Tuesday, December 30th 2008

Well, I've gotten myself back into Art-mode. Been drawing and colouring all day. Alas, I haven't even finished one drawing today, but that's all right, it's looking good. Maybe I'll post a picture of it when I'm done. I got the photo from the internet, it's been hell colouring. My hands hurt, my fingertips are peeling from the dish washing soap, air-conditioning, piano-playing and colouring.
Been practising piano a lot, and I'm proud to say I've progressed. I'm halfway through the 1st variation of that Mozart piece.

I feel a growing interest in classical music. It all started with opera, really. I casually mentioned castrati at the beginning of June, which led to my sister showing me a video of Philippe Jaroussky on Youtube. I fell in love with the song in the video and couldn't stop listening to it. It led to me buying the CD and listening to other songs by different composers like Handel and Gluck. Then, it branched out into listening to their music by other artists. I stumbled upon "Farinelli il Castrato" on Youtube and got hooked on the music as well, so borrowed the CD and got exposed to music by composers like Hasse and Riccardo Broschi.
I watched movies like "Amadeus" and "Danny the Dog" and it led to a lot of Mozart's music, which I quite like. I've been listening to a lot of his music on my player, but it doesn't have a lot of orchestral works, only piano sonatas and stuff. I prefer the orchestral works. Just put up another piece on my blog, which, if you turn up the volume on your computer, you'll be able to hear. Have patience to listen to the whole thing.
This piece is played at the beginning of the movie "Amadeus".

Monday, December 29th 2008

I think I'm suffering from withdrawal symptoms.

A few months after I came back from Italy, I was still dreaming about it nightly, that I was eating gelato in Venice, that I was still strolling through the streets of Riva del Garda.
I miss China so much, I've been dreaming of it since I returned 2 weeks ago. It seems like an awfully long time, though. I miss all the people I met there. Okok, two living things, one not even a human being, but still.

Anyway, over the last few days, I've discovered a couple of things about myself. Just last night, I sat at the photo drawers, flipping through the albums. It was like looking at a past I can't remember. I kept flipping through album after album, looking for a particular something, but I didn't and don't know what it was. It was a very sad, empty feeling.
I gazed at the sweet face of the happy child in those photos, and honestly, can't believe that it was me.
Also, I realised that there wasn't a single photo with me and both mommy and daddy in them. It was either mommy and I, or daddy and I, never together.

Wednesday, 24th December 2008

Been sleepless for the past few weeks since the 'O' levels, don't know why. The stress should have been long gone by now, but I still have trouble sleeping. I can't remember how to sleep.
Maybe I should get some sleeping pills from the pharmacy. D'you think they would sell me some, or is it a controlled drug?

The Venus Flytrap I bought the other day is still doing well. New traps are sprouting, it's really cute. And really good, because that means I'm taking good care of it. All it gets is light energy from the table lamp, and distilled water. I'm giving it at least 4 hours of light per day. Where are those bug-filled nights I hate so much? The traps are hungry.

Can't wait to attend my first Midnight Mass tonight. I shall go early, take my time walking there and listening to the choir singing carols. I hope they practised hard.

Just started learning a new piano piece, Mozart's Sonata no. 11 (KV 331). The first part is relatively simple, haven't started on the other parts yet. Looks scary. Gonna have to practise more to improve. At least now I can say I play classical pieces, not anime music. My "Lascia ch'io Pianga" is nowhere near polished.

Saturday, December 20th 2008

These photos and places aren't the reason I love China, but they are pretty photos. Notice how the autumn trees aren't fake and are planted in soil? You can't ever see them in Singapore, that's for sure.

Last night's concert wasn't fantastic, but it felt so good to be back with people I love again, I was willing to ignore the bad part. It was scary to hear how the discipline has dropped since we left, especially the PT part, but it was nice to hear about how they're growing up. After the concert, some choir girls and I went to Starbucks to grab a drink, and then go to that big area near Esplanade (where people go to break-dance, etc) to sing and reminisce about the old days. We're meeting up at school again soon, hopefully we can get past the security guards.

I think I'll spend Christmas alone this year. It seems nice enough to sit quietly and have a good meal, one that I'll cook for myself, and then stroll to the church near my house to attend my first Midnight Mass. I can observe everything silently and maybe learn a few things.
I used to dream about this, you know, just being able to go to Midnight Mass and witness the celebration. I was never allowed, of course. Firstly, it's at midnight- no way my parents would have allowed me out this late. Secondly, they all spit on religion anyway, so of course they were/are against it.

I was so clueless about Midnight Mass, Freda practically laughed at me.

This Christmas, however, will be different. My parents will be away in Korea, my siblings out, and I'll be home alone. Nobody appreciates peace and quiet as much as I.
Maybe except dear Rabbit.
So I'll spend Christmas with Rabbit this year, great! He won't laugh at me, he won't fling insults at me, he won't spit on any religion. He won't interrupt what I say, he'll gladly have dinner with me, and nothing I say to him is taken as a joke.

Anything can be done, if it's done with determination.

Wednesday, December 17th 2008

Just a few photos I wanted to share with you guys. These came from the movie "Unleashed/Danny the Dog". If you watch it, you might just become a Jet Li fan, if you aren't already. :)

I'm serious. Don't say I didn't warn you.
He's super huggable there.

Anyway, went for lunch with Dad today. He started talking about my future, and told me that it doesn't matter whether I go to a bad school or not, etc etc, and he just wants me to be happy with my future, what ever I want to do. He said if I can't make it into my choice of course, I will always have other options, and I shouldn't ever give up.
Of course I know that he's worried about my results, who wouldn't be? I'm worried too, even if it doesn't look like it.

All I can do now is wait for the results and hope for the best. There's a future for me somewhere, but it might not be in Biomedical Science. My results will tell me if I'm really cut out for something else.
I know I'll always have my singing, and if I had to choose, I wouldn't give up singing for anything.

Tuesday, December 16th 2008

Hey everybody!
Been watching more Jet Li movies. He's quite a cute little fellow, isn't he? I bought this movie just a couple of days ago, it's the best one I've seen yet.

I'm cooped up at home again, this time only because I'm ill. Am down with flu. I wonder why there's no shortage of mucus? Been blowing my nose every few minutes, yet minutes later, there's a nose full of mucus again. It's very, very annoying, but I try to be patient with my body. The poor thing is probably struggling to flush out the virus.

It's strange. All that time I spent in China, I never fell ill once, even when I was shivering at -13 degC. Only when I returned to this dreaded island of a country, I fell ill with flu. I'm starting to miss China badly, not because I wasn't ill there, but I miss the air, the language, the people and their attitude, the things they sell, the small, quiet ancient towns and the scenery.
It's just the things that can't be seen in this country.

Here, the windows are barred, the air is polluted, everywhere you look you see tall buildings and an endless stretch of cars. Our history is so shallow, so bleak. We are so young.

I'm starting to sink into depression upon the realisation that I have to stay on this small, polluted, modern, overcrowded island until I turn 21. Until then, I have no power to do anything, go anywhere outside of this country without my parents' consent. However, on the bright side, I've already started saving up. I'm hoping to go to Venice (alone or otherwise) in Dec 2009, but if I can't, at least I'll be well on the way to saving enough for when I'm 21.

Hey, a kid can only save so much in a year. I have reduced myself to spending only $10 a week from Jan-Nov next year. If I can earn $200 per week, $100 would go to my savings, the other $100 would go to voice lessons. My family refuses to pay for it. If I save $20 out of my $30 per week, I would have $880 by Nov 30th 2009. So, if my calculations are correct, I would be able to save up $5280 by Nov 30th next year. If I add money from any occasions (birthday/Christmas/Chinese New Year), I would end up with about $6000, just enough for flight, accomodation, food and other expenses if I scrimp.
If I decide to go to China again and leave Venice to when I'm 21, I would definitely have enough money. It doesn't cost as much to go to China. Actually, it costs much less.

