Thursday, May 21st 2009

I've made interesting scientific progress! Personally, of course. People have discovered so much more than what I have, so this comes as no surprise to brilliant biologists.
I've been growing germs. The last time I tried this, my gelatine-sugar solution didn't harden, but a certain stringy type of bacterium landed on it and multiplied, so I got a liquidy solution full of black stringy webs. Never mind. I didn't dare open it for fear that I might die, so I left it there until, hopefully, the sugar and air ran out of the petri-dish and they died. Mom threw the whole thing away.
This time, however, I grew germs that live on the tongue and in the nose. In 2 seperate containers, I poured the gelatine-sugar solution that I made, this time with more gelatine and more sugar. The problem was that it didn't have the correct gelatine:water ratio, so my solution didn't harden into agar jelly. This time, it worked pretty swell. I used a tongue-scraper to scrape the upper side of my tongue, and used a cotton-bud to transfer the yucky stuff onto the agar jelly of one container. Then, I sealed it and labelled it "mouth".

Then, I did the nose. Used a cotton-bud to get some moisture from my nose. As you know, the nasal passage is lined with a mucous membrane, and the inside of the nose is practically crawling with germs, so I just swiped the used cotton-bud onto the agar jelly of the second container. This time, I labelled it "nose", and sealed it.

I got a bit worried at first because the tongue obviously had a lot of substance for germ-growth. The nose, however, was just colourless moisture, so I wasn't sure it would grow.
5 days later, here they are! The tongue container has 4 different types of bacteria in it, and they range in colours yellow, light brown, brown and black. Fascinating to see what grows on your tongue.
The nose container wasn't as successful. It had growth, all right, but the agar jelly collasped and turned into a half-liquid state, but there are 2 different types of germs living in it. One is simply a black patch slowly expanding, the other is a white-yellow misty layer near the top of the agar jelly.

It's so cool! Today, I cooked up some more agar jelly in 2 more containers, and I plan to take bacteria from the disgusting kitchen cloth (used for everything) and barely washed. Occasionally, my parents give it a quick rinse (water only) under the tap, but there are all the visible food bits and unknown substances stuck in the cloth fibres, and the moisture just encourages bacterial growth. I've seen flies land on that thing! I never, ever touch it.

I'm not sure what I should put in the other container of agar jelly. Bacteria from my Dad's 10-20 years old dentures (still in use, never brushed or soaked in denture solution), or the toilet bowl water? I don't know which is more disgusting, but I'm afraid that the germs from my Dad's dentures might turn out to be the same type that were lurking on my tongue. I'm sure there are more dangerous types lurking in-between his dentures, though, but I wanna know whats lurking in the toilet!
Did you know that every time you flush the toilet, you get coated in germs and other particles from the toilet bowl? That's why I always run out the moment I flush it. Can you imagine people who don't scrub their hands with soap after using the loo? Or worse, holding your boyfriend's hand after he used the toilet and didn't wash with soap!

Gasp!

Tuesday, May 19th 2009

Called the ASD today, and they said that all their dogs aren't HDB-approved, so I guess we'll have to continue our search for the perfect dog, then.

Just finished watching "Big Fish" online, it was lovely. It's one of those movies where it's impossible not to cry while watching, like "Click", and so cried like hell. Was sobbing in front of the computer, hoping my parents wouldn't see me.

Did my Math as usual, and then played 2 rounds of "Lego". I built a prison this time, but the only two Lego people I have are men, and strangely, one bigger than the other. So I have a big man and little man. The little man has a mustache and fix-on hair.
I wish I had a medieval-Lego set. I've always been interested in the middle ages, the life and epidemics and stuff. People were punished for the smallest things, like stealing a goat or something.

Today, I did research on medieval punishments and the implements of torture. They were really harsh, people were burned alive for being suspected of committing a crime, and they thought that if your body, tied up, floated in water, you were guilty of a crime. If you were to sink, you weren't guilty, but then where's the logic? If nobody saved you, you'd die anyway.
We've come a long way in corporal punishment. Our worst punishments now are death sentences, quick and painless. I don't know whether to be thankful or embarrassed?

Monday, May 18th 2009

"Angels and Demons" wasn't entirely terrible, there was a lot of suspense and scary-sounding choir music, and the acting was quite bad. The only thing I really liked about it was the twist near the end when they found out that the priest branded himself. The acting was good when he "branded" himself, I could feel the pain. I think Ewan McGregor's acting was much better in "The Island" and "Moulin Rouge".

Sis and I are finally taking the steps to adopt a dog. We took about 1/2 a year to make the decision. Mom's currently grumpy, so she just complained about how I don't have time, etc. Bullshit, Dad's forcing Math down my throat even though I'm ahead of my Math schedule and can't even watch TV without being spied on, and Bro is so selfish, he can't take 5 mins out of his free time to help me fix my Sims 2, so I'm reduced to playing "LEGO".
Thank God for "LEGO". All my frustration goes into that.

I feel like I'm suffocating. Dad's expecting a 17 year old kid to follow in his footsteps- sitting home all day doing nothing. Dad's not even happy when I want to go to another library besides the AMK library. I need companionship, man. I used to tell Rabbit everything, and he would snuggle up with me and listen. Now he's gone and I have to repeat a year and Dad's suffocating me and I have to vent on "LEGO", I really want someone to listen again. I'd gladly spend time with the dog, walk it, play with it, feed and clean up after it. It would be such a relief, you wouldn't believe how frustrating it is to be trapped at home and not be allowed to do anything. My parents aren't being at all supportive about my situation.
I can't stand it. Dad has never even studied as hard as I have, he said so himself. He went fishing instead.

Spent Sunday studying at Esplanade library with V. We were hardworking, I did more Math than I planned to, and V worked on her project on some kidney disease. Borrowed 2 DVDs and more music. This time, it's celtic harp music and spanish guitar music.
Mozart's violin sonatas are starting to sound the same as one another, so I think I'll give it a break for now. I want more symphonies, but it seems like I already have most of them (only the ones in the library). I'll take another look next week.

Friday, May 15th 2009 (post 2)

Finally got to finish watching "Edward Scissorhands", and it's lovely. It's so innocent, even the storyline was innocent. Nice to know that Edward fell in love and all that, but it's not your average teenage love story. More surreal.
I like his hair, it looks like mine.

Don't know why people are so upset about Malaysia's one case of swine flu. It's an epidemic that kills, but it's just helping our bodies to adjust for the future. Think of all the past epidemics we've had and how we've gotten past them.
Also, I don't really care about the swine flu. It's just not worth my time. Should I die of swine flu, so be it. It's a cruel world. People are too selfish and greedy now to deserve anything good.

Meeting V tomorrow for a movie, we're gonna watch "Angels and Demons", something I've been wanting to watch since "Constantine". Never knew the storyline of "Angels and Demons", so maybe it would be a good experience. It's said to be offensive to the Catholic church, but everybody seems to be unhappy about something all the time. I think they're just too picky and critical, and their lives are too boring so they have to stir up some fuss to fill in the blanks.

Library early on Sunday to study and look for music and videos. Sunday is a bonus, I'm "not supposed" to study on weekends, I deserve the break, but anything would be better than staying home with one insensitive parent and the other high-pitched. I can't take any more of Dad pretending to walk past me when he's actually glaring at me and my Math. Don't know what's his problem, but it would take too much effort to find out, so I'll just avoid it. My parents are some of the most stubborn people you'll ever meet.
Don't know why they can't just be grateful that their kid isn't just going to give up completely and not study. They don't realise that it's my decision, they can't force me to study even if they threatened to kill me. This is when being stubborn really comes in handy for me. When I want something very much, I'll definitely work for it. It would, however, be much easier without all this negativity around the house. A lovely, supportive pair of parents would be nice for a change.

1 day.

Friday, May 15th 2009

WELL, WELL, WELL. Guess what!

