Thursday,Feb 22 2007

I hate awkward conversations.
I've had so many of them in my life so far,I can't even count them.I wish I were trained to keep conversations going,flowing like water.I hate those awkward pauses!
They make me feel uneasy.
I want to learn how to carry on conversing without it being awkward,and I want to learn to think before I speak.You know,so I don't say the wrong things and hurt people or something like that.
How come when I talk to people,my mind instantly goes blank?!
Do'h!

I was so bloody upset today.
My Chinese teacher read out some names and advised these people to take CLB.I felt so insulted when my name was read!She did show us the format,it looked easy,and was tempting,but I told myself not to give in to it.I asked her if we are being forced to take CLB,she said no,thank God.
I have no idea why some kids were/are so desperate to take CLB when she told us about it.Don't they feel insulted at all?It's like telling us that we're simply not good enough and we're rejected from our present Chinese class,yet they embrace it wholeheartedly.They're crazy.
I just passed a Chinese test and my last two "ting xie"s and you come and tell me I should take CLB?
What's your problem?!
No NO NONONO I'd never degrade myself to that level.Never.
I'd rather jump off the top of a building than stoop that "low".
By recess time I was so upset,I was ready to stab someone with my fork.

It did get worse.
Accounts came.Ms Kalpana gave us back our test.I was already upset,so I spared myself from seeing the marks I got.I refused.I was ready to tear or burn it.I was entertaining the idea of tearing it more because then it'd be like "snow" if I threw little bits of paper in the air.
I knew I failed terribly because when we were given the test I had no idea what I was doing,but I admit it was my fault.I didn't really study because until now I have no idea what Kalpana has been trying to teach us this year.
More happened during Accounts,but I don't want to type about it.
Don't know where all this is going,esp about Accounts.
All I know now is that I'll never let myself be degraded to taking CLB.