I'm so glad we bought 3 types of Chinese tea back. Been drinking tea daily, already had 4 mugs today. It's actually quite soothing, and it's very good for the body. I hope to get into the tea-drinking routine.
Before I went to China, I was still at the Twinings tea-drinking stage. I was drinking the "chamomile, vanilla and honey" tea with an excessive dose of honey. It was comforting, but somehow too thick and flavourful for a drink before bedtime. In case you don't know, chamomile is supposed to help you relax and sleep well. Without the excessive dose of honey, however, the tea tastes horrible. Now that I have Chinese tea, tea-drinking has suddenly become much more interesting.

Sunday, December 14th 2008

Isn't Jet Li just adorable?

After several days of being home, I don't feel the need to express my anger at my sister's friend anymore. I just feel so relieved to be away from SC, and glad to be home. Am so very thankful I don't have to care about her anymore, and her incessant pelting me with insults. I don't feel angry with her anymore, or at least at the moment, but if I ever have to, all my anger has been recorded somewhere, so I'll just pull it out then.

I'm so thankful and grateful to be back here. I'm looking forward to celebrating Chew's birthday with her tomorrow, and I'm also looking forward to attending the Choir concert on the 19th with Samira and Freda. It feels so good to be back around people whom I'm familiar with, whom I feel safe around.
It also feels good to finally be taken seriously. Most of what I said on the Yunnan trip was taken to be nonsense, and more jokes and insults followed.

Actually, I'm thankful for SC and my sister's incessant pelting of insults. Each time they hurled one at me, it gave me a chance to think. It trained me to dig deeper into meanings of words they said, it taught me how to laugh them off, it taught me how to argue with or side myself. I've gone back into thinking-and-staring mode, which I lost about 2 years ago, and I'm happy to have it back.

Basically, this trip taught me to survive anything, physically, mentally, psychologically. It was like a boot camp, just with nicer living conditions, but with no shortage of teasing and insults and jokes made about you. Through all this, I still met nice people, learnt new things, and saw China like I had never seen before.
I never knew I could come to love a country that I hated so much.

However, there is something I feel the need to share with all you people who faithfully read my blog.
You do know I have a fascination with serial killers, right? There were people like Jeffrey Dahmer, Ed Gein, Albert Fish, and of course our fictitious Hannibal Lecter, but you'll never realise their true evil until you see them commit a crime. Reading about it isn't enough, not even watching a movie portray their crimes. Only when you see the satisfaction on their faces as they kill, will you know their true depth of evil.

I, myself, never really knew what evil was until that day I was forced to watch the slaughtering of pigs. We were at Tiger Leaping Gorge, staying at some guest-house and waiting for breakfast, when I heard a scream pierce through the morning air. You'll never know how painful it sounds unless you hear it, live, for yourselves.
"I have just witnessed the killing of a pig. Its screams were deafening, and I saw them carry the bucket to the table before slitting its throat. When they slit its throat, the screams stopped, leaving only a weak, high-pitched squeal, then there was silence."

That was taken from my notebook, which I carried around with me on the trip. The evil I saw was not in the faces of the men who killed the pig. No. It was in the face of SC who held the camera, recording the whole thing in a video.
None of the men looked very happy, their faces were portraits of pain itself. What struck me most hardly and disturbed me most was that on SC's face, emotion was there, painted in a smile.

Friday, December 12th 2008

Well, well, well. I'm back from Yunnan, and to be honest, China is actually a really cool place to be.

I think the van-driver (Wang Shi Fu) who took us to Tiger Leaping Gorge and then to Shangri La is so cute! He's real eye-candy, unlike those fake, plastic types. He's cute, but not perfect, his hands are rough from hard work and he has wrinkles on his face beside his eyes, but he's beautiful. The real type of man! Don't know how old he is, but probably 35-45 years old (with kids). People age fast physically there because of the very cold wind and the very strong sunlight. He has a "cute-tooth", which only makes him cuter, I find. He's tall, dark and handsome! Ha, ha, ha!
Very adorable.

I met someone new! He's 18 years old, very gorgeous, very sweet-natured. He's a straight-forward farmboy, honest, good-looking, good body. A loving and obedient boyfriend. Yes, he's my new boyfriend!
His name is Bei Bei and he's a mix breed between a horse and donkey, and he followed me around and nuzzled my tummy. He's very, very sweet. So handsome, I love him.

Doesn't the guy behind us look like he's checking out my butt?


So. The trip itself was all right. Lotsa problems with the people I went with, esp my sister's friend, who was unmercifully pelting me with insults all the way. What an asshole. Perhaps I'll type a little more about her in my next post or something, when I'm less tired.

Spent last night at Bangkok's airport, and while my sister slept, I put my jacket over her, went to the toilet and then went to a corner to sing arias. The place was so big, I could have hardly been heard. I didn't sleep at all, save for about a 20-min nap at Starbucks at 6am, so now I'm all light-headed and drifty. Don't really know what I'm doing, feels like I'm floating around. Need sleep.

Oh, yes, I almost forgot. I think Jet Li is cute. I'll post a pic of him in my next post. Gonna watch a DVD now, I think. A Jet Li movie :)

Tuesday, December 2nd 2008

Of course, Daphne. We have good taste in everything!
(P.S.: They're selling SpongeBob keychains just outside AMK Hub.)

Bird's Nest Soup is so sickly sweet. It's strangely slimy, too, which forced me to think of it's origins- a bird's saliva. I must say, however, that I tried very hard to ignore that fact and to swallow a mouthful, but my own vomit came up, so I ran from the bowl sitting on the table.

We let the leeches go today, several had died and I didn't want any more to be taken by death just because they were trapped in a plastic container (yes, we actually shifted them to a larger, cleaner container), so we let them go. I hope they're happy. There's food, fresh water, long grass... I won't tell you where we let them go, but I think they're happy there. Maybe I'll wait another few years before I try keeping them as pets again, I obviously have to do more research first.
Rest In Peace, leeches.

Leaving for Yunnan tomorrow, wish me luck. Weather forecasts have forecasted that it'll be quite cold there, so my backpack is filled to its brim with mostly warm clothing. I painted my gloves today, one stripy, the other with smileys on each finger. Maybe I'll post a picture of them when I get back.

Above is a lovely picture of my cool grandparents. They're so cute. They were both good-looking when they were much younger. Ah Gong seems to be frowning here, the food was pretty bad.

Sunday, November 30th 2008

Happy Birthday!

I'm back alive!
The scenery was nice, especially the mountains with tops smothered in clouds. When I looked up at the sky, I could see the lovely layers of clouds, each layer at least several km away from one another.

My grandparents are really cool. At ages 84 and 85, they can still play mahjong, wear a wig, drink sarsi and eat fried chicken. Apparantly, Ah Gong loves fried chicken! Ah Ma gave me a jade pendant. Now, I'm not really a fan of jade, but maybe it'll interest me in 50 years.
May I also add that "Bird's Nest Soup" is horribly disgusting?!
I'll never go near that stuff again.

Ah Sim has good taste, man. The guy she married (who's my uncle) has nice arms.
Anyway, this uncle of mine helped me with the leech-catching. He spent hours looking for them, and they're really cute. They have stripes on their backs. I'm worried about the dirty bottle they're in, though. It seems awfully disgusting. Low standard of living, absolutely no sanitation. They are clinging desperately to the inside wall of the plastic bottle. I hope the "Cash-Converter" has an appropriate tank for this kind of wildlife. They can squeeze through any small gap, and if they do they'll be crawling up your leg next. They'll chase after you if you try to run.
Pesky little creatures.

Next on my list will be that mini-pot of Venus Flytraps they're selling at $12 at the nursery. Maybe I'll feed them meat. Chicken, perhaps?

In 1-2 days I'll be off to Yunnan, China. Don't know what I'll see there. Never been a big fan of China, so hopefully this will be an interesting trip. I'll be back just in time for Chew's birthday, so that's good.
Can't wait for the steamboat.

