Monday, December 10th 2007

There are so many things I don't feel like typing about, but I don't mind some things.

We brought Rabbit to the vet today. It's eye is infected, and the man prescribed an antibiotics eye-drop and some eye-cream. I've applied it on Rabbit twice already.

Went to watch "The Golden Compass" alone at AMK Hub. The ending was lousy, but I think they wanted to leave it open to sequels. Some parts of the movie were a little cheesy, but otherwise fine. Nicole Kidman's acting was good, as always, but maybe I'm just biased. :)

Walked around AMK Hub after the movie. It's amazing the number of things you notice about your surroundings when you're out alone. It's as if all the sights are magnified, all the sounds are amplified, and other people's actions become a lot more annoying. I strolled around, taking in the bright Christmas decorations. The Christmas feeling is already in the air, but I dare not make plans to celebrate Christmas, for fear that I won't make it to Sec 5. If I don't, my parents would never let me out.
This constant fear for my results has left me sleepless the past few nights, even after I came home from M'sia. I hate fear.
Michael Jordan once said that fear is an illusion, so why am I so scared?

Christmas is coming again, I'm excited, but it looks like this Christmas won't be very interesting if I just hang out with my family. All they do is eat! They don't seem to dig any deeper into the whole point of the holiday. I'd give so much to be able to spend time at Midnight Mass at some church, maybe even the one nearby. Maybe some other year. I want to celebrate the holiday with people who bother about the meaning of the holiday and not just food.

The past few years of Christmas have been devastating. Year after year, I made and decorated Christmas trees for the family. One year it was a plastic one, another it was a cone-shaped thing, and then another a 3-D spray-painted card-board tree cut out from foolscap paper cardboard. I used to buy little items and wrap them up for each member of the family and put them under my small hand-made trees, but I never heard a "Merry Christmas" from any of them. Every Christmas, since the ones I can remember, haven't exactly been happy, so I've decided to stop the tree-making and the presents. I'm just going to write each one a note.
I just thought,"Why should I let them spoil it for me?"