Sunday, 21st March 2010

Can't open my hotmail- this is adding to my already-brimming level of frustration.

I don't know why I'm in such a bad mood tonight. Just feel so exhausted with everything- life in general. Either that, or it's the time of the month. Hormones taking over.

Went to watch "Nodame Cantabile" with a small bunch of choir people tonight, the music was good but the ending sucked. When it was over I felt I'd wasted money and time, but hey, it's the company that matters, right?
After that, we had dinner at Pizza Hut, ordered the mushroom pasta, D ate, or rather, I forced D to eat half my share. I could feel all the vitality draining from me at dinner, but tried to keep smiling. We walked over to Esplanade to hang out by the river, and on the way there I was told that I shouldn't mention names on my blog.
I was already in a bad mood- after I heard it, I wanted to die on the spot- from what, I don't quite know. Anger? Embarrassment? Guilt?
I didn't protest, though. I thought a lot about it tonight as the group went from place to place, and finally reasoned with myself- he's right. I shouldn't mention names, I'd never know who reads my blog. It's not to say I hadn't thought of it before, it did feel a little weird when I did mention names, so now I just have to omit them. Well, for the bad things.

Thanks to D for being so straight-forward in saying so. He's a good friend to have.

I feel that the impression people have of me is slowly changing from "cute" to "weird" or worse, "troubled". Nope, I am not troubled, just frustrated. Recently, I have found myself wishing that I didn't have feelings- love, anxiety, hate, crushes, feeling creeped-out, even happiness, knowing that it does not stay that way for long. When you're at the peak of a mountain, you always have to go down again.
Feelings are just so damn complicated. What's more, apart from my own feelings, I still have to worry about other people's feelings, be it for me or against. Why? I can't explain it, I have run out of steam for the night.
Maybe I just need a good night's sleep.