Wednesday, July 29th 2009

Can you even believe that that's Philippe Jaroussky? No, no, not the weirdos with the plastic hair. The guy in the middle with his hair sticking right up is him.
I was looking for pictures of him (specifically, the one of him in a suit and black butterfly mask) on the internet last night when I came across this! I knew he was in a couple of operas, but never did I think this!!! Now I think he should take off his shirt more often. -wink!

Well, it's been a pretty long day. Started it off doing Maths, then went for lunch with Dad, but couldn't eat very well because my growing wisdom tooth is making that spot of gum sensitive, so I could only chew well on/in one side of my mouth. After that, I went to the photo-shop to print some sources for my Art. Also printed some other nonsense to give me inspiration and motivation in different aspects of my life.
Philippe Jaroussky for my singing, Charlie Chaplin for my character, photos of my friends for support, and finally, photos of me, to remind myself that it's good to be me.

Went to the library @ Esplanade after that, wanted to borrow a couple of chick-flicks, but only managed one, so I borrowed some artistic films. Those mexican films where people sing are growing on me. I borrowed a James Dean movie, Loony Toons, Futurama, Little Rascals, and a CD of harp spanish-celtic music.
Sat in one of the window-boxes in the library, contemplating studying there or at home, since a big group of girls were nearby laughing and sharing jokes.

Deciding against it, I went shopping instead! I went over to Peninsular Shopping Centre (beside Peninsular Plaza). I set out today, wanting to buy a bag, but I returned home with a hoodie jacket instead. Good thing is, it is one awesome hoodie!!!
It's green with bold, black stripes across, very expressive, yet classy. I paid $15 for it. It probably isn't even worth that much, but I didn't have anyone intimidating with me to help me bargain, and I looked so harmless in my denim overalls and little backpack, so I gave it some thought, walking around and comparing prices. In the end, I went back and bought it.

I actually went there for a plain, white backpack to paint Charlie Chaplin on, but found none. Fate was against it! Instead, fate was for the cool hoodie I've been looking for for years.
After that, I took the MRT home, in Marina Bay's direction so I would be able to sit and do Maths. Stupid ACS(I) paper. When I got to Ang Mo Kio, I went to collect my developed photos, shuffling through them as I walked, sniggering to myself. Bought bubble milk tea from Koi Cafe, bought some long white socks to go with my rollerblades, and headed home.

It was strange to go shopping in that "Ulu" Peninsular Shopping Centre. Everybody there is foreign, they come from different countries and places, but they help one another and they trust in each other so much as to watch each other's stalls and shops. It was heart-warming, and also a little sad, because everyone of them came here to make a living. This society is so screwed-up, I tell you.

I called my exam pianist tonight, and will have to pass her the transposed scores on Saturday. $70 per hour, tuh! If I ever end up teaching voice, I'll be RICH. I'll be able to buy all the massage chairs I want, any kind of pet I want, paint my room any colour I want, etc etc. I'll build my own house on some mountain-top! (Yes, yes, Xiulin, one day in the distant future..)

Sunday, July 26th 2009

Whoa!
I watched "Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen" tonight, remembering I used to love how Adam Garcia looked towards the end. The sober "Stu" is way cuter than the drunk one, and I remember doing research on him a few years ago. I don't think I found very much. Tonight, I googled him. I thought he was hot, but I had no idea how hot (!!!), but I shan't go on about him. All the hot men are starting to look the same to me.

Am currently listening to Vivaldi's mandolin concertos.Quite calming, I like the sound. The mandolin sounds like a tamer, softer, more gentle version of the banjo. The banjo sounds more sharp and twangy. This mandolin sounds closer to a lute, quite dream-like. Good music for studying and/or day-dreaming, both of which I've been doing a lot.

Went for my voice lesson again today, teacher tested my sight-reading. I almost had a nervous breakdown! As I sang for her, I tried to control my breathing as I counted the rhythm in my head and tapped it with my foot, and juggled those things with sound and deciphering the language of music; notes, rhythm, rests, time signatures. I stumbled a few times but managed to get through alive. To my surprise, she said I was okay, and she's not at all worried about my sight-reading, that it was decent.
I only half-heard her when she was talking after the impromptu sight-reading test. In my mind, all I could hear was "WHEW!"

Other than that, the rest of the lesson went quite well, and I left happy. I'm sounding better every week, and there's more excitement and emotion in my songs, which is good. I'm having 4 more lessons, then I have to sit for the exam.
I'm scared to death, I'll admit it. I've never sat for a music exam before, and I don't know what to expect of the acoustics (expecting the worst), examiners, and tests. I don't know if I will have a nervous breakdown in the middle of the 15 minutes, or if I'll sing the wrong lyrics, or forget to prepare for high notes, or say something wrong. I pretty much know my songs well enough to pretend I know Italian, German and Malay, so I can just fake my way through it if I forget what each word means, exactly.
The weirdest thing is, my voice teacher has already started talking about next grade's exam. She's going to Macau to teach music, so I don't know how it will work out but I want to continue studying under/with her. I don't quite know why. I've come so far under her tutoring, so I know she's that good. Also, I probably don't want to switch teachers because I don't want to have to get to know new people again and again. There's too much pressure, and too little time.

After my voice exam, it's full-fledged studying, day in and out. I'm going to start staying up late to study, and I'm going to get all my Art sources printed out so I have no excuse for not drawing them. Usually, I have to draw from the computer and there's no time for that, since my Dad grumbles when I use more than an hour per day, so I've been putting off my Art. No more excuses! Math is going pretty well, but only because it's the subject I've been doing most of. Every single day! I know it should be like this, but then I keep putting off my other subjects that are just as important in getting me where I want to be/go. I need those 'A's, they are crucial!
I've never,in my short and nasty life, hoped for an 'A' for Maths, but there's no reason why I can't get it for my other subjects. My Art is decent, my Geog is good (and I like it!), and I hate SS to the core, but I'm sure my language can get me something out of it, so after 12th Aug I'm going to work like hell and earn my trip to Venice next year!!!!!

Dad did object to it a few days ago when I asked him about it, denying he ever said I could go there after my 'O's this year. He changed it to "after you finish Poly" instead. I didn't get too upset about it, it's not as if he shouted it at me or anything. I know if I work hard enough, I'll get what I deserve, what I want (which also happens to be what he wants- for me to do well and get into the course I want, which happens to be one of the toughest courses in Poly), and when I do well I know he'll start wavering and come around, with help in the form of persuasion from my Mom. By then, nobody can deny me my trip to Venice.
At the beginning of this year, I promised to save up to $3000-5000 for my trip, but I actually planned to work (job) all year round. Since I can't/couldn't possibly do that, I think I can manage $2000. I'm halfway there now, so it's not impossible. My Mom offered to pay for the ticket and accommodation, so it's not bad. She could easily take it away from me, so I've gotta study like hell for my exams to earn it.
Yeah, I believe that if I work hard for something, I'll be rewarded somehow.

Saturday, July 25th 2009

I did it! I got my ear double-pierced!
It's a little higher than I would've liked, but it's still good. Just gotta get ear-rings of different sizes for each piercing since one is higher than the other.

Did some research online last night about piercings, and found that rubbing alcohol actually irritates the skin, and that saline solution is the best. (That stuff's for cleaning wounds, injections, etc.) The bottle says "Sodium Chloride", so it's probably some salt mixture that kills germs by making them shrivel. "Bits & Pieces" used alcohol on my ear, but after that I went to buy some saline solution that comes in cute little disposable bottles. It throbbed with pain for a while after I got it pierced, but after about an hour with one application of saline, it didn't hurt anymore/at all! Amazing what saline can do, I'll never use alcohol on my piercings again!

My original piercings, I got in Sec one or two. They got infected, I kept putting alcohol on them, believing that it would make the wound heal faster, but 2-3 years later, they still kept hurting! The wound opened really easily, so it hurt a lot of the time. Now that I've had experience, I think it will be good this time. I'm going to keep the stud in there for at least 2 months!
I say, the ear-piercing people have the worst tastes in ear-studs. The studs are so thick and huge that the star doesn't look like a bloody star anymore!

