Friday, November 20th 2009

"With enough courage, you can do without a reputation." -Rhett Butler

I discovered something new about myself! I guess I kind of knew it all along, only it suddenly occurred to me yesterday: I don't like people.

Generally, I don't like people. I find human beings too... meddlesome. Is that the right word? They're so difficult to communicate with, to share things with, and they're never truly happy and satisfied with the people or things around them, or even themselves. It's just so difficult, I think I'd be content talking to animals. I feel fed-up with having to deal with people.

Yesterday had been a very musical day, apart from my hair-cut. I told myself I had to finish the Grade 2 exercises before I moved on to Grade 5 exercises in theory, since I had no knowledge of it whatsoever. I spent hours yesterday doing it, and managed to finish it, too. I guess watching "Amadeus" helped. Like Maths, music is becoming an escape rather than a chore.
I keep feeling the need and urge to study something, anything. I've spent 3 years studying for major exams, and when freedom finally hit me, I went on studying. It's like an addiction. The stress hasn't gone away, my eye bags are getting bigger, but I'm sleeping better nowadays.

Mom and Dad have been giving me hell for the past month or so, quarrelling over their holiday trips to greatly contrasting places. I got caught in the middle, so Dad ended up yelling at me and Mom kept bugging me about going to Dubai and UK.
Dad doesn't like to travel to far-away places, he prefers his hot and humid climate in SEA, while Mom wants to travel all over the world to places like Egypt and Russia and the UK. I'd prefer to go to colder places like Mom's choices, but not with Mom, or with my family. I just want to go alone, to be able to sit by rivers and write, you know, things like that, instead of having to look like a tourist and go to man-made tourist attractions that charge an exorbitant amount of money for entry.

Well, I do benefit from all this. We're going to Phuket this December (Dad's choice),plenty of beautiful beaches and shopping, and the UK+Dubai is pushed to the first quarter of next year.
I'll be going to Scotland, baby!!

Tuesday, November 17th 2009

Two days ago, I went to catch "2012" alone. It was awesome!
I didn't really think much of the touching speeches because they've been heard before. No, what I liked most about the movie was the adrenaline. It was so awesome, I can't even find another word for it. No, wait. Astonishing. Flabbergasting. Stupefying!
I might go watch it again.

I felt really depressed after the movie, though. I looked around me and talked to myself in my mind about how everything I see won't stay this way, not that I'm too upset about it. All I see is concrete.

Last night, my mind started racing the moment I turned out my bedside light. It suddenly struck me that I won't be able to study with the same voice teacher for the next ten years of my life, if I'm going overseas to study. It would be ridiculous to travel back often for lessons, and mighty pricey, too. No money for that. Now I see why the greatest singers are the ones who studied music in schools, they had no other distractions.Then, I realised that I probably won't have to worry about that because 2012 will be here in 3 years. I will be 21 then, in my last year of Poly, so I will still be here then.

So. I went on a major shopping trip on Saturday. I didn't even reach $100, but close enough, and that's major for me. Normally I can't even find that kind of money, but mom gave me some so she wouldn't have to go shopping with me. I can't say I didn't feel the least bit hurt, but it was a lot easier going shopping alone. I could go where I wanted, see what I wanted, stop whenever I wanted.
I finally bought a set of tinted charcoal pencils from Art Friend. Gosh, they're pricey, but they're going to last for quite some time. Been trying to get myself to draw some human portraits but haven't gotten round to it yet. The last one I did of Charlie Chaplin almost killed me.
I also bought a book, a night-mask and a CD. I've been wanting a night-mask so I can feel what it would be like to be blind, to open your eyes and still see darkness. Finally got Michael Buble's new CD, I think the title song is beautiful. The lyrics are so real, gentle. "Hold on" isn't bad either. I also think Michael Buble looks better clean-shaven.

I'm loving my cryptic language. My parents have seen me writing in it and they both got this puzzled expression, perhaps even with a hint of suspicion. I suppose they would try to crack it, I should have made cipher discs with a scattered alphabet. I will with the wooden ones.

Still, I can't help feeling insecure. Nothing's safe in this house, nothing's ever certain and I hate it. I can't stand that of every place in the world and universe, I choose to come back here at the end of every day. It has become part of me, programmed into my system under "comfort".
At least it's not the only thing under "comfort".

