turned out 2 girls couldn't make it,so there were only Rebecca,Lao Shi and I.The only thing comforting about the lesson was when Lao Shi told me that "ting xie" won't be next week because it's Sports Day on Thurs.That gives me another week to study.How come everything is being postponed all of a sudden?IJ Superstar has also been postponed.
Man,everyone should be so excited about Sports Day.We'll all be roasting,squashed together and made to cheer until our throats are sore.If you didn't already know,if you're a singer,losing your voice is the worst thing ever.
Some thoughts:
Wouldn't the world be a nicer place if we all never grew up?I wish Adam and Eve hadn't eaten from that tree.If not for them,we'd still be little children running around the garden.
Children are so innocent.Most of them don't know what's right or wrong,so they just go around doing things so innocently,you can't even bear to punish them.When you're a child,the world is your playground.Anything can be your playground.I remember when I was little,I used to turn a chair over and climb over and under it,it was fun.
Being a child also means that one can escape/be excused from the responsibility an adult has to carry.You know how growing up is.All the bad things come flooding into your life,all just because you're getting to be an adult.People dump responsibility on you,regardless of whether you're ready or not.All the right and wrongs are more understandable,more distinguished,all because you're getting smarter,more mature.
What a curse.Adults have been alive for far too long.They get bored with their own lives so they start fiddling with yours.
If only we could all die by the age of 16.That's not even innocent enough.We won't even be children anymore.
I was walking to Borders from Orchard MRT station today.This little girl and her father were walking infront of me.The little girl was carrying a little furry giraffe backpack,complete with a giraffe keychain.She kept looking back at me,I don't know why.Maybe she was from some primary IJ,and I was wearing my uniform.
I thought about how little kids could get away with almost everything.Even carrying that backpack.You know how little kids always look so cute,whatever they do/say or whatever they wear?You also know once that little girl grows older,she won't be able to wear that backpack anymore.Society is so bloody cruel.
That little girl would be insulted,picked on,teased mercilessly by her peers if they saw her carrying it.Rumours would spread like wildfire.Just for carrying that little backpack,she might even get beaten up by older kids.
She'd grow up fearing everything,everyone,because kids aren't strong enough to withstand this kind of pressure.Kids were not made that way.Adults were not made that way either.She wouldn't just wake up one day and say/decide "I'm not going to be bullied anymore" because it wouldn't come true,even if she starts carrying a normal backpack.Her peers would just go up to her and ask "where's your little furry giraffe backpack,little girl?"
She'd be scarred for life,all because of a little furry giraffe backpack.
Now you know how cruel society is.
Only that I went for Chinese supplementary lessons this morning at school.Turned out 2 girls couldn't make it,so there were only Rebecca,Lao Shi and I.The only thing comforting about the lesson was when Lao Shi told me that "ting xie" won't be next week because it's Sports Day on Thurs.That gives me another week to study.How come everything is being postponed all of a sudden?IJ Superstar has also been postponed.
Man,everyone should be so excited about Sports Day.We'll all be roasting,squashed together and made to cheer until our throats are sore.If you didn't already know,if you're a singer,losing your voice is the worst thing ever.
Some thoughts:
Wouldn't the world be a nicer place if we all never grew up?I wish Adam and Eve hadn't eaten from that tree.If not for them,we'd still be little children running around the garden.
Children are so innocent.Most of them don't know what's right or wrong,so they just go around doing things so innocently,you can't even bear to punish them.When you're a child,the world is your playground.Anything can be your playground.I remember when I was little,I used to turn a chair over and climb over and under it,it was fun.
Being a child also means that one can escape/be excused from the responsibility an adult has to carry.You know how growing up is.All the bad things come flooding into your life,all just because you're getting to be an adult.People dump responsibility on you,regardless of whether you're ready or not.All the right and wrongs are more understandable,more distinguished,all because you're getting smarter,more mature.
What a curse.Adults have been alive for far too long.They get bored with their own lives so they start fiddling with yours.
If only we could all die by the age of 16.That's not even innocent enough.We won't even be children anymore.
I was walking to Borders from Orchard MRT station today.This little girl and her father were walking infront of me.The little girl was carrying a little furry giraffe backpack,complete with a giraffe keychain.She kept looking back at me,I don't know why.Maybe she was from some primary IJ,and I was wearing my uniform.
I thought about how little kids could get away with almost everything.Even carrying that backpack.You know how little kids always look so cute,whatever they do/say or whatever they wear?You also know once that little girl grows older,she won't be able to wear that backpack anymore.Society is so bloody cruel.
