Friday, October 30th 2009

I'm in the best mood!

HMV just called and told me that my "Monteverdi" deluxe edition has arrived!!! Ah! I'm practically dancing for joy! I'm also dying for new music, and who better to comfort me than Philippe Jaroussky?
I've been looking forward to the music on this CD. They jazzed it up a little and it has wonderful instrumentation and character. Been stepping into HMV at Citylink Mall to listen to the "Classical 2010" CD time and again just for that one song. This is called extreme desperation.

Worked pretty hard today, spent a lot of the day doing Art. Some light-box work and drawing and shading, and then gathering pictures to print. I had to look for pictures of the weather forecast and found some pretty nice ones to serve as my background for my prepwork. It'll be just like a collage! All those scrap-booking skills will be put to good use.

Stress levels have been running high over the past few days. I almost died before and after each Maths paper, but eventually came through. I realised, after stepping out of the school, that I had made a few mistakes in paper 1, but I felt pretty good after paper 2. Sure, there were a few questions I didn't know how to do in paper 2, but I've done my best. My paper 2 will turn out better than paper 1, but I'm hoping to get more than a B3 for the average.

I'm into Braille now, and hope to teach myself the basics of reading and writing in it after my exams. I think it would be nice to write in a language that most people cannot immediately translate. They'd have to sit themselves at a table and decipher it slowly, it would be just like a code! Also, I have discovered that the world is more interesting through touch.
Most of what we see is taken for granted, but when we close our eyes we put our trust in/at our fingertips to convey images of things around us. With our eyes closed, we detect even the tiniest details of an object, its form, its texture. It just takes me to a higher level of sensitivity.

Tomorrow, I'll do some studying in the morning. V and I are meeting up to study for a couple of hours, then have an enormous lunch of Kenny Rogers chicken and Mac & Cheese. I'm taking V to watch "The Song of Sparrows" at the Picturehouse, I hope she'll like it. Majid Majidi's films are wonderful.
I just watched "The Color of Paradise" 2 days ago, and it was beautiful. I love how the children carry branches of leaves that are bigger than they are, and how they run all over the place, laughing. Such are the wonders of childhood, long lost in this society.
Thank God I had a chance to experience it before it was entirely wiped out.

Mom and Dad promised we'd have a steamboat dinner tomorrow, so I'm pretty much looking forward to the whole of tomorrow, despite the studying bit. I've got to be a good girl and study, seeing that God has granted me my CD at long last. I'll collect it after the movie tomorrow. After my exams, I shall place another CD order for "La dolce fiamma", PJ's latest album.
Too much good music never killed anybody!

Saturday, October 24th 2009

Damn. The "Ugly Betty" cast is really good looking. First, I went to research on Henry, and it turns out he is a total dish, and he's married with kids.
Then, I did research on Rebecca Romijn, who plays Alexis on "Ugly Betty". I think she's so beautiful and totally hot. Then I read that she's married with kids too!! Oh- all the good-looking people!!!

That aside, a man stopped to talk to me along Esplanade Bay today. He pointed towards the construction in the distance and said, "they're building the casinos there. 2012. They're building a bridge to it now."
I just replied, "yeah."

I, for one, am not the least bit interested in the casino. I am, however, interested in the changes it will bring. I will witness, first-hand, younger generations turning into trash.
Gamblers, drug/money dealers will flock to the country. It would be just like Las Vegas! Only difference would be that there won't be any "quickie" marriages here.

Wednesday, October 21st 2009

Can you see why I want a beautifully-bound book to put my stories into? When it comes to choosing notebooks, I have impeccable taste.

Just want to do a quick blog before I leave for the library. I've been spending every free day at the library, except for 2 days a week when I have tuition. On those days I just do Art. Not very happy with the paper and its themes (I collected the paper 2 days ago) but I'll live. Been doing a lot of Maths.

19 days left, can you believe it? I've worked all year (count last year if you want) for these exams, and my freedom is in 19 days' time. Call it cliche, but I feel like a fish out of water. Uncomfortable with my surroundings, gasping, choking on air, knowing I can't run because something is out to get me.

I watched "Children of Heaven", it's really good. I've never watched "Home Run" but somehow I see similarities in the storyline, only "Children of Heaven" is definitely worth the watch. The kids are so cute, it really opens your eyes and makes you realise that there's a lot going on in a kid's mind than you think.