One day I'm going to get far, far away from here and never come back.

Friday, November 13th 2009

Over the past two days, I have:
1) created a new cryptic written language and learnt it
2) developed cipher discs for the language
3) discovered that Philippe Jaroussky can speak 5 languages
4) gone to JB for a day trip with Dad
5) started on the beautiful wire mask worn on the cover of "Carestini"

I came up with a new cryptic language for my thoughts. It's great, because normal people would take years and years to decode it. I used the substitution cipher method, using symbols and strokes. It was more difficult coming up with the language than actually learning it, since it required imagination. Many cryptic languages have been created over the past centuries, so it really wasn't easy coming up with an original one.

I considered using the original alphabetic ciphers but I think they're too easy to crack. I got the idea of a cryptic language after watching "Wanted", and thought it would be cool to have my own. It's like an invisible lock to my thoughts. Finding the invisible key is difficult enough, then breaking the code and finally having to decode everything.
I spent last night making two cipher discs. They turned out quite nice, actually, although they required utmost patience and concentration, especially when I had to cut them to shape and draw the corresponding slots for fitting. I think the process is relatively simple compared to making cipher discs out of wood or metal. Hopefully, one day...

PJ is bloody talented. True, he wasn't a child prodigy or anything like that, but he built up his skills slowly until he's able to do so many different things. Lets start at the beginning. He can play the violin, started at age 11. He went on to win awards for violin playing, and then took up piano. At the age of 18 he began voice lessons as a counter-tenor, and has been training with the same teacher ever since. So now he can play the violin, piano and sing. Okay.
Then, I found one of his tour schedules for concerts. He has tours planned until the forth quarter of next year, in many places from Australia to Germany to London (and of course France). I'm dying to go watch him but probably won't be able to unless he comes here or I go to any of those places.
Also, in his many interviews, I've discovered that he is multi-lingual. I haven't heard any interviews in Italian yet but I'm pretty sure he can speak that too, since most of his repertoire is in that language. So far on Youtube, he has spoken French, German, Spanish and English. By 30 I aim to be able to do that.

Ever since I got the CD "Carestini", I've wanted to make a mask like that. It's so beautiful, the butterfly just sits on the nose and spreads its black-laced wings like a veil over one's face. It's probably just made of wire and very, very beautiful lace with a complicated pattern. I've done wire work before, so it shouldn't be too difficult. I'm gonna start making the skeleton first, and when I get hold of the lace I'll just stretch it over the delicate frame.

Wednesday, November 11th 2009

This is the CD I'm currently anticipating!

I've already exhausted the Monteverdi CD I got last week or so, but it has some really pretty tunes on it. "Ohime ch'io cado" sounds pretty sing-able, I might try if I manage to find the score.
"La Dolce Fiamma" has really beautiful pieces on it. The title piece is very graceful and charming, very warm and lovely. Not too much coloratura on this album, but where it lacks in coloratura, it makes up with grace.

It has been a crazy week. I'm talking raving mad.
I've been working on my Art paper all year, but only managed to finish it 10 minutes before the paper started. 10 minutes before the paper, I was still at home, frantically painting glue onto the back of my artwork. It was crazy, I tell you. Dad had to help me take the blu-tack off the back of my art while I glued them down. Before that I was arranging everything, doing layouts, making sure everything is detailed and coloured in. No room for slipshod work.

Dad went crazy the day after my last paper. The minute I walked out of my room in the morning, he started shouting. I don't even know if he was shouting at me or not. He shouted, "Don't include me in your travel plans, I'm so sick of this house!" (My brother was still asleep in his room and there was no one else)
It came as such a shock to me, I started crying while brushing my teeth. I ignored him for the rest of the day, keeping to myself in my room. Thank goodness I can lock my door.
So much for freedom after exams, I was forced to stay confined in my room lest he yelled again, so I kept myself busy drawing human anatomy. I can't believe it took me more than 5 hours to produce a drawing on the arm's musculature, but it turned out quite well, so I don't feel to bad.

