Friday, November 2nd 2007

I'm listening to "To Where You Are" by Josh Groban on Youtube. I forgot how beautiful it is. It has absolutely beautiful lyrics. I remember when I first got the CD, I loved that song.

Things are finally looking up again. A few good things happened today, and even though we didn't have any really cool, interesting lessons today, they were fine. I lived through the boredom. I can't believe it was the last day of school today. I'm upset that Mr Fausta Tan isn't teaching us next year. My SS actually improved! I'll also miss laughing at him.
Thank goodness there's still choir in school.

OBS is on Monday! I'm excited, but I'm also nervous. I don't know what'll happen there. I hope I'm up for it.

I'll just post a photograph I found on the internet months ago. It's at the head of the post.

Wednesday, October 31st 2007

I'm both emotionally and physically drained. I can literally feel my eyelids closing, my body shutting down. Yet, I'm forcing myself to type a blog entry. I just feel a need to.

I feel so fed up with the world. I've had a rough week, I even witnessed a crime. What the hell is wrong with everybody? Am I the one at fault? I feel so angry, I feel like I want to hit people, break things, hurt myself, but I'll try not to do any of the three.
It's simply not sensible.

I'm so disgusted and disappointed that I just don't know what to say or do. Nowadays, everything seems like a waste of time. I haven't been getting enough sleep since Sunday night, but I drag myself to school for lessons, which some of my classmates don't even bother doing. Of course Mrs Khoo has a right to be embarrassed. I would, too, if I were her. I wouldn't be able to face the world knowing that half the students in my form class doesn't bother coming to school.
I feel so sorry for her, having people like them in her class. She was practically near tears today while scolding our class. I wanted to march up there and give her a hug, but I didn't, lest she hit me or something.

There certainly are idiotic people in the world.
Have a good Halloween.

Tuesday, October 30th 2007

Back when I was revising for Geography for my 'N' levels, I remember sticking a post-it note on the page, about how my body and spirit are separate, and they often disagree with one another. Then, I find myself muttering arguments.
Today, something triggered a new thought:

The only time the body and spirit cooperate is when we laugh or cry.

Monday, October 29th 2007

I have nothing to say about today's paper, apart from the fact that my hands were sweating all through, making the pen slip, and my finger hurt.

Just give it my all and see where it takes me.

The whole bloody world is stupid, stupid, stupid. Stupid woman just bloody shoved me aside in the MRT today. No "excuse me", whatsoever. She just pushed me aside, causing me to step on someone else's foot. Even then, I apologised.
What the hell is wrong with the world, and why can't they have the basic courtesy to say "please" or "thank you" or "sorry" or "excuse me" or "you're welcome"?!
*******s.

Saturday, October 27th 2007

Just a quick one.
I'm proud to say that my piano-playing has improved!

Today, my sis and I went to the library @ Esplanade to look for music scores and DVDs. I borrowed a book on the life of Elvis, and a songbook of his songs. DVDs I borrowed were "Tuesdays with Morrie" and "Jailhouse Rock". I can't wait to watch "Jailhouse Rock", it looks fun. I'm gonna wait till after Monday to do that. Right now I need to be focused! I'm waking up early tomorrow morning, maybe going out to run, have a shower, do a compre while "talking to myself", and then spend the rest of the day leisurely (sp?) memorising situational writing formats.
Is that not a brilliant plan?

Going to watch "Four Feathers" on TV now. Looks/sounds interesting.

Friday, October 26th 2007

My fear is setting in. There are several causes. One is that my English 'O's are on MONDAY! Second, I may lose my current teachers next year. Ms Yip has said that she probably won't teach us English next year, oh no!!!
I'm spending nowadays doing a lot of comprehension. I hate those, I can never get them right. It's starting to get more fun, it's the summary that I hate. I hate having to rephrase things.
OBS is coming. I'm worried, because I don't know a thing about it, even though I've always hoped I could go. Starting to feel nervous.
This post isn't very... fully developed, because my mind is really exhausted.

Monday, October 22nd 2007

I can't remember if I've typed this before, so I'll type it again:

When you were younger, did you ever think you'd be what you are now?

Sunday, October 21st 2007

It has been a productive day.
I began the day by waking up at 7.40am, washing up and getting ready to go swimming with my sister. At 8.30am, she was still in bed!
We made our way down to Yio Chu Kang (sp?) swimming complex after she got ready. I was feeling nervous, because it was a long time since I last swam. Maybe it was 2 years ago.
However, I remembered enough to save my life, and I swam 4 x 50m. Didn't swim more because my stomach was feeling funny, like I was going to throw up.

We had breakfast after that. You wouldn't believe the amount of unhealthy food we found at the food stall there. You'd think that people would want to eat healthily after a swim.

After I came home, I practiced playing the piano. Am currently learning a new song with many many chords. At times I feel like I'm about to die. Had lunch after that, which was KFC bought back home. Ate while watching "Bewitched" on DVD.
I love Nicole Kidman's eyes.

After "Bewitched", I did a timed comprehension so Ms Yip won't kill me tomorrow. At least I did something! Almost fell asleep while doing it, but I forced myself to finish, and I finished it with 15 mins to spare. I figured I deserved some form of rest after that, and since my sis was using the comp, I switched on the radio and listened to Jia 88.3fm, lying on my bed. I struggled desperately to stay awake, but I think I fell asleep a few times. Not exaggerating.

I forced myself to spring out of bed when I heard knocks on my door. I had dinner, and then oranges, and here I am now after dinner.
Sis and I are planning to join the Singapore Complaints Choir. It should be fun. I've watched the Helsinki and Birmingham Complaints Choir. Rehersals will be hectic, though, because they're at night for 2 weeks. 7-10pm! We'll sing at public places and amuse people. Exciting. Hopefully, my own choir will gather enough people to go to Italy next year. My life would feel so full with all these events.

Lastly, a message for Mumu.
" Dear Mumu
I read what you typed on your blog. I must say, I was surprised to read all the swearwords, and I do believe that you can express your anger without swearing. Besides, what's the use of scolding people on your blog? They won't read it. Why not confront them directly? It never hurts to have manners, and it's possible to be fuming but still have manners and not swear.
Also, don't let opportunity slip through your fingers again. If you want people to know you feel hurt by their actions, let them know, if not they'll just go on doing it.
Don't even think about picking up that penknife or bottle/can of alcohol. I'm here for you to talk to if you need me.

Xiulin"

Thursday, October 18th 2007

It just occured to me that I've yet to type out my "Pests" essay. Feeling too lazy to dig it up from wherever it is, so I'll let it hang.

I see that Vera-ann has quoted me, I feel... =D

Today while I was sitting on the swing by myself at school, I was feeling lousy. It was raining, and I was waiting for the rain to stop. I had this urge to go home, have a shower, and then spend the rest of the day on the computer doing research on Elvis Presley. HOWEVER, I didn't.

I'm losing my manners again. Also, I'm starting to go back to being an aloof person, and that's not good. For a while it was all right, or so I thought, because I greeted teachers, cleaners, and students I knew. Nowadays, especially today, I found it requires/required too much effort. I don't know why.

Monday, October 15th 2007

Am down with flu. It's been a few days now, not sure if I should risk doing Physical Training tomorrow morning. I'm leading, so it shouldn't be too bad, right? If I die from it, I probably won't regret it anyway.
New scores tomorrow, I wonder if they'll be difficult?