Friday, July 24th 2009

Hey everybody! Beautiful night, all cool and slightly windy, the dark sky half-shrouded by white clouds. It's been threatening to rain all day, but apart from the heavy rain I was vaguely aware of while I was snuggled under covers in my lovely warm bed early this morning, it hasn't rained a drop.

I went jogging today, took an hour and a half. Felt really good about myself, got home, drank lots of water, then stretching and all that. Then, for dinner, I had lots of rice, soup, veg, and 3 chicken wings.

Here's something I've been thinking about for a couple of weeks now: double-piercing. I made up my mind when I was about to fall asleep last night! To be honest, it isn't an original idea. I got the idea from some TV show on "Okto" called "Prove It!" One of the presenters has a double-pierced ear (that's right, only one ear is pierced) which I think is pretty cool, quite interesting. (It doesn't hurt to add that it looks totally hot on him. Whoa, momma!) A pity I've already had both my ears pierced. Anyway, what I mean by "double-piercing" is that a second piercing is added beside the original one, just a little higher. If you connected the dots, you'd see that it's sort-of like a diagonal line down from the second to the first. (This is really bad imagery, so I'm just going to tell you that one ear has one piercing, and the other ear has two.) When small silver ear-rings (I mean the original round ear-ring, not those fancy whatsits people wear nowadays) are worn, one in each piercing, you'd have two ear-rings together, side by side, on the same ear. I think it makes a really interesting statement, but I'll have to figure out what statement first. In any case, I'm gonna add a piercing to my left ear.
V teased me and said I should just get a tattoo instead, if I really want to express myself. Hah! No thanks, have you SEEN tattoos? It's like screaming,"pay attention to my hideous dull-green-and-red-inked skin!" Plus, they stretch with you, when you get old or fat, or shrink if you get thinner. Also, goodness knows how people get them off the skin! Do they use a cheese grater or something? Maybe pay an extravagant amount of money for some chemical peel! Come on, man! A piercing is much smaller, doesn't cry out for attention (maybe just not as much) and is easy to get rid of. Just take the ear-ring out! Simple!
Also, I'd probably take all my ear-rings out when I hit 50 or 55. No use dressing up at that age, it's time to retire and lie on beaches or look at the sky all night or eat all the ice cream I could ever want. Who knows if I'd even live that long!

Mom wants me to bake muffins with her this weekend again, so lots of exercise in store for me. I'm the batter mixer, and when you're baking with mom, no amount of mixing is ever enough! Plus, she doesn't really do anything, she just stands around and instructs, occasionally measuring cups of flour and sugar. I suffer like hell but I know it's good for me. Shall get my piercing in the evening, then. Something new is always exciting.

Thursday, July 23rd 2009

After spending the last few days in front of the television, I finally have the motivation to study again. Dad was out of the country for a while, so I watched whatever I wanted to watch, that I couldn't watch for a long time. It's really great to watch things in private. Good to laugh in private, cry in private, shout comments at the TV in private.
Total privacy!

I had to achieve a higher level of procrastination again, much like I did when I tried to study and work at the same time at the beginning of this year. Since working was like hell to me, I enjoyed studying and it became my comfort, and somewhat, relaxation, strange as it sounds. After I stopped working when my 3 months were up, I was happy, and could finally study in peace. All those months of work made me realise that I'd rather spend a lifetime studying than spend a month at some dead-end job, so I had my fuel. It went well until I finished an entire Sec 4 textbook in 5 months, cramming at least 3 years' worth of Math into my brain. Since I was never any good at Math (4/100!), it was like re-learning everything, and I'm darn proud of it now.
Anyway, after I finished that textbook, I slowed down a lot and lost my motivation. I've started on my second textbook, but haven't made much progress. Granted, I've been doing a lot of tuition work as well as TYS, but that's still no excuse. So, what I did these past few days was watch TV, film after film, programme after programme, until I got sick of it and started craving something else, something more wholesome and worthy of my time. Voila!


Went to Bugis library today after lunch, did my TYS and some bloody difficult ACS(I) prelim paper. Now I understand why they're always the kids getting into the top schools in the country. You'd never believe the standard of the paper, I wanted to rip it into confetti and throw a party with it.

Having spent a couple of hours slaving away at the ACS(I) paper, my TYS seemed relatively easy and I more or less breezed through it, so I'm not too upset. In fact, I'm pleased to say that I actually deserve to come online tonight.

My SS is still most worrying. It seems I can't stand SS so much that I can't bring myself to study it. I tried writing notes for it, and I can remember a lot, but it's not going well. I'm gonna try harder at it, at least get over the hate for now, until the exam is over, then I can hate again!
My Art is not going too well, but it's much better compared to SS, so you can more or less imagine how badly my SS is going.

On top of all this, I still have to transpose my exam music!!! (Not to mention, practise for the exam itself.) My brother is only willing to install it during the weekend, and I have a voice lesson tomorrow and Sunday, and I fear that my teacher will chop off my head for not transposing it. I need the computer programme to transpose it. If I did it by hand, goodness knows what might happen. I may compose a whole different piece altogether!
I'm hoping, though, that the programme is some cool thing that will allow me to compose music and listen to it being played by instruments. Electronic, but instruments nonetheless. It will be my outlet for stress after my voice exam, before and after my 'O's. I think it's quite a healthy outlet, as opposed to taking drugs or sniffing glue or whatever stupid things people do to relieve stress.

Watched "The Biggest Loser" again this evening, and I have inspiration and motivation to exercise again. The aim is to be fit, not thin, but if I should get thin while being/getting fit, so be it! Shall go for a jog again tomorrow after my voice lesson, I've been eating potato chips by the bag. Going rollerblading with Naz on Monday, she asked suddenly, so I agreed. Turns out she doesn't know how to rollerblade, but really wants to, so maybe I can teach her how, and learn something myself.

Monday, July 20th 2009

Finally finished watching "Maurice", and I think it's beautiful. It's great that they overcame fear and gave in to love. There were parts of the movie that were boring, but there were interesting parts, too. I came across an excellent quote today:
"It's sadly ridiculous that love should ever have to be hidden.

Violence is so open and accepted yet love between two people is bound by prejudice."

Watched "Farinelli il castrato" again today, I've only ever watched it twice, and the glamour of red and gold always captures me. I want to sing in that hall one day. The hard, concrete walls of my house simply can't compare.

I've been listening to recordings of my voice lessons, it's strange to hear how far I've come since I started in February this year, and even more strange to think about how I couldn't open my mouth big enough when I first joined a choir. It took me 5 years to do that, and until I was 15, my mouth never opened more than 2cm when I sang.

My voice teacher told me months ago, "I'm surprised you have not given up yet." I thought it was bad at first, but she went on to explain that a lot of people drop singing when they realise it's not going to come to them overnight. I don't think I'd be doing myself justice if I ever gave up singing, it's my greatest outlet, release. People may not hear my words, but more often than not, they hear my singing.

Two weeks ago, my voice teacher told me to look up some other songs in category 'C', as if to say she was having second thoughts about the song "I Feel Pretty". I was having a little trouble with the emotion and the highest note, so she thought I could sing something else, short and sweet. To be honest, I wasn't the least bit happy about it. It doesn't make sense that I can't sing it well, so I went home, I practised and practised. Being stubborn can be a mighty good thing.
I was supposed to show her the list of songs from category 'C' when I next saw her, but I didn't. I refused to, not knowing if it was wise or not. We conveniently "forgot" about it. She didn't ask me to sing "I Feel Pretty" that week, so that meant that I had another week to work on the emotion and high note. Practised like hell. This week I went back, I had to sing it for her. It must've been good, because she said I've come so far on this piece, and she's so proud.

Hah! Praise from the top! All that hard work paid off, there was emotion, and we worked on the high note together. Apparently, it's within my vocal range. I can reach up to high G, but I can't seem to keep my voice at high F without it breaking, so we tried actions and ways to keep it there. I could finally do it, but no guarantee I can do it every time, so we thought it would be safer if I sing it at a lower key. With that said, I have to do the transposing myself.

Two nights ago, I watched "Funny Games", an artsy-fartsy movie that I wanted to watch when it was showing at the "Cathay" last year or so. It's a foreign movie about two serial-killers, very smart, very evil. They preyed on rich families staying at houses by the lake. It's by far the most disturbing film I've ever seen. There's a lot of psychological torture, not so much of blood and gore. Really, really terrifying, but I think they could've been more creative with their choice of weapons and how they killed people. Do away with the guns and knives, you know?!