That little girl would be insulted,picked on,teased mercilessly by her peers if they saw her carrying it.Rumours would spread like wildfire.Just for carrying that little backpack,she might even get beaten up by older kids.
She'd grow up fearing everything,everyone,because kids aren't strong enough to withstand this kind of pressure.Kids were not made that way.Adults were not made that way either.She wouldn't just wake up one day and say/decide "I'm not going to be bullied anymore" because it wouldn't come true,even if she starts carrying a normal backpack.Her peers would just go up to her and ask "where's your little furry giraffe backpack,little girl?"
She'd be scarred for life,all because of a little furry giraffe backpack.
Now you know how cruel society is.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Tuesday,March 13th 2007
"Hannibal Rising" was absolutely awesome.
Didn't enquire about age restrictions with other cinemas,so I watched it at Eng Wah,TPEC branch.Yesss!It was the perfect movie.My first NC 16 movie.I also see why it's rated NC 16.
I mean,it had History and everything!
I still don't understand why critics give/gave it such a low rating.
Who would've thought that hatred could do so much?Love is such a dangerous thing.Poor Hannibal.
Didn't enquire about age restrictions with other cinemas,so I watched it at Eng Wah,TPEC branch.Yesss!It was the perfect movie.My first NC 16 movie.I also see why it's rated NC 16.
I mean,it had History and everything!
I still don't understand why critics give/gave it such a low rating.
Who would've thought that hatred could do so much?Love is such a dangerous thing.Poor Hannibal.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Sunday,March 11th 2007
Help!
I've been trying to remember something my choir conductor said a few days ago.Something meaningful,but I can't remember what it was!
Hopefully,it'll come back soon.
Lets see...Sarah Ho wants me to go to school at 10.30am tomorrow for some senior peer thingy in her leadership camp.It was nice of her to ask,but why me?!I'm in no position to judge her,she's a prefect and I'm just about...of no good status whatsoever.I'm afraid that maybe some teachers who hated me would be there tomorrow and wonder "why on earth is she here",you know.It's just so horrible,but I'm gonna do it for her.
How come people are suddenly asking me things?
For instance,take Fionn's birthday party thingy.It's unbelievable I got invited.I can't even remember the last time I got invited to someone's birthday party.
Argh,I hope Singapore imports the "Hannibal Rising" paperback soon.I don't think I can afford to pay $32 for the hardcover.I'm getting poorer by the day.
Slept at around 1am this morning,woke up at 10+,had to pee.Felt tired,so thought I'd go back to sleep till 10.30am when my alarm was set to ring.Was so tired,switched off my alarm when it rang and slept till 2.30pm+.Idled around all day,watched another disc of "The Simpsons".
What an unproductive day it's been.
I've been sneezing more than usual,maybe I'm coming down with something.I can't afford to,semi-finals are coming soon!!!
I've been trying to remember something my choir conductor said a few days ago.Something meaningful,but I can't remember what it was!
Hopefully,it'll come back soon.
Lets see...Sarah Ho wants me to go to school at 10.30am tomorrow for some senior peer thingy in her leadership camp.It was nice of her to ask,but why me?!I'm in no position to judge her,she's a prefect and I'm just about...of no good status whatsoever.I'm afraid that maybe some teachers who hated me would be there tomorrow and wonder "why on earth is she here",you know.It's just so horrible,but I'm gonna do it for her.
How come people are suddenly asking me things?
For instance,take Fionn's birthday party thingy.It's unbelievable I got invited.I can't even remember the last time I got invited to someone's birthday party.
Argh,I hope Singapore imports the "Hannibal Rising" paperback soon.I don't think I can afford to pay $32 for the hardcover.I'm getting poorer by the day.
Slept at around 1am this morning,woke up at 10+,had to pee.Felt tired,so thought I'd go back to sleep till 10.30am when my alarm was set to ring.Was so tired,switched off my alarm when it rang and slept till 2.30pm+.Idled around all day,watched another disc of "The Simpsons".
What an unproductive day it's been.
I've been sneezing more than usual,maybe I'm coming down with something.I can't afford to,semi-finals are coming soon!!!
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Saturday,March 10th 2007
Oh,I get to blog again!The bliss...
I feel terribly exhausted but I'm determined to post an entry.
I've been pretty busy,I don't quite know what's going on.Was stoning a little during choir today because I didn't get enough sleep last night.Choir got scolding,and then when my neck got painful and I had to let it relax and flop down,someone said something about "the people who are really paying attention are the ones who are looking up and listening".
Darn.Wrong timing.