Feeling really lousy because of this dreadful cold. This is going to be a busy week. Strangely, I'm anticipating normal lessons. Nothing special, just normal school and lessons. I hope they stick to normal timings as well. It's just so..normal.

I want to spend Halloween Night on the roof of Vivocity. It's beautiful up there, and since it's after every paper, I'd like to just spend that night looking at the sky and thinking. Just thinking.
I wish my parents wouldn't drag me along with them to Malaysia. I guess it is sort of a tradition that I go back to visit my relatives there, especially since some of them are very old. Still, I wish they wouldn't drag me along. I guess I'd feel guilty if I don't go, but I really like peace. If I were alone, I wouldn't quarrel with anybody, or hurt anybody. I hate arguments, sometimes I'm the one who starts them, and I hate that. Being alone just gives me the freedom to say what I want and hurt no one. Everybody would be happy then, right?

I went to town today, Art Friend in Takashimaya. I was so tempted by endless sizes of cut canvas(es). I have ideas for round canvases, but they're simply too expensive. I would like a decent-sized square one but they're also too expensive. Felt so reluctant to part with my money on/for canvas because I really do not have much money. Like they say, it's like being a child in a candy shop but not being able to touch a single sweet.

Friday, October 12th 2007

I'm finally free. Few things I want to type about today.

1) I saw someone getting molested right infront of me just yesterday. I was on my way home from Vivocity. Mushuang had already gotten off at her stop, so I was alone, but not literally. The MRT was totally packed with people, mostly people going home from work.
This skinny old balding man was standing behind a short, okay-looking long-haired girl of about 25 years old. Since the train was crowded, he only had to stick out a finger to touch her behind, and that's what he did. He used one finger to stroke it several times. I was thinking, "what the H?"
I stared at him, and he moved further into the carriage at the next stop.

2) Yes!!! I got my very first Elvis Presley CD! 52 songs for $22.95, which is pretty impressive. There were a few others, but with 25 songs for $30, and so on.

3) It's depressing to find out that almost all the kids from "The Little Rascals" aka "Our Gang" are dead. When I was young, I had a video tape recording of some episodes, and I loved it so much I watched it every day! I remember talking to my father at work, telling him that my favorite video tape to watch was "The Little Rascals". I practically grew up with the show. I was too young to know that the kids in the film were already dead. In my mind they were always so alive.
It's depressing, all these dead people. First, I read about Elvis and his death. Next, I read that all those kids died long ago.
"The Little Rascals" was a sweet series/show. They portrayed kids like they should be, all young and innocent and naughty.

Saturday, October 6th 2007

Elvis Presley is my hero.

Sunday, September 23rd 2007

I'm so bored, I don't even know what I'm doing. Waiting for some Jap anime episodes to load on Youtube.
I keep trying to sit myself down and study, but I can't. I'm so glad night study's starting again tomorrow, I shall attend every single day, whether I'm going alone or not. Francesca's going tomorrow, so I won't be alone. Daphne has tuition, so she can't go.
Night study's the only time I can actually study, and in the comfort of my school, too. My school's beautiful at night. They put night study on hold for quite awhile because of the stupid Promenade. I can see that putting up a good performance for our school is important, but surely there's no need to neglect the students' study needs?
They actually disallowed the kids to have tuition until after 8pm! Bloody H. So much for wanting the best for the students. Oh, wow. They put night study on hold because the bloody rehearsals for Promenade were too noisy.

Watched "Stranger than Fiction" again today. It's not a bad movie. The plot is quite fresh, not too cliche. How easy it would be to kill someone by writing a story about them.
I wish I could do that.

Wednesday, September 19th 2007

This is just to update.

-I was right when I typed about not doing well in my 'O' Eng prelim.
-For 'N' prelims, I failed SS, Math, Chinese, Accounts. No surprise for/about these four subjects. I left out a whole section for SS because I didn't manage my time. The other three are just.. like that. I'm tired of having to explain.
-Going rock-climbing with V. Chew tomorrow. Need some exercise, something healthy to do.
-I hate this bloody society.

Monday, September 17th 2007

I've got my hair cut again.
I realised, while sitting there flipping through hairstyle magazines, that I don't really care what style I cut, as long as it's not uneven and wispy. It just annoys me when people have a "tail" in their hair. I just don't get it, but I have no say in their hair. I picked a short hairstyle out of the book, telling my hairdresser about the adjustments I wanted her to make.
It didn't turn out remotely like the picture in the magazine, which is/was a relief, because I didn't like the front of the style in the magazine very much. I quite like my new hairstyle. It's neat enough, not too terrible-looking.

Discovered the wonders of coloured-pencils. They add colour and life to my drawings I've so painstakingly done. I've realised that talent isn't the most important thing in Art, only patience and willingness.
It's a nice subject, because we get to do all the close-to-heart stuff, relate to the topics given, spend time discovering new meanings, looking deeper, practice art skills,practice patience, and it's not too acadamic. It's nothing like Math. It's just how you feel your drawings or paintings, get absorbed. Also, for me, the end result is almost always satisfying, like all that effort I've put in has not been wasted.

Ms Jac Yip told Becca and I that we'll be getting back our 'O' Eng prelim papers tomorrow. Am not too worried about the first part of the paper, which is compo and letter-writing. The topic I picked for my compo was "Pests". Heh.
I remember writing about what that word means to me, what comes to my mind when I see/read that word. For example, pests can mean dirty rats or greedy locusts, but they can also mean annoying people. I wrote about pesticides, what are they for, and what would happen if human pesticide had been created/discovered. I ended the compo with "After all, intolerance is only human". I'll type it out when I get it back.
I'm worried about the compre part of the paper. It's always the part that I'm worried about. I just can't get it. Anyway, I can't remember what the passages were about. First sign that I'm going to do badly.

I'm thankful today didn't go badly. I escaped Mrs Khoo's clutches during Math, I didn't complete my homework. Mom didn't yell at me for having my hair cut (she used to do that every time I got it cut), Dad didn't say anything. My brother either couldn't be bothered to notice or just didn't, luckily. The less people grumble, the better. My sis isn't home yet, I don't know what she'd say, but I hope it's nothing negative.
I don't understand why people care about my hair so much. It's my hair, for goodness' sake! Never mind them, I shan't care what they think. If they're not happy with my hair, so be it.

Life's just too short to keep trying to live up to other people's expectations.

Gosh, I love my motto.

Sunday, September 16 2007

Student Leader's Investiture was quite fun. At least we could sing, and got to hold candles and all that. Did a little bit of booklet distributing and ushering. Met some nice people there. It made me shudder to think that I was sitting right there amongst the rows and rows of people, knowing that all around me, those kids were leaders. They all were elected one way or another, and they had leadership qualities. It made me scared, in a way. Felt intimidated, also inferior.
I was only there because my student conductor is a councillor, so I had to represent choir. It wasn't bad. It was a good experience.

I dare say that my parents really ruin every thing for me. Only just now I showed my mom a drawing I'd spent 2 days on, and she just said there was something wrong with it, and asked why was I drawing that anyway? ( I can bet she was about to say I was wasting time on drawing ) I told her it's for my Art exam, and she started an argument saying that Art was about what I can see, not what I cannot see. It was a drawing of the muscles in a human arm.
Couldn't be bothered arguing back, because I know Art is not only about what I can see. However much I argued back, she wouldn't accept it anyway. Too stubborn. So I just changed the subject, asking when she'd be ready?