Wednesday, July 15th 2009

Ahh, at the computer once again!

It's been an overall relaxing day, I did some studying in the afternoon, but somewhat less than usual. I finished Paper 2 of a Maths past-year paper, and I tried to do some of the "Vectors" topic from the textbook but gave up after about 4 questions. T'was too confusing.

Forgot to mention that my tuition teacher got a little too excited for my comfort on Monday. It was about my getting a file for my worksheets, and she suggested getting a ring-file so I can flip with ease, and a cover-page so I can write all the headings and tick off the ones I've done! Talk about weird people! Her voice got higher and higher in excitement as she spoke about the file, I was totally freaked out but didn't say anything. Felt uncomfortable just sitting there.

Went down to the library @ Esplanade yesterday evening, borrowed up to 8 audio-visual items! Well, the limit is 8, so I had no choice but to stop there. Two are CDs- one Mozart, one Vivaldi- and the rest are DVDs. Most of them are foreign, I'm beginning to really like foreign films. I saw a nice Turkish one on "Filmart" recently, and it had that 'silent goodness' that allow viewers to feel emotions of the characters. The storyline was a bit peculiar, though. I love the film "the Willow Tree". It's still my favourite, about a blind man who regains his sight, and realises that the world is not as beautiful as he hoped.

Been doing some research on running shoes. I've seen some models under "New Balance" but haven't tried them. My "Nike" school-shoes are the best ever, good fit, good grip, everything, only I've used it for almost 3 years now and my shin is starting to hurt while jogging in those shoes, and the "Nike" tick is peeling off slowly, so I think it's time to get new shoes. I just feel kind of guilty because some people don't even have any shoes to wear, let alone jog in, and here I am spending about $100 on a pair of shoes! I have a $40 voucher so it'll put a dent in it, but $60 is still a lot of money. That could feed 30 people for a month or so!

Went for voice lesson on Tuesday, it was a good session. I got my exam time and date, it's on 12th Aug, afternoon, so I've got about one month, which can zip by in a blink of an eye! I'm so thankful I got an afternoon slot, I sound terrible in the morning. Well, voice teacher says, "good", I'm getting better, making progress. I can hear it too, more emotion, with a more focused sound. I felt like I was the character in each song!
"O cessate di piagarmi" is about heartbreak, unrequited love, full of wanting to die and pleading and ice cold hearts and torture.
"Seligkeit" is about a really happy boy, daydreaming about a pretty young thing named Laura, and he feels ecstatic with just a wink or glance from her, then sings and dances and wants to live in that state forever.
"I feel pretty" is about a girl singing about a boy she loves, and she looks into the mirror and gazes in wonder at the beautiful girl that is herself, and sings about how she's loved by a pretty wonderful boy.
"Dayung Sampan" is about some Chinese immigrants rowing their boat to Singapore, the land of promise, in search of a better life and better future.

How ironic to come here in search of a better life and future.

Monday, July 13th 2009

Jeremy Duncan is another one of my heroes. You can find him in "Zits" comic books. He's your typical teenage kid whom I can totally relate to. Despite constantly mumbling under his breath about his parents, he's a pretty good kid, works hard, plays hard. Every time I read "Zits", I feel like studying, so it acts like my motivation while making me laugh.

This is V and I on our way home from Clarke Quay the other night. We were on a crowded bus, squeezed into a one-person seat. Just don't understand why they have to use so much space for wheelchair-spaces. What are the chances of having that many wheelchairs on the same bus? Anyway, we gave up our seat for this old man, so we felt pretty good about ourselves, until the bus became super-crowded and we kept being glared at by this other grumpy old man. Didn't know what his problem was, but I was so relieved to get off that bus.

I've finally discovered Facebook, though I haven't actually done anything on it. It does seem exciting to be discovering something new, and it's actually pretty happening, but I have no idea how to work it. They use different terms and everything! Also, it is the slowest website I've ever been on. Lags like hell! It took me forever to type a poem, commenting on a photo.
It was nice to be greeted with a warm welcome when I went on Facebook tonight, but I haven't accepted any friend-requests or anything. Added a few people, but only because I want to see what they're pages look like. Interesting to delve into each human mind.

Out with Kat and Gerv at Marina Barrage for my birthday celebration. They are two sweet people, they made my choir years very enjoyable. One thing changed, though. They're less loser-fied now, which is a little bit sad since their loser-fied acts brought laughter into any given day.
Anyway, we had much fun taking photos and trying to keep the hair our of our faces. Marina Barrage is a beautiful place to be, the perfect place to write poetry. Too bad it had to be man-made, and the grass is off-green and filled with bugs.

Had tuition this morning. Each session seems to be less enjoyable than the previous one, and I got really upset with a particular question in some stupid paper we were going through. I had no idea what the hell she was saying, and I couldn't express the number pattern in terms of "n". Stupid "n".
One good thing, though, is that I seem to be able to do most of the questions in the papers I couldn't do one year ago (and for the last 10 years, for that matter), but I don't think it's because I started tuition. Tuition must've helped a little, I've learned some things, but nothing compared to the effort I put in during the first half of this year. I taught myself at least 4 years worth of Maths in 5 months, diligently, knowing that it's up to me, if I want it.
Now I realise that I don't hate Maths anymore, I just strongly dislike tuition. Maths isn't too bad when I can do it. Granted, my Maths is far from being perfect, but it's a lot better now than it was before, and I owe it all to the hard work and effort I've put in.
Feels pretty good.

Sunday, July 12th 2009

This is the official "Bruno" movie poster. I think it's nice they got him to stand in a field of flowers that contrast with the greenery and blue, blue sky. It's like poetry, only more crude.

This is the photo I've been trying to upload. I like his hair! This picture is from a Japanese movie "Detroit Metal City", in which the main character sports a "mushroom cut". I think it's really cool, it has personality, even though other people in the movie call it a "dickhead haircut"! Everybody's hair looks so boring. The same hairstyles everywhere, it's as if everyone selected styles from the same hairstyle catalogue of 10 pictures.
I was thinking of trying out this hairstyle the next time I need a haircut. Of course the back would need to be at least 2 inches longer than mine is now, so it's going to take a while, maybe a few months. By the time my hair actually gets long enough, I may have found some other cool hairstyle that I want to try.

Whoa, I love this feeling! I don't feel the need to blend in with other people, or follow fashion trends! I noticed it a while back, at least a year ago, when I started painting my bags and making my own hair clips. Then, I wanted plenty of overalls (Joe Dirt), and painted carrots on my shoes (in memory of Rabbit) and put bells on them! Then, of course, came the dreadlocks! They were pretty, darn cool, though maintenance was hell, and they got a bit weird at the end, which is why I took them out. I'll have them again some time in the future, maybe when I retire and visit some Caribbean island.
I dress how-ever I want! It's this kind of freedom I crave, and one day when I set out on my biggest world-adventure, I'll have all the freedom I want, every type of freedom (except maybe financial!) :D

Went to watch "Obsessed" with V yesterday, it was an intense movie, psychologically disturbing. One is quite tempted to say, "she's crazy!" while watching it. I noticed how they emphasised the closeness of the married couple at the beginning. It was a relief to get out of there when the movie ended, it was almost annoying as it was scary.
After the movie, V and I headed down to Clarke Quay. I wanted to try the Churros at this Spanish Street Food place. We ordered an over-priced "mixed platter" to go with it, but no drinks, because there was no way I was paying $3 for a bottle of water. After dinner, it started to pour really heavily, so we put our hoods over our heads and braved the rain, running over to Liang Court, where we sat down at Starbucks for hot and cold chocolates, then took a bus home.
It was an experience being at Clarke Quay at night. I've always wanted to know what I've been missing in the bars and pubs there, but it didn't look happening as we gazed into each. People just sat drinking, smoking and talking. I think it's more of a blessing than a curse to never be able to get drunk in my life.

