Sunday, May 3rd 2009

Today is "tribute to Bob Marley" day! I just feel like doing a post about him, came across his lovely grin on google.com last night. He had very chiselled, good looks.

One day, I'm going to have hair like that, but it's going to take a while. When it gets longer, I shall have it tightened, then I shall make it flop forward like his!

Dreadlocks are the most difficult hairstyle to upkeep, I tell you. From experience, dreads are super high-maintenance. Before I got them re-done at Khao San, I had dreads for 2-3 months until I took them out 2 weeks before I went to Thailand.
V helped me start them with back-combing, twisting, palm-rolling and lotsa dread wax. The wax made a lot of lint stick to my dreads. If you've ever had dreads, you would know what I mean when I say it's almost impossible to pick foreign particles out of your dreads. Think about trying to retract a tiny piece of cloth lint out of a big, tightly tangled bunch of woolly string.

Getting them out was even worse. You know how human beings shed a lot of hair every day? Plus, the fact that I put wax into my hair and it got "absorbed" into the dreads? You get the picture.

Well, they're re-done nicely now, and I haven't put any wax or products in it yet, and I don't plan to. Dreads feel more lint-free without wax to stick to, can't wait for them to lock up again.
I wonder how Bob Marley managed his? He's blessed with strong Jamaican hair.

Saturday, May 2nd 2009

Itching to blog.

Went for dinner with parents and brother just now, had fish steam boat at AMK ave 3. On the way there, we passed a lone man. It was getting dark, and the man settled down on the pavement at the carpark, and sat down on the concrete to have dinner. I thought about how my family and I were on our way to a meal that wasn't that cheap.

I spent today out with Vanessa. Took a shower in the morning, washed my hair, did some Math and then got ready to meet V. It was funny, she got on the wrong 851, so we were in different buses, one in front of the other. We went to Bras Basah (sp?) to look for used textbooks for V, but couldn't find any. I ended up buying a "used" SS TYS for $1.80, unused. The previous owner must've either disliked SS to the core, or was a super-neat freak who didn't write anything on his/her books.
After, we wanted to go to the National Library, but the entrance was guarded by people who said we had to go through the inspection (because of swine flu outbreak), so we didn't bother. It looked like a long queue, so V and I sat on the steps and went through some Math questions I didn't understand.
Just realised that the way a kid who got A2 for Math does workings very differently from a kid who got E8, but I'll try to learn her way. As long as it's not totally complicated, I'm willing. Math doesn't seem as bad as it did when I first started revision at the beginning of Feb.

Once we finished the Math, we went to Bugis Street go pick up a couple of shirts for V, and I bought one for myself, too. It has a cute little sun on the front pocket, it's hilarious with my wild hair.
We decided last minute that we were going to watch a movie, so we picked "X-men", the one with Wolverine.
Mmmmm.
It was bloody cold in the cinema, even the chairs were freezing, but luckily we had our new shirts to cover ourselves with, so we survived. Movie wasn't too bad, there was a lot of skin and chest-baring. Isn't that great?

Everything that happened got me thinking at dinner. Would I be able to give up my mobile phone? It's a choice, nobody can make me give it up, it's the letting go I've always had a problem with. A mobile phone makes it more convenient for contact, but do I really want to stay in contact with other people?
Everytime I call/get a call from my parents, there's never a greeting from them, it's always more of a stern order without any manners.

Being uncontactable kind-of appeals to me, somehow. I don't ever need to hear from people, it's just want sometimes, but I can live without that want. I miss the old days when people had to write to one another and wait patiently for a reply.
Think "Love in the Time of Cholera".
Everytime I accidentally miss my parents' incessant phone calls, they threaten to take away my mobile phone, saying things like "If you don't pick up your calls, what's the use of having a hand-phone?"
However, they say that and threaten me knowing that I wouldn't give it up. What would happen if I willingly agreed to? Would they regret they ever threatened to take it away, knowing that it would be difficult to contact me?
I'll find out the next time they threaten to take it away.

I suddenly yearn for a lost identity. There's nothing much to keep me from losing this one. Sure, I've achieved some things in life, but there's also too much pain, different from the kind endured and felt by people who are starving or injured.
Strange thing, pain is. No matter how much food I eat or how much I injure myself, this pain can't be eased. Just so you know, I don't stuff myself with food or cut myself, it won't do very much.

I think Elvis felt this way once, it was his fame that killed him. His fans showered him with love and attention that slowly drove him into depression. He stood at the window, watching, while his friends went swimming at night.

Thursday, April 30th 2009

I've just embedded another song on my blog, but somehow it only plays for 30-seconds, so I guess you'll just have to click on the link to listen to the whole thing. I just stumbled upon it as I was surfing imeem.com for Philippe Jaroussky. It sounds really delightful, like there's a celebration with people dancing around in medieval times, eating meat and drinking wine.
This is the kind of uplifting, positive-sounding music I need during these dark times.

Managed to study at home today, Dad went out to play Mahjong, so I had the house to myself the entire afternoon. The temptation to do nonsense was very great, but I forced myself to sit down to Math. The TV I got to watch after was well-deserved, I tell you. Those Math questions almost killed me!

Tomorrow's a public holiday, so everyone will be home, dammit. The libraries will be closed and I will die! There's nowhere I can study! Eateries are too noisy and distracting, home is.. the same as eateries.
It's strange to want to study. A year ago I hated Math like hell, now it isn't so bad, just a little frustrating when I can't get the right answer.
Chew told me that the kids in Biomed at SP all got 5-6 points at 'O' levels. How the heck am I supposed to get in, then?! My aim is only 10-11 points, from which I subtract the CCA bonus points (which, I hope, will still be valid next year when I apply). I'm working so hard for Biomed, I had better get in next year and go do all sorts on a well-deserved trip to Venice!

I will earn my trip to Venice.
In case you're wondering, "earn" doesn't only apply to money.

Wednesday, April 29th 2009

Hey guys!
Gonna do a quick blog entry before "The Simpsons" starts on Star World. Haven't touched the TV or computer in days, or even a week! Just got back from Bangkok, Thailand close to midnight yesterday. It was risky to go there so soon after the protests, but what the heck, if it's time to die, it's time to die.
I'm back, alive and well, so I guess it's not time to die yet!

Finally got my dreadlocks back again! I had them for a couple of months, then took them out on 7th April so they could.. recover before I went to Thailand to re-do them properly. They looked and felt pretty soft on 7th April, but only when I tried to take them out, I realised that they're the toughest things on earth! It took me about 3-4 hours to get them out completely, and not without pain, either!
Got them done in Thailand at Khao San road by some guy who looks like the Thai version of Bob Marley. His dreads were beautiful, but they were probably extensions. Anyway, it took about 3 hours to complete my head of dreadlocks, they're tighter than when V and I did them the first time.
Glad to have them back, my head felt so empty without them! Feels so good to have messy, expressive hair again. When I took them out on April 7th, I realised how crappy and over-grown my hair was. Thank goodness for dreadlocks.
Individuality, baby!

Friday, April 17th 2009

Haaaaa..
Today, I just couldn't bring myself to do any Math. Been committing 3 straight hours a day for the past week, I think I've run out of steam and need to take a break. Almost went blind when I spent 3 hours drawing graphs yesterday! Stupid Distance-Time graphs.

Been painting a lot, too. Finished an acrylic-on-canvas piece in a day last week. I must admit, though, it was a pretty small canvas. I painted a lonely mime sitting on the antenna on the roof of someone's house, and I named him Monty. The painting I'm working on NOW, however, is about half my height, pretty big, though the size seems standard to avid painters. Just started working/experimenting with oils, and I think I'm doing quite well, since I've never used oils in painting before, and no-one taught me how. I'm convinced that if I can master oils, I can conquer anything!
It is both physically, mentally and psychologically demanding of the painter. Rendering the shades is difficult. What colour paints to use to blend into that exact tone, texture. Choosing which brush to use for each part of the painting, stupid shades just don't look realistic enough to suck you into that place and time of the scene.
By the way, the photo I'm painting is of a little cosy alley in Venice. The roads are canals, and there are the alleys! Ok, better just describe it as a cosy tuck-away corner.

Painting with oils is physically demanding, as you can stand over a tiny part of your painting for hours on end, just desperately trying to achieve the right shade, painting it over and over again, or fixing smudges or uneven lines. My neck has been pretty stiff recently.
I won't explain the psychological part. If you try painting, you'll find out.