Well, it's been 10 mins of blogging and I have to go.
Wish me luck.

Sunday, October 18th 2009

Guess what!
Maksim Mrvica is coming to town! I used to listen to that guy's mix of techno and classical music, but I grew out of it after a while. Now he calls himself the "Prince of Piano". It was hilarious, but I couldn't laugh out loud because I was at Esplanade, you know, it's very quiet there during the day.

Went to Esplanade to study yesterday as well but the library was closed, so I had to find somewhere else to study. I didn't bring a jacket because I thought it would have been a hassle, but when I discovered the library was closed, I thought of studying at the sofas at the basement, but it's freezing there, so I went outside to the waterfront instead. I managed to do an hour or so of studying, and then went to Vivocity to meet V.
I got there early so I went to have my usual look-see at Candy Empire. I love being a kid in a candy store. Bought a pack of lollipops (supposedly made in Holland). They're like the bigger version of rock-candy, just very fruity and on a stick. I bought them for a junior once and they were good.

When V showed up, she scared me half to death at the National Geographic store. She jumped out from behind. Anyway, they sell really cool stuff there, only I couldn't even afford to buy a NG magazine because the money in my account is running really, really low and I don't want my Mom to freak out when she tops up my account at year's end. I didn't even dare withdraw the money I took out of my own savings for my recent voice lesson, I think I'll wait till Mom tops it up.

V and I went to lunch at "The Mussel Guys". Ironically, there were no guys. The food wasn't bad, just the usual over-priced town food. Then, we walked into "Page One" and looked wistfully at all the new, wrapped books. I can't wait to take Mom book-shopping. Anyway, V was so nice to buy me "Maurice", which I have been wanting for a few months now. It's my early Christmas present, and I love it. I have discovered another great author!

Oh yes, before I forget, I have also discovered a brilliant director, Majid Majidi. This guy is awesome, and his films are beautiful. So far, I've only watched "The Willow Tree", but will watch "Children of Heaven" tonight on DVD. It's supposed to be very good. His "The Song of Sparrows" will be showing at the Picturehouse soon, I hope I'll be able to catch it after my exams.

This weekend, I stopped by HMV at Citylink to see what's new. I listened to some music like Michael Buble's "Crazy Love" and the "Classical 2010" album. Michael Buble's new CD has some really pretty tunes on it, and I can't wait to buy it next month. I only listened to "Classical 2010" because PJ is one of the featured artists. They put one of his Monteverdi pieces on it, and I was surprised at how good the quality is, compared to the Youtube ones I've been listening to. HMV Heeren hasn't received the CD I ordered yet, so I can't do much but wait. Studies first.

...Which brings me to another topic. When I'm tired, my mind wanders a lot, and it's uncontrollable, but I think of many things. One thing that occurred to me tonight at dinner is that all the people who are the great singers have studied music. Literally, in schools. For example, PJ started violin at the age of 11, and then studied piano, and he studied them at the conservatory in France. Then, only at 18, he picked up voice.
All the great musicians have studied music seriously and go into the career full-time. I, on the other hand, haven't studied music seriously because they didn't offer it in my school. I have taken a voice exam (and more to come) but it's not like full-time studying music, you know? These people go to NAFA and all that, and all they study is music and its theory. I'm still dreaming of doing Cardiovascular Science.
How is one to choose?! I want both just as badly. Both career paths will make a person rich. Both paths are equally exhilarating, except I probably won't kill anyone in the music career. I love singing, but I haven't cut anybody up yet. I guess I have been singing longer than I have been doing Biology. I only started liking Science at the end of Sec 2 when I realised I could do it.

I don't want to have to choose. I shouldn't have to choose.

Friday, October 16th 2009

I watched the first season of "Ugly Betty" again today while having a late lunch of instant noodles and a bak chang. Marc St. James still remains my favourite character in the series. He's got style, he's got humour, and I love the hair! I might try that on my hair in the future, you know, the whole curly thing.