Just watched "Hi-5" on Youtube. I remember when I was younger, I would jump around on the sofa to the catchy songs they sang, while Dad was asleep in his room. My favourite song they sang was, and still is "L.O.V.E.". Pretty catchy, and quite sweet. Now that I think about it, it comes as no surprise to me that my favourite "Hi-5"-er was Nathan Foley. He was the super-enthusiastic, curly-haired one. Of the five of them, he had the most personality. Strange, my choice of people always seem to be particularly interesting in some way. Individuality, baby!

Wednesday, July 8th 2009

I can't wait for "Bruno" to be out! Sacha Baron Cohen has a nice ass, and he knows it. His muscles are quite nice, too.
I'm still not old enough to watch "Bruno", but hey, there's always online, right? There is, however, one bad thing about watching things online. Remember I was watching "Maurice"? I HAVEN'T FINISHED IT. It's that difficult to watch things on the computer unless it's some cartoon. People kissing on a screen is considered porn. My parents don't know that cartoons can be dangerous, but that's beside the point. The good stuff aren't in the cartoons!
This is the disadvantage of still being 18 and not 21. Anyway, that aside, I love Sacha Baron Cohen's ass ok. It is now number ONE on my ass list.

Feeling a lot better after spending the past 2 days sleeping. Thought I was coming down with something, but feeling better now, so I guess not. Guess it's not time to die yet. Spent my day at the library doing exercises on the topic "vectors" and wrote another chunk of my story of Sough. I think it's a great story, very sweet, but it's going rather slowly.

It's going to be a busy, socially-demanding weekend, so I guess having a boring week isn't so bad. It's my 3rd day being 18, and I must say, nothing much has changed. It does have its movie advantages, but it's not as if I haven't watched M18 movies before. Who do they think they're trying to kid, they can't keep them from kids forever. Television is evil, you know.
The only thing I dread about being 18 is having to vote for our country's leaders. I think it's 18. How can I vote for someone I don't even know?! The worst thing is, one is forced to vote, so ends up casting his vote randomly.
It has suddenly struck me that anything that's age-restricted is corruptive/ing. It's good that people try to prevent these things -such as gambling (4-D and casinos), smoking, drugs, pornography (R21 movies)- from reaching their children, because look what it does to adults! No doubt children shouldn't be involved in politics either, thats why children aren't allowed to vote. I never felt the urge to vote for the country's leaders. Politics is bullshit.

Tuesday, July 7th 2009

It's a full moon tonight, an imperfect beauty in all her splendor.
Today, I'm going to try and blog in Italian. I haven't been practising it, so it will be terrible. I had to look up the dictionary a lot!

Aiuto! Non mi sento bene.
Ho mal di testa, e mi sento stordito. Ieri sera non dorma bene, così oggi sono stanco. Provato a fare matematica, ma controllato soltanto due ore prima troppo afferrare. Lezione cantare ciò mattina, io sono stanco, non benissimo. Esame la musica in agosto!
Io fritto!!

Mi pensare io avere raffreddore, ma non lo so ancora. Forse avere H1N1, hahaha! Forse, forse.
Bene, ciò era molto difficile. Buonanotte a tutti.

Monday, July 6th 2009

Didn't feel very well today, so spent most of my day sleeping. Had 9 hours of sleep last night, during which I had the most peculiar dream.
I dreamt I tried to kill myself six times. It was all quite real, I did it with a medium-sized steel blade. The first four times, I slit my throat, at the soft part below the chin. I did it not horizontally, but vertically, the blade travelling upwards. In my sleep, I could feel the blade slicing through the flesh at my throat. The pain was very sharp, and the blade was cold steel, a great contrast to the warm blood. The blood gushed upwards to my mouth, threatening to choke me.
The fifth time I tried to kill myself, I sliced through the veins in my left wrist. Perhaps it wasn't deep enough, because it didn't even go close to killing me. The sixth time, I sliced through the major artery under my left arm, where it adjoins the body. It's supposed to drain me in 2 minutes, but I didn't lose enough blood to die. I felt so disappointed in my dream. Why couldn't I die?!

Sunday, July 5th 2009

This is Alan Cumming.
He looks somewhat like a pixie, but I think it's quite cute. I'm glad that blogger has finally allowed me to post pictures again.

It's been quite a depressing day.
It started off happy, though. You know how you wake up in the morning and there's this crisp feeling in the air, excitement on special days like your birthday? Even the weather outside was lovely. Mild sunshine with a cool breeze, clear skies.
As the day moved on, it started getting worse. I really didn't want to have dinner with my family, as it is almost always never a happy occasion. There's always someone mean or grumpy, and a quarrel would break out. I had to, though. My parents forced me to stay home and have dinner with them, so I had to choose a place to eat at.
I had some trouble with that, because everything I rarely get to eat is expensive. It's only on these special occasions when I can choose what to eat, and it's very, very difficult to have meals with my family. I love cheese and pasta and heavy meat (lamb, beef, etc), but my parents hate cheese and refuse to eat anything with cheese in/on it. I don't really like Chinese food because I'm too often forced to have it at gatherings or other people's birthdays or weddings. My brother doesn't like anything spicy. So, it has become a pain to have meals with my family.
I spent my entire afternoon dithering about where to eat. I did research on the internet and read endless reviews of restaurants and their food. I've been wanting to try authentic French food, but I'm a little worried. What if I don't like it and waste my food and all that money? The Italian food is expensive here, but I've already had authentic Italian food in Italy (Whoa! <3),>thick, liquid chocolate to dip into). I think I'll go there sometime.

Anyway, Mom was being mean all afternoon. She's always been this mean, she needs to say something mean to amuse herself. She even suggested that Dad and I go to dinner without her, because she "won't like the food" at the places I chose. I was so upset, I tell you.
I cried like hell in my room while trying to do Maths, and outside the sky cried with me.
In the end, we went to dinner at Marche so everyone could choose from a selection of food. We ordered chicken, lamb, paella, mushrooms, potatoes and finished it off with a single slice of chocolate fudge cake, shared. It didn't end badly, but it wasn't a good day.
When we stopped by at Toys-R-Us, it allowed me to forget about being my 18 year-old self for a while and re-live a childhood that seems so long ago.

Friday, July 3rd 2009

Wanted to upload a photo of Alan Cumming but unfortunately, there's something wrong with Blogger at the moment, so I can't upload it. Next time, then.

I didn't do any Math today. This is really worrying, because I've started to dislike Math again since I got a tutor. It's so frustrating, I don't even want to type about it. Instead, I spent the entire afternoon sorting out my room. I packed some drawers, re-arranged my CD collection and hung up my new notice boards, all on my own! I have 4 surrounding my bed now, and each one is stuck with different things.
The one right at my head is stuck with pictures and words I love. It's full of things closest to my heart. Another board is stuck with my exam schedule, aims, motivations and quotes from my heroes. The two new ones are going to be the Strength board and the Etc board. Strength board is going to be filled with things to remind not to give up. Part of the board dedicated to Charlie Chaplin, to remind me of what he went through and who he eventually became. Also, his tramp character always remains positive.
I quote Charlie Chaplin, "A tramp, a gentleman, a poet, a dreamer, a lonely fellow, always hopeful of romance and adventure."

As of now, I have 2 days to my 18th birthday. I don't feel quite ready yet, I think I'll put off the club-visiting and all that stuff for another 3 years. It's just that I don't want to be an adult, their world is a sad, sad place. It's full of pain, war and sex. There's nothing great about being an adult except being able to buy your own plane tickets.

I've been revisiting my past over the last few days. I just wanted to remember what it was like growing up. The past 4 years of my life has been recorded in my ipod, every song tells a story, every song takes me back to where I was at that point of time I heard it. So, I took some time to re-charge my ipod mini and listened to each song on the player, revisiting my past, every moment. I forced myself to listen to the most painful songs, most difficult. It was painful, but a relief. It's a comfort.

Wednesday, July 1st 2009

My evening was spent on the computer. Initially, I intended to go for a jog at Bishan Park, but it started to drizzle, so I stayed home and lazed about. I wiled away my time watching interviews of Alan Cumming and Ewan Mcgregor on Youtube, and the first quarter of the film "Four Weddings and a Funeral". Very British, I like the humour. Interesting character portrayal, too.