I used to yearn for the kind of life the "Little Rascals" had. I still do, but this trying to spend time on those lonely, uncomfortably warm afternoons is not what I had in mind. Everyone I know is starting school next week, and I'm going nowhere. It seems pessimistic of me to put it this way. I probably will get what I want since I'm putting in effort for it, but the fact still remains that I won't be starting school next week, or attending any school this year.
My brain won't be totally idle, I'd still be practising Math 4-5 days a week for hours each time, and I have my music exam to work towards, and I have my drawings and paintings to do, and of course the Geography and Social Studies.

It's not so bad, only my dad doesn't believe I'm studying hard, and mom doesn't think I'll be able to achieve anything in life just because I don't have a tutor. I just don't get it. You'd think that I feel bad enough already, without them pushing and yelling at me all the time.
Basically, what I've been trying to do nowadays is stay away from them and their conversations. I switch off when they start steering the conversation in the direction of my current academic situation and how I "will never make it without a tutor".
I don't have anything to feel guilty about, I tried so hard for the exams, but I failed. There you go, so try again, harder this time. Not "you won't pass without a tutor", don't drill that into your kid. If their kid were a spineless idiot, maybe their insults would have caused suicide by now. Sometimes being stubborn can be a mighty good thing.

I think I'll stick to Joe Dirt's optimism on this one.

Monday, April 13th 2009

I think my father is trying to work me to death. He said not only should I be studying in the afternoon, I have to study in the morning, too, and I cannot use the computer or TV.
This is ridiculous! Were I not defiant, I would've turned into a spineless idiot by now, listening to him all these years. He hated it when I kept my hair long, he hated it when I cut my hair short, he hated it when I got dreadlocks, he hated my primary school CCA, gymnastics, and made me quit in primary 2, he hated my secondary school CCA, choir, and tried to force me to quit in Sec 2. He used to call me an idiot when I didn't do well in Sec 2 until I yelled at him. He used to slap me when he lost his patience teaching me Math.
He's just this VERY unhappy person. If I didn't have my music, I would have died.
A little defiance never hurt anybody. It took me years and years to realise that I shouldn't listen to him, but it took me years to build up courage and determination, too. People can tell me what to do, but it's my choice to obey or not.

Am anticipating Philippe Jaroussky's "Opium". Since I'm rarely allowed out of the house now, I try to have my voice lessons in the morning, and then spend about 5 hours walking from place to place. It's amazing what you see in Singapore when you walk rather than take public/own transport.

So far, I've been on 2 major walking trips. The first was around Paya Lebar. Since I didn't have a map, I tried to use my human instincts to find Parkway Parade. Ha, ha, my human instincts brought me there after 3 hours of walking!
The second one was when I took the MRT to Buona Vista (Holland Village) from my voice lesson. Did I mention that Holland Village is such a charming place?! It started to pour heavily at Holland Village after 2 hours of walking, so I sought shelter in the supermarket and waited till the rain got lighter. I also ate laksa for lunch while waiting. Luckily, I was carrying an umbrella, so I headed out into the now lighter rain and walked aimlessly, hoping to find the MRT track. Once I found it, I tried to remember the direction I came from, and followed the MRT line to Queenstown station. From Buona Vista, on foot, it looked like a damn long way to go, and some paths were flooded, so my shoes got soaked through.
When I finally found Queenstown station, I looked at the bus-stop guides to see if any of the buses go to Queensway shopping centre, and where they stopped before that. I followed the route by spotting the factories, etc, and finally saw IKEA, the blue and yellow building. Since Queensway shopping centre was after IKEA, I knew I was almost there!
Then, of course, after shopping, I walked back to Queenstown MRT station and took the MRT home.

Tomorrow's my voice lesson, and I shall go to HMV to check out "Opium". I do feel depressed that everyone else is starting school orientation, but hey, with every setback, you learn something new about yourself, so heck.
I'm starting to like Math, but I really dread my parents hiring a tutor. ALL the past tutors I had were terrible. Most were doing it for the money, others just had no patience to deal with me. My grades never jumped with tutors, not even a bit.
It comes as no surprise that I can't stand tutors.

Thursday, April 2nd 2009

I'm about to upload two of my current favourites from the CD "Mazarin". The music dates back to the 17th century, but I'm not quite sure what language it is. They're sung in Italian, but the titles are in Dutch, I think. Language not stated.

One is instrumental, and I love the building up of instruments at the beginning. They have different entries, one by one. It makes me think of skipping in fields covered with flowers.

The other piece is sung by Philippe Jaroussky (of course!), and it's about praising the Lord's name, that's why it sounds so happy. Very lovely, cheerful piece. I listen to it first thing in the morning while I'm still cosy under covers. Be sure to listen to them loud, because some parts are quite soft, especially the beginning of "For Bra for Att Vara Sant".

Can't wait for Jaroussky's next album, entitled "Opium". He's switched from Italian to French. After all, he is French, but I prefer him singing Italian, not quite sure why. Don't know if HMV has brought it in yet, will go down next week to check it out. Meanwhile, happy listening!

Friday, March 27th 2009

"Moulin Rouge" is still one of the greatest films of all time. He's right, you know, when he says "the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return".
Maybe I'll write my own story someday.

Meanwhile, I've been having great adventures. After my voice lesson that day, I set out for a 5-hour walk around the "rural" parts of Singapore, around Tanjong Katong, Marine Parade, Paya Lebar. I went to Gramercy music to pick up my ABRSM songbook first. Bloody hell, man, that thin book costs me $32+! Anyway, I'm glad I finally found it. It was sold out everywhere else.

After I bought my book, I walked around aimlessly, listening to all kinds of music on my player. I listened to Dutch singing, Italian singing, 17th century classical music, lute music, banjo music, and they all kept me going. 3 times, I gave up walking and wanted to take a bus to Parkway Parade, but just before the bus could arrive, I decided to walk again, so that was good. I realised I give up too easy, so I forced myself to keep going till I found Parkway Parade on my own, I trusted my instincts and kept walking. By the time I found it, I felt thinner, but happy.
It was good training for perseverance,discipline and determination that I so desperately need now that I'll be doing self-studying for my 3 subjects at 'O's. I shall go on more of these "aimless-walking" trips. I haven't been to Holland Village in a while, so maybe I'll go there next.

Recently, I've found myself feeling envious when I watch movies/shows of poor people and how they live. Take the "Little Rascals" for an example. They only have petty little problems to deal with every day, like how to get their dog back from the dog-catcher when they don't have any money. They live by coming up with creative stories to get food.
Other examples include "Mr. Bean" and "Joe Dirt".
I don't know why I should feel envious of them. After all, I live in a more-or-less comfortable flat, have more than enough food to eat, and have luxury items like the computer and a mobile phone and music player, not to mention that I have the money to pay for ridiculously-overpriced food in town when I'm out and hungry.
I wish I were poor. These people have much more excitement in their lives. Living in Singapore isn't as great as it seems. All the tourists that I speak to every day at my job in town tell me that it's a great place, a great country. Sunny and friendly, with all its luxuries, not many people begging on the streets, out in the cold.
When I look out my window, all I see is concrete. It seems frustrating to know that all the trees I see were deliberately planted, and everyone is packed into a multi-storey HDB flat made of concrete. It's caterpillar season, and I see masses of squashed caterpillars, lives brutally shortened by thousands of stomping feet.

There's no inspiration anywhere in this country. There are no lovely woods to walk through and see the sunlight shining through the canopy. There are no lovely streams to sit and write poetry by. There's no snow to throw and flop onto. All people talk about are money, sex and food. Conversations are filled with dirty jokes, numbers for 4-D and lottery, and the great chilli crabs and barbequed stingrays. It's so suffocating living in such a small, humid country with an ever-increasing population that's becoming more spoilt and stuck-up, obsessed with money and power. Once the casinos are up and operating, all Hell will break loose.

The auntie at work asks me why I don't want to stay in this country, but she speaks Mandarin, so I didn't bother trying to explain. Even in English, people don't understand it.

There's no doubt that I'll be out of here when the opportunity comes. I'm not looking for a famous and flashy lifestyle with all its comforts, I'm looking for a humble existence, close to nature and far away from all corruption. It seems easier to talk to animals than human beings nowadays.
I want to be a wanderer, unattached to anything. If I have a home I don't want it to be of concrete. Anything but concrete. Mud houses, leaf houses, dung houses, wood houses, don't you think they make life more interesting? You don't have to take the stairs or elevator down to the first floor.

Development is a curse, it's destroying the world, and not slowly either. It's crumbling before my very eyes, and people are losing compassion, love, faith. Maybe they'll become the kind of people who will fit a cold, developed and destroyed world.

To be honest, I think children are the ones who make the most sense anywhere. True, they may be naive, innocent and ignorant, but they're uncorrupted. They talk about beauty and life, and adults just laugh at them, telling them they talk nonsense. Well, no wonder! The adult's world is nothing but trash. The magazines with most copies sold are the gossip ones.
Elvis didn't start taking drugs for no reason, neither did Heath Ledger.
The adult's world is nothing but crap, and I hope I won't be a part of it for as long as I live. If I will be forced to, then I hope I'll be dead before that.