I'm suddenly into those beautiful old leather-bound notebooks/sketchbooks. I'd like one to put my stories in, especially since I've been writing a lot recently and I really think my stories deserve to be put into a beautiful vintage notebook. It doesn't matter if the leather is real or not, it's just the look that I want. The smell of leather isn't exactly inviting, you know.
I plan to write my stories in there and do a drawing of the scene after each one. I think it would be really cool, since I've taken to writing by the sea recently. I wish it were cold enough for me to just sit anywhere and write, but it's not gonna happen. It's so ridiculously hot and humid, and there are bugs everywhere, so Esplanade and Harbourfront are my favourite places at the moment.

I can't tell you how much I long for freedom, which will come in exactly 24 days. My last paper is on the 9th, and after that all hell will reign!!! Too bad my parents only go on their holiday later on and not immediately after my exams, because I haven't been able to watch films like "Love in the time of Cholera". Not only does it contain scenes "unsuitable for children", it also involves a lot of crying, and I like to watch those films alone because they give me inspiration and motivation to write. My poor characters suffer as much as I, and they all end up dying.
I wonder how my life story will end?

P.S.: My parents haven't discovered the piercing yet.

Tuesday, October 13th 2009

How stupid of me to pick such a day to watch "Titanic". I saw it for the first time last year or so, I watched it for the second time today.
It's a cliche yet breathtakingly beautiful story. Good-looking cast, too. I thought it would be no big deal since I'd already watched it before. Who was I trying to kid? I could hardly stop crying, and was consistently trying to choke back my tears in case my parents walked into the room.

Someone once told me, "Never be afraid to cry in front of other people." I still can't put the fear aside, but I'll let her know if I stop fearing it one day.

My favourite scene is the one where the musicians decide to continue playing on the deck. They're awfully good, too. (*gasp, choke*)

Of course, they had to contrast the stupid stuffed-up evil husband (who, by the way, is quite good-looking) with the soft-hearted boy artist with piercing eyes. No wonder people love this show.
Don't you see? Jack's is the kind of life I want to lead. No money in the pocket, but a heart full of passion and a thirst for adventure. I wouldn't gamble with money or assets, but I'd gamble with my life.

I made my parents watch "The Willow Tree" today, hoping it would give them the smidgen of wisdom that they so desperately need. To my surprise, they actually sat through the entire movie. It's so good to know. They didn't talk about it after that, but they cooked up a western dinner and they seem a lot nicer.

It's hard to tell. I would give anything for them to have more wisdom, and the only way to reach through to them is through the medium they are most familiar with- the television. Try as I may, they always go back to being themselves, so I just hope for the best each time.

My first paper- SOVA- is tomorrow afternoon and I'm scared to death. I have studied hard for it and gained more than knowledge from it, and I know I'll do just fine, so why am I still nervous?
I have gone through the 68 pages of notes and pictures 3 times, and I am fairly articulate through/in the English language, so I should do fine. No, I need more than fine.
I got the JAE booklet the day before yesterday -again. I got the same one last year, only this year's standards are even higher and it freaked me out. This year's Biomed Sc cut-off points range from 9-11, and I really, really hope I can make it.

Granted, I worked harder this year than last year. I had school last year, and I had so many subjects to juggle. I should be glad I even got average results, but I need more than average now.
I single-handedly re-taught myself the entire 3-5 years of Maths using nothing more than my textbook, notebook and a pencil. I took up a job and squeezed my studies between meal and toilet breaks, and then studied full-time after I left the job. By the time I started tuition in June, I had finished my 4N textbook, and still, my tuition teacher doesn't believe that I could have ever been so bad at Maths as to get 4/100.

It's been a mighty long year, I must say. Every day of it was like having to drag myself through thick mud in a trench. I could have just gone under at any time and drowned myself, save myself the pain of having to deal with all this. My family members weren't the only ones disappointed in me. My friends were full of pity. I was just speechless. My parents went on and on at me day and night but I was lost, away from them, trying to distract myself with my studies. Eventually, studying became a source of comfort for me and now, here I am, finally at the last stretch. The last one.
If I make it, I make it, but if I don't, I don't know. I do want it badly, to go to school like other people and to be given homework and to abide by dress codes and still be cool enough to be me. I want to learn things that are difficult, with long, unfamiliar names and functions, and still be able to sing in concerts and exams.

Well, enough said. Gotta get back to studying, and then settle down to a good night's sleep. Ciao.