Someone just stole our bike! LOL. I told Mom and Dad not to put it outside in the first place, but they insisted, saying there was "no space" for it in the house since they wanted new shoe racks. Tuh! Anyway, I was cruel enough to say "I told you so!"
Our door camera got it all on tape, only the quality is horrible and it captured nothing but blurred images of two Indian men cutting open the lock and stealing the bike. My parents are watching it over and over like it's the most exciting movie ever. I guess it's true that in their lives, exciting things rarely happen, so it's natural for them to make a big deal out of it.
I don't feel bad about our bike. It was really heavy and it was "gold", which is a horrible colour to pick. What were they thinking?! I didn't like to bring it around since it was heavy, and was embarrassed to be seen with the hideous "gold" colour, so I never used it much, and everyone else was too busy to use it. It was a shared bike.
If the guys who stole it are gonna use it more often and put it indoors and all that, I think the bike will have a better life with them.

Mom was all paranoid saying things like "Wah! These men are so dangerous, armed with a big lock-cutter you know! These are the "kind" who break into houses one!" and wants to report it to the police.
First of all, the police have better things to do, like to watch TV. The last time we visited the police post to report some guy, the police at the desk were fiddling with something, obviously bored to death. They took our evidence and said they would "be in touch". Secondly, anybody can buy a lock-cutter from any tool-shop. It doesn't even have to be a proper lock-cutter, even a pair of gardening shears would do.
As for the "kind", I think she just doesn't like people with coloured skin.

Wednesday, May 13th 2009

Stupid Youtube. I need help on my Vaccai Lesson IV and wanted to hear it on Youtube, but they had everything but Lesson IV! Am having problems with bars 4-6. Have played it countless times on the piano but still not sure if I can do it. Every time I try it without the piano, the tune goes all funny. I can't wait to graduate to the next lesson.

I read that about 3000 people die from malaria in Africa every day, and approximately, every 30 seconds, someone gets bitten by an infected mosquito. So, in a week, 21ooo people die of malaria in Africa alone.
Woooah! Here we are making a big fuss over Mas Selamat being captured, or some woman who died overseas.
Says a lot about our society, doesn't it?

Poor Africa. Due to the cripplingly large population that does not have enough food to eat or clean water to use, Africa is a target for all sorts of infectious and excruciating diseases like Ebola.
Ebola is actually quite fascinating, but the people infected really suffer. Basically, you start bleeding externally from many parts of your body, your blood vessels get cut so you get red-purple spots all over under your skin. You also get organ damage and they eventually turn into mush. There's diarrhea, vomiting of blood and nausea.

Singapore is wayyy too sheltered.

Tuesday, May 12th 2009

Could you die?!

I've been listening to my new Philippe Jaroussky CD on repeat, and haven't stopped except for the occasional breaks I take from my Math. Haven't gotten bored of it yet, nowhere near. It's like liquid chocolate, thick and heavenly, and even though you know you'll get sick from too much chocolate, you want to drown in it.

My favourite is still "A Chloris". Once I find a way to put the song on my blog, I'll put it up. I really want to know how he hits high notes so accurately and cleanly after a really big jump. Then again, he's been taking voice lessons since he was 18, and he's 30-31 now, so I have many years to perfect my singing and foreign languages!

Monday, May 11th 2009

The French are so passionate, I'm drowning in their love songs.
You wouldn't believe how excited I was to collect my CD today, I was hyperventilating. The nice man at the counter recognised me and complimented me on my hair.

After that, I went to Esplanade to do Math and borrow stuff. Borrowed Mozart and Latin American guitar music, as well as the videos of the "Little Rascals" and "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat". It truly was a rewarding day, another rewarding experience. I worked so hard for that CD, and I've truly earned it. Feels really good.
I've only had time to listen up to track 20 on "Opium", but it's lovely music. The name befits the music, it's very dreamy and light-headed, and the love songs are beautiful. I like the lyrics in "A Chloris" the most.

"S'il est vrai, Chloris, que tu m'aimes,
Mais j'entends, que tu m'aimes bien,
Je ne crois point que les rois memes
Aient un bonheur pareil au mien.
Que la mort serait importune
A venir changer ma fortune
Pour la felicite de cieux!
Tout ce qu'on dit de l'ambroisie
Ne touche point ma fantaisie
Au prix des graces de tes yeux."

"If it is true, Chloris, that you love me
(And I understand that you really do love me),
I do not believe that even kings
Could know such happiness as I do.
What a nuisance it would be
If death intervened to exchange my good fortune
With the joys of heaven!
All that they say about ambrosia
Does not fire my imagination
So much as the favour of your eyes."

Sunday, May 10th 2009

Going to HMV to collect my CD tomorrow, I can't wait! I'll probably lose sleep tonight, but it doesn't matter. After that, I shall go over to library @ Esplanade to do Math and borrow videos and music. It'll be nice to get away from the house and its confinement.

T'was a very "Disney" day, watched two DVDs by Disney today. I was brought back to my childhood when I watched "My Boyfriend's Back" again. I first watched it when I was 4, but I didn't know the title, so I spent 11-12 years looking for the movie. Someone on Yahoo! Answers finally told me, and my sis ordered it from Amazon.com for my birthday. I remember singing the song "Hanging on for dear life" in the shower when I was 4. Lovely show, really. I love the song, too. It gives me strength.

The next one I saw was "Beauty and the Beast". Classic, but I never got to watch the movie until 2 years ago or so. Deprived childhood, I know, but it's okay, I think I turned out all right. T'was a long and very bumpy road, and once I pass Math and get into the course I want, I can finally say "I've made it".

Mother's Day today, so family and I went out to dinner at Westlake. Food wasn't fantastic, wonder why people like it? Spent half the day painting a shirt. This time, I painted the words "Never Say Die" on the front, and the picture of a battery on the back.
It would be a nice reminder myself that I shouldn't give up every time I look in the mirror (many times in a day!). It's pretty tough not to give up after 5 hours of Math a day, I tell you, so I think the shirt would help me get through Hell another time.
I'm halfway through already.
I've convinced myself that a kid who studied in the Normal (Acad) stream in secondary school and failed Math at 'O' levels (since Pri 2!) can get into one of the top courses in Polytechnics, and I'm doing my part in studying hard and keeping to my planned schedule.
Every time I work so hard and start to think that it won't pay off, something good miraculously happens to me, and it keeps me going. The last few times have been the arrival of CDs that I wanted, who knows what it may be next?

6 days.

Saturday, May 9th 2009 (post 2)

WOO HOO!

The nice man at HMV just called my house to tell me that my order is in! More than 2 weeks ago, I went to HMV to ask about PJ's new CD, "Opium". The French one. It wasn't in yet, but the nice man helped me place an order, and I thanked him again over the phone. Shall go to collect it over the next few days, I'm so excited! I must've done something right again, or maybe it's just the studying hard.
The last time my order came in was when I managed to resist hitting my idiotic supervisor.

It hasn't been a bad day, went out with V to Esplanade to study today. We knew the libraries were gonna be closed, but we didn't wanna stay home, so we decided to sit somewhere at Esplanade to study. I did Math, as usual. This week has been Hell, because I had to finish the chapter on Arithmetic, and I did! I'm proud of myself, and Math doesn't seem so tough anymore. It's do-able now, but I slogged away at Math for an average of 5 hours per day this week. Maybe that's why I got the CD! :D

Good, good Xiulin!

Saturday, May 9th 2009

"It Happened One Night" is one of my fav romantic comedies. I love the part when everybody starts dancing around in the bus, singing "The Man on the Flying Trapeze". I picked the picture above because it's hilarious, from a scene when they were trying to hitch-hike.

I realised that my idols have gone from young and vibrant to old and dead! I guess the people I idolise are still lovely in their own ways and qualities, but I feel that the dead ones are the greatest.
There was Clay Aiken, then came Audrey Hepburn and Elvis Presley, then Bob Marley, Clark Gable and Bruce Lee. The last 5 people are dead, but they were some of the greatest people ever. Oh, yes, and not to forget Franco, who is probably still alive!

Friday, May 8th 2009

Woah, I'm SO frustrated right now!

I just spent the last hour trying to get the song on my blog to auto-play. I pain-stakingly copied and pasted the auto-play code in the embed code many times. Alas, it didn't pay off. It won't budge, so I guess you guys will have to click on the "play" button till I find a way to make it auto-play. PLAY IT!
Uploaded another song. This one's by Bob Marley, "Redemption Song".