I asked her last night if we could go into town today, I need a new set of Acrylic paint, a better one. My last one didn't stick on canvas very well, but not surprising, since I only paid about $15 for it. While I'm at Art Friend at Bugis today, I could also grab some other stuff like more canvas and drawing pens.
Yay.

September 8th 2007 [Post 2]

Second post today.
I woke early this morning because I wanted to visit the AMK polyclinic's pharmacy to inquire about seeing-sticks for blind people. I mentioned in one of the earlier posts that I'd like to invest in one if it's/they're not too expensive.
I went after breakfast, which was beehoon. It was crowded there, people in wheelchairs, sick people, healthy people. Children, adults, elderly. Some were sitting on those plastic orange chairs in rows, waiting for their call number to appear on the screen. Children were begging parents to buy them sweets, and I have to admit, there was quite a nice and wide selection there. Now I know where to buy healthy, good-tasting sweets!
I went to the home-care section where they sold wheelchairs, crutches
and so on. There was a short-haired woman seated at a desk there. I asked her if they sold seeing-sticks for blind people, and she said she didn't know, because she wasn't in charge of that section.
I found that made no sense, for she was sitting in it. She told me to ask the guy at the cashier, he was in charge of that section. So I went back to the cashier. It's like having to go through an obstacle course. Dodging running children, skirting around wheelchairs. Finally, I got there.
There were two people talking to the guy at the counter/cashier, so I waited. I just observed my surroundings while waiting, and then turned back to the people infront of me. They were Indian. One was a middle-aged man, and the other was a woman whom I estimated to be around 60 years old. I assumed they were mother and son. The son talked to his mother about different needles. The guy behind the counter took from the shelves several samples of the different sizes, later to be put in syringes.

At that very moment I realised how lucky I was to be alive and well. Sometimes life becomes too much for me and I wish I were dead, but I realised how lucky I was/am. All those people in the pharmacy, rushing around, waiting for medicine, buying medical instruments (like the woman and the needles), they all wanted to live. They saw living as a privilege. People queued for their medicine to stop the pain they felt, or because they were afraid to die.
I walked out of the pharmacy then, and went home without having inquired about the seeing-stick.

Saturday, September 8th 2007

Came back not long ago from dinner with Mom and Dad. We went to eat at the coffeeshop nearby our block. I had chicken rice.
While we were eating, I saw a plastic "reserved" sign that was placed on a table near ours. A thought suddenly struck me, so I asked Mom, " Has anybody ever had their wedding dinner at a coffeeshop? "
Her answer was an immediate "no", but I expected that. I asked her why, and she said that people would feel so embarrassed having their wedding dinner at a coffeeshop. She continued, " Wedding dinners are supposed to be in restaurants. "
I had a really strong urge to argue back. Not everyone can afford having their wedding dinner at a restaurant. Also, so what if it's a coffeeshop? The food can be just as good, shark's fin and abalone is not a necessity, contrary to what the Chinese believe. I can't actually believe I just said that. Two years ago, I hated everything but restaurants and fast-food. I refused to set foot in any coffeeshop or foodcourt. I loved shark's fin and abalone. Then as I grew older I discovered the cruelty behind obtaining shark's fin, and how expensive and wasteful abalone is/was. How many people the amount of money spent on those two types of food could have saved?
I didn't argue with her any further on the topic. What once innocent children have been turned into dreadfully stubborn adults by and in society.
I wonder why mankind drew the line between right and wrong so clearly when they didn't know which was which?

Tuesday, September 4th 2007

Where in Singapore does one buy a seeing-stick? You know, the foldable kind which helps people to "see" things in their paths. The hospital, perhaps? I wonder if it's expensive?
If it's cheap, I'd like to invest in one. Interesting way to "see".
Must start practising, so if one day I happen to go blind or if I ever decide to go blind, I wouldn't feel so helpless in getting around.

Saturday, September 1st 2007

I've just watched "The Chronicles of Narnia" again, but this time on DVD, and I'm surprised to find that it's still as good as the last time I watched it, which was 2 years ago. Mr. Tumnus is still as cute. I remember watching it twice in the cinemas.
The special effects and music are just as breath-taking as they were. I recall sitting in the cinema feeling amazed.

I feel this really strong urge to watch "The Willow Tree" again, though I know I shouldn't. So many people are living in poverty out there, and look at me! Here I am typing, watching words appear on my flat screen! I shall wait for the DVD instead, perhaps it'll be more worth it than spending $7 on a one-time ticket.
I hope I can steer myself away from the cinemas for now. It's one big distraction, and a waste of money.

Just came across an interesting question on Yahoo! Answers. "How do you describe colour to a blind person?"
Yes, how do you, if they haven't seen anything in their lives? You can't tell them something is 'red as a rose' or 'yellow as the sun'. I'm getting jealous of all the blind people in the world. I know they hate being blind and they want to see, but I really wonder what it's like being blind. It's a whole different world, to feel/touch, taste, hear, smell more than you see. The only bad thing about going blind is that you can't go back to not being blind.
Darn.
Maybe after my exams I'll do an experiment on myself for a few days, just to see what it's like to be blind. No, I won't start sticking things in my eyes, I'll just find ways to keep them closed, and even if I open them, I won't be able to see a thing.
I wonder what it's like to wake up to a bright sunny morning but see only darkness?

Monday, August 27th 2007

Have you caught "The Willow Tree" at The Picturehouse (The Cathay) yet? It's playing till this Wednesday, but it's good even though its screening is so limited.
I went to catch it today. Wanted to go with some friends but they wanted to watch another movie, so I ended up going alone. It wasn't a loss, really. They wanted to watch "Dead Silence", which I have absolutely no interest in. I definitely couldn't force them to watch "The Willow Tree" with me, so I told them to go without me.
It's much easier not having to worry about what anyone else wants, and I've said that before.

It was a beautiful movie, even though it was in Persian. There were definitely some moments to cry about. I don't understand why the audience was so small, it's a great movie! Maybe it just needed more publicity. The movie is just so... human. I don't know how else to put it. There isn't much of a soundtrack, so I, part of the audience, could actually be there and experience what the character is/was going through in the movie. Very very beautiful.

Made me think a lot. I finally know how lucky I am to be able to see perfectly. Of course, there's all the others as well, like hearing, tasting, feeling and speaking. But think of all the things you'd see in the world if you'd be living in a totally dark one for more than 30 years. In your mind, a simple garden could be paradise.
Inspiring. It makes me want to go blind! Literally. I may just try in the future.

Thursday, August 23rd 2007

Someone up there is really upset. It's pouring so heavily outside, I can barely see the nearby buildings except for the lights!
I'm supposed to be studying for my Physics prelim exam tomorrow. I sort-of am. Just feel kind of upset with Math today. Paper 1 was actually fine, I expected it to be worse. However, as always, I didn't have enough time to finish everything. In terms of Math, that is. Paper 2 was terrible. I don't think I'll even get 5 marks out of it.
We were given 4 sheets of writing paper for Paper 2. When they were collecting used and unused paper, I gave back three. I noticed that everybody else only gave back one or two. I don't think it's right of me to expect very much of my Math, it's my worst subject. Wait, maybe Accounts is.

I was staring at the sky just now, inspiration hit me in the face.

Clouds hover in the sky like a blanket of white,
A cool breeze gently blowing.
The blanket looks so thick and solid,
The layers barely showing.
How far is it from Earth, I wonder
Locked in an everlasting slumber
Here I lie, forever wondering,
Snuggling inside the comfort of my mind.