Friday, November 21st 2008

Hey guys.

Just realised that the imeem.com song on my blog has been cropped again, but I don't have the time to fiddle-twiddle with that now. Leaving early tomorrow morning, and I'm desperately transferring videos to my sister's player (now mine!!!). When I first transferred them, the player refused to play the videos, saying it doesn't support that format, so I had to go back to the computer and convert them all, and it's taking hell of a long time. Been converting for the last hour and a half!
I hope it's worth it. I shall die if I don't have this sort of entertainment during the 8-hour car-ride tomorrow from Singapore to the far side of Malaysia.

Oh yes, if I don't make it back alive, throw me a happy funeral with a bright orange coffin, ask Philippe Jaroussky to sing at my funeral, preferably "Venti, Turbini" with a glorious orchestral part. Throw my ashes around Italy. Tell Franco I died!
I love you!!!

P.S: I'm not joking. Really do it this way if I happen to die.

I'll be back (dead or alive).
"Hasta la vista, baby!"

Wednesday, November 19th 2008

I forgot to blog about something that happened several weeks ago.

T'was in the morning, I think I had a paper that day. We were waiting to cross the road to get to the car, this Coca-cola truck was making a turn in front of us. The door at its side was open, and there was a balding Indian man directing the driver because the road was narrow. After the truck had turned, the Indian man jumped on the truck and sat on a box of the drink, and hung on to the sides of the truck to keep his balance. I smiled at him and gave him a little wave.
Wouldn't you wave back, too, if you saw a little girl in school uniform smiling and waving at you sweetly?
He waved back, and almost fell out of the truck.

He must've felt embarrassed, but he was smiling, so it was all right. I felt good after that. Even though I almost got someone killed, I made his day!

P.S.: I will be away on a holiday from the 22nd of Nov to the 12th of Dec 2008. Wish me luck, both (Asian) countries don't speak any language I do. "Gasp!"

Wednesday, November 12th 2008

Sigh.
What a gloomy day. Just the day (and night), though, not my life. My life today was pretty good.

It started out with me trying to wake up at 10.30am to my deafening alarm-clock, but failing miserably. The temptation of my warm bed was too strong, so I only got up properly at sometime past noon. Then, I dragged myself around the house, brushing my teeth and things like that, then watched some TV. Gee, "90210" is such a pitiful attempt at a scandalous television series.

Went for lunch with Dad at "The Cafe Cartel". It was all pretty good. After lunch, we drove over to the dermatologist's for my monthly consultation. Yaadaa yaadaa, went home, it started pouring, went to Orchard Rd alone. Bought a locket, went to Kinokuniya.

I love hanging out at large, posh bookstores. The walls are lined with so many books, it looks like colourful wallpaper. The books are all so crisp and clean and new, I almost feel scared to touch them. They are all grouped by genre. I hung out mostly around the walls marked "Literature". Wanted to buy so many books, but only had "so much" money with me, so I chose "Love in the Time of Cholera" by that Colombian author (can't remember his name). I wanted to buy several of his books, but felt that "Love in the Time of Cholera" was what I wanted most. I've read part of the book before, but it was annoying because I couldn't read fast enough, all of it in two weeks, before returning it to the library.

"Love in the Time of Cholera" is a beautiful book/movie. Seriously romantic. I know you guys don't read much and hate to plough through thick books (apart from Jodi Picoult (sp?) and "Twilight"), so watch the movie instead. It still captures the romance and feelings of anguish and longing.

I haven't played "Monkey Island" for so long, I feel like I'm about to die. I'm shrivelling up! Gahh! Oh, Guybrush, MapleStory is nothing compared to you!

My dear Rabbit is ill again, its inner eyelids are inflamed. I told it time and time again not to go into dusty places! Went to the vet to get the eyedrops (Rabbit had this illness before), and am applying the eyedrops and cream to its eyes 3 times a day. It hates it but tries not to struggle. After medication, it licks my hand in gratitude.
Such a lovely boy.

Sunday, November 2nd 2008

It has been a Hell of a week, chock-full of draining papers. What's worse, I missed two nights of sleep this week on days before crucial papers. I couldn't fall asleep. Must be the stress level. I hope all that studying pays off well.

How I got that hot construction worker's name? I asked the security guard, whom I chat with often. At least his name is not "Muthu". "Muthu" is cute, but too common and stereotypical.

Been watching "Tamil Silverscreen" every Saturday night for the past few weeks. All the male actors were quite average, though there was this really good-looking one in last week's movie. It was about university students in year 3.
I've realised that their (the lead actor's and actress') skin isn't/aren't really dark. They're quite fair, but their Indian physical traits (black hair, brown eyes, etc etc) give them an Asian edge, so they look a lovely mix, very exotic.

Well, I've gotten my haircut. It's just shorter, nothing special. The back-slope feels like a carpet again, and my fringe is done in a slant. It has something pixie about it.

I've been watching old movies recently, and I love them. I like them better than today's modern hollywood flicks. Old movies have more honest, although bad acting, and better taste in music. They carry the emotions to the viewers better. I liked "Singin' in the Rain" when I watched it on the way back from Italy. I watched "Breakfast at Tiffany's" and I loved it so much. Now, I'm watching
"Sabrina". No, it's not about some lame teenage witch.
I think Audrey Hepburn was/is an excellent actress. Plus, she's so beautiful.

Tuesday, October 28th 2008

Mrs Khoo was right. "It's still a long way to freedom."

Been slaving away at Physics all morning, finally finished studying it. Somehow I still can't do the stupid thick stack of Physics papers that Ms Lim gave us. Gonna try again tonight, gotta ask Chew to teach me how to do the nuclide notation thing.
Am currently doing Art. I can't believe I actually managed to sit still for so long. It's been productive, I've drawn+coloured two layouts so far. Two more to go. This is when my imagination chooses to forsake me.
I've been drawing so many hearts all year, I feel like stabbing someone in the chest. Bloody hearts! (Didn't mean for that to be a pun)

Through all this dense jungle greenery and the mosquitoes biting incessantly, I can see the light! It's not very bright, and it looks like it's going to die out any time, but I can see it.

I absolutely cannot wait to have my "Sims" and "Monkey Island" computer game marathon after my 'O's. I've been deprived of "Sims" for so long, and I miss Guybrush Threepwood's handsome face!

Going to get another haircut this Friday. I was told that I have a class comm meeting to attend this Friday after the exam. I don't look forward to seeing my class comm as much as I look forward to seeing my choir comm. Damn, I was so looking forward to rushing for my haircut. Fringe has been poking my eyes unmercilessly for the past few weeks. It'll grow from looking stupid to nice, just in time for Grad Night.

Sunday, October 26th 2008

Well, the hot construction has gone somewhere else to work. His name is Navdeep Kumar. School somehow seems less interesting without him there.
School seems a lot less exciting now anyway.

Been staring at a picture of a foot all night, been drawing it. I hope it doesn't look too sketchy. I've found that I'm good at drawing anatomy. It's a pity I'll never get these drawings back, they're so good, even if I do say so myself.
Must look at pretty things occasionally, so I watched Philippe Jaroussky on Youtube while I waited for the water on my drawing to dry. I found some new videos, there's finally one on "Alto Giove". I have added the Youtube video to my blog, so scroll all the way to the bottom to watch it. Do watch it when you all have the time, he sounds really good here.

Thursday, October 16th 2008

The world is going to hell, man.

Just read in the newspapers that more people lost their life-savings to some bank investment. $100,000, and that's just from one old couple. Come on! They're old man, they wanna relax after their hard lives, is that too much to ask for?
This bank investment thing is getting ridiculous, really. How come nobody's willing to do anything about it? We have enough money to build the new resorts, and no money to pay these people. No wonder they want us to take Social Studies, so the kids now will grow up to be like the adults in society today. It's not fair, the rich people don't seem to care about the people who have nothing left.