Finally talked to Sabby again, we didn't get to say goodbye. She's happy and doing well in China now, and still in a choir. I really miss her bimbotic-ness and the whole "Sabulous" concept, whenever the seniors gathered to sing, we always felt there was something missing. Sabby has a certain confidence and spirit about her that people like, and I hope to see her in Italy again!

Been opening up to people recently and finally talking to them. I kept my mouth tightly shut since 31st Jan 09 when the posting results came out, but I feel better about myself now. Never had guilty feelings about my results, so it's not bad, my conscience doesn't eat away at me because I got average results and failed Math.
I'm glad to know that a lot of people are headed for bright futures, though I never thought they'd end up where they are now. Some are doing business, music, art, sciences, and some are like me, just trying again, harder. It's great to hear that nobody is just going to give up and live their lives stuck in a dead-end job (never in Hell!). Our parents may not be very tactful, but being stubborn can be good sometimes.

I realised that a lot of people thought I was gonna end up in NAFA or Laselle doing music.
Mark my words- I'm going to end up where you least expect it!

Wednesday, May 6th 2009

Joe Dirt.

Well, I went through 5 and a half hours of Math today. I had a splitting headache by the time I was through, and I was stoning involuntarily. The numbers almost blinded me.
My dad told me he saw my Math, and exclaimed about how easy it seemed, and then he scolded me because the textbook Math seemed easy to him. What the hell? This came from the guy who asked me how to spell "choice". I told him I don't know why it seems so easy.

Finished my drawing of the rabbit's skull after another several hours of toiling away, did the shading and all that. It looks nicer than the source! At least the hard work paid off. I hope the hard work for Math pays off.
It had better pay off.

Meanwhile, I've been watching episodes of "Merlin" on Hallmark, and though the music is cheesy, the show itself is pretty good. It has an attractive cast, and dare I say, lead actor. I like how Colin Morgan looks like a little boy in the role of Merlin. He's barely 23! I think he's cute, in a skinny puppy kind of way. Nice eyes.
"Merlin" is my weekly motivation to study. It's the reward I give myself when I finish my Math on time (2 exercises per day). An exercise sounds easy to do, wait till you try to dissect the bloody textbook. EVERY question has to be done, every answer has to be correct, and I have to do it again and again till I arrive at the correct answer. I bet the person who came up with Mathematics must've been cursed countless times.
The nice thing is that nobody is forcing me to do this. It's the revelation of something new: self-discipline! I guess I learned/gained a lot of that in choir under Mrs Low, and whaddayouknow, I'm applying it! My home-study schedule is a lot like going to school, only that it starts later. I reward myself with watching "The Nanny" or "Friends" or "The Simpsons", and the occasional "Merlin" on TV.

Of course, the biggest things that are driving me are the aim of getting into Med School, and Joe Dirt's optimism.
"Things are gonna happen for me, all's I gotta do is keep being a good person, no matter what, good things will come my way."

Tuesday, May 5th 2009

Spent more than 5 hours doing Math today. The first 4 hours were straight, then I took a break because my brain froze, then did the rest between shower and dinner so my hair would have sufficient time to dry off. I usually give it about 3 hours cos they're dreaded.
Stupid textbook exercises on Arithmetic, took me more than 5 hours to complete 2 exercises! I almost died!

Just finished sketching the outline of a rabbit skull, will put in details tomorrow. It was a little bit frustrating when I couldn't get the length of teeth right, but my frustration perfected it.
I've noticed that I suck at drawing anything besides inner anatomy. I can draw a heart, a foot, a hand, a muscle, a jaw. Even my brain drawing looked like a brain though it was missing a big chunk! I can draw anatomy as long as it's in the body, beneath the skin.
My architecture drawings aren't too bad, they look presentable though they're often miscalculated. I usually can't draw people, faces or animals, though I pulled off drawing a zebra with soft pastels.
Miscalculated, but pulled it off.
Ms Ho used to say I "like to make my life difficult", because somehow my Art brainstorming would lead to drawing ridiculously difficult things with a lot of detail. I can't help it if anatomy was created complicated!! I don't think she was joking when she said I "like to make my life difficult", but she helped me with my drawing details anyway.

Watched "Hannibal Rising" on DVD this morning, paid special attention to the art Hannibal pins on his bedroom walls. Damn, I wish I could draw like that! However, searched online on google and flickr for photos of human dissection, but didn't find any good enough to draw. Hannibal's were very, very detailed drawings, and the artist who sponsored the drawings for the movie either had a specimen in front of him, or has a very vivid imagination.
I love the one he did on the dissected human cheek.

Monday, May 4th 2009

I can't believe I actually looked forward to researching on Sigmund Freud! Does that name sound familiar to you?

He was an Austrian genius who majored in 5 medical fields, Philosophy and Literature, but most known for psychoanalysis. Researching on him was so boring, because all they talked about were his theories, and then they put a picture of him posing with a cigar.
He's one smart guy, but too boring.
Now that I've read up on him, I know that there's really such a thing as studying too much.

By the way, I actually forced myself to finish the extra Math before I did research on him. I can't believe it! Oh, well, all in good time, I guess. My reward today is that Dad bought some Bostik white-tack so I could finally attach my Elvis poster to the ceiling of my bed.
Always nice to be reminded that the world's biggest superstars came from humble beginnings.

Did research on quotes this morning, those by Elvis P and Bob M. Elvis didn't really say much, I prefer reading books about his life. Bob, however, said a lot. I'll type out a few I found quite nice.

"Money can't buy life"

"When one door is closed, don't you know, another is open"

"Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds"

Hey, it doesn't take a genius to understand life.

Sunday, May 3rd 2009

Today is "tribute to Bob Marley" day! I just feel like doing a post about him, came across his lovely grin on google.com last night. He had very chiselled, good looks.

One day, I'm going to have hair like that, but it's going to take a while. When it gets longer, I shall have it tightened, then I shall make it flop forward like his!

Dreadlocks are the most difficult hairstyle to upkeep, I tell you. From experience, dreads are super high-maintenance. Before I got them re-done at Khao San, I had dreads for 2-3 months until I took them out 2 weeks before I went to Thailand.
V helped me start them with back-combing, twisting, palm-rolling and lotsa dread wax. The wax made a lot of lint stick to my dreads. If you've ever had dreads, you would know what I mean when I say it's almost impossible to pick foreign particles out of your dreads. Think about trying to retract a tiny piece of cloth lint out of a big, tightly tangled bunch of woolly string.

Getting them out was even worse. You know how human beings shed a lot of hair every day? Plus, the fact that I put wax into my hair and it got "absorbed" into the dreads? You get the picture.

Well, they're re-done nicely now, and I haven't put any wax or products in it yet, and I don't plan to. Dreads feel more lint-free without wax to stick to, can't wait for them to lock up again.
I wonder how Bob Marley managed his? He's blessed with strong Jamaican hair.

Saturday, May 2nd 2009

Itching to blog.

Went for dinner with parents and brother just now, had fish steam boat at AMK ave 3. On the way there, we passed a lone man. It was getting dark, and the man settled down on the pavement at the carpark, and sat down on the concrete to have dinner. I thought about how my family and I were on our way to a meal that wasn't that cheap.

I spent today out with Vanessa. Took a shower in the morning, washed my hair, did some Math and then got ready to meet V. It was funny, she got on the wrong 851, so we were in different buses, one in front of the other. We went to Bras Basah (sp?) to look for used textbooks for V, but couldn't find any. I ended up buying a "used" SS TYS for $1.80, unused. The previous owner must've either disliked SS to the core, or was a super-neat freak who didn't write anything on his/her books.
After, we wanted to go to the National Library, but the entrance was guarded by people who said we had to go through the inspection (because of swine flu outbreak), so we didn't bother. It looked like a long queue, so V and I sat on the steps and went through some Math questions I didn't understand.
Just realised that the way a kid who got A2 for Math does workings very differently from a kid who got E8, but I'll try to learn her way. As long as it's not totally complicated, I'm willing. Math doesn't seem as bad as it did when I first started revision at the beginning of Feb.

Once we finished the Math, we went to Bugis Street go pick up a couple of shirts for V, and I bought one for myself, too. It has a cute little sun on the front pocket, it's hilarious with my wild hair.
We decided last minute that we were going to watch a movie, so we picked "X-men", the one with Wolverine.
Mmmmm.
It was bloody cold in the cinema, even the chairs were freezing, but luckily we had our new shirts to cover ourselves with, so we survived. Movie wasn't too bad, there was a lot of skin and chest-baring. Isn't that great?