I hate it that I'm taking combined subjects. Social Studies/Geog, Bio/Physics. I've realised that one from each combination always pulls the other down. Take Bio, for instance. I'm proud to say that I'm not extremely terrible in/at Biology, but my Physics always pulls me down. Somehow I just find that Bio is a lot more interesting. In the other combination, my SS pulls me down.
I've just recalled something my family members used to tell me," Don't compare yourself with other people." Yet, when I think about it now, they are/were contradicting themselves, for they took every opportunity to compare me with others.
My sister's throwing a tantrum again, throwing her umbrella and slamming doors. I know she's been hard at work all day, but that's no reason to do these things. She hasn't been very courteous.

Sunday, 19th August 2007

Thought of a few new resolutions.

I will try to:
1) Think before I speak.
2) Be more sensitive to other people's needs.
3) Not unleash any childish comments or replies.
4) Offer my help more often.
5) Love myself more.
6) Not get bullied.

Wednesday, August 15th 2007

Have you ever watched "Red Dragon"? If so, you would know that Hannibal Lecter's privacy was invaded. Staff at that prison found a note from The Tooth Fairy to Lecter, rolled up in his toilet roll supply. They tried to make Lecter think that they were fixing some lights and cleaning the cells and corridors, and during that time while Lecter was bound up with his mask in some sort of quarantine room, the note went through so much analysing, went through so many people. Eventually he discovered that they found his note, even before he was returned to his cell. Still, don't you feel sorry for him?
Imagine having your most prized possession found and analysed by someone when all you want to do is keep that possession to yourself. It's like having someone find your diary full of secrets and display it to the world.
Would you like that?

Dr. Chilton is/was an amazingly annoying guy in the show. He always dangles things of comfort/pleasure infront of Lecter but never lets him have it. I still don't understand why he can't stand Lecter. They're always at each other, although not physically. Poor Lecter. I'd die if I had to see people like Dr. Chilton everyday.

Francis Dolarhyde is/was another pitiful character in the show. He only had a little scar between his nose and lip, but years of abuse from his grandmother made him think that he was deformed. I think his ideas are really good, though. He smashes mirrors and inserts the tiny bits into the eyes of corpses.
How come all the serial killers in the Lecter series are so smart? They can work with codes, they think a lot, they have great ideas, they're really sensitive. They can hear really well, and they react quickly to sudden things. They're always prepared.
What does it really take for one to become like that?

Sunday, August 12th 2007

I hope my train of thought doesn't break tomorrow, especially since I'll be doing a compo + letter-writing tomorrow. 'N' level English prelims are tomorrow! It's kind of exciting, in a way. Something I'm looking forward to, since the last time I did an English Normal Acad paper was...say, 2 years ago. I've lost all confidence in doing well in English since then. Ah, I never did well in English anyway. I've told you before, they made a mistake.
I hope the topics they give us for our compo(s) are interesting enough to write about.

As I was switching on the computer, I saw lightning flash across the dark cloudy sky. It stayed that way longer than I expected, actually, for maybe about 2-3 seconds. Now there's a little bit of thunder as well.
Somebody told me once that lightning can kill but rain is pretty harmless.
Not quite true.
Sure, lightning can kill, but rain can also kill, although indirectly.

What am I doing using the computer when I have an exam tomorrow morning?!

Saturday, August 11th 2007

I went to watch "The Simpsons Movie" today at GV, Marina Square. I had the marvellously cheesy macaroni and cheese from Kenny Rogers (I can't remember if it was Roger or Rogers, so I'll just leave the ' out) for lunch. Had clear chicken soup and iced tea to go with it.
Mmm.

The movie itself was quite creative. Their jokes are quite original, I think. I wouldn't recommend it to children, though, because it contains a little adult humour.

I watched "Borat" on video over dinner, I didn't find it very amusing. Too crude for me. There were a few moments which I thought were funny, but otherwise, no. It discriminates against almost everything.

Gotta wake early tomorrow, am meeting Si Jia at the library before it opens.

Friday, August 10th 2007

Hannibal Lecter is an incredibly romantic male character.
In "Hannibal", he threatened to chop off Clarice's wrist after she had handcuffed his wrist to hers. He couldn't bear to, so he chopped off his own.

Did Biology today, gonna do a self-portrait in a while, right after I finish eating this pear. My tagboard has been shifted to the bottom of my blog, I don't know why. Scroll down and you'll see it.

How does one obtain a tremendous amount of self-control? I want to learn.

Thursday, August 9th 2007

Well, Happy Birthday, Singapore!
I love my beautiful little country.

I hate this. Another sudden rush of adrenaline. I'm panicking because I don't know if I'm taking the English 'N' levels prelim paper or not. I have this urge to swear now.
I feel like sneaking out with my bicycle early tomorrow morning for a ride.Or go swimming. Or go rock-climbing. SOMETHING.

Wednesday, August 8th 2007

"Our scars have the power to remind us that the past was real" -Hannibal Lecter in "Red Dragon"

Could finally bring myself to watch "Red Dragon" on DVD today. Had been too lazy to watch it before. Now I wonder why I waited this long. I'm curious to know how Thomas Harris comes up with all his twisted ideas. I must learn.
Been trying to perfect my drawings of young Hannibal's smile, can't seem to get it right. I need it for my Art exam prepwork.

Yes! I've bought the soundtrack to "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat"! It's so fun! The songs seem so full of energy and life. Transferring the songs into my iPod now.
Shall take another shot at drawing Hannibal's evil smile.

Monday, August 6th 2007

Busy eating an apple. This apple tastes horrible! Don't be fooled by it's shiny red skin and elegant shape. It's almost tasteless inside, and it's so hard. I sound like I'm describing a person.

Discriminate- To make distinctions on the basis of class or category without regard to individual merit; show preference or prejudice.

"A House Is Not A Home". Do you agree?

I agree to a certain extent. Home is where one feels safe and happy, wherever in the world that may be. It does not necessarily have to be a place. It does not necessarily have to have a roof.
Of course, I am in no position to say that a house is not a home. A house is a home for some people, for that's where they look forward to going after a long day's work. They find comfort, peace and happiness there. They feel safe there, away from life's complications and problems.
For me, my house is not a home, for I don't feel safe and happy in it. Of course, there are always the physical features of my house that are oddly disturbing, like the overly-bright mismatched colours that greet one as he or she walks through the front door. In relation to social issues, things in my house are quite dysfunctional.

I don't know how to conclude it, so I shall just leave it dangling there/here for now until I think of something else.

Saturday, August 4th 2007

Woah, we need a break here.
Two people were really unlucky today. Well, obviously there are many bad things happening in the world, but two happened right infront of me!

One person vomited, the other ran straight into a glass panel and started bleeding.
Impressive.

It's just another one of those unlucky days.
Other than those two incidents, nothing much else happened today, apart from attending the Physics lesson conducted at school, and going for lunch at Long John Silver's, and then going to Kinokuniya and Borders to browse. I saw the "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat" soundtrack featuring Donny Osmond!!! Shall save up to buy that.

I'm still impatiently awaiting my order of a copy of "My Boyfriend's Back" to arrive in Singapore. HMV hasn't called me yet, and it's been almost 3-4 weeks!
I guess it doesn't make much of a difference, I've been waiting for that film for 11 years already. I'm hoping they can bring it in for me.

Saturday, July 28th 2007

I have this really strong urge to paint, but I'm forcing myself not to. I think I've spent enough time painting for now. This may sound stupid, I know, but my respiratory system has suffered enough over the past 2 weeks, inhaling dangerous chemicals from working on my installation.