Society's always been this mean, you know. Remember when that Korean student what's-his-name shot 33 people in Virginia Tech? The world went mad just because 33 people died, and it was published in the news. Wake up and smell the flowers, world. Millions of people die every day, and you don't seem to notice.
Don't worry, one day it will be you, asshole.

Monday, October 13th 2008

It's seriously frightening to think that the upcoming exams determine my entire future, job(s), even respect.

Well, I'm studying like I've never studied before, but I still wonder if it's enough? Looking back on the past few weeks, it feels pretty impressive, because I've been studying every day. I've found that I actually like studying! It's actually enjoyable once you get into it. I felt sorry when Night Study came to an end at 9.30pm on Friday night, I wanted to study more. When you get absorbed, you can't stop. Only when you get absorbed. It's like an addiction. My body feels so tired, but my mind is desperate for more. Then, it's up to me to decide whether to let my body rest or push it past the limits. Usually, I take pity on my body and let it rest, because the poor thing can't work when it's tired. The mind takes in nothing, and I start panicking because I suddenly can't understand what I'm looking at. It's like a whole lot of words I can't string together to form a sentence.

The last day of school (10th Oct) was calm. Strange word I'm using to describe it.
Our teachers were very sweet. Mrs Chow taught me Accounts at the teacher's desk for two periods in the morning, Ms Yip told us that teaching us has been a pleasure, Mrs Khoo said we've made her life miserable, but haven't forced her to quit her job yet, so that's good. Then, she gave us Kit-Kats and lollipops. I love the way she jokes. What's so funny about it is her straight face when she does.

I got back a Math paper I did a few days ago. I failed, of course. I wasn't even supposed to do the paper, but I told her I wanted to try it.
I got 26/80 for it, and she wrote there, "Keep trying!".
I didn't feel too bad about it, because I've mastered some things through my 2 weeks of Math revision, like how to factorise, and how to do simultaneous eqns. I just have to find a way to remember all those bloody formulas!

After the lesson, a group of kids stayed behind because they wanted to take individual photos with Mrs Khoo. I asked myself, "Why not?" So I said I wanted one, too. They made me go first, with Chew holding the camera.
"Snap!!!"
There's my inspiration for 'O's.

Friday, October 3rd 2008

Well, today didn't go too badly.

I worked hard today, managed to do two chapters of Math and get back on track with the whole simultaneous equations thing. Did half an English compre, too. I feel so Mathematical now, my head is spinning with numbers. Strangely, it feels good, like I've achieved something.

I've finally gotten my hands on the Mp3 file of "Venti Turbini", and it's slightly different from the one you all have heard on my blog. It's faster, somehow, gets the blood drumming in your blood vessels.

Several days ago, I stumbled upon another beautiful piece on Youtube, this time a duet sung by Núria Rial (soprano) and Philippe Jaroussky (countertenor). It's yet another piece written by Handel called "Bramo aver mille vite" (Ariodante). Bits of it weren't sung very well, sharp or flat at times, but overall it's beautiful. It's the kind of piece that sends you spinning, especially since the voices match so well.
I will add the video to this blog if I can, so have a listen if you have the time.

Tuesday, September 30th 2008

Philippe Jaroussky's rendition of "Mi lusinga il dolce affetto" on Youtube is absolutely beautiful! I love how the pianist plays those heart-wrenching chords to Philippe's singing. Am currently learning that song. It's a lovely one, written by our dear Handel. He has written a lot of fantastic vocal music, don't understand why he's more known for his instrumental pieces.

I haven't seen that hot construction worker in a while. Wonder if he's gone back home (to India) already? I miss his slicking-hair-back habit and showing off.

I almost starved to death today because I couldn't eat during recess. I brought 2 slices of pizza to school, but I was too choked up with guilt to eat. I made Mrs Khoo upset when I finished doing my chapter on algebra and stopped paying attention. I wrote her an apology post-it note and stuck it in her pigeon-hole.
I started having slight gastric spasms during lessons after recess, so I ate a slice of pizza just before Art, and then saved the other till 5pm to eat before my journey home.
Anyway, I think Mrs Khoo got my note because she seemed nicer to me during the after-school Math lesson she gave us. Good, because my guilt almost killed me.

On my way home, I suddenly realised how boring the world is. I walk by the same route everyday, I see people walking past me, doing ordinary-people things like withdrawing money or waiting outside NTUC or watching television at the video store at the underpass. It has all become a seriously boring routine, nothing interesting happens anymore.


I can tell people don't like my singing, not because it's horrible, but according to them, because it's annoying.
Well, too bad.

Wednesday, September 24th 2008

Clay Aiken is GAY!
Yay, go Clay!

Claymates already kind of guessed, but he's finally admitted it. It's actually nothing to be ashamed of. One more cutie has joined our gay community, and I'm really happy, because I "grew up with him".
I'm so proud of him, it must've taken a lot of courage to come out.

Monday, September 15th 2008

Man, those people on the "palace soaps" Korean dramas sure move very, very slowlyyyy. I don't understand how my parents watch them, or how they paid $3000 for a TV they didn't need.
I shall not try to change them. I shall not try to change anybody. Why should I? It's not fair to me. The only way people are going to change is through experiences. Some people are so blind that they don't see beauty in anything anymore.

Now, I shall type about the hot construction worker I've been seeing around at school. He's not cute, but he has this attitude and confidence about him. He has longish hair, but not long enough to touch his shoulders, and he often slicks his hair back at the sides like you see in those Levi's commercials. Oh, and he's got a nice body! Woo hoo!

Been working hard on my Art, both prelims and 'O's. My 'O's art is coming along well, actually. Somehow it only gets productive near the submission date.

Thursday, September 11th 2008

My hair's getting long again, wondering if I should go back to my old stylist or new one.

Exams have been dreadful, all doom and gloom. The Accounts paper today almost killed me, I barely made it out alive. All the colours of the world seemed brighter when I came out of the hall after the paper.
I was just complaining to Mrs Chow the other day about how I can't believe that money is a subject. Wouldn't life be simpler if we just counted the cash in our hands instead of make accounts of it, in the bank, in the cashbook, etc etc? Who the hell came up with the subject, anyway?! He's out to make my life miserable.

I really have to do something about my Math. It's atrocious, I know. I keep asking people how to improve it, and they tell me, again and again, to practise, but you don't just simply say "just practise" to someone who's been failing the bloody subject for 10 years now.
Some of the smart kids in my class, like Wei Lin, always puts this smirk on her face when I talk about how difficult Accounts and Math is for me. She aces every subject except English. It's fair to say that not many people are bi-lingual. I'm not bi-lingual. My Mandarin sucks, and I know it, but that's no reason to smirk at me.
You know, I'd rather be where I am, trying hard but failing many subjects, than be where Wei Lin is, doing well at almost every subject. I may not be smart academically, but I have dreams and determination, at least I'm not some clueless zombie who stares at text-workbooks every second I'm awake.

Wednesday, September 3rd 2008

I've fallen in love with another song again. This time, it's Philippe Jaroussky's rendition of "Venti Turbini", this one on my blog. I love the energetic entrance of the strings and the catchy tune, very fast but precise.
Sure, Philippe Jaroussky's singing may not be perfect, he has slips here and there, but very slight and rare. Overall, I rate him a fantastic singer. Plus, he's cute, too. :)

You know, after watching "Lascia Ch'io Pianga" from "Farinelli Il Castrato" on Youtube, I've developed this fantasy.
I would be singing alone on a stage in/at one of those grand opera houses of colours red and gold, the whole opera house would be packed but silent in wait of my next note. I would take my time singing, then suddenly breeze through a whole series of notes, the entire orchestra frantically trying to catch up with me.
The moment I finish, from the audience would erupt a deafening applause, fragrant bloodred rose petals falling from above all around me, and then I would take my bow.