After choir,Kat had to rush home for tuition,poor her.I waited for Gerv,she had to stay back for comm. meeting.Ended up eating really good chicken rice in Toa Payoh with some comm. members.I can't believe the people whom with I was eating are leaving in a few months,some even less.I can't believe I'll be the only Sec 5 there next year.The oldest kid in choir.I can't believe I'll be alone all over again.
This is probably worse.I'd be alone in choir, too.
After I got home I had my shower,then I wasted the rest of the day watching part of the sixth season of "The Simpsons".I couldn't even complete the 2nd disc because I was too tired.Here I am blogging now.
I am gonna sleep so well tonight.
I went to AMK and TP's Eng Wah cinemas today to find out about the age restrictions.Gosh,I even stuttered to the people at the counter.I asked if I would be allowed into NC16 movies if I'm turning 16 later this year.They said I'd be allowed because they go by year.As long as I was born in 1991.Cool.
I absolutely can't wait to watch "Hannibal Rising".Should I watch it by myself?I don't know if I prefer peace while watching movies or not.Don't like people insulting my tastes,esp in movies and such.
I just remembered I have to attend Fionn's birthday party on Wednesday night!I have choir on that day which ends at 4.30pm.Do'h!
I'm thinking of how to rush to and fro.
Gosh,I'm so tired,I barely know what I'm typing about.
Oh,I forgot to type about my dinner tonight.Mom ordered Pizza Hut home delivery,which was/were(I'm so tired,I can't tell which one to use) 2 regular pan pizzas,baked chicken meatballs,honey glazed chicken ribs..and she made soup.You know,the Campbell chicken soup.I ate about 3-4 slices of pizza,half a bowl of soup,one rib,3 meatballs...A little Shandy.Gosh,I ate like a monster.LOL,I felt like I hadn't eaten in years,I ate like there was no tomorrow.Ate ate ate,but there were still leftovers in the end.
Oh well.
I feel terribly exhausted but I'm determined to post an entry.
I've been pretty busy,I don't quite know what's going on.Was stoning a little during choir today because I didn't get enough sleep last night.Choir got scolding,and then when my neck got painful and I had to let it relax and flop down,someone said something about "the people who are really paying attention are the ones who are looking up and listening".
Darn.Wrong timing.
After choir,Kat had to rush home for tuition,poor her.I waited for Gerv,she had to stay back for comm. meeting.Ended up eating really good chicken rice in Toa Payoh with some comm. members.I can't believe the people whom with I was eating are leaving in a few months,some even less.I can't believe I'll be the only Sec 5 there next year.The oldest kid in choir.I can't believe I'll be alone all over again.
This is probably worse.I'd be alone in choir, too.
After I got home I had my shower,then I wasted the rest of the day watching part of the sixth season of "The Simpsons".I couldn't even complete the 2nd disc because I was too tired.Here I am blogging now.
I am gonna sleep so well tonight.
I went to AMK and TP's Eng Wah cinemas today to find out about the age restrictions.Gosh,I even stuttered to the people at the counter.I asked if I would be allowed into NC16 movies if I'm turning 16 later this year.They said I'd be allowed because they go by year.As long as I was born in 1991.Cool.
I absolutely can't wait to watch "Hannibal Rising".Should I watch it by myself?I don't know if I prefer peace while watching movies or not.Don't like people insulting my tastes,esp in movies and such.
I just remembered I have to attend Fionn's birthday party on Wednesday night!I have choir on that day which ends at 4.30pm.Do'h!
I'm thinking of how to rush to and fro.
Gosh,I'm so tired,I barely know what I'm typing about.
Oh,I forgot to type about my dinner tonight.Mom ordered Pizza Hut home delivery,which was/were(I'm so tired,I can't tell which one to use) 2 regular pan pizzas,baked chicken meatballs,honey glazed chicken ribs..and she made soup.You know,the Campbell chicken soup.I ate about 3-4 slices of pizza,half a bowl of soup,one rib,3 meatballs...A little Shandy.Gosh,I ate like a monster.LOL,I felt like I hadn't eaten in years,I ate like there was no tomorrow.Ate ate ate,but there were still leftovers in the end.
Oh well.
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Thursday,March 8th 2007
I'm finding more and more comfort in blogging nowadays.
You know,knowing that some people actually do read my blog.Thanks to those people.
Going for choir in the morning @ 8.30am tomorrow,and to a concert at night @ VCH.I hope I won't forget to bring Kathleen's ticket as well as my own.
Just took a look at Xueli and Daphne's English blog project,some points in the first post were repeated several times,but it was thoughtful.I never knew Xueli's name was "Tracy".