I just looked up the word "weasel" on dictionary.com. I was curious, because I remember that word from "Doctor Dolittle 2".
One of the meanings: a cunning, sneaky person.
Ha, ha, ha.

I've created a character, he's somewhat like me. I won't tell you guys any more than I already have.

Wednesday, July 25th 2007 (Continued)

I forgot to add:
We'll miss you, Mr Daryl Chan!

He taught us PE for the past 2 weeks, a very nice person. =D

Wednesday, July 25th 2007

I am currently plucking yet another feather duster. It seems to produce dust instead of get rid of it. Dad bought 6 from Malaysia for me, I need to pluck them for Art.
Like I said, some people suffer for beauty, I suffer for my art.
I do feel a little guilty, though, because I'm undoing whatever has already been done (in relation to feather duster-plucking). I'm quite sure it wasn't easy to tie all those feathers to a stick with a single piece of string.

My artwork is due on Friday, everybody is panicking. Okay, some are panicking. The others just can't be bothered. Some people have already dropped Art, I wonder how they could bear to do that. Maybe it's just me. Art is one of the subjects I can actually pass, it's not very acadamic. It needs a lot of thinking and research, but it's much more interesting than having to find the area of yet another stupid triangle.

I just got the Prelims Drawing & Painting question paper today. Why are all the topics being repeated? Have they run out of new topics? They should come to me for interesting topics, I think I can do better than just repeating the same few.

Sunday, July 22nd 2007

Honours Day was fun, too bad I was sick, or I would've really enjoyed it. It wasn't fantastic or anything, we only got to sing one song, which we've sung so many times before. I got a taste of conducting the choir during the rehersal the day before, it was fun.
Did I mention I'm down with flu? I also have a cough. My right lung itches, literally. It's internal so I can't scratch it! My throat also itches, but if I cough too much it might bleed. I've partially lost my voice, but it isn't so bad. My next performance is probably not for a long time, neither are any choir practices.

Not having to say very much is becoming a comfort. It hurts when I try to speak, but at least now I have some time to think of what I'm about to say before I do say it, which is good. Maybe I'll speak less after I fully recover and get my voice back. Now my system is all phlegmy.

Here's an essay I wrote not too long ago.
The topic was "Describe a world you would like to live in".

Would there ever be world peace? In the last fifteen years of my life, I have heard enough from people for me to know that they want world peace, but are doing nothing to try and reach that goal. We remain frozen at the stage where war is still breaking out. If I could choose, I would leave everything in this world just to live in another.

Imagine how carefree I would be in a world without sorrow! I would spend my days running on lush greenery, fishing in calm blue waters, the sunset bloodred as I prepared a fire to roast my dinner over. That fire would keep me warm and cosy even on the coldest nights, and seeing the flames dance would act like the counting of sheep before bedtime. I would then fall asleep in the warmth of the fire, knowing that as long as I felt warm, I was alive.

My idea world would have no predators. No big sly cats in the trees ready to pounce on me from above after sharpening their claws, ready to tear my limbs apart. No dangerous creature as petite as a spider would exist in my world. No illnesses or fear to make me anxious. I would go to the flower-speckled mountains and belt out my favorite song for the world to hear, but of course there would be only me.

Nobody likes to be alone. However, if one never knew what friends were, he would not know the terrible feeling of being alone. If I wanted my ideal world to be problem-free, I would have to be the only one there. Bringing one or two good friends would not mean that problems would not exist, for even the best of friends quarrel once in a while. If I never knew what friends were, I would come and go peacefully, having lived a very happy and peaceful life.

Monday, July 16th 2007

Remember in one of the past posts on this blog, I talked about "how to feel the satisfaction of telling the truth when people think that everything you say is a lie?"
Well, there you go.

Why the hell should I continue to HINT? I should just SAY. My brother thinks I'm a liar, my sister thinks I'm a liar, my mom thinks I'm a liar. I don't know about dad, but he'll probably side with my family members just because they're older. And you don't bloody go and complain to mommy and daddy about me being "angry and writing on her blog".
YOU need to grow up.

My brother just gave me this stupid smirk last night and said "If you think you're improving, that's good, but don't lie". COME ON, wth. Why do I have to lie? I don't think I can change your stupid minds about me being a liar, but I don't have to prove anything to you.
Why the hell should I tell the truth when you all don't believe me anyway? It's been so tiring, such a waste of effort and time just to try and please you all even with the truth. You guys are so stubborn, even when the bloody truth is in your face you don't want to accept it.
Well, FINE, SO BE IT.

Be stubborn and unforgiving and mean all your lives, I'm not the one at a loss.

Friday, July 13th 2007

I think Donny Osmond made a fantastic Joseph in "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat".

Oh, guess what guess what!!!
HMV said they could maybe order "My Boyfriend's Back" for me! They can't guarantee, however, because it came out in 1993 and it's really old. Man, I've been looking for that show for so long, I'd die if they told me they couldn't bring a copy in. So they told me I could make a $10 deposit first. If they manage to bring it in, I just pay another $14, and the DVD's mine. If they don't manage to bring it in, they'll return me the $10. I can hardly wait.

Solitude:
-The state of being/living alone
-Remoteness of habitations
-A lonely, unfrequented place

I got another wound from twisting wire today. Sigh. So dangerous yet therapeutic, the twisting not the getting injured, though I don't even notice the injuries until I see them. I hate those plasters that keep slipping off. I shall carry more fingerband plasters in my wallet from now on!

Remember I typed in one of my earlier posts about life sometimes seeming like a total waste of time and effort? Yes, it seems like that now. Life seems so petty and annoying, even before you manage to solve a problem, another pops up in your face, and that keeps happening until you drown in them altogether.

Society is mean, cruel, stubborn, cold, hateful, unloving and unforgiving.

Monday, July 9th 2007

Don't you feel that life is just so meaningless sometimes? It's almost as if it's all a waste of time and effort. If God planned our lives, why do we make mistakes and get punished for them?
Isn't that really unfair?

I rented "Joseph and the Amazing Techinicolor Dreamcoat" from VideoEzy, and it's really good. The music's all good, plus the acting and all that, it's a really great musical. I remember falling in love with the song "Any Dream Will Do" when we were shown it in primary school.

Today, we had a rehersal with the Young Voices of Melbourne. It was pretty cool, we learnt a lot about each other. At least I interacted. Never had the confidence to do so before. IJ Choir learnt this cool song with dance moves from them. It seems like some kind of tribal dance, but it was really fun.
I still can't believe we only met them today, we're going onstage with them tomorrow! Scary, I know. Can't wait for tomorrow, I hope I don't say the wrong thing or sneeze into the bouquet or something!

Saturday, 7th July 2007

I had a terrible 16th birthday, if you all must know. A lot of people wished me this time, gave expensive presents, but somehow it's just not..
I spent recess alone that day. Chinese test in the morning ruined my mood, and the whole class got scolded by Ms Yip later in the day... I went home feeling worse than ever, how could I have thought it would've been a fun day for me?

The expensive presents are somehow unsatisfying. No, don't you dare call me ungrateful. They're just not something I've wanted for a long time. Perhaps they were an impulse thing. I'd trade all of them off for just a DVD. I've been searching and waiting 11 years for that video.