Everything that happened got me thinking at dinner. Would I be able to give up my mobile phone? It's a choice, nobody can make me give it up, it's the letting go I've always had a problem with. A mobile phone makes it more convenient for contact, but do I really want to stay in contact with other people?
Everytime I call/get a call from my parents, there's never a greeting from them, it's always more of a stern order without any manners.

Being uncontactable kind-of appeals to me, somehow. I don't ever need to hear from people, it's just want sometimes, but I can live without that want. I miss the old days when people had to write to one another and wait patiently for a reply.
Think "Love in the Time of Cholera".
Everytime I accidentally miss my parents' incessant phone calls, they threaten to take away my mobile phone, saying things like "If you don't pick up your calls, what's the use of having a hand-phone?"
However, they say that and threaten me knowing that I wouldn't give it up. What would happen if I willingly agreed to? Would they regret they ever threatened to take it away, knowing that it would be difficult to contact me?
I'll find out the next time they threaten to take it away.

I suddenly yearn for a lost identity. There's nothing much to keep me from losing this one. Sure, I've achieved some things in life, but there's also too much pain, different from the kind endured and felt by people who are starving or injured.
Strange thing, pain is. No matter how much food I eat or how much I injure myself, this pain can't be eased. Just so you know, I don't stuff myself with food or cut myself, it won't do very much.

I think Elvis felt this way once, it was his fame that killed him. His fans showered him with love and attention that slowly drove him into depression. He stood at the window, watching, while his friends went swimming at night.

Thursday, April 30th 2009

I've just embedded another song on my blog, but somehow it only plays for 30-seconds, so I guess you'll just have to click on the link to listen to the whole thing. I just stumbled upon it as I was surfing imeem.com for Philippe Jaroussky. It sounds really delightful, like there's a celebration with people dancing around in medieval times, eating meat and drinking wine.
This is the kind of uplifting, positive-sounding music I need during these dark times.

Managed to study at home today, Dad went out to play Mahjong, so I had the house to myself the entire afternoon. The temptation to do nonsense was very great, but I forced myself to sit down to Math. The TV I got to watch after was well-deserved, I tell you. Those Math questions almost killed me!

Tomorrow's a public holiday, so everyone will be home, dammit. The libraries will be closed and I will die! There's nowhere I can study! Eateries are too noisy and distracting, home is.. the same as eateries.
It's strange to want to study. A year ago I hated Math like hell, now it isn't so bad, just a little frustrating when I can't get the right answer.
Chew told me that the kids in Biomed at SP all got 5-6 points at 'O' levels. How the heck am I supposed to get in, then?! My aim is only 10-11 points, from which I subtract the CCA bonus points (which, I hope, will still be valid next year when I apply). I'm working so hard for Biomed, I had better get in next year and go do all sorts on a well-deserved trip to Venice!

I will earn my trip to Venice.
In case you're wondering, "earn" doesn't only apply to money.

Wednesday, April 29th 2009

Hey guys!
Gonna do a quick blog entry before "The Simpsons" starts on Star World. Haven't touched the TV or computer in days, or even a week! Just got back from Bangkok, Thailand close to midnight yesterday. It was risky to go there so soon after the protests, but what the heck, if it's time to die, it's time to die.
I'm back, alive and well, so I guess it's not time to die yet!

Finally got my dreadlocks back again! I had them for a couple of months, then took them out on 7th April so they could.. recover before I went to Thailand to re-do them properly. They looked and felt pretty soft on 7th April, but only when I tried to take them out, I realised that they're the toughest things on earth! It took me about 3-4 hours to get them out completely, and not without pain, either!
Got them done in Thailand at Khao San road by some guy who looks like the Thai version of Bob Marley. His dreads were beautiful, but they were probably extensions. Anyway, it took about 3 hours to complete my head of dreadlocks, they're tighter than when V and I did them the first time.
Glad to have them back, my head felt so empty without them! Feels so good to have messy, expressive hair again. When I took them out on April 7th, I realised how crappy and over-grown my hair was. Thank goodness for dreadlocks.
Individuality, baby!

Friday, April 17th 2009

Haaaaa..
Today, I just couldn't bring myself to do any Math. Been committing 3 straight hours a day for the past week, I think I've run out of steam and need to take a break. Almost went blind when I spent 3 hours drawing graphs yesterday! Stupid Distance-Time graphs.

Been painting a lot, too. Finished an acrylic-on-canvas piece in a day last week. I must admit, though, it was a pretty small canvas. I painted a lonely mime sitting on the antenna on the roof of someone's house, and I named him Monty. The painting I'm working on NOW, however, is about half my height, pretty big, though the size seems standard to avid painters. Just started working/experimenting with oils, and I think I'm doing quite well, since I've never used oils in painting before, and no-one taught me how. I'm convinced that if I can master oils, I can conquer anything!
It is both physically, mentally and psychologically demanding of the painter. Rendering the shades is difficult. What colour paints to use to blend into that exact tone, texture. Choosing which brush to use for each part of the painting, stupid shades just don't look realistic enough to suck you into that place and time of the scene.
By the way, the photo I'm painting is of a little cosy alley in Venice. The roads are canals, and there are the alleys! Ok, better just describe it as a cosy tuck-away corner.

Painting with oils is physically demanding, as you can stand over a tiny part of your painting for hours on end, just desperately trying to achieve the right shade, painting it over and over again, or fixing smudges or uneven lines. My neck has been pretty stiff recently.
I won't explain the psychological part. If you try painting, you'll find out.

I used to yearn for the kind of life the "Little Rascals" had. I still do, but this trying to spend time on those lonely, uncomfortably warm afternoons is not what I had in mind. Everyone I know is starting school next week, and I'm going nowhere. It seems pessimistic of me to put it this way. I probably will get what I want since I'm putting in effort for it, but the fact still remains that I won't be starting school next week, or attending any school this year.
My brain won't be totally idle, I'd still be practising Math 4-5 days a week for hours each time, and I have my music exam to work towards, and I have my drawings and paintings to do, and of course the Geography and Social Studies.

It's not so bad, only my dad doesn't believe I'm studying hard, and mom doesn't think I'll be able to achieve anything in life just because I don't have a tutor. I just don't get it. You'd think that I feel bad enough already, without them pushing and yelling at me all the time.
Basically, what I've been trying to do nowadays is stay away from them and their conversations. I switch off when they start steering the conversation in the direction of my current academic situation and how I "will never make it without a tutor".
I don't have anything to feel guilty about, I tried so hard for the exams, but I failed. There you go, so try again, harder this time. Not "you won't pass without a tutor", don't drill that into your kid. If their kid were a spineless idiot, maybe their insults would have caused suicide by now. Sometimes being stubborn can be a mighty good thing.

I think I'll stick to Joe Dirt's optimism on this one.

Monday, April 13th 2009

I think my father is trying to work me to death. He said not only should I be studying in the afternoon, I have to study in the morning, too, and I cannot use the computer or TV.
This is ridiculous! Were I not defiant, I would've turned into a spineless idiot by now, listening to him all these years. He hated it when I kept my hair long, he hated it when I cut my hair short, he hated it when I got dreadlocks, he hated my primary school CCA, gymnastics, and made me quit in primary 2, he hated my secondary school CCA, choir, and tried to force me to quit in Sec 2. He used to call me an idiot when I didn't do well in Sec 2 until I yelled at him. He used to slap me when he lost his patience teaching me Math.
He's just this VERY unhappy person. If I didn't have my music, I would have died.
A little defiance never hurt anybody. It took me years and years to realise that I shouldn't listen to him, but it took me years to build up courage and determination, too. People can tell me what to do, but it's my choice to obey or not.

Am anticipating Philippe Jaroussky's "Opium". Since I'm rarely allowed out of the house now, I try to have my voice lessons in the morning, and then spend about 5 hours walking from place to place. It's amazing what you see in Singapore when you walk rather than take public/own transport.

