Wednesday, October 31st 2007

I'm both emotionally and physically drained. I can literally feel my eyelids closing, my body shutting down. Yet, I'm forcing myself to type a blog entry. I just feel a need to.

I feel so fed up with the world. I've had a rough week, I even witnessed a crime. What the hell is wrong with everybody? Am I the one at fault? I feel so angry, I feel like I want to hit people, break things, hurt myself, but I'll try not to do any of the three.
It's simply not sensible.

I'm so disgusted and disappointed that I just don't know what to say or do. Nowadays, everything seems like a waste of time. I haven't been getting enough sleep since Sunday night, but I drag myself to school for lessons, which some of my classmates don't even bother doing. Of course Mrs Khoo has a right to be embarrassed. I would, too, if I were her. I wouldn't be able to face the world knowing that half the students in my form class doesn't bother coming to school.
I feel so sorry for her, having people like them in her class. She was practically near tears today while scolding our class. I wanted to march up there and give her a hug, but I didn't, lest she hit me or something.

There certainly are idiotic people in the world.
Have a good Halloween.

Tuesday, October 30th 2007

Back when I was revising for Geography for my 'N' levels, I remember sticking a post-it note on the page, about how my body and spirit are separate, and they often disagree with one another. Then, I find myself muttering arguments.
Today, something triggered a new thought:

The only time the body and spirit cooperate is when we laugh or cry.

Monday, October 29th 2007

I have nothing to say about today's paper, apart from the fact that my hands were sweating all through, making the pen slip, and my finger hurt.

Just give it my all and see where it takes me.

The whole bloody world is stupid, stupid, stupid. Stupid woman just bloody shoved me aside in the MRT today. No "excuse me", whatsoever. She just pushed me aside, causing me to step on someone else's foot. Even then, I apologised.
What the hell is wrong with the world, and why can't they have the basic courtesy to say "please" or "thank you" or "sorry" or "excuse me" or "you're welcome"?!
*******s.

Saturday, October 27th 2007

Just a quick one.
I'm proud to say that my piano-playing has improved!

Today, my sis and I went to the library @ Esplanade to look for music scores and DVDs. I borrowed a book on the life of Elvis, and a songbook of his songs. DVDs I borrowed were "Tuesdays with Morrie" and "Jailhouse Rock". I can't wait to watch "Jailhouse Rock", it looks fun. I'm gonna wait till after Monday to do that. Right now I need to be focused! I'm waking up early tomorrow morning, maybe going out to run, have a shower, do a compre while "talking to myself", and then spend the rest of the day leisurely (sp?) memorising situational writing formats.
Is that not a brilliant plan?

Going to watch "Four Feathers" on TV now. Looks/sounds interesting.

Friday, October 26th 2007

My fear is setting in. There are several causes. One is that my English 'O's are on MONDAY! Second, I may lose my current teachers next year. Ms Yip has said that she probably won't teach us English next year, oh no!!!
I'm spending nowadays doing a lot of comprehension. I hate those, I can never get them right. It's starting to get more fun, it's the summary that I hate. I hate having to rephrase things.
OBS is coming. I'm worried, because I don't know a thing about it, even though I've always hoped I could go. Starting to feel nervous.
This post isn't very... fully developed, because my mind is really exhausted.

Monday, October 22nd 2007

I can't remember if I've typed this before, so I'll type it again:

When you were younger, did you ever think you'd be what you are now?

Sunday, October 21st 2007

It has been a productive day.
I began the day by waking up at 7.40am, washing up and getting ready to go swimming with my sister. At 8.30am, she was still in bed!
We made our way down to Yio Chu Kang (sp?) swimming complex after she got ready. I was feeling nervous, because it was a long time since I last swam. Maybe it was 2 years ago.
However, I remembered enough to save my life, and I swam 4 x 50m. Didn't swim more because my stomach was feeling funny, like I was going to throw up.

We had breakfast after that. You wouldn't believe the amount of unhealthy food we found at the food stall there. You'd think that people would want to eat healthily after a swim.

After I came home, I practiced playing the piano. Am currently learning a new song with many many chords. At times I feel like I'm about to die. Had lunch after that, which was KFC bought back home. Ate while watching "Bewitched" on DVD.
I love Nicole Kidman's eyes.

After "Bewitched", I did a timed comprehension so Ms Yip won't kill me tomorrow. At least I did something! Almost fell asleep while doing it, but I forced myself to finish, and I finished it with 15 mins to spare. I figured I deserved some form of rest after that, and since my sis was using the comp, I switched on the radio and listened to Jia 88.3fm, lying on my bed. I struggled desperately to stay awake, but I think I fell asleep a few times. Not exaggerating.