It makes me suspicious to think about why so many people have wished me a happy birthday this year when majority of those people forgot all about it last year?
I can't think of any possible reason. My class wasn't very nice even though it was my birthday, but at least nobody stole my seat that day. The choir was a lot nicer, though, although not everyone in it.
I went straight back to my house after school, spent my day watching DVDs. Yeah, how sad, I know.
A house is not always a home.

Tuesday, June 19th 2007

Sometimes it's a comfort to be alone.

If you're the kind of person who always has people breathing down your neck (metaphorically) ,it's always nice to have peace and quiet sometimes. Well, of course this can't apply to everyone, some people love attention.

Recently I've had so much face-to-face communication with people that I'm exhausted by the time I get home everyday.It is tiring.While I was walking home from NTUC just now carrying 4 cans of cocktail sausages, a McFlurry, and with my iPod plugged into my ears, listening to "I Want It That Way" on repeat, it felt so peaceful.
Not having to think of the right things to say, not having to worry about what other people think about you or what you're saying to them, not having to worry about what they want.
When my parents were out of the country on a holiday for a week, it felt like that.My siblings weren't often at home, and it was peaceful. It's just that sense of freedom, you know?
Do what I want, when I want, say what I want, and nobody cares.

The Vivocity rooftop is a beautiful place to be.

The past few days have been really tiring. I keep trying to force myself to do homework, but can't bring myself to. I guess you could refer to the saying The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.
Some of you would say it's just plain nonsense, but it's really like that. It's not that I WANT to do my homework, it's just that I have to, if not I'd be hounded. I'm so worried for myself!
Panicking.

Sec 4 farewell tomorrow, accompanied by choir practice from 7.45am-5pm. How to run when I stubbed my toe yesterday? It started bleeding under the nail.
Don't wanna say goodbye to the Sec 4s, they're like so reliable lah! We're barely surviving without them.
Oh, dear Sec 4s...

Wednesday,June 13th 2007

I've hit 200 posts!

Just felt like typing about a show I've watched over and over.In fact,I've just finished watching it another time. "The Adventures of Joe Dirt"

I love that show.I first watched it in Hawaii when I went there for the Pacific Basin Music Festival 2005,but I only managed to catch a very small part of it because our choir had to rush off somewhere.I made a mental note to look for it once I came back to Singapore,but I couldn't find it anywhere.
When I went to Perth,Australia in June that same year,I popped into VideoEzy there and found the video!I wanted to buy it but it was only up for rental.Darn...I had no choice to come back home and then check it out at the VideoEzy branches here.Of course,I asked them over the website first.I was overjoyed when they told me the branch at Thomson Plaza had a copy of the VCD.I couldn't get there sooner.

I can't even remember how many times I've watched it,but I love it for a few reasons.Joe Dirt has such a positive outlook on life.For years and years he believed his parents simply lost him,until he found out towards the end of the show that they simply left him.He had a "never-give-up" attitude.I also love the whole country feel of the show,you know,the accents and the countryside scenery and lifestyle.
Oh,and the show also has/had a happy ending!

Another character I'd like to type about is Mr Bean.Ring a bell?
I've watched a lot of the animated series,I find it more fun than the unanimated one.
I wish I were like Mr Bean.Not only can he make people laugh,he only has to deal with little petty problems in his life,like dealing with the grumpy landlady,pleasing his girlfriend,talking to his teddybear.
Just getting through each day using sly-but-smart tactics,and it's fun,too.
So different from reality.

Monday,June 11th 2007

Over the past couple of days, I've had people keep telling me to "find out what you're interested in/what you want to do".
Does one's ambition necessarily have to be in one's reach?

Wouldn't it be unnatural to have to "find out"?

On another topic, I went to the "Anlene Orchard Mile" run yesterday morning.The last time I went to a charity run was when they had the most recent Terry Fox run thingy.I don't think it was too long ago,but I may be wrong.I seem to be in a time-warp lately.
The Terry Fox run was for people both female and male,but the Anlene thingy was only for females.It was kinda scary to see so many women in one place,but it was fun.
I think the only-women rule was laid down because women are more prone to osteoporosis.The goody-bags contained a lot of milk.

I was reading through Jeffrey Dahmer's quotes on Wikipedia.com and came across one I quite liked on keeping fish.
"It was nice, with African cichlids and tiger barbs in it and live plants, it was a beautifully kept fish tank, very clean. I used to like to just sit there and watch them swim around, basically. I used to enjoy the planning and the set-up, the filtration, read about how to keep the nitrate and ammonia down to safe levels and just the whole spectrum of fish-keeping interested me. I once saw some puffer fish in the store. It's a round fish, and the only ones I ever saw with both eyes in front, like a person's eyes, and they would come right up to the front of the glass and their eyes would be crystal blue, like a person's, real cute. It's a fun hobby. I really enjoyed that fish tank. It's something I really miss. "

Sunday,June 3rd 2007

The period of responsibility begins.

Congrats,Joy,Alto 1 is in your hands now!
I shall not tell you guys how the choir comm elections went.It was only yesterday,though,and I was so thankful the Sec 4s were there,because that meant we could go have lunch together (yay!).It might've been the last time.
Same lunch group,we ate at Koufu,and I was happy I had them around. (:

Thursday,May 31st 2007

I was watching "50 First Dates" on TV just now when a thought occured to me.

Remember the time when people used to comment on how Michael Jackson looked/looks and why on earth did he do that to himself?
Maybe Michael Jackson bleached himself white because he was tired of being teased by other kids about being black.
The cruelty of exclusion,the incessant taunting or bullying.You know,racism doesn't just happen amongst adults.

Saturday,May 26th 2007

It's gonna be a boring day.

Today's Parents-Teacher Dialogue Day.Choir practice was cancelled because of it.I wish Mrs Low hadn't cancelled it.I'd much rather go to school than stay home and spend my day like this.
I just had breakfast.
"Cheese and crackers,Gromit!"

Parents are out of the country,so they couldn't attend the dialogue.I don't know if that's a good or bad thing.I wonder if I managed to pass English in the end?Damn it,if they included the essay I would've passed,not that it proves I'm good in Eng anyway,because either way it shows I'm weak in comprehension.

I can't wait till the next choir practice.I just realised that I'm the only person in the choir now who's not performing for the "Opening Night" event.I only realised it when I went looking for Mrs Low yesterday after our half-day school day,asking her if there'd be choir practice today,and when's the next practice?
She said no,and the next practice would be on Tuesday,but that's for the "Opening Night" event,and she suddenly went "OH!I know why!You weren't there lah,when I gave the schedule.You'll have to call Kerlene for the whole schedule."
I don't know why,but I suddenly felt excluded somehow.In a way,I'm being excluded,but there were always the Sec 4s to accompany me in being excluded.Now there's only me.
I thanked Mrs Low and went to the school chapel.

Today is passing very very slowly.I was lying in bed yesterday thinking.I asked myself the question "what would I do if I could stop time for an hour?"
A few factors occured to me.One is what time it would be when I stopped time for an hour,Two would be my location when time is stopped,Three is where everyone else would be when time is stopped.
I'm going to a concert with my sis tonight.She didn't exactly ask me if I wanted to go,she just mentioned the concert and said she had free tickets.
Very honestly speaking,I don't fancy being excluded,because her friends are going,too.I'd just be treated like a kid who has no opinion whatsoever.Honestly speaking,I'd rather go to the Vivocity rooftop and do stargazing and thinking alone.
Though my parents are out of the country,there doesn't seem to be any more freedom than when they were still here.
Wish I could go catch a movie alone or something,just be alone without having to worry about anyone else,what anyone else wants,what anyone else doesn't want,what anyone else thinks..