So far, I've been on 2 major walking trips. The first was around Paya Lebar. Since I didn't have a map, I tried to use my human instincts to find Parkway Parade. Ha, ha, my human instincts brought me there after 3 hours of walking!
The second one was when I took the MRT to Buona Vista (Holland Village) from my voice lesson. Did I mention that Holland Village is such a charming place?! It started to pour heavily at Holland Village after 2 hours of walking, so I sought shelter in the supermarket and waited till the rain got lighter. I also ate laksa for lunch while waiting. Luckily, I was carrying an umbrella, so I headed out into the now lighter rain and walked aimlessly, hoping to find the MRT track. Once I found it, I tried to remember the direction I came from, and followed the MRT line to Queenstown station. From Buona Vista, on foot, it looked like a damn long way to go, and some paths were flooded, so my shoes got soaked through.
When I finally found Queenstown station, I looked at the bus-stop guides to see if any of the buses go to Queensway shopping centre, and where they stopped before that. I followed the route by spotting the factories, etc, and finally saw IKEA, the blue and yellow building. Since Queensway shopping centre was after IKEA, I knew I was almost there!
Then, of course, after shopping, I walked back to Queenstown MRT station and took the MRT home.

Tomorrow's my voice lesson, and I shall go to HMV to check out "Opium". I do feel depressed that everyone else is starting school orientation, but hey, with every setback, you learn something new about yourself, so heck.
I'm starting to like Math, but I really dread my parents hiring a tutor. ALL the past tutors I had were terrible. Most were doing it for the money, others just had no patience to deal with me. My grades never jumped with tutors, not even a bit.
It comes as no surprise that I can't stand tutors.

Thursday, April 2nd 2009

I'm about to upload two of my current favourites from the CD "Mazarin". The music dates back to the 17th century, but I'm not quite sure what language it is. They're sung in Italian, but the titles are in Dutch, I think. Language not stated.

One is instrumental, and I love the building up of instruments at the beginning. They have different entries, one by one. It makes me think of skipping in fields covered with flowers.

The other piece is sung by Philippe Jaroussky (of course!), and it's about praising the Lord's name, that's why it sounds so happy. Very lovely, cheerful piece. I listen to it first thing in the morning while I'm still cosy under covers. Be sure to listen to them loud, because some parts are quite soft, especially the beginning of "For Bra for Att Vara Sant".

Can't wait for Jaroussky's next album, entitled "Opium". He's switched from Italian to French. After all, he is French, but I prefer him singing Italian, not quite sure why. Don't know if HMV has brought it in yet, will go down next week to check it out. Meanwhile, happy listening!

Friday, March 27th 2009

"Moulin Rouge" is still one of the greatest films of all time. He's right, you know, when he says "the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return".
Maybe I'll write my own story someday.

Meanwhile, I've been having great adventures. After my voice lesson that day, I set out for a 5-hour walk around the "rural" parts of Singapore, around Tanjong Katong, Marine Parade, Paya Lebar. I went to Gramercy music to pick up my ABRSM songbook first. Bloody hell, man, that thin book costs me $32+! Anyway, I'm glad I finally found it. It was sold out everywhere else.

After I bought my book, I walked around aimlessly, listening to all kinds of music on my player. I listened to Dutch singing, Italian singing, 17th century classical music, lute music, banjo music, and they all kept me going. 3 times, I gave up walking and wanted to take a bus to Parkway Parade, but just before the bus could arrive, I decided to walk again, so that was good. I realised I give up too easy, so I forced myself to keep going till I found Parkway Parade on my own, I trusted my instincts and kept walking. By the time I found it, I felt thinner, but happy.
It was good training for perseverance,discipline and determination that I so desperately need now that I'll be doing self-studying for my 3 subjects at 'O's. I shall go on more of these "aimless-walking" trips. I haven't been to Holland Village in a while, so maybe I'll go there next.

Recently, I've found myself feeling envious when I watch movies/shows of poor people and how they live. Take the "Little Rascals" for an example. They only have petty little problems to deal with every day, like how to get their dog back from the dog-catcher when they don't have any money. They live by coming up with creative stories to get food.
Other examples include "Mr. Bean" and "Joe Dirt".
I don't know why I should feel envious of them. After all, I live in a more-or-less comfortable flat, have more than enough food to eat, and have luxury items like the computer and a mobile phone and music player, not to mention that I have the money to pay for ridiculously-overpriced food in town when I'm out and hungry.
I wish I were poor. These people have much more excitement in their lives. Living in Singapore isn't as great as it seems. All the tourists that I speak to every day at my job in town tell me that it's a great place, a great country. Sunny and friendly, with all its luxuries, not many people begging on the streets, out in the cold.
When I look out my window, all I see is concrete. It seems frustrating to know that all the trees I see were deliberately planted, and everyone is packed into a multi-storey HDB flat made of concrete. It's caterpillar season, and I see masses of squashed caterpillars, lives brutally shortened by thousands of stomping feet.

There's no inspiration anywhere in this country. There are no lovely woods to walk through and see the sunlight shining through the canopy. There are no lovely streams to sit and write poetry by. There's no snow to throw and flop onto. All people talk about are money, sex and food. Conversations are filled with dirty jokes, numbers for 4-D and lottery, and the great chilli crabs and barbequed stingrays. It's so suffocating living in such a small, humid country with an ever-increasing population that's becoming more spoilt and stuck-up, obsessed with money and power. Once the casinos are up and operating, all Hell will break loose.

The auntie at work asks me why I don't want to stay in this country, but she speaks Mandarin, so I didn't bother trying to explain. Even in English, people don't understand it.

There's no doubt that I'll be out of here when the opportunity comes. I'm not looking for a famous and flashy lifestyle with all its comforts, I'm looking for a humble existence, close to nature and far away from all corruption. It seems easier to talk to animals than human beings nowadays.
I want to be a wanderer, unattached to anything. If I have a home I don't want it to be of concrete. Anything but concrete. Mud houses, leaf houses, dung houses, wood houses, don't you think they make life more interesting? You don't have to take the stairs or elevator down to the first floor.

Development is a curse, it's destroying the world, and not slowly either. It's crumbling before my very eyes, and people are losing compassion, love, faith. Maybe they'll become the kind of people who will fit a cold, developed and destroyed world.

To be honest, I think children are the ones who make the most sense anywhere. True, they may be naive, innocent and ignorant, but they're uncorrupted. They talk about beauty and life, and adults just laugh at them, telling them they talk nonsense. Well, no wonder! The adult's world is nothing but trash. The magazines with most copies sold are the gossip ones.
Elvis didn't start taking drugs for no reason, neither did Heath Ledger.
The adult's world is nothing but crap, and I hope I won't be a part of it for as long as I live. If I will be forced to, then I hope I'll be dead before that.

Gotta live poor, baby! Then life's an adventure!

Monday, March 23rd 2009

I bought my first M18 film today! The guy at the counter said I could, even though I'm 4 months from being 18. I bought the film "Deliverance", and just finished watching it. It is far from being M18, I tell you. Even 8-year olds watch that kind of stuff, except for the man-rape part. They didn't even show the most crucial parts, they were blocked by a large tree branch!

I remember my first NC16 movie- "Hannibal Rising". I really wanted to watch it, and I wanted it more and more as I rode past the movie poster at the bus stop every day. Luckily, Eng Wah wasn't so strict about being 16 that very moment. To be honest, "Hannibal Rising" was more disturbing than "Deliverance". Mmm, Gaspard Ulliel is still one of the hottest actors around. And, he's French!

Anyway, I've uploaded a new video on my blog. Scroll right to the bottom to watch it, and I promise you, it won't be boring. The front part goes a little slowly, but with patience comes a great reward.
Doesn't it sound fun?!
That's why I want to play the banjo!

I'm making progress on my ukelele. New chords coming to my fingertips like magic, and the sound just travels to my ears and somehow registers in my brain as "beautiful". Still quite slow, but sounding better. Discovered a few things like which fingers are more comfortable on which strings and frets, which part of my thumb I feel comfortable strumming with, how to tune the ukelele by ear, how a perfect chord sounds on it.
I tried learning chords from the internet, but to no avail. I just don't get it. I play exactly as they display on the screen, but it sounds horrible. Playing it by ear seems a lot easier, just need more practice. Must get familiar and intimate with the instrument, that's how you become a good musician.