Gotta live poor, baby! Then life's an adventure!

Monday, March 23rd 2009

I bought my first M18 film today! The guy at the counter said I could, even though I'm 4 months from being 18. I bought the film "Deliverance", and just finished watching it. It is far from being M18, I tell you. Even 8-year olds watch that kind of stuff, except for the man-rape part. They didn't even show the most crucial parts, they were blocked by a large tree branch!

I remember my first NC16 movie- "Hannibal Rising". I really wanted to watch it, and I wanted it more and more as I rode past the movie poster at the bus stop every day. Luckily, Eng Wah wasn't so strict about being 16 that very moment. To be honest, "Hannibal Rising" was more disturbing than "Deliverance". Mmm, Gaspard Ulliel is still one of the hottest actors around. And, he's French!

Anyway, I've uploaded a new video on my blog. Scroll right to the bottom to watch it, and I promise you, it won't be boring. The front part goes a little slowly, but with patience comes a great reward.
Doesn't it sound fun?!
That's why I want to play the banjo!

I'm making progress on my ukelele. New chords coming to my fingertips like magic, and the sound just travels to my ears and somehow registers in my brain as "beautiful". Still quite slow, but sounding better. Discovered a few things like which fingers are more comfortable on which strings and frets, which part of my thumb I feel comfortable strumming with, how to tune the ukelele by ear, how a perfect chord sounds on it.
I tried learning chords from the internet, but to no avail. I just don't get it. I play exactly as they display on the screen, but it sounds horrible. Playing it by ear seems a lot easier, just need more practice. Must get familiar and intimate with the instrument, that's how you become a good musician.

Sunday, March 22nd 2009

It's strange to read something you had written so many years ago.

Anyway, my order of "Mazarin" has finally arrived! Oh, the goodness of 17th century music! I'll upload a really nice piece on my blog soon. It just sounds so medieval, you know?
"Mazarin" was initially delayed because Amazon.com ran out of stock, but it arrived soon after I managed to restrain myself from hitting my supervisor. Ha, ha. I can't tell you how happy I felt that it was finally here! I was having withdrawel symptoms due to not having new Philippe Jaroussky music to listen to.

I've grown quite fond of lute and banjo music, too. Been borrowing some lute music from the library @ Esplanade, written by John Dowland and some other guy. Apparently, John Dowland was this brilliant lutenist of the 17th century, I think. I like some of his happier pieces, but the lute looks too difficult for me to play. Have you seen the number of strings on that thing?! I can't even play the guitar! Sure, plucking a few strings is no problem, but actually having to learn chords and stuff, no thanks. My fingers hurt like hell the last time I tried.
Banjo is even worse, because a lot of the music is very complicated, and played very fast. It has the basic melody line, and then it has a lot of other notes piled on top, but it sounds fun to play.
If I can find a banjo at a low price at Sungei Road sometime, maybe I'll get one. They're selling a banjo at Bugis for more than $300!

I have invested in a little off-white ukelele. It was supposed to be $30+, but I got a 20% discount, so I got it at $25. It's a cute little thing that's much smaller than a guitar, developed in Hawaii in the 19th century.
I was slowly plucking strings on my sister's guitar several weeks ago, and I realised that the sound has a calming effect on me. I usually have problems getting to sleep, so maybe if I got a smaller, less bulky version of a guitar, it could help me sleep, or give me something to do if I really can't get to sleep. Then, I remembered that I wanted to buy a ukelele in Hawaii in 2005, but didn't because it would have been a hassle bringing it back, so I decided a week ago that I would get one. It's about the same price when converted, so I'm not upset about the $25.

Learning a string instrument at my own pace would help me in my hearing and tuning for singing, and it's also calming and fun when my fingers don't have those painful string grooves in them. So now, I have my very own ukelele!

Wednesday, March 11th 2009

Hey guys!

Am feeling much better today, been sleeping a lot. Yesterday, after I came home from the polyclinic, I took a shower, took my medicine and applied the lotion to my rash, and then went to bed from 10am to 5pm. Got up, watched some TV, washed my dreadlocks, had dinner, showered and washed up, took medicine, applied lotion, read, and then went to bed around 10.30pm, slept till 11.30am this morning.
I feel better, but I don't look much better. I have very, very bad eyebags due to not being able to sleep that night, and then sleeping too much after. There are still red patches all over, but it feels so much better now.

I've uploaded a rather nice banjo song. If you take the time to listen to it, you'll hear more than one instrument. I hear the fiddle and banjo, but I'm not sure if there's a guitar in there. Can't tell in the mixture. I think there is, but it's like trying to find a small piece of pasta in a big vat of pasta sauce.
I like the sound of a banjo, it give this "carefree" feeling. Makes you feel like square-dancing and talking to cows in a barn on the mountains.

I did some Math today, and I've been doing a little research on inbreeding in humans. I wonder why it produces mentally and physically-handicapped offspring? Something to do with homozygous genes, I think.
The topic of inbreeding is quite interesting, and also viewed by society as taboo. It's mostly isolated, though. Some in the mountains, some in tribes, some in royalty, and some in families trapped in basements for years. Inbreeding causes biological mutations that result in deformity (mental or physical) in inbred offspring.

Tuesday, March 10th 2009

It's 6.05am, and I've finally found the score to Schubert's "Seligkeit". I combed Esplanade library thrice, Music Essentials and Yamaha, but couldn't find the score book. I found it online instead.

I came down with a rash last night. It covered only a few patches of my body at first, but after an hour or so it had spread like wildfire. It covered my entire torso, neck and patches of my arms and legs. It itched like hell, ok. I was twitching in my bed!
So after about 6 unsuccessful hours of trying to fall asleep despite the itching, I got up and came online to look for "Seligkeit" and stuff. Going to polyclinic at 8am, but that means I have 2 more hours to kill.
Actually, if it weren't so itchy/painful, the rash would seem pretty cool. The rash doesn't just turn the skin red, it swells up in raised, flat patches. Small ones look like mosquito bites. I wonder what I could've eaten that cause this allergic reaction? The only other time I had an allergic reaction rash was when I ate "King Top Shells", that lousy shellfish.

Gahh. I hope the doctor can prescribe instant rash-relief cream and very strong sleeping pills. I hope it's all better by tomorrow. I promised Rai I'd be at work with her so we can brave Hell together.

I hate work, too. Can't wait to get outta there. It's not the job, it's the restrictions. Nobody else wants to do the counter because you can't do so many things at the counter. You can't check your mobile phone, you can't read or write or draw, and you're expected to stone while waiting for (very far-between) customers to approach the counter.
Ridiculous.

I'm beginning to like hillbilly music, especially the banjo ones.
I can't go for voice lesson today because of my rash. Can't sing properly with all this itching, and anyway having red patches on you is not a pretty sight, and I take public transport there.
I guess it's better to stay home today after visiting the polyclinic, less germs and dust to aggravate the rashes. I just hope my voice teacher brings forward the money to next month's fees. These lessons aren't cheap, and they're coming out from my own pocket.

Sunday, March 8th 2009

I haven't had coffee in more than 5 years. This morning, when the smell from my mother's mug hit my nose, it was horribly metallic.

Believe it or not, I used to drink coffee every single morning when I was a kid, since I was about 4. My mother made me drink a mug, especially when I started going to school. It was supposedly to make sure I stayed awake and alert during school hours.
Tuh.
All it did was stain my teeth.
After I got old enough to know that coffee is bad, especially for very young kids, I stopped drinking coffee altogether. I was about 12 then, and even though the coffee streak lasted so many years, I had no withdrawal effects.

Anyway, recently I've been into good ol' things like old movies and Archie comics and old fashion.
I started off with "Breakfast At Tiffany's" and "Sabrina" (Audrey Hepburn) made in the 1970s, then "Singin' in the Rain" and Elvis movies made in 1950s. I finally got hold of some "Little Rascals" episodes and watched those, as well as some Clark Gable movies like "It Happened One Night". Those were filmed in the 1930s-1940s.
I grew up watching the "Little Rascals", so I guess it's no surprise I like old movies. They're actually much better than the movies we have nowadays, but with lousy endings.
I don't like the original version of "Dracula",though. It's so boring.

Oh, yes. I've been reading a lot of Archie comics and realised what I missed out on when I was younger! The kids my age were reading Archie comics when they were in late Primary school, and I was reading stupid books like "Goosebumps". I guess it didn't matter, my English turned out okay, though I never bothered to read the newspaper unless we were forced to.
My fav character is Jughead. I think he's cool in a greedy-but-incredibly-fit way.