Today hadn't (hasn't?) been bad.Much much better than Tuesday.Maybe this is God's way of apologising.I remember complaining to Him about how bad Tuesday was.
Guess what His apology was?
I got past the auditions,am going into semi-finals!
Am trying not to get too happy,because it'll only hurt more when I get kicked out next round.I'm pretty sure,because clearly I'm not the best singer around.
When my friends came to tell me "bad news" during recess,I thought I was doomed for sure.I don't know...My mind ran wild.Thoughts like "Oh no,I didn't make it.This competition is harder than I thought,,they chose really good singers" went through my mind.I tried not to show my fear,though.Imagine what it would've been like if I really didn't get in?Mention of "bad news" got me so worked up already.
Thankfully,they were just joking.Some of them couldn't keep their faces straight anymore,so they blurted out ,"you got in!".At first,I thought they were really joking.How could I have gotten in?My audition wasn't bad,but it certainly wasn't good either.I said,"Are you serious?",and I went to look for myself.I was hoping so much Tiffy would get in,was so relieved when I saw her name below mine on that list.No,the names were just arranged according to what our queue numbers were,nothing to do with how well we sang.
She sang well,I was eavesdropping when she did her audition.LOL.
I'm hoping I can get my hands on some kind of music-editing software soon so I can edit out the artist's singing.They will disqualify us if we don't provide the minus-one or tracks without the original artist's singing for the semi-finals and finals.If I really can't,I hope Justina can help me.Heard from Belnice that she's good at that kinda thing.
Rebecca was even more excited for me than I was when she heard the news about me getting past the auditions.It was nice to know she's happy for me.Thanks,Becca.I appreciate it a lot.
A few other good things happened today,but I'm not going to type about them.I just don't feel like.
Seeing my name on that list suddenly made me feel like I have/had a status.You know,accomplishing something.Getting to that level shows people that you've met the requirements,at least for that level.
Becca was going,"Xiulin!You can sing!"
Even good days have/has it's bad sides.
When I told Dad about getting past the auditions,he didn't express any emotion,nor did he say anything at all.No "congratulations!" or "well done".He just kept his eyes on the road,remained silent until he asked me if I have had lunch yet.
How come parents just can't be happy with what their children are good at?He hates my CCA,and he says I read too much.
You know,knowing that some people actually do read my blog.Thanks to those people.
Going for choir in the morning @ 8.30am tomorrow,and to a concert at night @ VCH.I hope I won't forget to bring Kathleen's ticket as well as my own.
Just took a look at Xueli and Daphne's English blog project,some points in the first post were repeated several times,but it was thoughtful.I never knew Xueli's name was "Tracy".
Today hadn't (hasn't?) been bad.Much much better than Tuesday.Maybe this is God's way of apologising.I remember complaining to Him about how bad Tuesday was.
Guess what His apology was?
I got past the auditions,am going into semi-finals!
Am trying not to get too happy,because it'll only hurt more when I get kicked out next round.I'm pretty sure,because clearly I'm not the best singer around.
When my friends came to tell me "bad news" during recess,I thought I was doomed for sure.I don't know...My mind ran wild.Thoughts like "Oh no,I didn't make it.This competition is harder than I thought,,they chose really good singers" went through my mind.I tried not to show my fear,though.Imagine what it would've been like if I really didn't get in?Mention of "bad news" got me so worked up already.
Thankfully,they were just joking.Some of them couldn't keep their faces straight anymore,so they blurted out ,"you got in!".At first,I thought they were really joking.How could I have gotten in?My audition wasn't bad,but it certainly wasn't good either.I said,"Are you serious?",and I went to look for myself.I was hoping so much Tiffy would get in,was so relieved when I saw her name below mine on that list.No,the names were just arranged according to what our queue numbers were,nothing to do with how well we sang.
She sang well,I was eavesdropping when she did her audition.LOL.
I'm hoping I can get my hands on some kind of music-editing software soon so I can edit out the artist's singing.They will disqualify us if we don't provide the minus-one or tracks without the original artist's singing for the semi-finals and finals.If I really can't,I hope Justina can help me.Heard from Belnice that she's good at that kinda thing.
Rebecca was even more excited for me than I was when she heard the news about me getting past the auditions.It was nice to know she's happy for me.Thanks,Becca.I appreciate it a lot.
A few other good things happened today,but I'm not going to type about them.I just don't feel like.
Seeing my name on that list suddenly made me feel like I have/had a status.You know,accomplishing something.Getting to that level shows people that you've met the requirements,at least for that level.