Brava, Brava!

Teacher's Day was great, only Vanessa turned moody on me again, but that was only after the celebration.
I always look forward to hugging Mrs Khoo, she's so warm and motherly, her long, rebonded hair about her shoulders, brushing against your cheek. Her hugs just make you feel so safe. Her lovable smile always reminds me that I have no regrets having her as my form teacher.

Surprisingly, English Orals went all right. I managed to talk a lot, but I can't really remember if I stuck to the topic or not. I hope so. Either way, the examiners seemed to enjoy it enough. I described cakes, perhaps they were hungry?

Bought another one of Philippe Jaroussky's CDs, "Beata Vergine". Nope, no spelling error there, it's just in Italian. This time, it's 17th Century music, dedicated to Mother Mary. I actually wanted his other CD, "Mazarin", but HMV was out of it, or so I thought, so since I wanted "Beata Vergine" after "Mazarin", I got it anyway. This one cost me only $26!

I never knew 17th Century music could be so soothing and delightful. All the strings, harpsichord, clear vocals. I don't know what else it's made of, because honestly I don't study it down to the details, but it's beautiful music. It kinds of sucks you back into the 17th Century itself! Good for day-dreaming. My friends listen to my music and they tell me it's boring.
Different taste in music, I guess.

Tuesday, August 19th 2008

Fever has gone down, but nausea has started. Is it because I'm hungry? It's 6.27pm, and I'm waiting for dinner. Dad's still in the midst of cooking, cutting vegetables, etc etc. Gahh, I hate feeling nauseous. You can't do anything. Well, anything but blog.

I only attended half-a-day of school today- Double English and Double Math. Ms Yip got annoyed with our class again. We were doing English Oral again but nobody wanted to try. They were afraid to, they said. Oh man, it's going to be even worse in front of a team of examiners. I'm in every position to tell you guys that. Been through all that shit last year.

Math wasn't all that bad today, only I probably failed another one of those Math tests. We were supposed to mark it and do the corrections while Mrs Khoo flashed the answers and workings over the visualiser. I got some marks out of my graph. I can draw triangles! =D

Went up to Mrs Khoo after lesson to tell her I wanted to go home because I wasn't feeling well. Explained that I had a temperature this morning, and she made me take my temperature, and because my temperature had gone down from 37.7 deg C to 37.3 deg C, I'm not sure she believed me, but she said I could go home anyway. Dad came to pick me up from school, and insisted on taking me to see the doctor (my childhood doctor, oh no!). It was very awkward, because I used to live at the same condo as him, and he knew me since I was a little kid, I even remember talking to him while we were swimming. Anyway, ever since I moved out of the condo years and years ago, I haven't been going to his clinic very often, so it was very awkward to see him again.

This is the part I want to type about.

I was called into his examination room, and I sat gingerly at the chair. It was actually kind of comforting seeing his face again, because I've seen it since I was young. I have to stress that he is a very gentle doctor. He does everything slowly, gently, as if using a little more force or speed would kill somebody. Good doctor. Anyway, he was using his stethoscope to listen to my heart-beat and breathing. Since I was a child, I've been too curious not to look around his office/examination room while he used his stethoscope on me, and so, I did. I caught sight of a display on one of his shelves behind him. There was a small chart that said in bold "Determine the hardness of your erection" and several long objects: a plastic corn, a plastic banana, and something else I can't remember. They all looked very edible. It was hilarious, but I had to keep from laughing. He's a doctor, and nothing related to the human body can embarrass him anymore.

Monday, August 18th 2008

I'm ill again, took my temperature just now and concluded that I have a slight fever of 37.8 deg C, not too bad. My poor white blood cells are desperately trying to produce more antibodies to fight the germs. My throat is inflamed, and it takes me effort to focus on what I'm doing with this headache that won't go away.
Didn't go for night-study tonight, came home after school. I suffered on the way home because I was being weighed down by a very heavy bag, and I was sick and walking in the sun. Wanted to do many other things like print pictures for Art prep work and look at plain backpacks to design, but I spared myself. Poor body can't do anything but wait it out, millions of blood cells and antibodies have died.
Ms Ho is going to kill me, because I've been feeling too lousy to do any Art.

I can't believe I have my English 'O' level oral this Thursday. I hope I don't lose my voice completely, or better, I will be completely cured by then. I want to stay home instead of having to trudge through all the lessons at school and attend night-study, but it's a crucial week. Prelims start next week.

All right, am burning up worse than before. It's only 9.30pm but I shall get ready for bed now. Poor, poor body needs its rest.

Friday, August 8th 2008

Plenty of shit has happened since I last blogged, but forget all that.

Today is Mrs Khoo's birthday (Happy Birthday, Mrs Khoo!!!) and we sang for her countless times, and we put one candle on her cake because we didn't/don't know how old she is. She was so cute today, eating cookies, cherries and talking to us with cake-cream around her mouth.
While we were waiting in our school grounds for further instructions on the "Linking Hands" exercise, I saw Mrs Khoo sitting alone, so I asked Vanessa if she could do me a favor, and then dragged her over to where Mrs Khoo was seated, then asked for a photograph. She was nice enough to say "sure!" to my request, so Vanessa helped me take one of us.
I had another one of those realisations. I was reminded again of how human Mrs Khoo is, and I'm so grateful we went through the crap when I was Sec 2, then made up when I got to Sec 4. I remember how sick I felt on the first day of Sec 4 when I found out she was going to be my form teacher, but then I got to know and accept her. On the first day of Sec 5, I was so thankful she was/is my form teacher.
She's so warm.

Have recently taken an interest in "Farinelli" and music from the movie. Got interested when I saw the videos of "Ombra Fedele Anch'Io" and "Lascia Ch'io Pianga" on Youtube. Was slightly disappointed to find out that the singing voice in the movie doesn't belong to a man, but to a female soprano and a counter-tenor. They sort-of blended them. It's all right, though. There's still Philippe Jaroussky, who can sing higher than I can, and there were all the castrati.
I wish I were born in the 18th century, a male, and castrated. I'd love to be able to sing so beautifully, up to three-and-a-half octaves!
Sigh, jealousy strikes again.

Sunday, July 6th 2008

I had a fantastic 17th birthday!

Ballet class dampened my mood but Kat and Gerv made it all better. They were so sweet! They paid for the meal, the cake, the present, everything!

We spent ages queuing at Marche at Vivo last night, and by the time we got in, it was about 8.30pm. We ordered things like lamb shoulder, beef steak, half a chicken, paella rice, and one glass of ice-lemon-tea. As usual, it was horribly over-priced. The bill came up to $70. I spent the most among us, I ordered the lamb and paella. I even added a side of mashed potato! If I had known they were going to pay, I would have ordered more! (Ha, ha!) I was so tempted to order so many other things, like fried mushrooms, saucey mushrooms, pasta, pizza, more meat. Darn!!! (Thanks, guys!)

After we finished dinner, it was 10pm, so we headed out onto the rooftop, looking for a nice spot facing the sea. We settled down there, and they brought out a cake! Kat let out that Chocz always has 20% off their cakes, but I was so touched, I couldn't/wouldn't have cared.

We lit the candles, and they screamed when one of the candles tilted and dripped wax. I was laughing hysterically. We took pictures, they sang for me, and I cut the cake. It was a very,very long process.
The cake was choco-banana. I would've preferred no banana, but like I said, I was too touched to care. We chatted while looking out at the sea, and I felt like the luckiest person.
There was even a present after the cake! They gave me a necklace with a pretty-looking cross. It looks very medieval, very cool!

We ended up leaving Vivo at around 11.30pm, just in time to catch the last train home. I reached the front door of my house with a big smile on my face.

Wednesday, July 2nd 2008

I'll do a quick update while waiting for the shower.

I hope the poly courses for Direct Poly Admission include Biomedical Science. If they don't, too bad, I'll just have to stick with my original plan of studying or die trying.