Been writing some random thoughts at work, but I don't feel like posting them now. Perhaps next time. I gotta go buy ingredients from NTUC, I'm baking cookies and Cornish Pasties today!

Sunday, February 22 2009

Gee, it's been an awfully long time since I last posted something on my blog. I think it's time to come out of hiding and tell you guys a secret that you've been itching to know. I know from all the missed calls, smses, taggies, etc you've all been sending me.
Here it is:
I DIDN'T GET IN ANYWHERE.

Do you feel shocked? Surprised? Ecstatic?
Has the itch gone away now that you know my secret?

Actually, I've been hiding in shame for the past few weeks. My mom and dad have been very hard on me, they can't stop talking about begging for admission in a poly, ANY poly, and I really can't stand hearing any more. My heart sank the day I got the message saying that my JAE application was not successful, and I've been down in the dumps ever since.

January 2009 was hell. My supervisor is an asshole and is constantly mean to me, I didn't get admitted anywhere, and I lost Rabbit. My whole world collasped right then, but I lived on, just to see how things would work out.
I visited Rabbit's grave often to talk to him, I buried myself in more of Mozart's music day and night. I just didn't want to talk to anybody else, to tell them that I'm such an idiot, I couldn't get in anywhere.

However, something happened yesterday changed the way I feel about all this, especially my results. Just so you guys know, I'm working around Citylink mall, at a "certain bookstore" there, so I was taking a trip to the washroom there yesterday, and I saw Setia. I asked her how she was, and where she's going. She didn't even think to cover up or lie, she just came clean straightaway and said she didn't get in anywhere because she failed Math, and so she's applying for DAE and some other stuff.
It blew me away. How come she can say it so easily and honestly, even without hesitation, and I've been hiding from all prying eyes and ears for a month or so? Don't you guys go gossiping about her, because I admire her courage. If you were in the same situation as her, you wouldn't have been able to do the same thing she did: be honest.

So, yes, I can't get in anywhere because I failed Math. I got an E8, and I'm not ashamed to say that now because I tried very hard for 'O's, especially for Math. Maybe I didn't do it right, because I couldn't do the paper, but at least I can say I tried.
I think I typed that once before on this blog, not long ago. If you read my blog constantly, you'd know.

I was eligible for all the English-related courses like Child Phychology and early edu, mass comm, digital media etc, but there's competition for those courses, you know, and my grades aren't fantastic, so I didn't get in. It was tough getting through Hell, but I've made it out the exit. I've started practising Math and doing Art, and I'm going to start studying for Combined Humans next month. Art and CHu are to push my overall grade up.
I set out for a science course, and I'm gonna work to get it, even if it's gonna take me another year.

To those who made it into a poly or the courses they wanted, congratulations, and keep working hard, but don't you look down on those who couldn't.
To those who, like me, couldn't make it into a poly because of your grades, don't give up on life yet. Give it another shot. If you want it, work for it. If you give it everything you can, nobody can ask any more from you.

P.S.: Taking Grade 4 singing exam in July! :)
P.P.S.: I have dreadlocks now!

Thursday, 1st January 2009

"Looking at you"

These ants are so cute, they're lined up so neatly! You can almost hear them conversing.

Isn't he cute?

I've been browsing through a lot of wildlife photos on flickr.com and found some really beautiful photos. Who knew that spiders and caterpillars could be so beautiful? Super-cute, too. You can actually see their faces- their bright eyes, their lovely smiles.

Tuesday, December 30th 2008

Well, I've gotten myself back into Art-mode. Been drawing and colouring all day. Alas, I haven't even finished one drawing today, but that's all right, it's looking good. Maybe I'll post a picture of it when I'm done. I got the photo from the internet, it's been hell colouring. My hands hurt, my fingertips are peeling from the dish washing soap, air-conditioning, piano-playing and colouring.
Been practising piano a lot, and I'm proud to say I've progressed. I'm halfway through the 1st variation of that Mozart piece.

I feel a growing interest in classical music. It all started with opera, really. I casually mentioned castrati at the beginning of June, which led to my sister showing me a video of Philippe Jaroussky on Youtube. I fell in love with the song in the video and couldn't stop listening to it. It led to me buying the CD and listening to other songs by different composers like Handel and Gluck. Then, it branched out into listening to their music by other artists. I stumbled upon "Farinelli il Castrato" on Youtube and got hooked on the music as well, so borrowed the CD and got exposed to music by composers like Hasse and Riccardo Broschi.
I watched movies like "Amadeus" and "Danny the Dog" and it led to a lot of Mozart's music, which I quite like. I've been listening to a lot of his music on my player, but it doesn't have a lot of orchestral works, only piano sonatas and stuff. I prefer the orchestral works. Just put up another piece on my blog, which, if you turn up the volume on your computer, you'll be able to hear. Have patience to listen to the whole thing.
This piece is played at the beginning of the movie "Amadeus".

Monday, December 29th 2008

I think I'm suffering from withdrawal symptoms.

A few months after I came back from Italy, I was still dreaming about it nightly, that I was eating gelato in Venice, that I was still strolling through the streets of Riva del Garda.
I miss China so much, I've been dreaming of it since I returned 2 weeks ago. It seems like an awfully long time, though. I miss all the people I met there. Okok, two living things, one not even a human being, but still.

Anyway, over the last few days, I've discovered a couple of things about myself. Just last night, I sat at the photo drawers, flipping through the albums. It was like looking at a past I can't remember. I kept flipping through album after album, looking for a particular something, but I didn't and don't know what it was. It was a very sad, empty feeling.
I gazed at the sweet face of the happy child in those photos, and honestly, can't believe that it was me.
Also, I realised that there wasn't a single photo with me and both mommy and daddy in them. It was either mommy and I, or daddy and I, never together.

Wednesday, 24th December 2008

Been sleepless for the past few weeks since the 'O' levels, don't know why. The stress should have been long gone by now, but I still have trouble sleeping. I can't remember how to sleep.
Maybe I should get some sleeping pills from the pharmacy. D'you think they would sell me some, or is it a controlled drug?

The Venus Flytrap I bought the other day is still doing well. New traps are sprouting, it's really cute. And really good, because that means I'm taking good care of it. All it gets is light energy from the table lamp, and distilled water. I'm giving it at least 4 hours of light per day. Where are those bug-filled nights I hate so much? The traps are hungry.

Can't wait to attend my first Midnight Mass tonight. I shall go early, take my time walking there and listening to the choir singing carols. I hope they practised hard.

Just started learning a new piano piece, Mozart's Sonata no. 11 (KV 331). The first part is relatively simple, haven't started on the other parts yet. Looks scary. Gonna have to practise more to improve. At least now I can say I play classical pieces, not anime music. My "Lascia ch'io Pianga" is nowhere near polished.

Saturday, December 20th 2008

These photos and places aren't the reason I love China, but they are pretty photos. Notice how the autumn trees aren't fake and are planted in soil? You can't ever see them in Singapore, that's for sure.

Last night's concert wasn't fantastic, but it felt so good to be back with people I love again, I was willing to ignore the bad part. It was scary to hear how the discipline has dropped since we left, especially the PT part, but it was nice to hear about how they're growing up. After the concert, some choir girls and I went to Starbucks to grab a drink, and then go to that big area near Esplanade (where people go to break-dance, etc) to sing and reminisce about the old days. We're meeting up at school again soon, hopefully we can get past the security guards.

I think I'll spend Christmas alone this year. It seems nice enough to sit quietly and have a good meal, one that I'll cook for myself, and then stroll to the church near my house to attend my first Midnight Mass. I can observe everything silently and maybe learn a few things.
I used to dream about this, you know, just being able to go to Midnight Mass and witness the celebration. I was never allowed, of course. Firstly, it's at midnight- no way my parents would have allowed me out this late. Secondly, they all spit on religion anyway, so of course they were/are against it.

I was so clueless about Midnight Mass, Freda practically laughed at me.

This Christmas, however, will be different. My parents will be away in Korea, my siblings out, and I'll be home alone. Nobody appreciates peace and quiet as much as I.
Maybe except dear Rabbit.
So I'll spend Christmas with Rabbit this year, great! He won't laugh at me, he won't fling insults at me, he won't spit on any religion. He won't interrupt what I say, he'll gladly have dinner with me, and nothing I say to him is taken as a joke.

Anything can be done, if it's done with determination.

Wednesday, December 17th 2008

Just a few photos I wanted to share with you guys. These came from the movie "Unleashed/Danny the Dog". If you watch it, you might just become a Jet Li fan, if you aren't already. :)

I'm serious. Don't say I didn't warn you.
He's super huggable there.