Alan Cumming and Ewan Mcgregor are two of my most liked celebrities. They're very frank and open, and comfortable with themselves. Ewan Mcgregor doesn't try to hide anything when he's being interviewed, and as for Alan Cumming, he's openly bisexual and comfortable with himself, his own body. Confidence is the key. Where on earth do they get it?!

That aside, I went to lunch with Dad today before I went to the library. While eating, he suddenly said, "your birthday is coming, you know right?"
What made him think I don't know my own birthday? I usually wait silently until people start to realise that it's approaching, to see if they remember. It's always nice to receive something I've been wanting for a long time, but my parents don't know that what I want most can't be bought with money.
All I want is for my family to be more supportive, more loving, less negative. I want Dad to be a calm, wise and happy old man, my Mom a cheerful, happy-go-lucky woman, less paranoid, and my brother less of a selfish jerk. My sister's all right, but maybe with less mood-swings. I wouldn't mind not having enough to eat or afford luxury items, I just want a supportive, loving family. Think Charlie Bucket. No wonder he loves his family so much.

Dad has been going out for mahjong sessions more often nowadays, almost every day. I'm a little worried, because I don't like gambling. I like gamblers even less.
I'll only ever gamble with my life, never with money.

Tuesday, June 30th 2009

Hey guys, I need your help in making a decision.

I have decided to buy a plant, though not another Venus Flytrap (expensive!). I was thinking of a pitcher plant, another carnivorous plant, a cactus or a herb.
A cactus would be difficult to handle (I carry it to my room daily to listen to music), but if I do get a cactus, I would expand its family. A pitcher plant needs to be hung up, and I don't have the space for that.
If I get a herb, should I get Rosemary or Mint? They both smell really nice.

So, question is: Cactus or Herb?
If Herb, what kind?

Monday, June 29th 2009

Damn these unnecessary subtitles!
That's from the film I'm watching, called "Maurice". I haven't finished watching it, currently at part 2 online. It's difficult to watch these movies at home when everyone's pacing around. I talked about "Brokeback Mountain" before, same situation. These boys don't even DO anything in the movie. (Well, I can't say for sure, gotta finish the movie first.)

Had tuition this morning, but totally forgot about it so I extended my alarm till later, and almost overslept. I didn't even get to eat anything before tuition started, so I was functioning on a glass of water until 1.30pm, doing Math. It was tough to focus, there were times when the teacher's voice became a distant droning in my ears.
I spent my day reading a bit of 4 different books and drawing out a photo of Charlie Chaplin, which, I'm glad to say, is turning out rather good.

School has started again for everyone else, but I don't feel so left out anymore. There's no shortage of work and studying for me to do, and the days are passing painfully slowly. I find the most comfort in talking to inanimate objects or ants from the water-pot nowadays. I want a plant or a nice animal to talk to, human beings are too difficult to converse with.

Sunday, June 28th 2009

I feel like I have green thumbs, I suddenly have the great urge to grow and care for more plants. My Venus Flytrap committed suicide the other day. I was sunning it on the window ledge when a sudden gale blew it over the edge. We're 8 stories up! Strange thing is, I couldn't find it anywhere below, so I don't feel too guilty. Nothing is worse than having to see the corpse of your dead pet. Fortunately, I didn't see the plant or the pot anywhere.
I shall grow cacti next, and expand my cacti family so that there will be a few species in a single pot. They won't be lonely then, and they'll listen to music every day and get lots of light. I need new friends to talk to, I suddenly feel so lonely with my Venus Flytrap gone.

Went to the library today, did Geog, SOVA, and some Art. I sketched a photograph of Charlie Chaplin, and will fill in the details later. Painfully frustrating, trying to get everything in the right proportion and shade, all done without a light-box or any tracing. All done with good artist's judgement and courage, and I think my skills are a little rusty. Haven't been doing very much drawing, just the occasional rough sketching and colouring, so need to get going again. My skills have to be perfected by the time my Art paper is due.

Lazed around the house for the rest of the day, before and after I went to the library. Watched "My Boyfriend's Back" this morning, "Ratatouille" in the evening, some "Simpsons", and now am currently watching a film online called "Maurice". It's about two boys who fall in love at Cambridge University.
I never knew how cute Hugh Grant was when he was younger (much, much younger). Tender love stories, mmmm.

Saturday, June 27th 2009

Went to watch "Transformers 2" tonight, it was awesome! It was so action-packed, metal flying everywhere, and there was good humour. I love how that guy said "I don't like that guy, he is an ASS- HOLE". I was in the cinema," HAHAHAA" and there was total silence around me. There was so much adrenaline involved, it was exhilarating!
Sab had free tickets, so Hui Min, Sab, her bestie, a whole bunch of their relatives and I went to watch it at Cineleisure. Awesome! Everyone was making a big fuss about Megan Fox online and now I know why. She is hot! I was probably looking at her more than I was looking at the main character. Megan Fox is a little too skinny for my taste, but still hot. Bumblebee is cute, too.

The hottest girl I've seen is Traci Lind in "My Boyfriend's Back", my beloved childhood movie. That's the film I waited 11/12 years for, and I still love it so much. It's very heart-warming and full of nonsense. I'm posting part 1 of "My Boyfriend's Back" at the bottom of my blog, so scroll all the way down if you want to see it. Watch the entire thing on Youtube if you have the time, Andrew Lowery is cute. Paired up with Traci Lind, it's like the storyline doesn't even matter.

Am doing research on pot bellies on wikipedia, it's not as fascinating as researching on dangerous diseases, but still worth my time. It is caused by abnormal obesity, fat concentrated around the abdomen of males. Females tend to get fat around the buttocks, thighs and hips instead, so they don't usually get pot bellies. I never knew what substance pot bellies are made of until now. I've been curious about them since I watched the French film "A Very Long Engagement" where a prostitute fires a gun at a mirror, sending glass shards into a guy's pot belly. It looked pretty solid.

Friday, June 26th 2009

OH NO!
Michael Jackson is dead!

I told you fame is evil! Everybody famous either dies too early or goes mad. I always stood by Michael Jackson, he was a cool person. Rest In Peace, Michael.

I'm turning 18 in 9 days. My mom just asked me where I want to celebrate it, I don't want to celebrate it with my family. They're so bloody mean. Mom insisted that I celebrate it at some stupid restaurant, but we all go to a restaurant every birthday or occasion, it's so lame and awkward and there's always some petty argument. I refuse to "celebrate" my birthday this way.
I suggested to Mom that she just get me a present instead of going to some restaurant, and I told her I put up my birthday wishlist on the refrigerator. She and my sister went to look at it, and they laughed.
They actually laughed at the things I wanted! Then they said those things were "stupid" and "useless" and "a waste of money" and "nonsense". This is exactly why I can't stand my family, why can't they just be nice, supportive people? They always have to say something mean to amuse themselves, it's disgusting.
I'm so embarrassed.

Wednesday, June 24th 2009

If someone could get me this book, I would be very happy. The only place that has it is the library @ Esplanade, and it's not even for loan! I haven't checked "Page One", though..

Okay, I have to blog about several things today. I'll do them in paragraphs.

Today, in the MRT, I saw an old person give up her seat for a woman with a toddler. Then, a young man, in turn, have up his seat for the old woman. The young man lied to the old woman that he was going to get off soon. 6 stops later, he was till on the MRT. However, I am pleased to type that there is humanity in society after all!

On Saturday, Sabby took me shopping and I was mortified by what I saw. We walked into places like "Juicy Couture", and a simple, slinky top was on sale at $1000+ per piece! No typo error. A pair of foam slippers was on sale at $120! I could buy each of those items with $10. Non branded, granted, but they look exactly the same. Who cares?! The brand label is on the inside of the top, soon to be cut off for being annoying!
This is ridiculous! What surprises me most is that people actually buy them!

Also, I've never been able to afford the famous Royce or Godiva chocolates, so Sab bought me a small box of Godiva truffles. I always wanted to know what the fuss is about, almost all my peers were talking about the "fantastic" chocolates.
I eagerly opened the box when I got home and, slowly and carefully, ate one of the six chocolates in the box. I made sure I ate it slowly lest I missed out on anything, expecting some wonderful new flavour to burst out of the milk-chocolate-coated truffle. To my disappointment, it tasted no different from the cheapskate Belgian "shell" chocolates I pestered my mom to buy when I was a kid. (Sorry, Sabby, but I have to say this:)
Poor people aren't missing out on anything.