Sunday, October 11th 2009

I have the sudden strong urge to blog. I've been studying a lot nowadays, but I make it a point to find time to blog. It's the only thing that's keeping me from going insane, apart from Philippe Jaroussky, of course.
His is the voice that keeps me company through my long hours of studying, so all the songs are pretty worn out and I really, really need more music. I can't wait to get his next 2 CDs, and thank God for "Sedecia", which I found at the library @ Esplanade. It is an opera by Scarlatti, and one of PJ's earliest works.

The lovely song you're listening to now is the one I'm currently learning. It's a little difficult to teach myself that because 1) my sight-reading is still horrible and 2) key-changes in places. However, it is an absolutely gorgeous piece, and I really, really want to sing it. No way would my teacher approve of that, because this stuff is still to difficult for me. Anything French is still beyond me, but no harm in trying. Having PJ's French to imitate makes it a little easier, I think.

I'm suddenly into Mozart again, having just watched the film "Amadeus". He's still my favourite composer (Handel comes a close second), even though after some time all his music starts to sound the same. There's some sort of pattern in his music that I have yet to identify. I wish I could write music like I write stories. I just need to learn the language. Perhaps I'll give it a shot after I pass my Grade 5 theory.

I have made a list of things I want to do after my exams. I've been studying non-stop since the beginning of the year, if you don't count my 'O's last year, so you can imagine the amount of things I've missed out on. So, here's the list, in no specific order. I just added to it when something new came to mind.

1) Have a BBQ
2) Buy silver ear-rings
3) Go to Carl jr's with V
4) Check out roller skates shop
5) Buy some boots (Dr Martens)
6) Buy running shoes
7) Buy iPod
8) Work for $ to pay for 6) and 7) and Venice trip
9) Do theory- and be good at it!
10) Have a "Scrubs" marathon
11) Watch "Daria" season 4
12) Buy more DVDs
13) Play online games (MS, GB, etc)
14) Go rock-climbing
15) Go roller-blading with Naz
16 Bring V to that nice place by the sea
17) Go to Sentosa with V > Underwater world
18) Buy my two PJ CDs > "Monteverdi" and "La dolce Fiamma"
19) Start a poetry + story-writing book
20) Buy a leather-bound book for 19)
21) Run more- up to 5km at a time
22) Get someone to go on a public charity run with me
23) Try brown rice
24) Buy dumb-bells (3-pound)
25) Drag mom along on a "book-buying trip"
26) Go on a very long walk
27) Finish reading "The Alchemist"
28) Finish painting my shoes
29) Hang out by the sea and write

Saturday, October 10th 2009

I was lucky enough to stumble upon the film "The Willow Tree" at the library @ Esplanade today. It is more of an artsy film, set in the Persian language. I have been looking for that film for two years, I started my search after I saw it for the first time at the Cathay. I'll always remember it. I still have the ticket stub in its original little envelope, its printing fading, barely legible.

I saw it for the first time in the year 2007, I rushed there to buy my ticket after school, and missed the first 5 minutes or so of the film, but it didn't change the impression it left me. I regretted not watching it another time while it was still at the theatre.
When I watched it tonight, I went back in time. I still remember the scenes, the silence, the tears. And of course, there's the self-reflection at the end of the film.

After I first saw the film, I longed to be blind. I think I just wanted my own world, the way I want it. My own private dreamworld filled with things and animals and people I love, not one that has already been filled with horror and disasters and shallow people. Yes, I longed to be blind. The thought of not having to see and comprehend is so comforting.

Most people can see, and most are complacent about it. They go through life never having to stumble about, helpless and blind. I, for one, have seen and prefer not to see, but when I think about it, there are still plenty of people who would give up their limbs just to gaze upon a sparkling sea or a full moon. This is the gift of sight, one that usually goes un-thanked for.

So, thank you, God, but if blindness should hit me one day soon, I will embrace it wholeheartedly.

Friday, October 9th 2009

"He felt it in his eyes. The orange flame stood dancing, just dancing in those deep, dark pupils as he gazed upon the fireplace. The crackling seemed deafening in the silence of his home. It was not always this silent. During the warmer months, one could hear the constant sloshing of water against the wooden stilts below, rhythmic, almost soothing, but once a year, inevitably, a thick sheet of ice would cover the lake, masking all sights and sounds of what lay beneath.