Sunday, March 22nd 2009

It's strange to read something you had written so many years ago.

Anyway, my order of "Mazarin" has finally arrived! Oh, the goodness of 17th century music! I'll upload a really nice piece on my blog soon. It just sounds so medieval, you know?
"Mazarin" was initially delayed because Amazon.com ran out of stock, but it arrived soon after I managed to restrain myself from hitting my supervisor. Ha, ha. I can't tell you how happy I felt that it was finally here! I was having withdrawel symptoms due to not having new Philippe Jaroussky music to listen to.

I've grown quite fond of lute and banjo music, too. Been borrowing some lute music from the library @ Esplanade, written by John Dowland and some other guy. Apparently, John Dowland was this brilliant lutenist of the 17th century, I think. I like some of his happier pieces, but the lute looks too difficult for me to play. Have you seen the number of strings on that thing?! I can't even play the guitar! Sure, plucking a few strings is no problem, but actually having to learn chords and stuff, no thanks. My fingers hurt like hell the last time I tried.
Banjo is even worse, because a lot of the music is very complicated, and played very fast. It has the basic melody line, and then it has a lot of other notes piled on top, but it sounds fun to play.
If I can find a banjo at a low price at Sungei Road sometime, maybe I'll get one. They're selling a banjo at Bugis for more than $300!

I have invested in a little off-white ukelele. It was supposed to be $30+, but I got a 20% discount, so I got it at $25. It's a cute little thing that's much smaller than a guitar, developed in Hawaii in the 19th century.
I was slowly plucking strings on my sister's guitar several weeks ago, and I realised that the sound has a calming effect on me. I usually have problems getting to sleep, so maybe if I got a smaller, less bulky version of a guitar, it could help me sleep, or give me something to do if I really can't get to sleep. Then, I remembered that I wanted to buy a ukelele in Hawaii in 2005, but didn't because it would have been a hassle bringing it back, so I decided a week ago that I would get one. It's about the same price when converted, so I'm not upset about the $25.

Learning a string instrument at my own pace would help me in my hearing and tuning for singing, and it's also calming and fun when my fingers don't have those painful string grooves in them. So now, I have my very own ukelele!

Wednesday, March 11th 2009

Hey guys!

Am feeling much better today, been sleeping a lot. Yesterday, after I came home from the polyclinic, I took a shower, took my medicine and applied the lotion to my rash, and then went to bed from 10am to 5pm. Got up, watched some TV, washed my dreadlocks, had dinner, showered and washed up, took medicine, applied lotion, read, and then went to bed around 10.30pm, slept till 11.30am this morning.
I feel better, but I don't look much better. I have very, very bad eyebags due to not being able to sleep that night, and then sleeping too much after. There are still red patches all over, but it feels so much better now.

I've uploaded a rather nice banjo song. If you take the time to listen to it, you'll hear more than one instrument. I hear the fiddle and banjo, but I'm not sure if there's a guitar in there. Can't tell in the mixture. I think there is, but it's like trying to find a small piece of pasta in a big vat of pasta sauce.
I like the sound of a banjo, it give this "carefree" feeling. Makes you feel like square-dancing and talking to cows in a barn on the mountains.

I did some Math today, and I've been doing a little research on inbreeding in humans. I wonder why it produces mentally and physically-handicapped offspring? Something to do with homozygous genes, I think.
The topic of inbreeding is quite interesting, and also viewed by society as taboo. It's mostly isolated, though. Some in the mountains, some in tribes, some in royalty, and some in families trapped in basements for years. Inbreeding causes biological mutations that result in deformity (mental or physical) in inbred offspring.

Tuesday, March 10th 2009

It's 6.05am, and I've finally found the score to Schubert's "Seligkeit". I combed Esplanade library thrice, Music Essentials and Yamaha, but couldn't find the score book. I found it online instead.

I came down with a rash last night. It covered only a few patches of my body at first, but after an hour or so it had spread like wildfire. It covered my entire torso, neck and patches of my arms and legs. It itched like hell, ok. I was twitching in my bed!
So after about 6 unsuccessful hours of trying to fall asleep despite the itching, I got up and came online to look for "Seligkeit" and stuff. Going to polyclinic at 8am, but that means I have 2 more hours to kill.
Actually, if it weren't so itchy/painful, the rash would seem pretty cool. The rash doesn't just turn the skin red, it swells up in raised, flat patches. Small ones look like mosquito bites. I wonder what I could've eaten that cause this allergic reaction? The only other time I had an allergic reaction rash was when I ate "King Top Shells", that lousy shellfish.

Gahh. I hope the doctor can prescribe instant rash-relief cream and very strong sleeping pills. I hope it's all better by tomorrow. I promised Rai I'd be at work with her so we can brave Hell together.

I hate work, too. Can't wait to get outta there. It's not the job, it's the restrictions. Nobody else wants to do the counter because you can't do so many things at the counter. You can't check your mobile phone, you can't read or write or draw, and you're expected to stone while waiting for (very far-between) customers to approach the counter.
Ridiculous.

I'm beginning to like hillbilly music, especially the banjo ones.
I can't go for voice lesson today because of my rash. Can't sing properly with all this itching, and anyway having red patches on you is not a pretty sight, and I take public transport there.
I guess it's better to stay home today after visiting the polyclinic, less germs and dust to aggravate the rashes. I just hope my voice teacher brings forward the money to next month's fees. These lessons aren't cheap, and they're coming out from my own pocket.

Sunday, March 8th 2009

I haven't had coffee in more than 5 years. This morning, when the smell from my mother's mug hit my nose, it was horribly metallic.

Believe it or not, I used to drink coffee every single morning when I was a kid, since I was about 4. My mother made me drink a mug, especially when I started going to school. It was supposedly to make sure I stayed awake and alert during school hours.
Tuh.
All it did was stain my teeth.
After I got old enough to know that coffee is bad, especially for very young kids, I stopped drinking coffee altogether. I was about 12 then, and even though the coffee streak lasted so many years, I had no withdrawal effects.

Anyway, recently I've been into good ol' things like old movies and Archie comics and old fashion.
I started off with "Breakfast At Tiffany's" and "Sabrina" (Audrey Hepburn) made in the 1970s, then "Singin' in the Rain" and Elvis movies made in 1950s. I finally got hold of some "Little Rascals" episodes and watched those, as well as some Clark Gable movies like "It Happened One Night". Those were filmed in the 1930s-1940s.
I grew up watching the "Little Rascals", so I guess it's no surprise I like old movies. They're actually much better than the movies we have nowadays, but with lousy endings.
I don't like the original version of "Dracula",though. It's so boring.

Oh, yes. I've been reading a lot of Archie comics and realised what I missed out on when I was younger! The kids my age were reading Archie comics when they were in late Primary school, and I was reading stupid books like "Goosebumps". I guess it didn't matter, my English turned out okay, though I never bothered to read the newspaper unless we were forced to.
My fav character is Jughead. I think he's cool in a greedy-but-incredibly-fit way.

Been writing some random thoughts at work, but I don't feel like posting them now. Perhaps next time. I gotta go buy ingredients from NTUC, I'm baking cookies and Cornish Pasties today!

Sunday, February 22 2009

Gee, it's been an awfully long time since I last posted something on my blog. I think it's time to come out of hiding and tell you guys a secret that you've been itching to know. I know from all the missed calls, smses, taggies, etc you've all been sending me.
Here it is:
I DIDN'T GET IN ANYWHERE.

Do you feel shocked? Surprised? Ecstatic?
Has the itch gone away now that you know my secret?

Actually, I've been hiding in shame for the past few weeks. My mom and dad have been very hard on me, they can't stop talking about begging for admission in a poly, ANY poly, and I really can't stand hearing any more. My heart sank the day I got the message saying that my JAE application was not successful, and I've been down in the dumps ever since.

January 2009 was hell. My supervisor is an asshole and is constantly mean to me, I didn't get admitted anywhere, and I lost Rabbit. My whole world collasped right then, but I lived on, just to see how things would work out.
I visited Rabbit's grave often to talk to him, I buried myself in more of Mozart's music day and night. I just didn't want to talk to anybody else, to tell them that I'm such an idiot, I couldn't get in anywhere.