Went to Esplanade library to study and borrow DVDs today, but it was so crowded, even the floor spaces were taken up! I was surprised to find all the DVDs I've wanted to borrow for a long time, though. They were right there for me to take! I must've done something good again. I borrowed two Italian movies, "Gone with the Wind", "Charlie Chaplin revue"and "Simpsons Christmas". Feeling happy but with nowhere to sit, I borrowed the DVDs and went to the Esplanade foyer to study. I did SOVA today, so it didn't take too long. It was raining hard, and the air-conditioner was blasting right at me so I got the studying over and done with. My hands were frozen by the time I finished, but I didn't feel guilty, so good!
Walked to Peninsular Plaza and Peninsular Shopping Centre and found some pretty cool shops. Talked to a nice skater lady who told me where to buy roller skates, and found a witchcraft shop with shelves full of herbs and stones and amulets, and tons of cheap skinny jeans and backpacks and other lovely stuff! I can't stand skinny jeans, but I'll go there for my backpacks in the future, should I need any.

Today, I held a banjo in my hands for the first time, and I fell in love. I've been looking around for things I want for my birthday. I still can't decide if I'll buy myself running shoes, roller skates or a banjo. I can only get one present for myself, the others are up to other people. I can't afford the whole banjo, though. Maybe if I pay half the price...? Anyway, I've done my research, and I've found 3 banjos in the entire country.
1) Shop opposite "Swee Lee", $399, I think. (Bras Basah Complex, Bugis)
2) "Maestro Concept Store", $399 (Excelsior Shopping Centre, City Hall)
3) "Renner Piano Co." $369.90 (Peace Centre, Dhoby Ghaut)

Great Singapore Sale is on, they may be on sale!

Monday, June 22nd 2009

He was such a skinny little thing. I can't get over the tramp having such good manners! It's very appealing.

Sab gave me a set of Charlie Chaplin DVDs, comprising 4 films, 3 of which I've already watched. (Don't worry, Sab, I'll watch them again and again!) The one I haven't watched is "Limelight".
Tonight, I watched "The Great Dictator" a second time. The first time I watched it, which was weeks ago, I disliked it so much that I returned it the next day. It was late and I was tired and grumpy, so I thought it was too political, like all the other political bullshit in the world. Tonight, however, I watched it while having my dinner, and I saw that it isn't too bad at all. Not many people die in the movie, and his portrayal of Hitler is more comical than hateful.

Mom finally found & bought me some overalls, my old ones were getting too tight. This one's very comfortable ($15!), but she had to alter the length of the trousers because they were too long. Oh, well. That's what I get for being short. It's fine being short in Asia, though. I shall have to carry a ladder with me when (not if!) I go abroad to stay and study.

Some research online lead me to news that Charlie Chaplin came to Singapore! Too bad I wasn't alive back then, but he stayed at Raffles Hotel in 1933! Gah! By then, he was 44 and totally rich, but that's beside the point.

I did some research online about "PhD", "masters" and "medical school". "Masters" takes 2 years of post-graduate studies, "PhD" takes 4-6 years of post-graduate studies (depending on whether you sat for "masters"), and graduating from medical school certifies you a doctor and gives you the ability to practise medicine. "Masters" and "PhD" are more for the research field.
I think a PhD is like a badge of mental perseverance. Years of having to endure and do well in the highest levels of a certain chosen field. That's why people think a PhD is so great.

A lot of my heroes didn't finish school, and most of them were in the arts scene. Charlie Chaplin wanted to be a professional classical composer, he practised the violin for hours everyday, locked in his room. He couldn't read a note of music. Yet, he became an actor, the father of comedy.
Elvis Presley wanted a bicycle or rifle for his 11th birthday, but instead, got a guitar. That's all his parents could afford to get him. Years later, he played the guitar for the world to hear.

My Dad thinks it's strange that I should idolise dead people. He lived through a time when they were all alive, but never gave them a second glance. He's the one who's strange. When I was young, I used to wonder why these few people were such a big deal. Elvis's face was everywhere, everyone spoke of the classic Charlie Chaplin, and Jamaican flags were hung here and there with Bob Marley's face grinning from them. Now I know why they're so great.
My heroes weren't born into wealth, they knew poverty. They built themselves a future out of scraps, they remembered what it was like to be hungry, to not be able to afford what they wanted and needed. They grew up to be the greatest people who ever lived!

My life is too boring. Nothing much seems to be happening nowdays, just a routine of studying, having meals and sleeping. I throw in voice lessons and exercise and a bit of television, but that's it.
Where's the action?!
I wish I could live like Joe Dirt or Charlie Bucket (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory), feeling so happy to find money in the streets, planning what food to buy, down to the very last cent, having to brave danger and the cold, embracing adventure and going where my heart and feet take me.

Now that I think about it, it's not such a wonder that my heroes were poor once.

Friday, June 19th 2009 post 2

I've just overheard Dad telling Mom that my grandmother (Dad's mother) is in the hospital, due to some growth in her stomach. He's driving back to M'sia tomorrow to visit her.
I guess it's expected, most old people fall ill in some way, and she's quite old. I feel a bit bad, though, I was never really close to her. We live in different countries, and we don't speak the same language. I don't know what to say to Dad to comfort him, so I'm just being nicer and more forgiving when he's mean to me.

Meeting Sabby tomorrow, gonna buy some useful stuff for my room, like storage boxes or something. I baked brownies tonight, but am a bit worried because they smell funny. I thought it was the egg, but maybe it's just my imagination. I can't stand the smell of raw egg, and the smell of egg wasn't overpowering, so maybe it's not bad. Other than the whole egg thing, they're fine.

Finally found several places that sell banjos in Singapore, but I hope I can afford one. If only they sold banjos at $100. I need new running shoes, I've been using my current pair for about 3 years now, and the bottom is wearing out fast. It would be perfect for me to buy a new pair when my birthday arrives, but there are many other things I want as well. It seems ridiculous to pay $100 for a pair of shoes, but where else can I find good, cheap running shoes that hug the foot comfortably and support it, with good rubber soles with killer grips?!

Couldn't concentrate on Math today, so feeling lousy. My tuition homework is so weird, but it's not my syllabus. It just contains similar topics like trigo and all that, but it seems extremely un-doable. Extremely frustrating, so I tried doing some questions from my TYS, but didn't manage to do much.

Friday, June 19th 2009

Went to dinner with Kat and Gerv last night. It was wonderful getting together again. We had dinner at "Aston's" at the Cathay, and the food was all right. My steak was a little tough, but otherwise fine. Tasty.
Afterwards, we shopped at "Daiso", "Spotlight" and "Cotton On", but didn't spend much money. One has to have money to spend it. They're your typical good, girly-girls, so they tried on skirts and all that while I waited at some corner. We walked into one shop, and they were having a 50% sale on all items, I think. Anyway, Gerv picked up this pair of slippers that costs $99, it's unbelievable. How stupid can people get? Luckily, neither of us were stupid and we walked out the shop.
It was great to be around familiar people, and laughing a lot at stupid things and jokes. Very comforting, an escape from this dull life.

Wednesday, June 17th 2009

My second wisdom tooth is finally growing out! The first one grew out quite nicely, didn't give me any problems, but I'm not so sure about this one. The tiny speck of a tooth is already positioned a little bit out of line, and it may grow crooked and push against my inner cheek. Anyway, it still looks cute now. It's like I'm caring for a baby. Technically, I am.
Also, I really do believe that with wisdom teeth come wisdom. For me, at least.

Well, it's been a busy day. I woke up, watched "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" while having brunch. Watching it inspired me to have cabbage soup for lunch. If I could trade places with anyone in the world, it'd be Charlie Bucket, not because he won an entire chocolate factory, but because he's so close to his family.
Sometimes having all these material things matter squat to me. I guess it's good that I have food on the table and the money to buy more food and other things that I want, but it'd be much nicer to just have one day to look forward to, one day a year to have a whole chocolate bar to myself.