Anyway, went for lunch with Dad today. He started talking about my future, and told me that it doesn't matter whether I go to a bad school or not, etc etc, and he just wants me to be happy with my future, what ever I want to do. He said if I can't make it into my choice of course, I will always have other options, and I shouldn't ever give up.
Of course I know that he's worried about my results, who wouldn't be? I'm worried too, even if it doesn't look like it.

All I can do now is wait for the results and hope for the best. There's a future for me somewhere, but it might not be in Biomedical Science. My results will tell me if I'm really cut out for something else.
I know I'll always have my singing, and if I had to choose, I wouldn't give up singing for anything.

Tuesday, December 16th 2008

Hey everybody!
Been watching more Jet Li movies. He's quite a cute little fellow, isn't he? I bought this movie just a couple of days ago, it's the best one I've seen yet.

I'm cooped up at home again, this time only because I'm ill. Am down with flu. I wonder why there's no shortage of mucus? Been blowing my nose every few minutes, yet minutes later, there's a nose full of mucus again. It's very, very annoying, but I try to be patient with my body. The poor thing is probably struggling to flush out the virus.

It's strange. All that time I spent in China, I never fell ill once, even when I was shivering at -13 degC. Only when I returned to this dreaded island of a country, I fell ill with flu. I'm starting to miss China badly, not because I wasn't ill there, but I miss the air, the language, the people and their attitude, the things they sell, the small, quiet ancient towns and the scenery.
It's just the things that can't be seen in this country.

Here, the windows are barred, the air is polluted, everywhere you look you see tall buildings and an endless stretch of cars. Our history is so shallow, so bleak. We are so young.

I'm starting to sink into depression upon the realisation that I have to stay on this small, polluted, modern, overcrowded island until I turn 21. Until then, I have no power to do anything, go anywhere outside of this country without my parents' consent. However, on the bright side, I've already started saving up. I'm hoping to go to Venice (alone or otherwise) in Dec 2009, but if I can't, at least I'll be well on the way to saving enough for when I'm 21.

Hey, a kid can only save so much in a year. I have reduced myself to spending only $10 a week from Jan-Nov next year. If I can earn $200 per week, $100 would go to my savings, the other $100 would go to voice lessons. My family refuses to pay for it. If I save $20 out of my $30 per week, I would have $880 by Nov 30th 2009. So, if my calculations are correct, I would be able to save up $5280 by Nov 30th next year. If I add money from any occasions (birthday/Christmas/Chinese New Year), I would end up with about $6000, just enough for flight, accomodation, food and other expenses if I scrimp.
If I decide to go to China again and leave Venice to when I'm 21, I would definitely have enough money. It doesn't cost as much to go to China. Actually, it costs much less.

I'm so glad we bought 3 types of Chinese tea back. Been drinking tea daily, already had 4 mugs today. It's actually quite soothing, and it's very good for the body. I hope to get into the tea-drinking routine.
Before I went to China, I was still at the Twinings tea-drinking stage. I was drinking the "chamomile, vanilla and honey" tea with an excessive dose of honey. It was comforting, but somehow too thick and flavourful for a drink before bedtime. In case you don't know, chamomile is supposed to help you relax and sleep well. Without the excessive dose of honey, however, the tea tastes horrible. Now that I have Chinese tea, tea-drinking has suddenly become much more interesting.

Sunday, December 14th 2008

Isn't Jet Li just adorable?

After several days of being home, I don't feel the need to express my anger at my sister's friend anymore. I just feel so relieved to be away from SC, and glad to be home. Am so very thankful I don't have to care about her anymore, and her incessant pelting me with insults. I don't feel angry with her anymore, or at least at the moment, but if I ever have to, all my anger has been recorded somewhere, so I'll just pull it out then.

I'm so thankful and grateful to be back here. I'm looking forward to celebrating Chew's birthday with her tomorrow, and I'm also looking forward to attending the Choir concert on the 19th with Samira and Freda. It feels so good to be back around people whom I'm familiar with, whom I feel safe around.
It also feels good to finally be taken seriously. Most of what I said on the Yunnan trip was taken to be nonsense, and more jokes and insults followed.

Actually, I'm thankful for SC and my sister's incessant pelting of insults. Each time they hurled one at me, it gave me a chance to think. It trained me to dig deeper into meanings of words they said, it taught me how to laugh them off, it taught me how to argue with or side myself. I've gone back into thinking-and-staring mode, which I lost about 2 years ago, and I'm happy to have it back.

Basically, this trip taught me to survive anything, physically, mentally, psychologically. It was like a boot camp, just with nicer living conditions, but with no shortage of teasing and insults and jokes made about you. Through all this, I still met nice people, learnt new things, and saw China like I had never seen before.
I never knew I could come to love a country that I hated so much.

However, there is something I feel the need to share with all you people who faithfully read my blog.
You do know I have a fascination with serial killers, right? There were people like Jeffrey Dahmer, Ed Gein, Albert Fish, and of course our fictitious Hannibal Lecter, but you'll never realise their true evil until you see them commit a crime. Reading about it isn't enough, not even watching a movie portray their crimes. Only when you see the satisfaction on their faces as they kill, will you know their true depth of evil.

I, myself, never really knew what evil was until that day I was forced to watch the slaughtering of pigs. We were at Tiger Leaping Gorge, staying at some guest-house and waiting for breakfast, when I heard a scream pierce through the morning air. You'll never know how painful it sounds unless you hear it, live, for yourselves.
"I have just witnessed the killing of a pig. Its screams were deafening, and I saw them carry the bucket to the table before slitting its throat. When they slit its throat, the screams stopped, leaving only a weak, high-pitched squeal, then there was silence."

That was taken from my notebook, which I carried around with me on the trip. The evil I saw was not in the faces of the men who killed the pig. No. It was in the face of SC who held the camera, recording the whole thing in a video.
None of the men looked very happy, their faces were portraits of pain itself. What struck me most hardly and disturbed me most was that on SC's face, emotion was there, painted in a smile.

Friday, December 12th 2008

Well, well, well. I'm back from Yunnan, and to be honest, China is actually a really cool place to be.

I think the van-driver (Wang Shi Fu) who took us to Tiger Leaping Gorge and then to Shangri La is so cute! He's real eye-candy, unlike those fake, plastic types. He's cute, but not perfect, his hands are rough from hard work and he has wrinkles on his face beside his eyes, but he's beautiful. The real type of man! Don't know how old he is, but probably 35-45 years old (with kids). People age fast physically there because of the very cold wind and the very strong sunlight. He has a "cute-tooth", which only makes him cuter, I find. He's tall, dark and handsome! Ha, ha, ha!
Very adorable.

I met someone new! He's 18 years old, very gorgeous, very sweet-natured. He's a straight-forward farmboy, honest, good-looking, good body. A loving and obedient boyfriend. Yes, he's my new boyfriend!
His name is Bei Bei and he's a mix breed between a horse and donkey, and he followed me around and nuzzled my tummy. He's very, very sweet. So handsome, I love him.

Doesn't the guy behind us look like he's checking out my butt?


So. The trip itself was all right. Lotsa problems with the people I went with, esp my sister's friend, who was unmercifully pelting me with insults all the way. What an asshole. Perhaps I'll type a little more about her in my next post or something, when I'm less tired.

Spent last night at Bangkok's airport, and while my sister slept, I put my jacket over her, went to the toilet and then went to a corner to sing arias. The place was so big, I could have hardly been heard. I didn't sleep at all, save for about a 20-min nap at Starbucks at 6am, so now I'm all light-headed and drifty. Don't really know what I'm doing, feels like I'm floating around. Need sleep.

Oh, yes, I almost forgot. I think Jet Li is cute. I'll post a pic of him in my next post. Gonna watch a DVD now, I think. A Jet Li movie :)

Tuesday, December 2nd 2008

Of course, Daphne. We have good taste in everything!
(P.S.: They're selling SpongeBob keychains just outside AMK Hub.)

Bird's Nest Soup is so sickly sweet. It's strangely slimy, too, which forced me to think of it's origins- a bird's saliva. I must say, however, that I tried very hard to ignore that fact and to swallow a mouthful, but my own vomit came up, so I ran from the bowl sitting on the table.

We let the leeches go today, several had died and I didn't want any more to be taken by death just because they were trapped in a plastic container (yes, we actually shifted them to a larger, cleaner container), so we let them go. I hope they're happy. There's food, fresh water, long grass... I won't tell you where we let them go, but I think they're happy there. Maybe I'll wait another few years before I try keeping them as pets again, I obviously have to do more research first.
Rest In Peace, leeches.

Leaving for Yunnan tomorrow, wish me luck. Weather forecasts have forecasted that it'll be quite cold there, so my backpack is filled to its brim with mostly warm clothing. I painted my gloves today, one stripy, the other with smileys on each finger. Maybe I'll post a picture of them when I get back.