However, something happened yesterday changed the way I feel about all this, especially my results. Just so you guys know, I'm working around Citylink mall, at a "certain bookstore" there, so I was taking a trip to the washroom there yesterday, and I saw Setia. I asked her how she was, and where she's going. She didn't even think to cover up or lie, she just came clean straightaway and said she didn't get in anywhere because she failed Math, and so she's applying for DAE and some other stuff.
It blew me away. How come she can say it so easily and honestly, even without hesitation, and I've been hiding from all prying eyes and ears for a month or so? Don't you guys go gossiping about her, because I admire her courage. If you were in the same situation as her, you wouldn't have been able to do the same thing she did: be honest.

So, yes, I can't get in anywhere because I failed Math. I got an E8, and I'm not ashamed to say that now because I tried very hard for 'O's, especially for Math. Maybe I didn't do it right, because I couldn't do the paper, but at least I can say I tried.
I think I typed that once before on this blog, not long ago. If you read my blog constantly, you'd know.

I was eligible for all the English-related courses like Child Phychology and early edu, mass comm, digital media etc, but there's competition for those courses, you know, and my grades aren't fantastic, so I didn't get in. It was tough getting through Hell, but I've made it out the exit. I've started practising Math and doing Art, and I'm going to start studying for Combined Humans next month. Art and CHu are to push my overall grade up.
I set out for a science course, and I'm gonna work to get it, even if it's gonna take me another year.

To those who made it into a poly or the courses they wanted, congratulations, and keep working hard, but don't you look down on those who couldn't.
To those who, like me, couldn't make it into a poly because of your grades, don't give up on life yet. Give it another shot. If you want it, work for it. If you give it everything you can, nobody can ask any more from you.

P.S.: Taking Grade 4 singing exam in July! :)
P.P.S.: I have dreadlocks now!

Thursday, 1st January 2009

"Looking at you"

These ants are so cute, they're lined up so neatly! You can almost hear them conversing.

Isn't he cute?

I've been browsing through a lot of wildlife photos on flickr.com and found some really beautiful photos. Who knew that spiders and caterpillars could be so beautiful? Super-cute, too. You can actually see their faces- their bright eyes, their lovely smiles.

Tuesday, December 30th 2008

Well, I've gotten myself back into Art-mode. Been drawing and colouring all day. Alas, I haven't even finished one drawing today, but that's all right, it's looking good. Maybe I'll post a picture of it when I'm done. I got the photo from the internet, it's been hell colouring. My hands hurt, my fingertips are peeling from the dish washing soap, air-conditioning, piano-playing and colouring.
Been practising piano a lot, and I'm proud to say I've progressed. I'm halfway through the 1st variation of that Mozart piece.

I feel a growing interest in classical music. It all started with opera, really. I casually mentioned castrati at the beginning of June, which led to my sister showing me a video of Philippe Jaroussky on Youtube. I fell in love with the song in the video and couldn't stop listening to it. It led to me buying the CD and listening to other songs by different composers like Handel and Gluck. Then, it branched out into listening to their music by other artists. I stumbled upon "Farinelli il Castrato" on Youtube and got hooked on the music as well, so borrowed the CD and got exposed to music by composers like Hasse and Riccardo Broschi.
I watched movies like "Amadeus" and "Danny the Dog" and it led to a lot of Mozart's music, which I quite like. I've been listening to a lot of his music on my player, but it doesn't have a lot of orchestral works, only piano sonatas and stuff. I prefer the orchestral works. Just put up another piece on my blog, which, if you turn up the volume on your computer, you'll be able to hear. Have patience to listen to the whole thing.
This piece is played at the beginning of the movie "Amadeus".

Monday, December 29th 2008

I think I'm suffering from withdrawal symptoms.

A few months after I came back from Italy, I was still dreaming about it nightly, that I was eating gelato in Venice, that I was still strolling through the streets of Riva del Garda.
I miss China so much, I've been dreaming of it since I returned 2 weeks ago. It seems like an awfully long time, though. I miss all the people I met there. Okok, two living things, one not even a human being, but still.

Anyway, over the last few days, I've discovered a couple of things about myself. Just last night, I sat at the photo drawers, flipping through the albums. It was like looking at a past I can't remember. I kept flipping through album after album, looking for a particular something, but I didn't and don't know what it was. It was a very sad, empty feeling.
I gazed at the sweet face of the happy child in those photos, and honestly, can't believe that it was me.
Also, I realised that there wasn't a single photo with me and both mommy and daddy in them. It was either mommy and I, or daddy and I, never together.

Wednesday, 24th December 2008

Been sleepless for the past few weeks since the 'O' levels, don't know why. The stress should have been long gone by now, but I still have trouble sleeping. I can't remember how to sleep.
Maybe I should get some sleeping pills from the pharmacy. D'you think they would sell me some, or is it a controlled drug?

The Venus Flytrap I bought the other day is still doing well. New traps are sprouting, it's really cute. And really good, because that means I'm taking good care of it. All it gets is light energy from the table lamp, and distilled water. I'm giving it at least 4 hours of light per day. Where are those bug-filled nights I hate so much? The traps are hungry.

Can't wait to attend my first Midnight Mass tonight. I shall go early, take my time walking there and listening to the choir singing carols. I hope they practised hard.

Just started learning a new piano piece, Mozart's Sonata no. 11 (KV 331). The first part is relatively simple, haven't started on the other parts yet. Looks scary. Gonna have to practise more to improve. At least now I can say I play classical pieces, not anime music. My "Lascia ch'io Pianga" is nowhere near polished.

Saturday, December 20th 2008

These photos and places aren't the reason I love China, but they are pretty photos. Notice how the autumn trees aren't fake and are planted in soil? You can't ever see them in Singapore, that's for sure.

Last night's concert wasn't fantastic, but it felt so good to be back with people I love again, I was willing to ignore the bad part. It was scary to hear how the discipline has dropped since we left, especially the PT part, but it was nice to hear about how they're growing up. After the concert, some choir girls and I went to Starbucks to grab a drink, and then go to that big area near Esplanade (where people go to break-dance, etc) to sing and reminisce about the old days. We're meeting up at school again soon, hopefully we can get past the security guards.

I think I'll spend Christmas alone this year. It seems nice enough to sit quietly and have a good meal, one that I'll cook for myself, and then stroll to the church near my house to attend my first Midnight Mass. I can observe everything silently and maybe learn a few things.
I used to dream about this, you know, just being able to go to Midnight Mass and witness the celebration. I was never allowed, of course. Firstly, it's at midnight- no way my parents would have allowed me out this late. Secondly, they all spit on religion anyway, so of course they were/are against it.

I was so clueless about Midnight Mass, Freda practically laughed at me.

This Christmas, however, will be different. My parents will be away in Korea, my siblings out, and I'll be home alone. Nobody appreciates peace and quiet as much as I.
Maybe except dear Rabbit.
So I'll spend Christmas with Rabbit this year, great! He won't laugh at me, he won't fling insults at me, he won't spit on any religion. He won't interrupt what I say, he'll gladly have dinner with me, and nothing I say to him is taken as a joke.

Anything can be done, if it's done with determination.

Wednesday, December 17th 2008

Just a few photos I wanted to share with you guys. These came from the movie "Unleashed/Danny the Dog". If you watch it, you might just become a Jet Li fan, if you aren't already. :)

I'm serious. Don't say I didn't warn you.
He's super huggable there.

Anyway, went for lunch with Dad today. He started talking about my future, and told me that it doesn't matter whether I go to a bad school or not, etc etc, and he just wants me to be happy with my future, what ever I want to do. He said if I can't make it into my choice of course, I will always have other options, and I shouldn't ever give up.
Of course I know that he's worried about my results, who wouldn't be? I'm worried too, even if it doesn't look like it.

All I can do now is wait for the results and hope for the best. There's a future for me somewhere, but it might not be in Biomedical Science. My results will tell me if I'm really cut out for something else.
I know I'll always have my singing, and if I had to choose, I wouldn't give up singing for anything.

Tuesday, December 16th 2008

Hey everybody!
Been watching more Jet Li movies. He's quite a cute little fellow, isn't he? I bought this movie just a couple of days ago, it's the best one I've seen yet.

