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I don't know what's coming over me these days.

Ever since I had that emotional breakdown about two weeks back, nothing's been the same. I can't stop thinking. I've been sleeping, but with constant nightmares. I don't know which is worse; insomnia or nightmares.

Why can't I sleep like everybody I know? What's bothering me? Why is it that I want to learn so many things? Why is it so difficult for me to make choices between the things I like?

I keep picking depressing movies to watch.
"The First Grader"
"The Bicycle Thief"
"The Pianist"
Of which, the last two don't really have a happy ending. In "The Bicycle Thief", the poor man goes home to his wife and child, jobless and penniless as ever, having had his own bicycle stolen. He had to pawn his bedsheets to get it for a job.
In "The Pianist", although Wladyslaw went back to playing the piano and performing, the captain, Wilm Hosenfeld, who had shown him a better place to hide and brought him food and even given him his coat for warmth, died in a Soviet POW camp after torture at age 57.

I can't stop thinking about what evil people are capable of. I can't understand why. I need to understand, I want to understand, yet I don't want to get close enough to do so.

I have this urge to cut all ties, to be away from the rest of the world. I want to go to Mars for a day, or swim in the Dead Sea, or try my hand at herding cattle in the mountains. So desperate to get away.

Reclusive.