Above is a lovely picture of my cool grandparents. They're so cute. They were both good-looking when they were much younger. Ah Gong seems to be frowning here, the food was pretty bad.

Sunday, November 30th 2008

Happy Birthday!

I'm back alive!
The scenery was nice, especially the mountains with tops smothered in clouds. When I looked up at the sky, I could see the lovely layers of clouds, each layer at least several km away from one another.

My grandparents are really cool. At ages 84 and 85, they can still play mahjong, wear a wig, drink sarsi and eat fried chicken. Apparantly, Ah Gong loves fried chicken! Ah Ma gave me a jade pendant. Now, I'm not really a fan of jade, but maybe it'll interest me in 50 years.
May I also add that "Bird's Nest Soup" is horribly disgusting?!
I'll never go near that stuff again.

Ah Sim has good taste, man. The guy she married (who's my uncle) has nice arms.
Anyway, this uncle of mine helped me with the leech-catching. He spent hours looking for them, and they're really cute. They have stripes on their backs. I'm worried about the dirty bottle they're in, though. It seems awfully disgusting. Low standard of living, absolutely no sanitation. They are clinging desperately to the inside wall of the plastic bottle. I hope the "Cash-Converter" has an appropriate tank for this kind of wildlife. They can squeeze through any small gap, and if they do they'll be crawling up your leg next. They'll chase after you if you try to run.
Pesky little creatures.

Next on my list will be that mini-pot of Venus Flytraps they're selling at $12 at the nursery. Maybe I'll feed them meat. Chicken, perhaps?

In 1-2 days I'll be off to Yunnan, China. Don't know what I'll see there. Never been a big fan of China, so hopefully this will be an interesting trip. I'll be back just in time for Chew's birthday, so that's good.
Can't wait for the steamboat.

Friday, November 21st 2008

Hey guys.

Just realised that the imeem.com song on my blog has been cropped again, but I don't have the time to fiddle-twiddle with that now. Leaving early tomorrow morning, and I'm desperately transferring videos to my sister's player (now mine!!!). When I first transferred them, the player refused to play the videos, saying it doesn't support that format, so I had to go back to the computer and convert them all, and it's taking hell of a long time. Been converting for the last hour and a half!
I hope it's worth it. I shall die if I don't have this sort of entertainment during the 8-hour car-ride tomorrow from Singapore to the far side of Malaysia.

Oh yes, if I don't make it back alive, throw me a happy funeral with a bright orange coffin, ask Philippe Jaroussky to sing at my funeral, preferably "Venti, Turbini" with a glorious orchestral part. Throw my ashes around Italy. Tell Franco I died!
I love you!!!

P.S: I'm not joking. Really do it this way if I happen to die.

I'll be back (dead or alive).
"Hasta la vista, baby!"

Wednesday, November 19th 2008

I forgot to blog about something that happened several weeks ago.

T'was in the morning, I think I had a paper that day. We were waiting to cross the road to get to the car, this Coca-cola truck was making a turn in front of us. The door at its side was open, and there was a balding Indian man directing the driver because the road was narrow. After the truck had turned, the Indian man jumped on the truck and sat on a box of the drink, and hung on to the sides of the truck to keep his balance. I smiled at him and gave him a little wave.
Wouldn't you wave back, too, if you saw a little girl in school uniform smiling and waving at you sweetly?
He waved back, and almost fell out of the truck.

He must've felt embarrassed, but he was smiling, so it was all right. I felt good after that. Even though I almost got someone killed, I made his day!

P.S.: I will be away on a holiday from the 22nd of Nov to the 12th of Dec 2008. Wish me luck, both (Asian) countries don't speak any language I do. "Gasp!"

Wednesday, November 12th 2008

Sigh.
What a gloomy day. Just the day (and night), though, not my life. My life today was pretty good.

It started out with me trying to wake up at 10.30am to my deafening alarm-clock, but failing miserably. The temptation of my warm bed was too strong, so I only got up properly at sometime past noon. Then, I dragged myself around the house, brushing my teeth and things like that, then watched some TV. Gee, "90210" is such a pitiful attempt at a scandalous television series.

Went for lunch with Dad at "The Cafe Cartel". It was all pretty good. After lunch, we drove over to the dermatologist's for my monthly consultation. Yaadaa yaadaa, went home, it started pouring, went to Orchard Rd alone. Bought a locket, went to Kinokuniya.

I love hanging out at large, posh bookstores. The walls are lined with so many books, it looks like colourful wallpaper. The books are all so crisp and clean and new, I almost feel scared to touch them. They are all grouped by genre. I hung out mostly around the walls marked "Literature". Wanted to buy so many books, but only had "so much" money with me, so I chose "Love in the Time of Cholera" by that Colombian author (can't remember his name). I wanted to buy several of his books, but felt that "Love in the Time of Cholera" was what I wanted most. I've read part of the book before, but it was annoying because I couldn't read fast enough, all of it in two weeks, before returning it to the library.

"Love in the Time of Cholera" is a beautiful book/movie. Seriously romantic. I know you guys don't read much and hate to plough through thick books (apart from Jodi Picoult (sp?) and "Twilight"), so watch the movie instead. It still captures the romance and feelings of anguish and longing.

I haven't played "Monkey Island" for so long, I feel like I'm about to die. I'm shrivelling up! Gahh! Oh, Guybrush, MapleStory is nothing compared to you!

My dear Rabbit is ill again, its inner eyelids are inflamed. I told it time and time again not to go into dusty places! Went to the vet to get the eyedrops (Rabbit had this illness before), and am applying the eyedrops and cream to its eyes 3 times a day. It hates it but tries not to struggle. After medication, it licks my hand in gratitude.
Such a lovely boy.

Sunday, November 2nd 2008

It has been a Hell of a week, chock-full of draining papers. What's worse, I missed two nights of sleep this week on days before crucial papers. I couldn't fall asleep. Must be the stress level. I hope all that studying pays off well.

How I got that hot construction worker's name? I asked the security guard, whom I chat with often. At least his name is not "Muthu". "Muthu" is cute, but too common and stereotypical.

Been watching "Tamil Silverscreen" every Saturday night for the past few weeks. All the male actors were quite average, though there was this really good-looking one in last week's movie. It was about university students in year 3.
I've realised that their (the lead actor's and actress') skin isn't/aren't really dark. They're quite fair, but their Indian physical traits (black hair, brown eyes, etc etc) give them an Asian edge, so they look a lovely mix, very exotic.

Well, I've gotten my haircut. It's just shorter, nothing special. The back-slope feels like a carpet again, and my fringe is done in a slant. It has something pixie about it.

I've been watching old movies recently, and I love them. I like them better than today's modern hollywood flicks. Old movies have more honest, although bad acting, and better taste in music. They carry the emotions to the viewers better. I liked "Singin' in the Rain" when I watched it on the way back from Italy. I watched "Breakfast at Tiffany's" and I loved it so much. Now, I'm watching
"Sabrina". No, it's not about some lame teenage witch.
I think Audrey Hepburn was/is an excellent actress. Plus, she's so beautiful.

Tuesday, October 28th 2008

Mrs Khoo was right. "It's still a long way to freedom."

Been slaving away at Physics all morning, finally finished studying it. Somehow I still can't do the stupid thick stack of Physics papers that Ms Lim gave us. Gonna try again tonight, gotta ask Chew to teach me how to do the nuclide notation thing.
Am currently doing Art. I can't believe I actually managed to sit still for so long. It's been productive, I've drawn+coloured two layouts so far. Two more to go. This is when my imagination chooses to forsake me.
I've been drawing so many hearts all year, I feel like stabbing someone in the chest. Bloody hearts! (Didn't mean for that to be a pun)

Through all this dense jungle greenery and the mosquitoes biting incessantly, I can see the light! It's not very bright, and it looks like it's going to die out any time, but I can see it.

I absolutely cannot wait to have my "Sims" and "Monkey Island" computer game marathon after my 'O's. I've been deprived of "Sims" for so long, and I miss Guybrush Threepwood's handsome face!

Going to get another haircut this Friday. I was told that I have a class comm meeting to attend this Friday after the exam. I don't look forward to seeing my class comm as much as I look forward to seeing my choir comm. Damn, I was so looking forward to rushing for my haircut. Fringe has been poking my eyes unmercilessly for the past few weeks. It'll grow from looking stupid to nice, just in time for Grad Night.

Sunday, October 26th 2008

Well, the hot construction has gone somewhere else to work. His name is Navdeep Kumar. School somehow seems less interesting without him there.
School seems a lot less exciting now anyway.