I spent today at Esplanade library, doing a bit of music theory and listening to reference discs. I have a really strong urge to watch "Amadeus" again, my sis is supposed to bring the film home, but she hasn't been home for the past few days. I wanted to borrow the film from the library but they were all on loan, dang it! So I borrowed a whole lot of his music instead, and some foreign films and stuff.
I'm suddenly faced with so much music to learn. I've just finished my academic exams and I'm already worried about my grade 5 theory in March 2010. On top of that, my teacher marked out a whole lot of pieces to learn, and I have to learn them all by December, because that's when our next lesson will be. Oh no!!! Luckily, it'll be easier to practise my singing when my parents go out of the country for their holiday. The acoustics in the living room are the best. Unfortunately, the acoustics in my room suck.

Been re-reading "Hannibal Rising", and I've stumbled upon the "Memory Palace" technique, and I shall start establishing one during the holidays, though I don't know what to put in yet. It's one of those 'genius-brain' techniques, and many people deem it effective. I just think it would be really cool, and it would help me remember things better, very useful for exams.

North and South Korea are fighting again. There's something seriously wrong with the world. We should all watch "V for Vendetta" together. I hope the 2012 predictions are accurate, it would be a relief for me.

Oh, that reminds me. I want to watch "2012".

Friday, November 6th 2009

I just had the most fun in a long time. I don't know why I never did before, but I looked up "Pianti, sospiri" on Youtube and found the score. I watched and listened to it, and laughed hysterically during most of it.
I was quite excited, I've always wanted to see the score of it because it has serious coloratura parts. Here is a screenshot of the score, the top line is the vocal part. The coloratura line goes on for up to 7 bars at a time! In this picture, you only see 2. If I ever master coloratura, I shall take a shot at singing that!

I'm dying in anticipation and excitement for the new Philippe Jaroussky CD "La dolce fiamma". I've already heard snippets and one or two tracks from it, and it's gorgeous. J.S. Bach had immense talent, and these were pieces composed by his son, J.C. Bach. They have the same heart-wrenching chords and melodies.

I just stumbled upon a video montage where PJ sports a little beard. Beards are usually really not my thing, they look gross on most guys. PJ looks fine with the beard, but it makes him look older, more mature, more serious. No, thanks. I prefer PJ clean-shaven. He's cuter like that.

Fed my soul with more videos of Philippe Jaroussky tonight. At this point, he's the only person/thing that's keeping me alive. I spent 5 straight hours on my Art prepwork today, it was exhausting.
Need..more..Philippe..Jaroussky....

Thursday, November 5th 2009

Hooray! Monkey Island 5 is out!
Actually, it was released months ago but 1) it wasn't widely known and 2) I've been too busy to check it out. Anyway, I can't wait to play it. I've played and replayed Monkey Island 3 and 4, and I've always thought Guybrush quite cute in a scrawny loser kind of way. Plus, he's got wit!
(He's the one with the tofu-head in the picture.)

I've added a new playlist on my blog, been wanting to compile a classical playlist for some time now. I added my favourite track from "Mazarin", the one by Cazzatti. I love how the instruments build up from nothing at the beginning.
The playlist is generally jolly, except for the 1st movement of Sym. 25. Give it a chance, though. The good parts are after the angry ones.

Added more Mozart and Handel. I can't find many orchestral works of Handel, but maybe I haven't looked hard enough. Meanwhile, here's one that I found on Youtube, it's quite beautiful. Last but not least, there's John Dowland's "The Frog Galliard", whatever that means. It's a cheerful little tune, so I thought I'd add it too. Pretty happy with the playlist, but I think there's not enough Handel in it. Handel wrote beautiful, heart-wrenching vocal works but not enough for orchestras. Wanted to add some choral works by Vivaldi but the renditions they had on Youtube weren't very good.

I'm down to my last paper: Art. Though it's not a theory paper, it's the worst. It's the most tedious, it's at times like these that art students dislike art. Every little thing has to be so precise and detailed, you know? It's not free and easy. There has to be sources and investigation and development, stylisation, layouts.....

Went down to "Fancy Paper" today to buy 8 white A2 sheets of paper for my exam. Bloody people there didn't suggest what to buy and then refused to cut it to size for me! They said "we don't cut the paper, you cut it yourself". Eventually, I found plain white paper of good-quality, but they didn't have any in A2 size, only way bigger ones, so I had to buy them. Now I have to cut them to size myself. They were expensive, too. Damn people.