I forced myself to spring out of bed when I heard knocks on my door. I had dinner, and then oranges, and here I am now after dinner.
Sis and I are planning to join the Singapore Complaints Choir. It should be fun. I've watched the Helsinki and Birmingham Complaints Choir. Rehersals will be hectic, though, because they're at night for 2 weeks. 7-10pm! We'll sing at public places and amuse people. Exciting. Hopefully, my own choir will gather enough people to go to Italy next year. My life would feel so full with all these events.

Lastly, a message for Mumu.
" Dear Mumu
I read what you typed on your blog. I must say, I was surprised to read all the swearwords, and I do believe that you can express your anger without swearing. Besides, what's the use of scolding people on your blog? They won't read it. Why not confront them directly? It never hurts to have manners, and it's possible to be fuming but still have manners and not swear.
Also, don't let opportunity slip through your fingers again. If you want people to know you feel hurt by their actions, let them know, if not they'll just go on doing it.
Don't even think about picking up that penknife or bottle/can of alcohol. I'm here for you to talk to if you need me.

Xiulin"

Thursday, October 18th 2007

It just occured to me that I've yet to type out my "Pests" essay. Feeling too lazy to dig it up from wherever it is, so I'll let it hang.

I see that Vera-ann has quoted me, I feel... =D

Today while I was sitting on the swing by myself at school, I was feeling lousy. It was raining, and I was waiting for the rain to stop. I had this urge to go home, have a shower, and then spend the rest of the day on the computer doing research on Elvis Presley. HOWEVER, I didn't.

I'm losing my manners again. Also, I'm starting to go back to being an aloof person, and that's not good. For a while it was all right, or so I thought, because I greeted teachers, cleaners, and students I knew. Nowadays, especially today, I found it requires/required too much effort. I don't know why.

Monday, October 15th 2007

Am down with flu. It's been a few days now, not sure if I should risk doing Physical Training tomorrow morning. I'm leading, so it shouldn't be too bad, right? If I die from it, I probably won't regret it anyway.
New scores tomorrow, I wonder if they'll be difficult?

Feeling really lousy because of this dreadful cold. This is going to be a busy week. Strangely, I'm anticipating normal lessons. Nothing special, just normal school and lessons. I hope they stick to normal timings as well. It's just so..normal.

I want to spend Halloween Night on the roof of Vivocity. It's beautiful up there, and since it's after every paper, I'd like to just spend that night looking at the sky and thinking. Just thinking.
I wish my parents wouldn't drag me along with them to Malaysia. I guess it is sort of a tradition that I go back to visit my relatives there, especially since some of them are very old. Still, I wish they wouldn't drag me along. I guess I'd feel guilty if I don't go, but I really like peace. If I were alone, I wouldn't quarrel with anybody, or hurt anybody. I hate arguments, sometimes I'm the one who starts them, and I hate that. Being alone just gives me the freedom to say what I want and hurt no one. Everybody would be happy then, right?

I went to town today, Art Friend in Takashimaya. I was so tempted by endless sizes of cut canvas(es). I have ideas for round canvases, but they're simply too expensive. I would like a decent-sized square one but they're also too expensive. Felt so reluctant to part with my money on/for canvas because I really do not have much money. Like they say, it's like being a child in a candy shop but not being able to touch a single sweet.

Friday, October 12th 2007

I'm finally free. Few things I want to type about today.

1) I saw someone getting molested right infront of me just yesterday. I was on my way home from Vivocity. Mushuang had already gotten off at her stop, so I was alone, but not literally. The MRT was totally packed with people, mostly people going home from work.
This skinny old balding man was standing behind a short, okay-looking long-haired girl of about 25 years old. Since the train was crowded, he only had to stick out a finger to touch her behind, and that's what he did. He used one finger to stroke it several times. I was thinking, "what the H?"
I stared at him, and he moved further into the carriage at the next stop.

2) Yes!!! I got my very first Elvis Presley CD! 52 songs for $22.95, which is pretty impressive. There were a few others, but with 25 songs for $30, and so on.

3) It's depressing to find out that almost all the kids from "The Little Rascals" aka "Our Gang" are dead. When I was young, I had a video tape recording of some episodes, and I loved it so much I watched it every day! I remember talking to my father at work, telling him that my favorite video tape to watch was "The Little Rascals". I practically grew up with the show. I was too young to know that the kids in the film were already dead. In my mind they were always so alive.
It's depressing, all these dead people. First, I read about Elvis and his death. Next, I read that all those kids died long ago.
"The Little Rascals" was a sweet series/show. They portrayed kids like they should be, all young and innocent and naughty.

Saturday, October 6th 2007

Elvis Presley is my hero.