Been staring at a picture of a foot all night, been drawing it. I hope it doesn't look too sketchy. I've found that I'm good at drawing anatomy. It's a pity I'll never get these drawings back, they're so good, even if I do say so myself.
Must look at pretty things occasionally, so I watched Philippe Jaroussky on Youtube while I waited for the water on my drawing to dry. I found some new videos, there's finally one on "Alto Giove". I have added the Youtube video to my blog, so scroll all the way to the bottom to watch it. Do watch it when you all have the time, he sounds really good here.

Thursday, October 16th 2008

The world is going to hell, man.

Just read in the newspapers that more people lost their life-savings to some bank investment. $100,000, and that's just from one old couple. Come on! They're old man, they wanna relax after their hard lives, is that too much to ask for?
This bank investment thing is getting ridiculous, really. How come nobody's willing to do anything about it? We have enough money to build the new resorts, and no money to pay these people. No wonder they want us to take Social Studies, so the kids now will grow up to be like the adults in society today. It's not fair, the rich people don't seem to care about the people who have nothing left.

Society's always been this mean, you know. Remember when that Korean student what's-his-name shot 33 people in Virginia Tech? The world went mad just because 33 people died, and it was published in the news. Wake up and smell the flowers, world. Millions of people die every day, and you don't seem to notice.
Don't worry, one day it will be you, asshole.

Monday, October 13th 2008

It's seriously frightening to think that the upcoming exams determine my entire future, job(s), even respect.

Well, I'm studying like I've never studied before, but I still wonder if it's enough? Looking back on the past few weeks, it feels pretty impressive, because I've been studying every day. I've found that I actually like studying! It's actually enjoyable once you get into it. I felt sorry when Night Study came to an end at 9.30pm on Friday night, I wanted to study more. When you get absorbed, you can't stop. Only when you get absorbed. It's like an addiction. My body feels so tired, but my mind is desperate for more. Then, it's up to me to decide whether to let my body rest or push it past the limits. Usually, I take pity on my body and let it rest, because the poor thing can't work when it's tired. The mind takes in nothing, and I start panicking because I suddenly can't understand what I'm looking at. It's like a whole lot of words I can't string together to form a sentence.

The last day of school (10th Oct) was calm. Strange word I'm using to describe it.
Our teachers were very sweet. Mrs Chow taught me Accounts at the teacher's desk for two periods in the morning, Ms Yip told us that teaching us has been a pleasure, Mrs Khoo said we've made her life miserable, but haven't forced her to quit her job yet, so that's good. Then, she gave us Kit-Kats and lollipops. I love the way she jokes. What's so funny about it is her straight face when she does.

I got back a Math paper I did a few days ago. I failed, of course. I wasn't even supposed to do the paper, but I told her I wanted to try it.
I got 26/80 for it, and she wrote there, "Keep trying!".
I didn't feel too bad about it, because I've mastered some things through my 2 weeks of Math revision, like how to factorise, and how to do simultaneous eqns. I just have to find a way to remember all those bloody formulas!

After the lesson, a group of kids stayed behind because they wanted to take individual photos with Mrs Khoo. I asked myself, "Why not?" So I said I wanted one, too. They made me go first, with Chew holding the camera.
"Snap!!!"
There's my inspiration for 'O's.

Friday, October 3rd 2008

Well, today didn't go too badly.

I worked hard today, managed to do two chapters of Math and get back on track with the whole simultaneous equations thing. Did half an English compre, too. I feel so Mathematical now, my head is spinning with numbers. Strangely, it feels good, like I've achieved something.

I've finally gotten my hands on the Mp3 file of "Venti Turbini", and it's slightly different from the one you all have heard on my blog. It's faster, somehow, gets the blood drumming in your blood vessels.

Several days ago, I stumbled upon another beautiful piece on Youtube, this time a duet sung by Núria Rial (soprano) and Philippe Jaroussky (countertenor). It's yet another piece written by Handel called "Bramo aver mille vite" (Ariodante). Bits of it weren't sung very well, sharp or flat at times, but overall it's beautiful. It's the kind of piece that sends you spinning, especially since the voices match so well.
I will add the video to this blog if I can, so have a listen if you have the time.

Tuesday, September 30th 2008

Philippe Jaroussky's rendition of "Mi lusinga il dolce affetto" on Youtube is absolutely beautiful! I love how the pianist plays those heart-wrenching chords to Philippe's singing. Am currently learning that song. It's a lovely one, written by our dear Handel. He has written a lot of fantastic vocal music, don't understand why he's more known for his instrumental pieces.

I haven't seen that hot construction worker in a while. Wonder if he's gone back home (to India) already? I miss his slicking-hair-back habit and showing off.

I almost starved to death today because I couldn't eat during recess. I brought 2 slices of pizza to school, but I was too choked up with guilt to eat. I made Mrs Khoo upset when I finished doing my chapter on algebra and stopped paying attention. I wrote her an apology post-it note and stuck it in her pigeon-hole.
I started having slight gastric spasms during lessons after recess, so I ate a slice of pizza just before Art, and then saved the other till 5pm to eat before my journey home.
Anyway, I think Mrs Khoo got my note because she seemed nicer to me during the after-school Math lesson she gave us. Good, because my guilt almost killed me.

On my way home, I suddenly realised how boring the world is. I walk by the same route everyday, I see people walking past me, doing ordinary-people things like withdrawing money or waiting outside NTUC or watching television at the video store at the underpass. It has all become a seriously boring routine, nothing interesting happens anymore.


I can tell people don't like my singing, not because it's horrible, but according to them, because it's annoying.
Well, too bad.

Wednesday, September 24th 2008

Clay Aiken is GAY!
Yay, go Clay!

Claymates already kind of guessed, but he's finally admitted it. It's actually nothing to be ashamed of. One more cutie has joined our gay community, and I'm really happy, because I "grew up with him".
I'm so proud of him, it must've taken a lot of courage to come out.

Monday, September 15th 2008

Man, those people on the "palace soaps" Korean dramas sure move very, very slowlyyyy. I don't understand how my parents watch them, or how they paid $3000 for a TV they didn't need.
I shall not try to change them. I shall not try to change anybody. Why should I? It's not fair to me. The only way people are going to change is through experiences. Some people are so blind that they don't see beauty in anything anymore.

Now, I shall type about the hot construction worker I've been seeing around at school. He's not cute, but he has this attitude and confidence about him. He has longish hair, but not long enough to touch his shoulders, and he often slicks his hair back at the sides like you see in those Levi's commercials. Oh, and he's got a nice body! Woo hoo!

Been working hard on my Art, both prelims and 'O's. My 'O's art is coming along well, actually. Somehow it only gets productive near the submission date.

Thursday, September 11th 2008

My hair's getting long again, wondering if I should go back to my old stylist or new one.

Exams have been dreadful, all doom and gloom. The Accounts paper today almost killed me, I barely made it out alive. All the colours of the world seemed brighter when I came out of the hall after the paper.
I was just complaining to Mrs Chow the other day about how I can't believe that money is a subject. Wouldn't life be simpler if we just counted the cash in our hands instead of make accounts of it, in the bank, in the cashbook, etc etc? Who the hell came up with the subject, anyway?! He's out to make my life miserable.

I really have to do something about my Math. It's atrocious, I know. I keep asking people how to improve it, and they tell me, again and again, to practise, but you don't just simply say "just practise" to someone who's been failing the bloody subject for 10 years now.
Some of the smart kids in my class, like Wei Lin, always puts this smirk on her face when I talk about how difficult Accounts and Math is for me. She aces every subject except English. It's fair to say that not many people are bi-lingual. I'm not bi-lingual. My Mandarin sucks, and I know it, but that's no reason to smirk at me.
You know, I'd rather be where I am, trying hard but failing many subjects, than be where Wei Lin is, doing well at almost every subject. I may not be smart academically, but I have dreams and determination, at least I'm not some clueless zombie who stares at text-workbooks every second I'm awake.

Wednesday, September 3rd 2008

I've fallen in love with another song again. This time, it's Philippe Jaroussky's rendition of "Venti Turbini", this one on my blog. I love the energetic entrance of the strings and the catchy tune, very fast but precise.
Sure, Philippe Jaroussky's singing may not be perfect, he has slips here and there, but very slight and rare. Overall, I rate him a fantastic singer. Plus, he's cute, too. :)

You know, after watching "Lascia Ch'io Pianga" from "Farinelli Il Castrato" on Youtube, I've developed this fantasy.
I would be singing alone on a stage in/at one of those grand opera houses of colours red and gold, the whole opera house would be packed but silent in wait of my next note. I would take my time singing, then suddenly breeze through a whole series of notes, the entire orchestra frantically trying to catch up with me.
The moment I finish, from the audience would erupt a deafening applause, fragrant bloodred rose petals falling from above all around me, and then I would take my bow.