I have unfinished Math homework, and I'll probably get sent for Detention tomorrow because I lost, and thus haven't done, my Accounts worksheet. I confessed to Mrs Chow today, and she seemed okay about it, but she wants me to do it one way or another, and I can see why. I just hope I don't spend hours sitting outside the General Office, struggling with Accounts and fighting back tears. I don't know why even though she jokes while sentencing me to a punishment, I get near tears.
I guess it's a self-disappointment thing.

I finally got my head-phones (Thanks, Vanessa!), and I'm happy. It cost us 50 bucks, but it's something I've been wanting for months now, especially since my old one has been falling apart more and more.

It's hard to believe how everyone around me is dying.

Don't forget about my special day, people!
Buona notte.

Thursday, June 19th 2008

Woah, it's been a tough week.

1) Finally managed to tell my sister I want to stop taking ballet. It was really tough talking about it, too. Still considering if I want to stop, because it's not as if I totally hate the activity, only the people and feeling stupid next to them. Also, if I decide to only do it for leisure, what if I waste my sister's money? It's $320 per term!

2) Yeah, yeah, I know what you're going to say about this one. Holiday homework. As it has always been for all long holidays, I've barely started on the homework. Wonder why the hell they call it a holiday? Surely it must mean something.
Anyway, I've started on Accounts, Math, both Sciences and a teeny bit on Geog. I hope Mrs Chow won't kill me. I hope Mrs Khoo won't either. Doing Math is like ploughing through a trench of thick mud with a heavy log hanging by a string over my head.

3) I've been swimming a lot lately. Just went swimming about 4 hours ago, and boy, was it refreshing! The humid weather in my country can easily be compared to diving into lava. One gets all sticky before stepping out of his own house! It's surprising why people aren't fleeing to somewhere cooler.

4) Tomorrow is another long day. In the morning, I have to be at school at 9am for Math tuition.
I try to pay attention (honestly!!!) but somehow I find myself stoning at the whiteboard and dreaming of food and nice houses by the sea while Uncle Raymond goes on about some Math question. I feel quite worried because quite often, I can't understand what he's saying. It's like he's speaking another language, foreign to me. Luckily for me, most of the other kids seem lost as well. He's a genius, but he says strange things.

After Math tuition at noon, I'll be going over to Chewy's place to bake things and pose with the oven. I'll smell of cookies afterwards! At 6pm, I will have to meet Kathleen and Gervin at City Hall MRT station for dinner.
Pretty excited to see them after such a long while. It's great to see them still communicating like they used to even though now, they're in different schools.
I hope they haven't changed at all.

Friday, June 13th 2008

This is getting more ridiculous every day.

Only just now, I went on yahoo.com and saw, under "latest news", an article about a man getting jailed for 14 years' of jail and caning for a fetish. I'll copy and paste the article here.

A Singaporean man with a fetish for smelling womens' armpits has been sentenced to 14 years in jail and 18 strokes of the cane, legal officials said Friday.
A court employee confirmed the sentence, issued Thursday, against Mohammed Ismail Ariffin, 36.

Ariffin had a fixation for touching or smelling women, particularly their armpits, and was convicted of molesting 23 women, his lawyer Noor Mohamed Marican told AFP.

"He's got this problem. Poor chap," Noor said in a brief interview.

After reading an expert report that said Ariffin was likely to re-offend, Judge James Leong issued a preventive detention order, which means Ariffin will not be eligible for parole, The Straits Times said.
Ariffin, who is mildly retarded, would often attack his victims inside lifts, the report said.
It said Noor argued against a long sentence and in favour of rehabilitation and medical treatment.
But Leong said he found "precious little" in Ariffin's favour, The Straits Times reported.

I can't tell you how disgusted I am, not with the guy and his fetish, but with the people who arrested him and put him in jail with caning. It's amazing how cruel people can be. Also, the word retarded is politically-incorrect, and I wonder who the hell approved the publication of such an "expression".

Sometimes I wonder how I live on, day by day, in this horribly selfish, insensitive, self-centered, ugly society that ostracises anyone they deem "wrong". They don't give these different people any respect.

This is one reason why I wish I were blind, because then I wouldn't have to see all the ugly things that happen in this world.

Tuesday, June 10th 2008

I can't believe I'm doing Math, and what the hell is square-root of 80?!
By the way, that was a rhetorical question.

So anyway, I'm starting this Math tuition thingy. The school's parent-support group found this guy and begged him to give us Math tuition. The first impression he gave us was that he's a genius, but I won't bother typing about it. It isn't as impressive, you'll just have to meet him yourself.

I've always wondered how anyone enjoys Math. I don't see any beauty in it, just staring at repetitive numbers and solving number sums with the four signs: + - x %. I mean, at least language has a wider enjoyment spectrum. Sure, you only use all 26 letters of the alphabet, but you have things like stories. Literature! History carved into church walls! These spark off imagination. When I look at numbers, they just look like numbers, with no meaning, no objective, whatsoever.

That tuition guy told us we have to love Math in order to do it. Let me try.

"Oh, I love Math, isn't it wonderful?! The numbers are so meaningful to me, so beautiful! The flat surface on the number 5, the smooth curve of the number 6, the sharp but stylish edges of the number 4! Oh, it's practically ART!
My goodness! They have such history! They tell such interesting stories, like how many animals were killed in the year 1 000 000 B.C.! Oh, how much more terrific can these nine numbers get? So exciting!"

No, that doesn't work, man. I'll go have a word with whats-his-name who created Math after I die.

Monday, June 2nd 2008

Woah, it's like I've suddenly been sucked into the wonderful world of Opera!

Well, I don't like female opera-singing, it seems all too familiar. Been listening to Philippe Jaroussky, a counter-tenor. Bought his CD (cost me $26!) "Carestini: The story of a castrato", and I've been listening to it for a few days. It's beautiful, really. It brings me back to those grand churches and concert halls I visited in Italy.
Sigh.

Yes! I've asked Chew if she would take up a job with me after our 'O's, and she has agreed! I'll have to earn at least $100 a week in order to pay for my voice lessons.

Went swimming again today at Chew's place. T'was nice.

Thursday, May 29th 2008

Well, I'm finally done in the choir!

I've passed on my committee position to Nat Foo, and I hope she'll cope well. What's left for me to do is maybe sing for a wedding, and then attend the Sec 4+5 farewell on the 18th of June.
Man, it sure is a very very big burden off my shoulders. No more responsibility for the girls in choir, not having to discipline them anymore, but it was a valuable learning journey. It was like one of those survival camp things, and I've made it through!
I may have slipped here and there, but overall it didn't go down too badly. After all, we did get two golds in Italy.

Say goodbye to your CHIJ Choir President 2008!

Monday, May 19th 2008

It's hard to believe how selfish the world can be sometimes.

Anyway, I had a flashback today. I suddenly remembered that very dark-skinned girl of about my age or younger at the Dubai airport, when I was on my way back from Italy.
We met at the sinks in the toilet. I was washing my hands, she was filling up a milk-bottle for, I assumed, a younger sibling. The girl was quite skinny and shy, but when I smiled at her reflection in the mirror, she smiled back at me. It was very sweet, knowing that two people, from entirely different parts of the world with different cultures and who speak different languages, can befriend and accept one another through a small gesture or two.

You see, it is possible for people of the world to live together in harmony! And then you wonder why war is still breaking out.
What stupid people.

Sunday, May 11th 2008

"Anger" is too subtle a word, don't you think?

Today went pretty badly, apart from when I was smiling like a madman in the CD store because I spotted Clay's new album, the one I've been anticipating for a week. Pure ecstasy, it was. It's hard, even for me, to believe that I'm still rooting for him. It's been five years, and I'm still a diehard fan, and am glad to know and say that it's not just for his looks.

