Kiss me goodbye, I'm defying gravity
And you won't bring me down.
I'm through accepting limits
'cos someone says they're so.
Some things I cannot change
but till I try, I'll never know.
Too long I've been afraid of
losing love I guess I've lost.
Well, if that's love
it comes as much too high a cost.
-----
It's been exactly four years now, since May 16th 2006.
May 16th. May 16th. May 16th.
I used to write that all over the pages, I used to think about it every moment of the day, I used to think about her, dream about her. She haunted my nightmares. When I closed my eyes, I returned to that day, those few hours, and the days that entailed. Each time I awoke with my pillow soaked, my eyes wet, my hair pasted to my forehead, my fingers clawing at my bolster, my duvet kicked away by violent actions in my sleep.
When I graduated from the school, I stopped seeing her in real life, but then she visited me in my dreams and nightmares. I have re-lived that day at least 50 times since then, each time making me more depressed because it meant I still hadn't gotten over it.
Evil watches me from a corner, I have to be careful of what I say and where I put my things. It is more dangerous at home than it is outdoors. There's this building hate for the people who share this house, mistrust, disgust. I feared for my sanity, hallucinations of sight, sound and smell teased me till I wondered if I was going mad.
How does one say goodbye?
She played the biggest part in my growing up. The academic results, the leadership roles, the will to live. It never did occur to my family, Rabbit was the only one who understood. He comforted, he embraced. They, however, remained as cold as stone.
It's been long over, but every May 16th haunts me, the excruciating pain, the soreness of my eyes, the salty taste of tears, the piercing feeling in my stomach. Yet, the one comfort this year is that I didn't spend May 16th depressed and alone.
My Love was there with me.
And you won't bring me down.
I'm through accepting limits
'cos someone says they're so.
Some things I cannot change
but till I try, I'll never know.
Too long I've been afraid of
losing love I guess I've lost.
Well, if that's love
it comes as much too high a cost.
-----
It's been exactly four years now, since May 16th 2006.
May 16th. May 16th. May 16th.
I used to write that all over the pages, I used to think about it every moment of the day, I used to think about her, dream about her. She haunted my nightmares. When I closed my eyes, I returned to that day, those few hours, and the days that entailed. Each time I awoke with my pillow soaked, my eyes wet, my hair pasted to my forehead, my fingers clawing at my bolster, my duvet kicked away by violent actions in my sleep.
When I graduated from the school, I stopped seeing her in real life, but then she visited me in my dreams and nightmares. I have re-lived that day at least 50 times since then, each time making me more depressed because it meant I still hadn't gotten over it.
Evil watches me from a corner, I have to be careful of what I say and where I put my things. It is more dangerous at home than it is outdoors. There's this building hate for the people who share this house, mistrust, disgust. I feared for my sanity, hallucinations of sight, sound and smell teased me till I wondered if I was going mad.
How does one say goodbye?
She played the biggest part in my growing up. The academic results, the leadership roles, the will to live. It never did occur to my family, Rabbit was the only one who understood. He comforted, he embraced. They, however, remained as cold as stone.
It's been long over, but every May 16th haunts me, the excruciating pain, the soreness of my eyes, the salty taste of tears, the piercing feeling in my stomach. Yet, the one comfort this year is that I didn't spend May 16th depressed and alone.
My Love was there with me.
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