Wednesday,May 23rd 2007

I really felt a need to type about this.

Today,we got the "Parent-Teacher Dialogue" forms.There was a whole stack of it,too.Mrs Khoo was reading off the names one by one and giving out the forms.Of course I had to get one,I did pretty badly this Mid Year(s).I was expecting something quite bad,but thankfully I only have to "meet" 3 teachers.Well,for one,there's Mrs Khoo.Then,there's Mdm Hong and Ms Yip.I don't know,I haven't done anything seriously terrible except do badly in exams,so I think it shouldn't be so bad.It's not as if I committed a crime or something.

I remember sitting in that class,looking at my own appointment form,and then looking at everyone else around me.Those who got it looked really worried.Those who didn't just HAD to rub it in,didn't they?They kept letting out sighs of relief and all that,which I found pretty annoying.I mean,come on.Give us a little of your sympathy?

So after choir practice,I was walking home from AMK MRT station,and then I started to think about the people who looked worried after they received the forms.Like Ms Yip said earlier today,if we didn't behave really badly or anything,why should we be worried?They would only want to talk about our results,then.
So then I wondered,what were those people worried about?

Showing the world that they did really badly and they are failures?Getting a scolding from their parents?Disappointing their parents?
In my case it's probably number 3.However,when I ask people around me why they're worried,they tell me number 2.
I actually don't get it.So what if your parents scold you for poor results?First off,the parents are the crazy ones.It's not as if the kid will be super encouraged by the scolding.These parents have been alive for too long and have forgotten what their childhood was like.That's too bad,don't take it out on the kid.
You scold the kid and the kid will have it infixed in his/her mind that he/she's a failure and that he/she will never succeed in life.
Trust me,I should know.

You know,if kids didn't bother about what their parents think about them,they'd be so much happier.That little bit more confidence can do a lot.It's like being a failure in other people's eyes but not in your own.I wish I have/had that kind of confidence.With that,I can achieve almost anything,like trying things I never dared to try,just be myself and be happy,rather than keep trying to live up to other people's expectations.Life's too short for that kinda thing.

It's like a choir competition.People don't know and don't care how difficult it actually is or how difficult it was to get there,they only want to see the prize at the end.Same thing.Parents don't seem to know or care how difficult it is to do well in everything,they've been alive for too long.They only want to see their kids being overachievers.
If you know me well enough,I hate to disappoint other people,especially if I can't really control it.No,I mean like Math and Chinese.Things I've been trying to pass for about 9 years now and I still haven't been able to,especially even though I worked hard for this year's MYs.I mean,yes,they've finally improved,but it's still a fail.I know I can't expect miracles,but it's disappointing all the same.I know I'm gonna fail and yet I'm disappointed when I do.
Hey,I'm allowed to be disappointed in myself,but it's utterly annoying when other people are disappointed in me,for what I've done or not done or what other crap you guys can think of.Why should I be concerned with whether you're disappointed or not?It's not even my problem.
Like Ms Tham said,give your best and nobody can ask any more from you.

So is it really worth it worrying about what my parents might think?
Would I be degrading my self-esteem if I do?

Sunday,May 20th 2007

Do you remember the cute baby polar bear Knut?Everybody adored him when he was a sweet litte bear.
Now that he's growing up,people don't think he's cute anymore?
He shouldn't be neglected because he's "grown up".Nothing should be neglected because they've grown up.It's not fair.
People don't see that he's still a kid,they don't look deep enough.

Saturday,May 12th 2007

Friday,May 11th 2007

I feel so lousy I can't even smile.I don't know why,my face is just dead today,smiling muscles aren't working.
"Ha,ha,ha."
I woke up early this morning (9.30am) with the intention of going for a jog,but since the ground was wet and there was a very slight drizzle,I decided I should go in the evening instead.Yes,9.30am is pretty early, considering the post-exam thing and the no-school thing.In the past I would've slept till 2pm.
Despite what you old people say,young people do need a lot of sleep.We are not as energetic as you think.We need REST.

Since I wasn't going jogging in the morning,I had instant noodles for breakfast while watching "Hoodwinked",a DVD Van.Chew lent me.Yeah,I missed the music.The yodeling is fun.I'm hoping they sell the soundtrack in S'pore.
After breakfast,I decided to paint while using the computer.I'm done painting.I took the wrapper off a new mini-canvas and painted a red background.Then,I painted an abstract horse with a cactus infront of it,and a yellow smoky sun above.
If it weren't for the abstract horse,it would look pretty childish.Maybe it already does look pretty childish.Hmm.Whatever.I named it "Obstacle".
Let's do a write-up for it since I haven't done one!

Lets see..
"Obstacles in life are common,and they come in all forms.If you're sailing on the high seas,you'd hope there'd be no storms,because that would be a challenge,an obstacle,wouldn't it?
If you're climbing up a mountain,you'd hope it wouldn't be too steep.If you're talking to someone,you'd hope they wouldn't object to what you're saying.

This is a painting of a horse with a cactus in its path in the desert,where a sun hovers above.
The red background signifies the frustration the horse is experiencing in trying to get past the obstacle (in this case,the cactus) in his way,but the cactus is standing still and blocking the horse,not willing to budge an inch.
The yellow sun is bright and blistering in the sky,and is putting the horse under tremendous pressure by engulfing it in heat.
The poor horse is left helpless and stuck.

There are people in this world who have many obstacles in their lives to overcome,but they may need certain things to do so.Is life all about overcoming one obstacle after another?When would it end and where would you be then?What if some obstacles just cannot be overcome,should we just give up?If not,what should we do?"

The page is all jumbled up again.I wonder what's wrong with it.
Am blogging while waiting for some "Hannibal Rising" Youtube videos to load.

Art today was all right,I guess,although I'm not very happy.My final piece looked so plain and unimpressive somehow.It is/was a painting of an expressionless man with red eyes,his brain exposed and alight,and he is holding a can of soda.
Lets see,how do I say this?
If you people saw the painting,you wouldn't know what the hell it's about at all.It's more..deep.Abstract,I should say.
You see,my main "storyline" is "If you throw away your memories,you throw away your life".
Here's my Art write-up:

"When I think of soda,I think of couch potatoes,people who spend a lot of time watching television.While watching television,I expect they eat or drink something just to keep their mouths occupied.
I chose this topic "Dispose" because I think life would be meaningless without memories.If you do not have memories (especially the good kind),what is the use of living?It is said that goldfish have a memory span of only about 3 seconds.How would we feel if we could not remember all our precious thoughts and experiences?Would we even feel deprived?

My final piece is a painting of an expressionless man with his brain exposed and alight,and he is holding a can of soda.

I want to stress,with this piece of artwork,how precious and important memories are in life.If you throw away your memories,you throw away your life.You become a nobody,no joy or sorrow.Your brain rots away since there is no use for it,it burns up rapidly.

The soda can represents the waste of time watching television.Lazyness,idleness,ungratefulness and isolation.Life just wasted to the extent of you being emotionless,when your eyes are the only thing(s) that can express self-hatred for the regret you experience inside."

I couldn't put the whole lot in italics since the buttons aren't working,so look out for the " "s.
I can't believe I've finally found the clip of the murder of Dortlich from "Hannibal Rising"!I quite liked that scene when I watched the movie.

