Monday, December 31st 2007

I think that John Travolta's Edna from "Hairspray" is the cutest character ever!

Friday, December 28th 2007

Well.

The way I spend my days nowadays is absolutely dreadful. I actually have to walk around the house, looking for something to do. I have to admit, I have certain things to do, that I don't want to, like homework. Thank goodness there are only MCQs. You only have four options- A, B, C or D. Heh. I've already done seven pages of it, and will probably try to do more if I can bring myself to sit and concentrate, but if I fail to do so, I can always randomly answer the questions. I guess it would make me feel guilty, but I think I'll let it go just this once.
It just occured to me that getting my parents to sign my report book will be easy this time, since I plan to include my 'N's results slip. The results that're in the report book don't look very pretty, but just this once, I don't think my parents will give a damn.
I haven't told them anything about my 'N's results apart from "I passed everything except Chinese", and even after hearing that, they wanted to take me out to celebrate. Well, Mom did. Dad didn't say anything.
However, I told them it wasn't worth celebrating it.

Hah, I haven't told them a lot of things, like being on the choir comm, let alone what position. Oh, you readers didn't know either. They didn't even know I was having 'N' prelims when I was! Oh, well.
Their ignorance is my bliss.

Tuesday, December 25th 2007

I told you it was going to be another lousy Christmas. Why else would I spend Christmas Day online?

Woke up this morning feeling dreadful. No, I didn’t drink any alcohol last night even though it was our family’s Christmas dinner. Food again. I’ll consider drinking tonight, though, but no beer for me. I hate beer.
It’s just that I woke up knowing that it was going to be another lousy Christmas. Painted a little today, experimented with cheap watercolours, sketched on a large piece of canvas. I’m dying of boredom. I actually watched “Powerpuff Girls: Christmas Special” this morning, and enjoyed it. Am currently watching Dahmer and “Dead Like Me” videos on Youtube.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

Monday, December 24th 2007

Recently, I've bought a book on Jeffrey Dahmer. Reading about him, I actually wish he hadn't been killed. If he were alive today, he would be 47. I wish he were still alive, but locked-up so at least he wouldn't kill anyone.
What's ironic is that Christopher Scarver, the black man who killed Jeffrey Dahmer, killed for racial reasons. Most of Jeffrey's victims were black, sure, but he liked them!
I wish that J.D. were still alive so I could meet him. It's fascinating, his life and crimes.

This morning, I was roller-blading in the car-park, listening to my iPod. I heard some lyrics from Hairspray's "Run and Tell That", and thought they were beautiful, so I'll leave you with them.
All things are equal when it comes to love.

Merry Christmas Eve!

Wednesday, December 19th 2007

Well, my thumb's still intact.

I got my results back yesterday. According to my teachers, I did pretty well, so why do I feel so lousy? I don't know. They probably moderated the marks a lot, and I only failed one subject, which is a vast improvement from my usual. I usually fail four out of seven.
I was sitting in that Dance Studio with all my other classmates, so convinced that I wouldn't get through to Sec 5. The promotion criteria is to get 10 points or less for 3 best subjects. I almost stopped breathing when it was my turn to get my results slip, but I've made it.

Somehow I still feel I don't deserve it. There are people way smarter than me, and they work harder, but barely made it. How on Earth did I, when I didn't study hard enough, do better than them?
I've been praying about my results, and now I know that God works in mysterious ways. I wonder what He wants in exchange? :)

Thursday, December 13th 2007

I think I've lost weight. The last time I tried on my gym leotards, I couldn't fit into them, but today when I tried them on again, they were fine. Yes!!! I don't have to waste money buying leotards for ballet.

This morning while I was roller blading, I calculated how much, from now till March, I could save for my trip to Italy with the choir. I threw in the CNY money, too. With luck and an incredible amount of will-power, I think I'll be able to contribute about $500.
Hey, I only get $20 a week! I think I'll be doing a lot of buying with my cash-card next year. That, my dad tops up.

I think my entire thumb will be bitten off by the time I get my 'N' results back. Word has it that they're going to be released on the 18th, and I'm dying knowing that I have to wait that long. What's worse, it's so near Christmas! It'll ruin everything, for me and for anyone else!
Unless I do well.
Which I, and many other people, highly doubt.

However, I've promised myself that whether or not I do well, I'll buy myself an advent calendar for Christmas. I've been wanting one since last year when I read "The Christmas Mystery" by Jostein Gaarder. It's quite pricey, but I think I can afford $29.

I hope I do well enough to get to Sec 5, even if that level doesn't sound very flattering. It's a step in my life, whether other people like it or not. Other than leaving my graduating choir-girls (or rather, them leaving me), I don't mind Normal Acad too much. Strange as it sounds, I quite like school, despite having to deal with stupid, annoying, ruthless people every single day.

Monday, December 10th 2007

There are so many things I don't feel like typing about, but I don't mind some things.

We brought Rabbit to the vet today. It's eye is infected, and the man prescribed an antibiotics eye-drop and some eye-cream. I've applied it on Rabbit twice already.

Went to watch "The Golden Compass" alone at AMK Hub. The ending was lousy, but I think they wanted to leave it open to sequels. Some parts of the movie were a little cheesy, but otherwise fine. Nicole Kidman's acting was good, as always, but maybe I'm just biased. :)

Walked around AMK Hub after the movie. It's amazing the number of things you notice about your surroundings when you're out alone. It's as if all the sights are magnified, all the sounds are amplified, and other people's actions become a lot more annoying. I strolled around, taking in the bright Christmas decorations. The Christmas feeling is already in the air, but I dare not make plans to celebrate Christmas, for fear that I won't make it to Sec 5. If I don't, my parents would never let me out.
This constant fear for my results has left me sleepless the past few nights, even after I came home from M'sia. I hate fear.
Michael Jordan once said that fear is an illusion, so why am I so scared?

Christmas is coming again, I'm excited, but it looks like this Christmas won't be very interesting if I just hang out with my family. All they do is eat! They don't seem to dig any deeper into the whole point of the holiday. I'd give so much to be able to spend time at Midnight Mass at some church, maybe even the one nearby. Maybe some other year. I want to celebrate the holiday with people who bother about the meaning of the holiday and not just food.

The past few years of Christmas have been devastating. Year after year, I made and decorated Christmas trees for the family. One year it was a plastic one, another it was a cone-shaped thing, and then another a 3-D spray-painted card-board tree cut out from foolscap paper cardboard. I used to buy little items and wrap them up for each member of the family and put them under my small hand-made trees, but I never heard a "Merry Christmas" from any of them. Every Christmas, since the ones I can remember, haven't exactly been happy, so I've decided to stop the tree-making and the presents. I'm just going to write each one a note.
I just thought,"Why should I let them spoil it for me?"