Brava, Brava!

Teacher's Day was great, only Vanessa turned moody on me again, but that was only after the celebration.
I always look forward to hugging Mrs Khoo, she's so warm and motherly, her long, rebonded hair about her shoulders, brushing against your cheek. Her hugs just make you feel so safe. Her lovable smile always reminds me that I have no regrets having her as my form teacher.

Surprisingly, English Orals went all right. I managed to talk a lot, but I can't really remember if I stuck to the topic or not. I hope so. Either way, the examiners seemed to enjoy it enough. I described cakes, perhaps they were hungry?

Bought another one of Philippe Jaroussky's CDs, "Beata Vergine". Nope, no spelling error there, it's just in Italian. This time, it's 17th Century music, dedicated to Mother Mary. I actually wanted his other CD, "Mazarin", but HMV was out of it, or so I thought, so since I wanted "Beata Vergine" after "Mazarin", I got it anyway. This one cost me only $26!

I never knew 17th Century music could be so soothing and delightful. All the strings, harpsichord, clear vocals. I don't know what else it's made of, because honestly I don't study it down to the details, but it's beautiful music. It kinds of sucks you back into the 17th Century itself! Good for day-dreaming. My friends listen to my music and they tell me it's boring.
Different taste in music, I guess.

Tuesday, August 19th 2008

Fever has gone down, but nausea has started. Is it because I'm hungry? It's 6.27pm, and I'm waiting for dinner. Dad's still in the midst of cooking, cutting vegetables, etc etc. Gahh, I hate feeling nauseous. You can't do anything. Well, anything but blog.

I only attended half-a-day of school today- Double English and Double Math. Ms Yip got annoyed with our class again. We were doing English Oral again but nobody wanted to try. They were afraid to, they said. Oh man, it's going to be even worse in front of a team of examiners. I'm in every position to tell you guys that. Been through all that shit last year.

Math wasn't all that bad today, only I probably failed another one of those Math tests. We were supposed to mark it and do the corrections while Mrs Khoo flashed the answers and workings over the visualiser. I got some marks out of my graph. I can draw triangles! =D

Went up to Mrs Khoo after lesson to tell her I wanted to go home because I wasn't feeling well. Explained that I had a temperature this morning, and she made me take my temperature, and because my temperature had gone down from 37.7 deg C to 37.3 deg C, I'm not sure she believed me, but she said I could go home anyway. Dad came to pick me up from school, and insisted on taking me to see the doctor (my childhood doctor, oh no!). It was very awkward, because I used to live at the same condo as him, and he knew me since I was a little kid, I even remember talking to him while we were swimming. Anyway, ever since I moved out of the condo years and years ago, I haven't been going to his clinic very often, so it was very awkward to see him again.

This is the part I want to type about.

I was called into his examination room, and I sat gingerly at the chair. It was actually kind of comforting seeing his face again, because I've seen it since I was young. I have to stress that he is a very gentle doctor. He does everything slowly, gently, as if using a little more force or speed would kill somebody. Good doctor. Anyway, he was using his stethoscope to listen to my heart-beat and breathing. Since I was a child, I've been too curious not to look around his office/examination room while he used his stethoscope on me, and so, I did. I caught sight of a display on one of his shelves behind him. There was a small chart that said in bold "Determine the hardness of your erection" and several long objects: a plastic corn, a plastic banana, and something else I can't remember. They all looked very edible. It was hilarious, but I had to keep from laughing. He's a doctor, and nothing related to the human body can embarrass him anymore.

Monday, August 18th 2008

I'm ill again, took my temperature just now and concluded that I have a slight fever of 37.8 deg C, not too bad. My poor white blood cells are desperately trying to produce more antibodies to fight the germs. My throat is inflamed, and it takes me effort to focus on what I'm doing with this headache that won't go away.
Didn't go for night-study tonight, came home after school. I suffered on the way home because I was being weighed down by a very heavy bag, and I was sick and walking in the sun. Wanted to do many other things like print pictures for Art prep work and look at plain backpacks to design, but I spared myself. Poor body can't do anything but wait it out, millions of blood cells and antibodies have died.
Ms Ho is going to kill me, because I've been feeling too lousy to do any Art.

I can't believe I have my English 'O' level oral this Thursday. I hope I don't lose my voice completely, or better, I will be completely cured by then. I want to stay home instead of having to trudge through all the lessons at school and attend night-study, but it's a crucial week. Prelims start next week.

All right, am burning up worse than before. It's only 9.30pm but I shall get ready for bed now. Poor, poor body needs its rest.

Friday, August 8th 2008

Plenty of shit has happened since I last blogged, but forget all that.

Today is Mrs Khoo's birthday (Happy Birthday, Mrs Khoo!!!) and we sang for her countless times, and we put one candle on her cake because we didn't/don't know how old she is. She was so cute today, eating cookies, cherries and talking to us with cake-cream around her mouth.
While we were waiting in our school grounds for further instructions on the "Linking Hands" exercise, I saw Mrs Khoo sitting alone, so I asked Vanessa if she could do me a favor, and then dragged her over to where Mrs Khoo was seated, then asked for a photograph. She was nice enough to say "sure!" to my request, so Vanessa helped me take one of us.
I had another one of those realisations. I was reminded again of how human Mrs Khoo is, and I'm so grateful we went through the crap when I was Sec 2, then made up when I got to Sec 4. I remember how sick I felt on the first day of Sec 4 when I found out she was going to be my form teacher, but then I got to know and accept her. On the first day of Sec 5, I was so thankful she was/is my form teacher.
She's so warm.

Have recently taken an interest in "Farinelli" and music from the movie. Got interested when I saw the videos of "Ombra Fedele Anch'Io" and "Lascia Ch'io Pianga" on Youtube. Was slightly disappointed to find out that the singing voice in the movie doesn't belong to a man, but to a female soprano and a counter-tenor. They sort-of blended them. It's all right, though. There's still Philippe Jaroussky, who can sing higher than I can, and there were all the castrati.
I wish I were born in the 18th century, a male, and castrated. I'd love to be able to sing so beautifully, up to three-and-a-half octaves!
Sigh, jealousy strikes again.

Sunday, July 6th 2008

I had a fantastic 17th birthday!

Ballet class dampened my mood but Kat and Gerv made it all better. They were so sweet! They paid for the meal, the cake, the present, everything!

We spent ages queuing at Marche at Vivo last night, and by the time we got in, it was about 8.30pm. We ordered things like lamb shoulder, beef steak, half a chicken, paella rice, and one glass of ice-lemon-tea. As usual, it was horribly over-priced. The bill came up to $70. I spent the most among us, I ordered the lamb and paella. I even added a side of mashed potato! If I had known they were going to pay, I would have ordered more! (Ha, ha!) I was so tempted to order so many other things, like fried mushrooms, saucey mushrooms, pasta, pizza, more meat. Darn!!! (Thanks, guys!)

After we finished dinner, it was 10pm, so we headed out onto the rooftop, looking for a nice spot facing the sea. We settled down there, and they brought out a cake! Kat let out that Chocz always has 20% off their cakes, but I was so touched, I couldn't/wouldn't have cared.

We lit the candles, and they screamed when one of the candles tilted and dripped wax. I was laughing hysterically. We took pictures, they sang for me, and I cut the cake. It was a very,very long process.
The cake was choco-banana. I would've preferred no banana, but like I said, I was too touched to care. We chatted while looking out at the sea, and I felt like the luckiest person.
There was even a present after the cake! They gave me a necklace with a pretty-looking cross. It looks very medieval, very cool!

We ended up leaving Vivo at around 11.30pm, just in time to catch the last train home. I reached the front door of my house with a big smile on my face.

Wednesday, July 2nd 2008

I'll do a quick update while waiting for the shower.

I hope the poly courses for Direct Poly Admission include Biomedical Science. If they don't, too bad, I'll just have to stick with my original plan of studying or die trying.

I have unfinished Math homework, and I'll probably get sent for Detention tomorrow because I lost, and thus haven't done, my Accounts worksheet. I confessed to Mrs Chow today, and she seemed okay about it, but she wants me to do it one way or another, and I can see why. I just hope I don't spend hours sitting outside the General Office, struggling with Accounts and fighting back tears. I don't know why even though she jokes while sentencing me to a punishment, I get near tears.
I guess it's a self-disappointment thing.

I finally got my head-phones (Thanks, Vanessa!), and I'm happy. It cost us 50 bucks, but it's something I've been wanting for months now, especially since my old one has been falling apart more and more.

It's hard to believe how everyone around me is dying.

Don't forget about my special day, people!
Buona notte.