Becca was going,"Xiulin!You can sing!"
Even good days have/has it's bad sides.
When I told Dad about getting past the auditions,he didn't express any emotion,nor did he say anything at all.No "congratulations!" or "well done".He just kept his eyes on the road,remained silent until he asked me if I have had lunch yet.
How come parents just can't be happy with what their children are good at?He hates my CCA,and he says I read too much.
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Tuesday,6th March 2007
Have you ever cracked under pressure?
It's been quite a terrible day.No,not because of the auditions.They went fine.Today had been terrible because of 2 experiences.
Ms Ho yelled at me again.Not sure if she considers that yelling but I almost went deaf.What she yelled hurt me more.It's funny when something you say so easily and casually can hurt someone so much.
I almost yelled back at her.
The one thing she yelled that stuck in my mind was/is "What do you want,Xiulin?",that was a question,really asking about what I want(ed?) in life or in Art.
To tell you guys the truth,I don't really know the answer to that question myself.Of course,everyone has hopes and dreams,but not everyone achieves/reaches them.Nowadays,you almost can't do anything without good academic results.It's as if the world depends on academics now.
People tell you you'll become a nobody without good results.People think you're not smart enough,etc.
If you know me well enough,you'd know that I'm not strong academically.Not at all,actually.Don't count English,that's a "cheat" subject,not that I'm good at it anyway.Things like Math I can't seem to pass.My current ambition requires a certain level of academic qualification(s?),so without good results,I can't get what I want even if I want(ed?) it.
Second experience made me crack.No,it was definitely not as bad as the first experience.I don't even know why it made me crack.I guess I just can't stand people yelling at me.
I went out of my room in the middle of doing my Math assignment to tell Dad about me attending another concert this Friday night.I tried to explain that this Friday was also a holiday in lieu of the O and N thingies,but in the middle of my explanation he cut me off by asking "Where is the concert" with his voiced raised.I slowly answered,"Victoria Concert Hall",then I went back to my room,cried and cried.
Typing about it now,it feels like I'm someone who watched the actions of this girl who went into her room to cry after being yelled at,after having a bad day.I want to reach out to her and tell her to be strong,to stick it out and win the battle,to have the patience to wait.I want to hug and comfort her,telling her that she needn't have to worry about all these problems anymore,they'll disappear soon,she can just go back to being a little kid and not having to take any responsibility,she doesn't have to care or understand,and would be forgiven for all the wrong she does/has/had done.
How can I reach out to her,to make her see that she needs to hold on?She might push me away.
It's been quite a terrible day.No,not because of the auditions.They went fine.Today had been terrible because of 2 experiences.
Ms Ho yelled at me again.Not sure if she considers that yelling but I almost went deaf.What she yelled hurt me more.It's funny when something you say so easily and casually can hurt someone so much.
I almost yelled back at her.
The one thing she yelled that stuck in my mind was/is "What do you want,Xiulin?",that was a question,really asking about what I want(ed?) in life or in Art.
To tell you guys the truth,I don't really know the answer to that question myself.Of course,everyone has hopes and dreams,but not everyone achieves/reaches them.Nowadays,you almost can't do anything without good academic results.It's as if the world depends on academics now.
People tell you you'll become a nobody without good results.People think you're not smart enough,etc.
If you know me well enough,you'd know that I'm not strong academically.Not at all,actually.Don't count English,that's a "cheat" subject,not that I'm good at it anyway.Things like Math I can't seem to pass.My current ambition requires a certain level of academic qualification(s?),so without good results,I can't get what I want even if I want(ed?) it.
Second experience made me crack.No,it was definitely not as bad as the first experience.I don't even know why it made me crack.I guess I just can't stand people yelling at me.
I went out of my room in the middle of doing my Math assignment to tell Dad about me attending another concert this Friday night.I tried to explain that this Friday was also a holiday in lieu of the O and N thingies,but in the middle of my explanation he cut me off by asking "Where is the concert" with his voiced raised.I slowly answered,"Victoria Concert Hall",then I went back to my room,cried and cried.
Typing about it now,it feels like I'm someone who watched the actions of this girl who went into her room to cry after being yelled at,after having a bad day.I want to reach out to her and tell her to be strong,to stick it out and win the battle,to have the patience to wait.I want to hug and comfort her,telling her that she needn't have to worry about all these problems anymore,they'll disappear soon,she can just go back to being a little kid and not having to take any responsibility,she doesn't have to care or understand,and would be forgiven for all the wrong she does/has/had done.
How can I reach out to her,to make her see that she needs to hold on?She might push me away.
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