I'm cooped up at home again, this time only because I'm ill. Am down with flu. I wonder why there's no shortage of mucus? Been blowing my nose every few minutes, yet minutes later, there's a nose full of mucus again. It's very, very annoying, but I try to be patient with my body. The poor thing is probably struggling to flush out the virus.

It's strange. All that time I spent in China, I never fell ill once, even when I was shivering at -13 degC. Only when I returned to this dreaded island of a country, I fell ill with flu. I'm starting to miss China badly, not because I wasn't ill there, but I miss the air, the language, the people and their attitude, the things they sell, the small, quiet ancient towns and the scenery.
It's just the things that can't be seen in this country.

Here, the windows are barred, the air is polluted, everywhere you look you see tall buildings and an endless stretch of cars. Our history is so shallow, so bleak. We are so young.

I'm starting to sink into depression upon the realisation that I have to stay on this small, polluted, modern, overcrowded island until I turn 21. Until then, I have no power to do anything, go anywhere outside of this country without my parents' consent. However, on the bright side, I've already started saving up. I'm hoping to go to Venice (alone or otherwise) in Dec 2009, but if I can't, at least I'll be well on the way to saving enough for when I'm 21.

Hey, a kid can only save so much in a year. I have reduced myself to spending only $10 a week from Jan-Nov next year. If I can earn $200 per week, $100 would go to my savings, the other $100 would go to voice lessons. My family refuses to pay for it. If I save $20 out of my $30 per week, I would have $880 by Nov 30th 2009. So, if my calculations are correct, I would be able to save up $5280 by Nov 30th next year. If I add money from any occasions (birthday/Christmas/Chinese New Year), I would end up with about $6000, just enough for flight, accomodation, food and other expenses if I scrimp.
If I decide to go to China again and leave Venice to when I'm 21, I would definitely have enough money. It doesn't cost as much to go to China. Actually, it costs much less.

I'm so glad we bought 3 types of Chinese tea back. Been drinking tea daily, already had 4 mugs today. It's actually quite soothing, and it's very good for the body. I hope to get into the tea-drinking routine.
Before I went to China, I was still at the Twinings tea-drinking stage. I was drinking the "chamomile, vanilla and honey" tea with an excessive dose of honey. It was comforting, but somehow too thick and flavourful for a drink before bedtime. In case you don't know, chamomile is supposed to help you relax and sleep well. Without the excessive dose of honey, however, the tea tastes horrible. Now that I have Chinese tea, tea-drinking has suddenly become much more interesting.

Sunday, December 14th 2008

Isn't Jet Li just adorable?

After several days of being home, I don't feel the need to express my anger at my sister's friend anymore. I just feel so relieved to be away from SC, and glad to be home. Am so very thankful I don't have to care about her anymore, and her incessant pelting me with insults. I don't feel angry with her anymore, or at least at the moment, but if I ever have to, all my anger has been recorded somewhere, so I'll just pull it out then.

I'm so thankful and grateful to be back here. I'm looking forward to celebrating Chew's birthday with her tomorrow, and I'm also looking forward to attending the Choir concert on the 19th with Samira and Freda. It feels so good to be back around people whom I'm familiar with, whom I feel safe around.
It also feels good to finally be taken seriously. Most of what I said on the Yunnan trip was taken to be nonsense, and more jokes and insults followed.

Actually, I'm thankful for SC and my sister's incessant pelting of insults. Each time they hurled one at me, it gave me a chance to think. It trained me to dig deeper into meanings of words they said, it taught me how to laugh them off, it taught me how to argue with or side myself. I've gone back into thinking-and-staring mode, which I lost about 2 years ago, and I'm happy to have it back.

Basically, this trip taught me to survive anything, physically, mentally, psychologically. It was like a boot camp, just with nicer living conditions, but with no shortage of teasing and insults and jokes made about you. Through all this, I still met nice people, learnt new things, and saw China like I had never seen before.
I never knew I could come to love a country that I hated so much.

However, there is something I feel the need to share with all you people who faithfully read my blog.
You do know I have a fascination with serial killers, right? There were people like Jeffrey Dahmer, Ed Gein, Albert Fish, and of course our fictitious Hannibal Lecter, but you'll never realise their true evil until you see them commit a crime. Reading about it isn't enough, not even watching a movie portray their crimes. Only when you see the satisfaction on their faces as they kill, will you know their true depth of evil.

I, myself, never really knew what evil was until that day I was forced to watch the slaughtering of pigs. We were at Tiger Leaping Gorge, staying at some guest-house and waiting for breakfast, when I heard a scream pierce through the morning air. You'll never know how painful it sounds unless you hear it, live, for yourselves.
"I have just witnessed the killing of a pig. Its screams were deafening, and I saw them carry the bucket to the table before slitting its throat. When they slit its throat, the screams stopped, leaving only a weak, high-pitched squeal, then there was silence."

That was taken from my notebook, which I carried around with me on the trip. The evil I saw was not in the faces of the men who killed the pig. No. It was in the face of SC who held the camera, recording the whole thing in a video.
None of the men looked very happy, their faces were portraits of pain itself. What struck me most hardly and disturbed me most was that on SC's face, emotion was there, painted in a smile.

Friday, December 12th 2008

Well, well, well. I'm back from Yunnan, and to be honest, China is actually a really cool place to be.

I think the van-driver (Wang Shi Fu) who took us to Tiger Leaping Gorge and then to Shangri La is so cute! He's real eye-candy, unlike those fake, plastic types. He's cute, but not perfect, his hands are rough from hard work and he has wrinkles on his face beside his eyes, but he's beautiful. The real type of man! Don't know how old he is, but probably 35-45 years old (with kids). People age fast physically there because of the very cold wind and the very strong sunlight. He has a "cute-tooth", which only makes him cuter, I find. He's tall, dark and handsome! Ha, ha, ha!
Very adorable.

I met someone new! He's 18 years old, very gorgeous, very sweet-natured. He's a straight-forward farmboy, honest, good-looking, good body. A loving and obedient boyfriend. Yes, he's my new boyfriend!
His name is Bei Bei and he's a mix breed between a horse and donkey, and he followed me around and nuzzled my tummy. He's very, very sweet. So handsome, I love him.

Doesn't the guy behind us look like he's checking out my butt?


So. The trip itself was all right. Lotsa problems with the people I went with, esp my sister's friend, who was unmercifully pelting me with insults all the way. What an asshole. Perhaps I'll type a little more about her in my next post or something, when I'm less tired.

Spent last night at Bangkok's airport, and while my sister slept, I put my jacket over her, went to the toilet and then went to a corner to sing arias. The place was so big, I could have hardly been heard. I didn't sleep at all, save for about a 20-min nap at Starbucks at 6am, so now I'm all light-headed and drifty. Don't really know what I'm doing, feels like I'm floating around. Need sleep.

Oh, yes, I almost forgot. I think Jet Li is cute. I'll post a pic of him in my next post. Gonna watch a DVD now, I think. A Jet Li movie :)

Tuesday, December 2nd 2008

Of course, Daphne. We have good taste in everything!
(P.S.: They're selling SpongeBob keychains just outside AMK Hub.)

Bird's Nest Soup is so sickly sweet. It's strangely slimy, too, which forced me to think of it's origins- a bird's saliva. I must say, however, that I tried very hard to ignore that fact and to swallow a mouthful, but my own vomit came up, so I ran from the bowl sitting on the table.

We let the leeches go today, several had died and I didn't want any more to be taken by death just because they were trapped in a plastic container (yes, we actually shifted them to a larger, cleaner container), so we let them go. I hope they're happy. There's food, fresh water, long grass... I won't tell you where we let them go, but I think they're happy there. Maybe I'll wait another few years before I try keeping them as pets again, I obviously have to do more research first.
Rest In Peace, leeches.

Leaving for Yunnan tomorrow, wish me luck. Weather forecasts have forecasted that it'll be quite cold there, so my backpack is filled to its brim with mostly warm clothing. I painted my gloves today, one stripy, the other with smileys on each finger. Maybe I'll post a picture of them when I get back.

Above is a lovely picture of my cool grandparents. They're so cute. They were both good-looking when they were much younger. Ah Gong seems to be frowning here, the food was pretty bad.