He heaved a sigh, his chest rising and falling with the current of air that rushed into his body and left the same way. "All that work," he thought, as the crackling grew more intense, "all those years, wasted," and he threw another one of his diaries into the mad, roaring fire.

The fire started to pop now, as if enraged by what it was forced to destroy. First, the pages started to singe, then suddenly all at once, like a streak of insanity, the fire gobbled the contents of the diary until there was nothing left but an empty hard leather shell.

A tickle. Was it in his throat? No, coughing did not help. Another tickle. It was coming from the depths of his body, his being, and finally he let it out in peals of frenzied laughter. His throaty, hoarse voice cut through the chilly air for miles around, and in the midst of the short pauses he took to breathe, he heard the icicles plunging into the wooden floorboards outside.

It left him breathless, clutching to the armrests of his chair. All the vitality of his youth grew weaker and weaker with the fire. The poet, the romantic, the adventurer all submitted to the beckoning of the dying flame.

Then, with the last breath, he blew the embers onto the curtains nearby. They quickly ignited, bringing the fire back to life. Had there been anybody around, one could have seen the grey smoke clouding the night sky, blocking out the moon, as the surface of the ice melted, allowing the last remnants of the lonely house to pass through.
A lonely house, owned by a lonely man the would never knew."

30th September 2009

Friday, October 2nd 2009

I just adore this shot. He was in the middle of a song when I took it. Love the lips, by the way.

I've added a new playlist, scroll down to view it. It's a compilation of my favourite pop and rock music, from Elvis Presley to Celine Dion. This afternoon, I listened to the "new" CD called "BEAN- the album" that I bought at Cash Converters for $5. I really liked it, full of happy music. "Walking on Sunshine" is very good for depressing times.
Then, of course, there are lovely, lovely songs like "Hanging on for dear life". I first listened to it when I was four years old, I remember singing it in the shower the day after I watched "My Boyfriend's Back". I spent more than 11 years looking for that movie, it's a big, big part of my life. The sound of this track is lop-sided, I seem to only be able to hear it through my left ear-bud.

While choosing the songs for my playlist, I remembered Elvis Presley, and quickly looked for some of the tracks I like. Now that I think about it, I forgot "Blue Suede Shoes", but that's okay. I just watched him on Youtube again, and my entire torso went numb, and I felt light-headed. He seems so alive in his videos, I still can't believe he's dead.
He's not just Elvis Presley the King, he's also Elvis Presley the painfully shy singer, Elvis Presley the little momma's boy, the boy who kept going back to the recording studio to pester the people there.

I also included classics like "Any dream will do". I first watched the video of "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat" at school when I was 12. You wouldn't believe the crush I had on Joseph! Hahaha! He was played by Donny Osmond, and now when I watch the DVD I just can't stop laughing. I like his singing, though, that's why I added another sweet number "Whenever you're in trouble". It's very comforting, I first heard it in 2007.
It was a bad time.

Mom and Dad were so angry when I told them last night that I had a voice lesson this morning. I had practised so hard for the lesson, and I was really looking forward to it. My parents were so reluctant to let me go, they said I should be studying, etc etc. Studying every day, every hour, before breakfast, after breakfast, before after everything, before I go to bed at night, and then awake ridiculously early to study again. This is unbelievable!
Luckily, I got to go anyway, and I enjoyed it so much. It was such a relief to be away from it all, just singing and singing, away from Dad and Mom and all the stupid people. The lesson was pretty good, too. I even earned an almond cookie! The practice paid off after all!

I've been writing an awful lot these few days since I saw the film "Finding Neverland". It just set something off in me, and I've been relying on my imagination to take me far away from real-life. It works for a while, but after a while, all my characters go mad.
There's the man who set fire to his house before he died, the ant who drowned itself in honey, a man who slit his wrists with his thumbs and laughed hysterically while blood stained the floor, a girl who screamed with laughter while hacking at her wrists with a saw, a deaf man who spent all eternity listening to his own laughter underwater.

All my characters turn insane, I don't know how to change it! It seems like the only way to end my stories, how can they end happy and leave a lasting effect, a strong impression?