Had tuition again today, it wasn't bad. Teacher was surprised I finished all the questions she gave me last week. I guess I was supposed to do them slowly or something. After tuition, I continued watching "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" since Dad nagged at me non-stop during my brunch to "go study and stop wasting time". What does one have to do to get a peaceful, happy, filling breakfast around here?! Bloody hell, even when I study right in front of him, he says I don't study. Something is wrong, if he says it once more, I'm never studying in his sight again.

Practised my singing, all the exercises I know and my exam pieces. Tried to put "feeling" into them and succeeded, but somehow I can't do it in front of my voice teacher. It's just difficult. Practised retraction of the throat, inner smile, resonance and all that, but it's the emotions I have a problem with.

Ran at Bishan Park, gotta feel good when meeting up with Kat and Gerv tomorrow. At least I won't feel fat or guilty. Was supposed to bake brownies tonight, but I ended up watching "Scary Movie" instead. Gotta bake them for Sabby, so maybe I'll bake them on Friday night.

Tuesday, June 16th 2009

Charlie Chaplin was a pretty good-looking dude, so he looked good in any costume. I prefer him with his wildly-curly hair sticking up and out in all directions.

Last night, I got bored after playing 5 mins of "Sims 2", so I went on Wikipedia and did research on medical epidemics, then somehow stumbled upon Tuberculosis and Syphilis. Tuberculosis was a really dangerous disease back then, and since they didn't have antibiotics, or people couldn't afford it, about a billion people died of TB. It was very contagious, so it spread fast and wide.
The Syphilis page is even more scary. Quite obviously, Syphilis is a sexually-transmitted disease, so having sex was pretty much the only way to get it. The thing is, these diseases have an "incubation" period when there are no external signs of infection, so people continue to have sex and spread it further. In the 1000s (A.D.), people believed that applying mercury to their rashes and sores could cure them of Syphilis, by rubbing it on the skin, by mouth and by injection. Strangest thing is that mercury is supposed to be poisonous, but people lived! I love the saying "A night in the arms of Venus leads to a lifetime on Mercury".

These pages are frightening, but strangely fascinating and addictive.
Am currently reading the page on Leprosy.

I've done it! I've gotten all the dreads out of my hair, though it took me 3 days and an unbelievable lot of patience. One never realises how much skin and hair he sheds every day until he gets dreadlocks. 2 months of shedded hair came off, and lots of flakes of dead skin, but hey, it's human nature yah? Don't go all "eww, gross! Yuck, that's so disgusting!" on me. Anyway, I've gotten a haircut and my hair is hip, as usual. My stylist didn't believe I had dreadlocks and took them out, finishing less than an hour before getting my haircut.
It feels strange not having to painstakingly care for my dreads anymore, not feeling the weight of them, not having really, really tangled hair. However, it feels good to have light, fluffy hair again. Now that I've gone through having and caring for dreadlocks, I am a true survivor.

My Venus Flytrap is currently in my room listening to "Handel's Recorder Sonatas", enjoying the warmth of the IKEA table lamp. I noticed it grows a lot faster with music, so I guess it really works!

Am seriously considering a future in Psychology, but that will be my second choice to Biomedical Sciences. Of course, I'd love to spend a lifetime studying and prodding around in other people's organs, but a lifetime of studying and prodding around other people's minds sounds good too! Forensic science has fascinated me since I discovered serial killers and Hannibal Lecter (who could forget him?), and I love wickedly twisted minds, so it sounds exciting. What I'm worried about is that the only school that offers "Psychology Studies" is Temasek Poly, and that's at the other side of the country! I don't wanna do "Psychology and Community Services" or what ever they call it, done enough community work in Sec school, thanks very much.
The bonus in studying Psychology in Poly is that it doesn't have Math. It's a Humanities course, so it's very creative-English-based. That aside, am still working towards Biomedical Sciences. Biology really appeals to me, so I hope it'll somehow be part of my career in future. I don't ever want to be like those people who wind up in dead-end jobs because they can't/don't want to study. Have met enough of those people to know that it's a sucky life to lead.

Monday, June 15th 2009

Here's a poem I don't even remember I wrote. It was written and posted online 2 years ago.

"Clouds hover in the sky like a blanket of white,
A cool breeze gently blowing.
The blanket looks so thick and solid,
The layers barely showing.
How far is it from Earth, I wonder
Locked in an everlasting slumber.
Here I lie, forever wondering,
Snuggling inside the comfort of my mind."

Monday, June 15th 2009

Hiya folks!
Beautiful morning!

It's gonna be a slightly more relaxed week, I should say. Now that I've finished the first textbook, I'm doing 2 papers a week, so I have more free time on my hands to re-compile Math notes and bake Sabby's cookies. Will be meeting up with a few people this week, so it won't be an anti-social week for me. Usually I'm just cooped up at home with nobody to talk to, so I talk to my Venus Flytrap, but it doesn't talk back. At least it listens.

I've been spending time patiently taking my dreadlocks out. It's an emotionally painful process, like killing your babies. Oh well. My mom noticed that some of the ends are turning grey, and I panicked, because I wasn't sure if it was the shampoo or the whole dreadlock structure that was turning the ends grey, so I'm taking them out. It's a pity, but it doesn't mean I won't ever have them again! Maybe in the future, when I really do have grey hair.
Well, it's not all that bad, I guess. I miss having short, fluffy hair, and dreadlocks are extremely difficult to maintain. Everything gets stuck in it! Costly shampoo, too. Took pictures of them dreads before they were all out, so I'll always have the memories.

I aim to get them all out by tonight or tomorrow morning, then get a haircut after my voice lesson tomorrow, so my hair will more or less calm down in time for dinner with Kat and Gerv on Thursday. Good plan, good plan. I will miss my expressive hair, but I realised that I don't have to have expressive hair to be cool! I didn't get get dreads to look cool, but they ended up looking cool anyway, but I also like looking neat and hip. My short hair was always neat and hip!

Also, I noticed that all my heroes have/had expressive hair. Charlie Chaplin's was really curly and cute, Bob Marley had dreadlocks, Elvis had his wild comb-in-all-directions hair, Franco's is curly and blond.

I like all their hairstyles, but they're all men! I wouldn't look good with their hairstyles if I tried, apart from the dreadlocks. I was thinking of really curly hair (refer to previous post's picture), d'you think it would suit me?

Saturday, June 13th 2009

Been doing research on kisses. It's been recorded that kissing was around as early as 1500BC, though it is not known when exactly kissing came about, or how people developed it. Came across an interesting paragraph in an article, and I'll quote it:

"When you really think about it, kissing is pretty gross. It involves saliva and mucous membranes, and it may have historical roots in chewed-up food. Experts estimate that hundreds or even millions of bacterial colonies move from one mouth to another during a kiss. Doctors have also linked kissing to the spread of diseases like meningitis, herpes and mononucleosis."

The line about bacterial colonies moving from one mouth to another is the grossest part. Remember my germ-growing experiment? The "tongue" container is the most dangerous-looking one now. This big white blob of bacteria has climbed up the walls! The black germs have completely covered the surface of the gelatine solution, which has now turned liquid, broken down by bacteria. The brown germs are nowhere to be seen, because the black and white germs are so plentiful. Very frightening to think it comes from a mouth. MY mouth, at any rate. Gahh! Luckily, I clean my tongue every morning. The germs were taken in the morning, AFTER I brushed my teeth but before cleaning my tongue, so you can imagine what a whole night's sleep can do for the germs in your mouth.

Went to SPCA this morning. Mom finally came. She didn't exactly agree, but she's not so against the idea of getting a dog anymore. We didn't find a suitable dog for us today, so I guess we'll just go back again some time soon. I did, however, fall in love with a lovely little rabbit named Bubbles. He was really sweet, and he kissed my fingers as I rubbed his face through the bars. Boy, I'll never stop loving rabbits in my life.
I like bigger dogs, though. They're nice to cuddle, and they'll protect you and all that. The German Shepherd and Rottweiler I saw at SPCA are gorgeous and unbelievably friendly and curious. Too bad I live in a HDB flat. When (not if!), in my future, I move to the countryside of some lovely country, I'll go for big, friendly dogs.