I hated dinner with my family. T'was Mother's Day celebration, and we had to go to some restaurant for dinner, only no reservation was made and we wandered around in Tanjong Pagar (sp?) and then drove to Bugis and waited for a half hour until we finally got seats in this place with a steamboat buffet, what ever it's called. By that time, everyone was grumpy and hungry, and Dad was storming off, Mom was still making suggestions about where to eat, and Brother wasn't helping very much, either. Sis and I were just standing around, trying not to argue with the other three.
When we finally got in to some seats, we ate till we couldn't anymore, and then drove home in silence.

"Iron Man" is a fantastic movie, and Robert Downey Jr. is hot in it, especially when he is/was all sweaty smelting his armour. It's a fantastic, action-and-tech-packed movie with heavy metal music that I'm starting to like.

Going swimming with Vanessa tomorrow, then maybe to town after that. Good thing it's Marking Day tomorrow, so no school for us! Whether there's school or not, I've got to get some exercise. I felt so sluggish today, not having exercised, that I did conditioning exercises in my room. Ate lots of protein, too.

3rd May 2008

Willard is a pretty creepy movie, very demented.
It's about these rats who end up killing people, but Willard (played by Crispin Glover) is an amatuer killer compared to Hannibal Lecter.
I guess it's a start. In real life, Crispin really is quite creepy.
Very interested in watching more work by this guy.

The Math paper was a nightmare, as usual. I don't think I'll even be able to get 10 marks out of it, but I'll cut myself some slack for Math and Chinese for now. Chinese is getting slightly better, thanks to after-school sessions with Mdm Hong. As for Math, not yet, but I'll start early.

Sigh.

Two days to Clay Aiken's CD release!

Monday, April 28th 2008

It never fails to amaze me, how much I've grown in the past four/five years of my life.
Each time I come across some piece of me I've lost a while ago, there's this longing-for-the-past feeling. I guess some parts of my past is/was sad, but having had to go through those things, I learnt from my experiences; what not to do, what to do. Who to trust.

It was an extreme learning experience, and I've become less gullible, I've learnt to love myself more, and for who I am. I've learnt that people can't be changed easily, and I've made decisions about how I shouldn't try to change anyone, but just tolerate them. Society is made up of different types of people, and in my Singaporean society, the people are mostly selfish, and they are super-rude. There's the bad part of society, and there's the eenie-meenie good part, which I want to be part of. I hope I already am, but it's too much to hope for at the age of 16-17. People don't treat me as a human being yet.

Perhaps I should wait a while, maybe they'll change on their own?
Right now, I'll learn to love myself even more, and I'll do what I want.

Sunday, April 20th 2008

The internet is finally back! It's been gone for weeks.
It's tedious trying to complete my Art in time for my MY exams. I have two Art papers to do prep-work for. One is the 'O' paper, one is the MY Drawing and Painting paper. The 'O' and 'N' papers are the most difficult ones because it requires the candidate to stick to his/her chosen stimulus all year round, and work on it continuously, producing final work as well as prep-work.
Terrible.
I guess it is enjoyable, especially when I force myself to work on a certain drawing for days or even weeks, and it turns out exceptionally well. However, there's my drawing of a wilted flower that doesn't look like a wilted flower. The drawing of the rose looks more fresh, like it's actually a rose. The wilted flower looks like a rotting piece of human skin. I guess it wouldn't be too bad, since I do need pictures and drawings of rotting human flesh anyway.

My maggot-growing experiment (for Art prep) has failed drastically! Someone has stolen it! It's been gone from the tree since I've returned from Italy. I wonder what happened to the rotting piece of pork I put in the cage? I know ants burrowed into it and made many small holes in it, and there were some big, scary-looking flies buzzing around it, but that was all I saw before I went to Italy.
Oh, well. So much for wanting primary sources.

Yes! Clay Aiken's releasing another album, after many months of hiding! May 5th, 2008. YES YES YES!!!
"On My Way Here"
Small print: Only if nothing goes wrong with the shipment.

Am anticipating it.

Wednesday, April 2nd 2008

Still ill, unfortunately, but I participated actively in the strenuous physical activities today, such as HHF and PE.
Proud of myself.

Mrs Khoo finally changed our seating arrangement(s), so now I'm sitting diagonally in front of the teacher's table, which is great, because I can ask questions more easily, and the whiteboard is right in front of me. No stupid tall people with big heads/hair blocking me.
I wonder if Mrs Khoo would teach me Math one-on-one if I asked her? Can't help feeling bad because she obviously doesn't need any extra work, but I really want to pass my Math. I have to pass my Math in order to achieve my aim. I won't tell you what it is yet, in case I fail to achieve it.
Mrs Khoo has told me to seek help from other people countless times, people like my classmates (e.g. Regina, who sat beside me in class), but I refused, and still refuse to. I don't see why other people have to be dragged down with me. Can't ask family members, they'd just lose their patience and end up yelling at me. Mrs Khoo, however, is my Math teacher.
At least I've a reason to ask her.

Tuesday, April 1st 2008

A quick update, I should be asleep by now.

Still ill, but perhaps not on the brink of dying anymore. Just coughing uncontrollably, and I've lost my voice completely. Throat is still giving me Hell.
I found it funny when Sab called me over the phone just now. I couldn't say anything! I ended up whispering into the phone, which requires no vibrating of the vocal chords.

I wonder how I'd react if I found out I couldn't sing anymore?

Thursday, March 27th 2008

It's very depressing to be ill.

Early this morning around 3am (Singapore time), I awoke with a temperature of 38.7 deg C, a very very sore throat, and coughing. It felt like my throat was swollen inside, and I couldn't swallow. The coughing hasn't been too bad, though. The fever made me feel really lousy, but I dragged myself to school.

Couldn't sing at/for school singers this morning, so I sat with my own class. Thankfully, I was welcomed by people there, and I sat at the back with people like Zu.
I was feeling too ill for the Accounts test today, so I wrote Mrs Chow a note asking if I could please take it another day. I hope Diana passed it to her for me. I've this strange fear that I wouldn't be able to catch up in my studies and as a result, do badly in the Mid-Years. I promised myself I'd do well.

At about 8.30am, I looked for Mrs Khoo and told her I wanted to go home. I had trouble climbing stairs. She told me to call Dad using the public phone which is, unfortunately, located in the canteen, which meant climbing lots of stairs! Mushuang followed me, so if anything happened to me, she could have called someone.
After Dad drove me back to AMK, he dropped me off at the Polyclinic with $50 and told me to go see the doctor while he drove my sister to school. I took my bag along so I could study Italian if I got bored waiting in the Polyclinic. I felt too sick to study Italian, or any other language or subject, so I spent the time watching Mr. Bean cartoons that were playing on "repeat" on a small television set there. It was very depressing to look around me and see no cute people.

After two hours of waiting during which I felt like I was about to die, my call number was finally flashed on the screen, and I went into the consultation room. Doctor wants me to stay home tomorrow as well. Etc etc, then I went home while Dad stayed to collect my medicine for me. I was prescribed paracetamol, diphenhydramine and dequalinium.
Sounds scary, I know.

Got home, slept till 7.30pm, ate my dinner. Dinner was take-away fish porridge, which almost killed me to eat. My throat burned like hell. Took a shower, and here I am now, blogging.

I last saw Franco one week ago. I still miss him! If anyone has any pictures of him, please SEND.

Sunday, March 23rd 2008

TWO GOLDS, PEOPLE!

All in one day, too. We had to endure 14 hours of sheer torture, but we survived and came through with 2 golds!
Italy is beautiful. I shall go there again just before I die, so I'll die there.

Franco is so cute.

It was so depressing to fly back home to Singapore, because the minute I stepped out of the plane, there were absolutely no cute people. It's as if I'm on a different planet altogether!

I guess I'm really happy I went on the trip. Got to see plenty of churches and stuff, and naked statues. It rained on Good Friday at around 3 pm again.
The whole choir competition part was hell, juniors gave trouble, but never mind, I won't stay in this choir very much longer.
I love Italy.

