Tuesday, February 9th 2010

DORIAN GRAY IS GETTING MARRIED!!!

Or so I've read. I didn't get a chance to get any further than the part where he sent a telegram bearing the news that he was going to get married. Damn. I really should hurry up and read the whole story. It's just so difficult to stay on track, you know? It's nothing like what you read by modern authors.

Met up with my old pal Brendy yesterday. We used to be labelled the "partners-in-crime", we stuck together at school and at CCA and after school, kind of grew up together but we went to different Secondary schools. We hung out a bit in Sec 1 but that was it, so yesterday's meeting was the first in 5 or 6 years.
It was great. We hung out and just talked, and then had a dinner of finger-food (Old Chang Kee...) and ended up sky-gazing at the big car-park near my home. Took a couple of photos before my camera died, too. Damn, I wish I had recharged the battery and not taken those lousy two bars for granted. It felt really good to see her again, even though I know we'll never be as close as we once were, again. Well, we're meeting up again in March after my theory exam, so all looks well.

Naz is coming over in about 20 minutes to see my notice-boards. Actually, I'm making her. Ha, ha. I just want her to know that as long as she wants something, she can conquer anything in the way. She's a sweet kid, she doesn't see how talented she is.
How do you tell someone that?

Going to see "The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus" this morning, I'm pumped on upbeat music like "Walking on Sunshine" and dancing around the house like a crazy person since nobody's home. Plus, I haven't been able to get a wink of sleep for the past 3 nights so I have this unrelenting dull headache and my expression is a bit stoned. However, I've been out of bed since 7am this morning in the hope of escaping the excruciating torment of my sleeplessness.
Talk about sleeplessness giving you the power of comprehensive vocabulary!

Saturday, February 6th 2010

Oscar Wilde was a literary genius. Dorian Gray kept me from sleep last night, and I was still lying awake at 3am. It's getting ridiculous. I haven't been able to sleep since I started reading "The Picture of Dorian Gray".
I can't put my finger on why I'm so obsessed with it. It is beautifully written, but I have gone no further than chapter 4. It's eating into me.
It's similar in some ways to the story I wrote about Lune and the artist. The artist falls in love with his painting, but in mine, Lune isn't actually alive.

I found some bits from his book that I have the compulsion to share.

"Crudely as it had been told to him, it had yet stirred him by its suggestion of a strange, almost modern romance. A beautiful woman risking everything for a mad passion. A few wild weeks of happiness cut short by a hideous, treacherous crime. Months of voiceless agony, and then a child born in pain. The mother snatched away by death, the boy left to solitude and the tyranny of an old and loveless man. Yes; it was an interesting background. It posed the lad, made him more perfect as it were. Behind every exquisite thing that existed, there was something tragic.... And how charming he had been at dinner the night before, as, with startled eyes and lips parted in frightened pleasure, he sat opposite to him at the club, the red candleshades staining to a richer rose the wakening wonder of his face. Talking to him was like playing upon an exquisite violin. He answered to every touch and thrill of the bow.... There was something terribly enthralling in the exercise of influence."

"Grace was his, and the white purity of boyhood, and beauty such as old Greek marbles kept for us. There was nothing that one could not do with him. He could be made a Titan or a toy. What a pity it was that such beauty was destined to fade!"

" "Yes," he continued, "that is one of the great secrets of life. Nowadays most people die of a sort of creeping common sense, and discover when it is too late that the only things one never regrets are one's mistakes." "

"It was an extraordinary improvisation. He felt that the eyes of Dorian Gray were fixed on him, and the consciousness that amongst his audience there was one whose temperament he wished to fascinate, seemed to give his wit keenness, and to lend colour to his imagination."
"Dorian Gray never took his gaze off him, but sat like one under a spell, smiles chasing each other over his lips, and wonder growing grave in his darkening eyes."

Friday, February 5th 2010

I finally created my "study-blog" today. Here's the link: http://awesomeiq.blogspot.com/

I thought it would be cool to document my entire experience in Poly, starting at the very beginning. It's a good way to keep track of my progress throughout, and I intend to type about my days, the people I meet there, and of course, the assignments and my thoughts. At the end of 3 years, I could read the entries and look back at who I used to be. It would also be a good way to help me remember what I've learnt, you know, because I'll be typing it again.

Of course, I'll be juggling a lot of things. In addition to my study-blog, I have my main blog to update, and cope with my studies, CCA, voice lessons, and perhaps a part-time job or volunteer work that would help me enter University. All this and my social life. I do believe it's possible, as difficult as it sounds.
At least even if I end up insane, I'll be oblivious to that fact.

I chose a short music playlist for my new blog, taking care to put in only upbeat and positive-sounding songs. Top song at the moment is Mika's "We Are Golden". I have watched the video, and yes, I act like that sometimes, in my room or around the house when nobody's at home. -shifty eyes-
I like that song because it's so upbeat, so confident, with strong lyrics that express my thoughts so accurately. It's true. We don't live for people. We awake at noon. We act crazy as hell. We have the most dreams in life.
I prefer the acoustic version, though. It's not so forceful throughout, there's more thought and soul in it.