Going to study with V tomorrow at Esplanade, then we're going to walk about town for a while before heading home. Shall borrow more Charlie Chaplin DVDs, I'm getting bored with "City Lights", which I've watched 4 times in a week. "Monsieur Verdoux" is all right, but I prefer his movies with his 'Tramp' character. He's cuter in those.

Friday, June 12th 2009

Feeling really lousy tonight.

Finally watched "Brokeback Mountain" in privacy, my mom walked in and out of the room at all the "right" parts, like "woman crying" or "kids talking to father" or "meat roasting over fire". I guess it wasn't total privacy, but good enough, considering how nosey people can be in this house. Well, watching "Brokeback Mountain" made me emotional, so I wasn't really in the mood for anything in particular. Had to talk to mom about adopting a dog from SPCA.

See, the SPCA requires the entire family to be present when adopting a dog. My brother refused to go, saying that if my mom goes, he would go. However, my mom is the most stubborn human being you'd ever meet. She's against it, using my dad as an excuse, saying he's too busy. It's bullshit, but that's beside the point. Anyway, both my brother and my mom called me selfish, so I stopped talking and stormed off to my room to cry. I don't really know why. It did sting a little, but you'd think I'd be used to it by now after 17 and a half years. Maybe it's the "Brokeback Mountain" that did it. I'm not sure if my sis can persuade them to go, but if she can't, I don't think we'll have an animal in the house any time soon. I miss having someone to talk to. I miss my Rabbit.

Sabby made my day by telling me about how she got me this Charlie Chaplin DVD collection. Only Volume 1, but Chaplin nonetheless! It's really sweet of her, can't wait to hang out with her when she flies back to visit.

Thursday, June 11th 2009

I knew I shouldn't have bought any cake! Every time I buy something for my parents, they're ungrateful. Every time I don't buy something for them, they're grumpy. Every time something is bought for them, I get scolded. It simply isn't fair. Why can't they just be decent human beings with courtesy and accept gifts with thanks?

Have been reading autobiographies of Charlie Chaplin. I've been discovering a lot about him with every flip of the page. He played the violin and piano well, and also played a little bit of cello. He danced and sang, too. Talented, no?
I was surprised to discover that he hated the smell of warm milk. Strange, because ever since I was young, I've hated warm milk. The smell is revolting! He said the smell of warm milk reminded him of sex. Now that I think about it, it's true.
He's becoming more of my hero every day. He's like the original Joe Dirt, only he was the real deal. The Tramp lived his life according to Charlie Chaplin's own life and experiences. He's always positive after being humiliated or laughed at, that's why I love him so much. He's a true hero in his own way.

We just got Dad to cut his birthday cake, and we sang him a birthday song. He stood by his ungrateful comments, but beamed as we sang him the song, a smile creeping over his face. Good to know that he isn't really unhappy about the gift.

Sis just showed me this short film on Youtube called "Chicken a la Carte", about poor people who don't have enough to eat, and how we "middle-class" people of society waste food, and how the poor people eat our left-overs. It was sad, but came as no surprise to me when they screamed, in their bold font, "25,000 people die of starvation EVERY DAY". I've done enough research on my own to know that. Millions of people die every day due to various reasons- like malaria and AIDS. If you've been reading my blog, you'd recall that I've typed about "malaria in Africa" before.

--------------------Must-Read Section--------------------
Well, H1N1 swine flu virus is finally declared an actual epidemic, and things have gotten a little exciting since. I suddenly have this sense of adventure in me, like you don't know what's coming next but you still want to risk your life and live normally. More people will be wearing masks out from now on, but I'm not sure I will. I'll think about it. Life is precious, but if it's time to die, it's time to die.
It's exciting to think that I'm living during/though an actual epidemic, even though it's not that serious because our ancestors have gone through similar flu epidemics before and have since evolved/adapted, in a way, to "fight" these flu viruses. The virus has mutated to become more dangerous than it used to be, but somehow it still seems mundane. Flu used to be a real killer, back when they had no idea what flu was. The Spanish Flu (1918-1920) was the worst, killing 20 to 100 million people. I wonder how many people are going down in this epidemic? Will it be really bad that it'll go down in history as the worst flu epidemic, or will it just be "another one of those"?

I often do research on epidemics that really made big holes in the world's human population, like the Black Death, Yellow Fever, Plague(s), Cholera, and they're all very interesting. Each one has different characteristics, and I read that people fell and died in the streets of these diseases. I know it sounds evil, but it would be an awesome sight. No doubt people won't be falling and dying in the streets due to this swine flu, since they'll all be in hospitals battling it out, so it won't be so exciting.
I don't really know what to feel now that the recent epidemic has been declared. Now faced with an actual world crisis, I don't know whether to be glad or sad. It's kind of like nature's way to cut down world population since we have too many people on the planet, but I'm part of that population. I guess I'm not really afraid of anything, death will come when it's time. There's really nothing to fear. I just wonder if I'll live long enough to see what happens next.(?)

Monday, June 8th 2009

"Failure is unimportant. It takes courage to make a fool of yourself."

Been reading up on Charlie Chaplin and his life. He had a difficult childhood and was painfully shy and sickly. You can't imagine the dark background behind this lovable character. He hung out with all the famous people, I was shocked to see Albert Einstein's face in his photographs! Charlie Chaplin is one of a kind.

Watched "City Lights" last night. There were funny jokes, but I still think "Modern Times" was his best show. Of course, I haven't watched all of them, so I can't say for sure. Can't wait to watch them all, the Tramp is certainly my favourite character.

Went to SPCA today with sis and dad to see if there were any dogs suitable for us to adopt. It's pretty restricted, because we live in a HDB flat, so difficult to find small dogs for adoption. We need the whole family to go down to adopt a dog, so I'm hoping we can all go down on Saturday. My parents keep saying that I have no time to take care of a dog, that I have to study, etc. I'm already studying so much, but they're crazy and expect me to do it 24/7. I think even then, they wouldn't be satisfied. I can't stand them being so difficult, I need an outlet desperately. I'm cooped up at home day after day with Dad forcing studies down my throat while he idly sits and watches TV, eats and sleeps.
I wish Rabbit were still here, I miss him. He gave me a reason to live.

I'm going to spend more time alone from now on, taking time to go to Kinokuniya/Borders in the evenings to browse books and get lost in them. I sat with a really big book of Charlie Chaplin at Esplanade library the other day. I got lost in it, just having to concentrate on that and nothing/nobody else in the world. It was lovely, I got lost in it, couldn't hear or see anything else.
I feel the need to get away from the house nowadays. The house drains me of determination and discipline, and whenever Dad's at home, the TV's on, it's very distracting. Even in my room with the door locked, I can't work. There's just something depressing about being at home, I've just gotta get out and away from it! Anywhere else would be fine.

Sunday, June 7th 2009

Lovely smile.
If I manage to find a smile like this one in the reference books at esplanade library, I'll enlarge it and paste it on my wall.

Went to Bugis library with V today, diligently did my Geog paper. After I finished, it looked quite impressive, even though I merely wrote the points on the page itself. Couldn't find any big Charlie Chaplin books, was disappointed! Luckily, I didn't go home empty-handed. I went home with an autobiography and movie-and-life summary. I really want that big book I saw at Esplanade library, it had really great pictures and lotsa info on each film he was in. Too bad it's only for reference, must be super-expensive, maybe $80. Maybe I can add that to my birthday wishlist?

Gonna add something else to my wishlist: rollerskates! Quad roller skates, the ones used before rollerblades came along. Quads are the ones with the 4 wheels separated, like a car/truck. Rollerblades are the one with wheels in a line under the boot. I have rollerblades but they're really too heavy to move freely. I want rollerskates, but they don't sell them any more. Not here, at least, so I thought I'd make my own. They have DIY rollerskate videos online, but I need special skate parts to make them. I'll visit a skate shop one of these days to see if they have them. It would be pretty cool if I could make my own.

Went out for dinner with family tonight, it's for Father's Day and Dad's birthday. Strange that my parents' birthdays fall within a week of their respective Mother's/Father's Day. It was an awkward dinner (as it has been for so many years). Other tables were filled with noisy people busy talking and joking, ours was silent. I just concentrated on eating to busy myself, all I wanted to do was to go home and watch Charlie Chaplin. It's nice to get lost with him in his adventures, it peels away the stress from my hectic day-life.