A certain daylight

I am still dreaming of a certain daylight.

Of course I don't mean it literally. This is a tropical island, there is sunlight everywhere. Most of us folk tend to run from shade to shade just to avoid it, because it is deathly warm. And yet, here I am freezing in the school library.

Often I get happy flashbacks of travel, of beautiful architecture, paintings, musicians, places and friends. It's not everyday that you find your very own Hungarian bear, in the form of dear János, who drives a bus, loves Chinese food and plays flying simulation games. There is a certain charm of Europe that can't be compared to, like the people who sunbathe topless on the banks of the Danube.

It is back to the same old routine lifestyle for me. My internship at the hospital is done, and it was truly amazing. I got to touch tumours and everything! Most of the people there were lovely, but I noticed that the lab folk took a lot of time to warm up to me, as opposed to your everyday person. There are plenty of political issues in the lab, but then, that's true for anywhere. Some people were not so friendly, but I managed to stay out of their way, just, so that didn't bother me too much.

I am still the same stubborn emotional creature that I was years ago. Sometimes I yearn for that on/off switch, just so I can fulfil my fantasies of escape. Think about it: just one flip and suddenly your problems don't matter anymore. You're never kept awake with them flashing behind your eyelids every few seconds; the only way to avoid them is to keep your eyes open in the darkness. You never hear them shouting in your ears.

Medication has been developed solely for this function, but then, my teachers always told me there is no such thing as a safe drug. Sometimes I can find that natural switch in art or music, but otherwise my fears haunt me at the only time and place when they can- when I try to sleep.

It is rather therapeutic, this arrangement. Since I am done with my SIP, I report at school from 8.30am to 6pm every weekday. During this time I am free to do my research and discussions for my Major Project. Well, most of this time I spend on my Major Project. Otherwise, it's actually rather therapeutic to have the entire computer room to myself. Since this morning I've been listening to a constant stream of classical music, looking at photography and doing research on our dear friend E. coli.

Lonely but peaceful.