Sunday, July 26th 2009

Whoa!
I watched "Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen" tonight, remembering I used to love how Adam Garcia looked towards the end. The sober "Stu" is way cuter than the drunk one, and I remember doing research on him a few years ago. I don't think I found very much. Tonight, I googled him. I thought he was hot, but I had no idea how hot (!!!), but I shan't go on about him. All the hot men are starting to look the same to me.

Am currently listening to Vivaldi's mandolin concertos.Quite calming, I like the sound. The mandolin sounds like a tamer, softer, more gentle version of the banjo. The banjo sounds more sharp and twangy. This mandolin sounds closer to a lute, quite dream-like. Good music for studying and/or day-dreaming, both of which I've been doing a lot.

Went for my voice lesson again today, teacher tested my sight-reading. I almost had a nervous breakdown! As I sang for her, I tried to control my breathing as I counted the rhythm in my head and tapped it with my foot, and juggled those things with sound and deciphering the language of music; notes, rhythm, rests, time signatures. I stumbled a few times but managed to get through alive. To my surprise, she said I was okay, and she's not at all worried about my sight-reading, that it was decent.
I only half-heard her when she was talking after the impromptu sight-reading test. In my mind, all I could hear was "WHEW!"

Other than that, the rest of the lesson went quite well, and I left happy. I'm sounding better every week, and there's more excitement and emotion in my songs, which is good. I'm having 4 more lessons, then I have to sit for the exam.
I'm scared to death, I'll admit it. I've never sat for a music exam before, and I don't know what to expect of the acoustics (expecting the worst), examiners, and tests. I don't know if I will have a nervous breakdown in the middle of the 15 minutes, or if I'll sing the wrong lyrics, or forget to prepare for high notes, or say something wrong. I pretty much know my songs well enough to pretend I know Italian, German and Malay, so I can just fake my way through it if I forget what each word means, exactly.
The weirdest thing is, my voice teacher has already started talking about next grade's exam. She's going to Macau to teach music, so I don't know how it will work out but I want to continue studying under/with her. I don't quite know why. I've come so far under her tutoring, so I know she's that good. Also, I probably don't want to switch teachers because I don't want to have to get to know new people again and again. There's too much pressure, and too little time.

After my voice exam, it's full-fledged studying, day in and out. I'm going to start staying up late to study, and I'm going to get all my Art sources printed out so I have no excuse for not drawing them. Usually, I have to draw from the computer and there's no time for that, since my Dad grumbles when I use more than an hour per day, so I've been putting off my Art. No more excuses! Math is going pretty well, but only because it's the subject I've been doing most of. Every single day! I know it should be like this, but then I keep putting off my other subjects that are just as important in getting me where I want to be/go. I need those 'A's, they are crucial!
I've never,in my short and nasty life, hoped for an 'A' for Maths, but there's no reason why I can't get it for my other subjects. My Art is decent, my Geog is good (and I like it!), and I hate SS to the core, but I'm sure my language can get me something out of it, so after 12th Aug I'm going to work like hell and earn my trip to Venice next year!!!!!

Dad did object to it a few days ago when I asked him about it, denying he ever said I could go there after my 'O's this year. He changed it to "after you finish Poly" instead. I didn't get too upset about it, it's not as if he shouted it at me or anything. I know if I work hard enough, I'll get what I deserve, what I want (which also happens to be what he wants- for me to do well and get into the course I want, which happens to be one of the toughest courses in Poly), and when I do well I know he'll start wavering and come around, with help in the form of persuasion from my Mom. By then, nobody can deny me my trip to Venice.
At the beginning of this year, I promised to save up to $3000-5000 for my trip, but I actually planned to work (job) all year round. Since I can't/couldn't possibly do that, I think I can manage $2000. I'm halfway there now, so it's not impossible. My Mom offered to pay for the ticket and accommodation, so it's not bad. She could easily take it away from me, so I've gotta study like hell for my exams to earn it.
Yeah, I believe that if I work hard for something, I'll be rewarded somehow.