After my exams, I shall have a serial-killer reading and watching marathon. I want to watch the whole Hannibal Lecter series again to see his artwork, and then I shall watch "Dahmer" too. I'll spend some time reading up on the most twisted serial killers in history. I've been too busy to do that, but I'm guessing no other serial killers are just as twisted as the ones I've already read about.
The serial killers nowadays just rape and kill and perhaps chop the bodies up and dump them somewhere, that's it. The coolest ones rape their dead victims and eat them and perhaps make household items out of their bodies.

On another topic, I watched "Hotel Rwanda" for the first time today, and I loved it. There was not one moment during which I was relaxed. I'm starting to dislike Social Studies again.

Friday, October 30th 2009

I'm in the best mood!

HMV just called and told me that my "Monteverdi" deluxe edition has arrived!!! Ah! I'm practically dancing for joy! I'm also dying for new music, and who better to comfort me than Philippe Jaroussky?
I've been looking forward to the music on this CD. They jazzed it up a little and it has wonderful instrumentation and character. Been stepping into HMV at Citylink Mall to listen to the "Classical 2010" CD time and again just for that one song. This is called extreme desperation.

Worked pretty hard today, spent a lot of the day doing Art. Some light-box work and drawing and shading, and then gathering pictures to print. I had to look for pictures of the weather forecast and found some pretty nice ones to serve as my background for my prepwork. It'll be just like a collage! All those scrap-booking skills will be put to good use.

Stress levels have been running high over the past few days. I almost died before and after each Maths paper, but eventually came through. I realised, after stepping out of the school, that I had made a few mistakes in paper 1, but I felt pretty good after paper 2. Sure, there were a few questions I didn't know how to do in paper 2, but I've done my best. My paper 2 will turn out better than paper 1, but I'm hoping to get more than a B3 for the average.

I'm into Braille now, and hope to teach myself the basics of reading and writing in it after my exams. I think it would be nice to write in a language that most people cannot immediately translate. They'd have to sit themselves at a table and decipher it slowly, it would be just like a code! Also, I have discovered that the world is more interesting through touch.
Most of what we see is taken for granted, but when we close our eyes we put our trust in/at our fingertips to convey images of things around us. With our eyes closed, we detect even the tiniest details of an object, its form, its texture. It just takes me to a higher level of sensitivity.

Tomorrow, I'll do some studying in the morning. V and I are meeting up to study for a couple of hours, then have an enormous lunch of Kenny Rogers chicken and Mac & Cheese. I'm taking V to watch "The Song of Sparrows" at the Picturehouse, I hope she'll like it. Majid Majidi's films are wonderful.
I just watched "The Color of Paradise" 2 days ago, and it was beautiful. I love how the children carry branches of leaves that are bigger than they are, and how they run all over the place, laughing. Such are the wonders of childhood, long lost in this society.
Thank God I had a chance to experience it before it was entirely wiped out.

Mom and Dad promised we'd have a steamboat dinner tomorrow, so I'm pretty much looking forward to the whole of tomorrow, despite the studying bit. I've got to be a good girl and study, seeing that God has granted me my CD at long last. I'll collect it after the movie tomorrow. After my exams, I shall place another CD order for "La dolce fiamma", PJ's latest album.
Too much good music never killed anybody!

Saturday, October 24th 2009

Damn. The "Ugly Betty" cast is really good looking. First, I went to research on Henry, and it turns out he is a total dish, and he's married with kids.
Then, I did research on Rebecca Romijn, who plays Alexis on "Ugly Betty". I think she's so beautiful and totally hot. Then I read that she's married with kids too!! Oh- all the good-looking people!!!

That aside, a man stopped to talk to me along Esplanade Bay today. He pointed towards the construction in the distance and said, "they're building the casinos there. 2012. They're building a bridge to it now."
I just replied, "yeah."

I, for one, am not the least bit interested in the casino. I am, however, interested in the changes it will bring. I will witness, first-hand, younger generations turning into trash.
Gamblers, drug/money dealers will flock to the country. It would be just like Las Vegas! Only difference would be that there won't be any "quickie" marriages here.