Sat,Feb 24th 2007

My conversations with people are getting more and more awkward by the day.
It's really frightening.
I hate awkward conversations.I hate anything awkward.It's not a nice feeling.

There was choir practice this morning.We had "sectionals" in our octets grouping.My little buddy and I were grouped together with other people,approx 2 from each section from the choir.At first we had to survive practicing,getting notes from my tuning fork because we didn't have a piano or pitchpipe with us.It wasn't that bad,I think,though troublesome to have to think so much about what the notes are,but maybe thinking more is a good thing so we don't rely too much on people giving us our pitch all the time,being so easy.
My other knee is bruised quite badly because of me hitting it with the tuning fork.
The octets trial thing was really horrible.It's not that we want to feel scared,we can't help it.It's always that thing when you tell yourself you're not scared,you shouldn't be and you can't be,but the minute it's your turn to sing,you turn to jelly.It's the rush of that cold feeling and breathlessness,not enough people to cover your staggering,thus making it so obvious.People can't help being scared.If people had control over whether they were scared or not,nobody in the world would be scared at all.
So why do they keep telling us not to be scared?!
It was pretty irritating to hear that people were so out-of-tune,but like I said,it's probably because they were scared.They wouldn't get into choir if they really were that bad all the time.In the end,every group was quite horrible,so mine wasn't that contrasting.I thought I did pretty well myself for the first few songs (or times we sang the songs) but Si Jia said she couldn't hear me at all.
Oh my gosh,maybe it really is true!Maybe my singing is only nice in my ears,in my mind!Maybe to other people,I'm horribly out of tune,maybe thats why my friends kept telling me to stop singing last year,or maybe it's because I sang all the time and they got irritated.
I won't be budged by that.I'll never know how bad I sound unless I audition,both for choir and the other thing which I'm pretty embarrassed about.
Still not sure what song to sing.I used to have so many good songs,but when I listen to them now and sing they don't sound right.It's freaky how your mind changes when something new comes up.
Considering "Someone Else's Star" by Bryan White,and "I Surrender" by Celine Dion.Celine Dion has/had such an amazing voice,I don't know if I'm that standard.Ok,definately not,but I still love that song.Hopefully we don't have to sing whole songs for the audition.I'm afraid that I won't be able to reach some of the highest notes.