Did another IQ test today and came through with a score of 131!
Read about the little boy who did well in "A" level-standard-exams, and who's going to NUS to study Medicine. The poor boy is only 13. Clever he may be, but he has learnt nothing.
I'd rather stick to who I am, at least I have the scars and knowledge to show for it. Wisdom doesn't just come overnight, you know. ;)

Thursday, February 4th 2010

Yesterday, I finally got down to reading Oscar Wilde's "The Picture of Dorian Gray".

It seemed quite tiresome at first, I had to get through the introduction and preface. When I eventually made it to the first chapter, it didn't leave any impression on me yet. It was only until I continued reading it last night in bed then I realised it's a beautiful story.

Oscar Wilde only ever published one novel, and here it is. Sure, there were plenty of (one might even say too many) adjectives that, I've discovered, causes the human mind to fix its attention elsewhere, so it's a challenge to stay focused and keep reading. It's going to be a slow read.
I haven't gotten far into the book yet, I just started Chapter 2 last night. Here's a quote from the book.

" "Tell me more about Mr. Dorian Gray. How often do you see him?"
"Every day. I couldn't be happy if I didn't see him every day. He is absolutely necessary to me."
"How extraordinary! I thought you would never care for anything but your art."
"He is all my art to me now," said the painter, gravely. "I sometimes think, Harry, there are only two eras of any importance in the world's history. The first is the appearance of a new medium for art, and the second is the appearance of a new personality for art also. What the invention of oil-painting was to the Venetians, the face of Antinous was to late Greek sculpture, and the face of Dorian Gray will some day be to me. It is not merely that I paint from him, draw from him, sketch from him. Of course I have done all that. But he is much more to me than a model or a sitter. I won't tell you that I am dissatisfied with what I have done of him, or that his beauty is such that Art cannot express it. There is nothing that Art cannot express, and I know that the work I have done, since I met Dorian Gray, is good work, is the best work of my life." "

Wednesday, February 3rd 2010

I have been obsessed with IQ tests lately. I always wanted to take them but was afraid of the results, you know, in case they have a drastic impact on my ego. However, I forced myself to take several and came through with a score of 123. It's not a genius score (Einstein got 160), but it's above average and considered good.

I guess I've always known myself to be somewhat quite clever, I know that the potential for success is there, but sometimes it just doesn't show. Either that or sometimes I just can't be bothered to try. It used to be the latter for most of my Primary school life, and perhaps the first two years of Secondary school. At least I know now that I'm actually cut out for greater things than a lousy dead-end 9-5 job in an office cubicle with asshole colleagues and boss.
Good to know, because I don't intend to end up like that anyway, it's too stupid a way of wasting my life. I'd rather work in a bakery!

Always strive to do better.

Monday, February 1st 2010

A few days ago I remembered that V and I had discussed Mika. She bought his album a few months back and I was to borrow it later. Anyway, we thought Mika too colourful a character to be completely straight. Yesterday or so, I went to listen to some of his songs online, and they were pretty good. I like the strong lyrics and expression of freedom.
I went on Wikipedia to find out more, and apparently, a lot of people have wondered about his sexual orientation because of his "flamboyant stage persona". However, I came across a few things he said (and that were quoted later) that I want to share with you guys.

He said that "there is a way of discussing sexuality without using labels", "I've never labelled myself...You should be as free as you want."
Now that, I totally agree with. It's a kind of freedom most people deny themselves, they feel the need to categorise themselves as "straight" or "gay" or other things inbetween. I mean, if you love someone, you love someone. It doesn't matter if it's a "he" or "she" or even an "it".
Love should never be forbidden.

Sunday, January 31st 2010

Mom can be such a bitch at times. Thank goodness I'm going to Poly so I can drown myself in work and extra co-curricular activities. I've been spending too much time at home, and I need to get out and have a schedule to follow and subjects to study for. Staying at home is taking its toll on me, it's suffocating.

I honestly cannot wait to get back on the academic track. Studying has become somewhat a sort of comfort for me, I can get lost in it and be away from any sort of communication for hours on end. I'd have an excuse not to face the usual assholes.

Once I get my timetable and subject notes, I'm going to study like hell. School should be conducive enough for me, and I shall do over-nighters at Changi Airport and on weekends I can go to the library @ Esplanade to study. I shall study for 5-6 days a week and still manage to squeeze in Maths and Chemistry tuition and my choir CCA and my social life, and perhaps any other extra stuff (part-time job at school? volunteer work?).
I think 2-3 hours of studying per day should be enough, I can squeeze in some studying in-between classes/lectures. It'll give me sufficient time to revise what I've been taught so as to embed the information securely in my mind. It will be useful when it comes to tests and exams, because I won't have to struggle so hard then, I'll just do light revising to remind myself of the things I've learnt.

I've got to start at the beginning if I want to do well enough to enter a good University, and the Uni of Edinburgh is quite competitive. I've done my research: I have to sustain a GPA of 3.5-4.0, which means many many "A"s and the occasional "B+". It would be best if there were no "B"s, but I'll allow it in my first semester since I didn't take Chemistry in Sec school. After that, there shouldn't be any "B"s anymore, I really, really need to do well to go somewhere far away from here. Chances are, my parents won't have enough money to pay for my incredibly costly medical education, so I'll have to earn it myself, by doing well at school and earning a scholarship or something. I don't like the idea of taking up a loan, be it from banks or people we know. If I really want something, I'll just have to get it myself.