Sunday, March 9th 2008

I guess it's a good thing I'll be missing the first week of school in Term 2. It's when all the homework would be collected, and I haven't very much time to do the truckload I was assigned. Competition in 2 categories, all the way in Italy, in 5 days!
What's so scary is that we don't even sound prepared.
At least we'll get to play for 6 days there.

Was supposed to go swimming this morning, but it was drizzling, so I ended up staying home. It's depressing, really. I spent the morning watching "December Boys" ,watching Elvis Presley on Youtube and saving photos of him. I'm trying to find a good one for drawing.
I figured that since I managed to draw Bob Marley, I could draw Elvis, too.
Bob's dreadlocks almost killed me.

Planned to go to Orchard today to buy nice pyjamas, but it looks like I wouldn't be let out, so I'm going to just stay home and rot today. I could go after choir on Thursday.

Mom and Dad are still talking about buying a 42-inch plasma TV set that we really don't need. Sometimes I wonder why they're so stingy about other things that we do need.
They think that moving furniture and hanging CNY decorations on our front gate would help them win the 4-D. How stupid they are.

I did some lonesome shopping the other day. Went on a hunt at Far East Plaza for a vest, hair-clips, and then to AMK Hub for a pouch-thing. Felt some sort of accomplishment after I got home that day.

Think I'll do some Biology later. I hope I won't miss out on too much during the first week of Term 2. Can't afford to. T'is a crucial year!
Mark my words, I'll do well in the Mid-Years.

Monday, March 3rd 2008

I miss the days when I would just draw, in my sketchbook, Elvis Presley.
I miss shaping his hair with my pencil, strand by strand, and dancing around in my room like a loony to "Blue Suede Shoes".

Now it seems as if there's no time for all that. Two tests tomorrow! Both are re-tests, by the way. I didn't exactly do that badly.
A little part of me wants to have my seat changed. It's not as if I dislike Regina in any way. I just fear that my grades will slide further. They're bad enough now. I don't want Mrs Chow pinning any faults on her. I'm not asking to be seated with someone I can't stand. I think I'm asking to sit alone. If Mrs Khoo does change my seat and put me beside someone I can't stand, I'll request to sit alone. After all, our class has 41 students, so if I sit alone, it'll still be fine.

Now, for some good news. Remember a few posts back, I mentioned having studied hard for the Bio test on the Nervous & Hormonal system? I got full marks for it!
I guess 10 marks doesn't sound very impressive, but it's all there is to the test. I love it when I study my head off and then score full marks in a test, or at least very well. There's a sense of accomplishment.

Wow, Elvis was fantastic.

Friday, February 22 2008

Well, the past few days have been depressing.
There were tests- Bio, Math. Tomorrow's Social Studies, and Physics on Monday.
I studied hard for Bio, not as hard for Math, and I haven't studied for Social Studies, let alone Physics. Not planning to do very much about Social Studies, though. Gonna just read through the chapter and memorise the steps.

Failed another test today- Accounts. Mrs Chow didn't tell me to drop Accounts this time, she just said there's been "some kind of improvement", even though I only got 6/25. I guess she's right, in a way. After she gave out all the papers, I needed to go to the toilet, but I refused to speak to Mrs Chow, so I didn't. Waited until her lesson was over.
Poor Mrs Khoo is still ill, coughing very badly. She's been sick for the past 2 or 3 weeks, and it's worrying. I wish she'd get more rest and recover. Must be hell having a form class like mine.
Chenlaoshi doesn't seem to hate us as much as she did last month. Last month, her face would turn black the minute she stepped into our class. Now she manages a smile or two, and doesn't scream so much for no reason (or with reason). She called me a good kid yesterday. Now, that's a miracle. Two. One is being called a "good kid", the other is being called that by Chenlaoshi.
Shall study hard for tingxie next week.

Tomorrow is going to be packed again. SS test in the morning, Choir after that, lunch, home to shower, then ballet @ Orchard. Gonna spend Sunday studying for Physics and doing Art.

Tuesday, February 19th 2008

Something's been bugging me.

Two weeks back, I failed an Accounts test. Terribly, too. Mrs Chow, my Accounts teacher, called another girl and I up to her desk to have a talk. She urged me to drop Accounts. It didn't seem like she wanted me gone, but she just wanted me to have more time for other subjects, but I was insulted all the same.
She insisted that I drop, and she's been insisting for the past two weeks, though only twice, thrice at most. Today, she urged me to drop it again, after I told her I discovered I did total rubbish for my Capital Accounts. I realised my mistake on my own, she didn't mention anything before, but she urged me to drop Accounts again.
Once again, I stubbornly replied, "No."

She keeps asking why, and I can't answer her because I don't know why. I guess it's partially because I don't want to seem like someone who can't cope, even if I am that sort of person. I don't want to be looked down upon, like I'm someone who can't study or something. I know myself as someone who can.
The other part of the reason, I just don't know.
Maybe it's because I know that even if I drop Accounts and get extra time for my weaker subjects, I won't use that time because I simply have insufficient discipline. I know myself well enough to say that.

I may not love myself enough, but I've known myself for 16 years, my whole life. I know I don't have much self-discipline, and nobody can deny that I know myself best, and for the longest time.

Tuesday, February 12th 2008

It's been a real struggle trying to juggle studies, CCA and my personal life. There always seems to be homework and scores to memorise, and it's all pretty tedious at the moment. I'm lucky I have the time to blog!
I didn't come online solely to blog, though. I just sent Dawn a third batch of information for our Geog project.
Choir tomorrow, Accounts test on Thursday, Bio test on Monday. Gonna ace the Bio test, but not so sure about the Accounts test. Need to do Art as well.
My goodness!

Thursday, February 7 2008

It's Chinese New Year, Day 1, and it's super-boring.

No visiting today, all crammed into tomorrow. Slept in today, woke up at 12.59pm, took a shower, ate a little and then came online.

Even my imagination seems more interesting.

Every year people give me Valentine's Day gifts but I never seem to give any. I admire the people who actually take the effort to pack a bag of sweets for every person in the class, or things like that. I was considering giving Art, but I don't think I'll have time.
Can't wait to start a sketchbook full of "excellent drawings". Only really good ones, and occasional notes on them. It'll be so artistic, and it'll also help me practice my drawing skills, since I plan to do illustration for my 'O' level Art.
Plenty of patience needed.

Tuesday, January 29th 2008

Ever since the bloody newspaper article was released, the public has been noticably hostile towards me (and other IJ girls). I'm going to make one thing clear:

I am from CHIJ and I'm damn proud of it.

Still, there's one thing I don't get. Why is the media and society making a big deal out of a girl selling her used underwear over the internet? It is proven legal, after all, so why? Is the media just bored and running out of things to write about?
I guess the people in the media need to earn a living, but surely there's no need to generalise. IJ girls are human, too, you know. In case you still don't know, we have feelings, and to Hell with all the people who don't believe that.

There's no need to spit at/on IJ girls just because our uniform was used in those pictures that one girl took. I wasn't spat at/on, thank goodness, but people have been hostile towards me. I think I deserve more respect than what I'm getting.

Everyone's human, so why can't we all be treated equally?
Man, woman, both or neither, black, white or asian, whichever religion.

Tuesday, January 15th 2008

I can't seem to find the Giordano picture anywhere on the internet! I guess I'll just have to take my camera to Giordano, then.

This is strangely depressing. I don't know what to type about. Nothing really interesting has happened these past few days, except that I saw a decomposing body of an animal, saw it go through the entire decomposition process.
It's frightening how quickly those decomposers work. By the end of one day of it's death, it was fully eaten by maggots (HUNDREDS).

Right now I'm just uploading songs onto/charging Dad's MP3 player. I have two tests tomorrow, and I've to be at school by 6.45am. Guess I'll scoot off to bed now.