Only this morning while I was looking in the mirror did it occur to me that the juniors might not have had to go to school today!I don't know,maybe they don't have a reason to go today?Just guessing.However,if they had to and there was assembly and School Singers,I'd be pretty worried.

It's only 9.43am,and I'm having an egg tart for breakfast.I wait in anticipation for 11.30am,when I finally sit down and paint for Art.It's been a long time since I last painted something,a few months,maybe.I miss the feel of a paintbrush on paper,the cool paint brushed over,the patience it takes and the satisfaction when I'm done.

I've listened to the other tracks on the Michael Bublé CD I bought yesterday.Some of them are quite nice,very smooth,some sad,in a way.Others are really surprising,literally.They just jump out at you.
Anyway,I wanted to type about his style and confidence in singing.
Style.It's so smooth,and he sounds like he doesn't give a toss about singing,but sometimes jazz sounds like that.He still hits all the notes properly.His vocal range is so looowww.
Style is one thing,but confidence is another.It really shows in his singing,he's so confident of his singing,as if he knows that people will love his music.I admire these two points,because I probably don't have them,LOL.
I still like "Everything" best,because it sounds most happy.It's about this man singing about his girlfriend,how they first were,when she was playing it coy and how he found that cute.She's his everything in life.Then he sings about not believing that he's her man now,and he gets to kiss her.
Sweet? I thought so.

Wed,May 9th 2007

This thing really has a problem.I've been refreshing the page for the last few minutes but it seems the stuff on the page is all jumbled up.
I hope this turns out okay.

I had Physics MYs today.The last acadamic subject,whoopee!However,I have this really bad feeling that Biology is the only subject I'm going to pass.What makes it worse is that it's not even a "whole" subject on its own,since I'm taking combined Sciences.
Darn.
I'd just die if I only passed Biology,because I don't think I've studied so hard before.I mean,I actually studied,for a start,but never before so much.
I hope I can even pass Biology.

After my Physics exam today,it was about 9.30am.I decided to treat myself to something since I've worked hard,despite the fact that I'm probably going to do really badly in more than half the subjects.I've been wanting the new Michael Bublé CD,saw the commercial on TV and quite liked one of the songs featured,called "Everything".
Was frustrated because Popular bookstore and CD Rama weren't going to be open until 11am,so I went to AMK Hub to waste time.I considered going to Bishan,but was afraid I wouldn't have enough money in/on my EZ-Link to get home,so I had to patiently wait till 11am when the AMK Popular bookstore opened.

Went to NTUC Extra,decided to try the non-diary chocolate I've been wanting to try for awhile.I was curious to find out how chocolate would taste without any diary-related products at all.
Gosh,PLEASE don't try it.
It's like..It breaks down in your mouth so easily,as if it collapsed or something.Also,it tastes horrible.Of course,being "chocolate",it still tastes like cocoa,but no,do stick to the chocolates you trust,people.

I spent my day working hard on my Art prepwork and listening to "Everything" on repeat for hours on end.My CD-radio thingy even stopped playing by itself at one point,no joke.It's old,so the machinery inside is kinda messed up already.
I'm left with my mindmap to copy from my little sketchbook to a piece of drawing block,and a 50-100 word writeup on my Artwork,which should be enjoyable to do.
I wonder how I'm going to paint with that stiff plaster around the middle finger of my right hand.I have no idea how I got a wound there.I didn't even notice it until it stung in the shower under running water.

Tomorrow's ART!It only starts at 11.30am,so I only have to get to school by 11am,meet others in the canteen,I suppose.I wish I could go to school at the normal time,I'll be missing School Singers!The juniors would absolutely die without the seniors.Oh no!!!How will they cope?!Today's was bad enough!!!Must start making them do vocal warm-ups before singing.It's always so terribly out of tune and either screechy or throaty.
Argh!Who will take their attendance?!I've been taking it.I hope someone takes the initiative to take the attendance tomorrow morning.

Sat,May 5th 2007

Who are we to know what is really in Man's nature?

Just finished watching the 6-part biography of Ed Gein on Youtube.com.If you read back a few posts,you'll read about my nightmare about him.I never actually knew very much about him,Wikipedia didn't delve so deeply into his life/thoughts.
Watching the Youtube videos,I discovered that his life was actually quite sad.He lost his family members one by one,starting with his father,then his brother,then his mother.His mother meant the most to him.Her death was probably the reason why he went mad.
I actually feel sympathy for him.Who wouldn't go mad after losing their whole "world"?
He confessed to only killing 2 people (exact number not known),but also dug bodies up from the graves and things like that.He made things out of human remains.The closet full of "clothes" made of human skin is fascinating.How much patience it must've taken him.
Poor guy.He was such a nice guy,too.He was a model inmate in prison,sat quietly reading the papers and all that.Before he went to prison,he often helped his neighbours fix things,and they trusted him.They liked him.He was a Mommy's Boy.
After I finished watching the videos,my heart suddenly felt so heavy.Was he really insane when he committed those crimes?

Made plans with Si Jia again,to study at the library tomorrow morning.Argh,it's terrible having to wake up so early,but at least it's for a good cause and I won't feel so guilty.No,not guilty for losing sleep,but guilty for being lazy.Also,going to the library gives me a sense of peace.Not only audibly.I like being around books,makes me feel at home somehow.No,not home literally.My home isn't filled with shelves of books,though how I wish.
This exam period is somehow making me want to read more books.A way of retreating,I guess.
Being in the library also makes me study.I don't know why.Ambiance,perhaps?Or maybe it's Si Jia that makes me want to study.I mean,she's almost everything I'm not!She can juggle so many things and still do well in every one of them.Overachiever.

Friday,May 4th 2007

I want to visit Lithuania!
It's one of those Nothern-Europe places that look beautiful.It has rural and urban areas,but it's the rural ones I love.Those green-grassed places...
One thing I would like to do before I die is to go to those beautiful green-grassed mountain valleys by myself and sing,just to hear the echo of my voice.
Pretty.

Meeting Kat and Si Jia for studying in AMK library tomorrow.Not sure if Gerv is going.Meeting Kat at AMK MRT station at 9.30am because she claims she doesn't know how to walk to the library from there.Si Jia will meet us at the library.I told her to be more kiasu this time,for the last time we went,which was last week or so,there was already a large group of people standing outside the library doors at 9.40am,waiting for the doors to open.
Once those doors opened,I couldn't even believe they were people.They practically charged everywhere,especially upstairs,to chope seats.
It was really,really scary.

Geog paper was alright,I guess.It didn't go too badly,I wasn't stuck or anything.Just had to write till my hand cramped up,but I still had to continue writing.Terrible,ain't it?
I think I missed out a few points here and there,but no paper could ever seem worse than Math.I still have a few more papers to go: Accounts,Chinese,Physics,Art.
Really worried about Accs and Physics.They require a lot of memory work.Chinese for me just depends on luck,and Art is plain creativity and patience.

Oh gosh,you know I'm starting to lose my manners?!What's wrong with me!I realised that I haven't been saying my "please"s recently.The "thank you"s haven't disappeared,but where are the "please"s?!I usually try to make it a point to say "please" and "thank you" so I seem polite but I could actually be pissed off at someone.
Must force myself back into the good habit of being polite,even when all I want to do is stab someone in the chest.

Thursday,May 3rd 2007

It's been a really long day,and it isn't even over yet.It's only 7.18pm.
Geography tomorrow,am worried,because ever since the start of Sec 3,I haven't been doing well in Geog.It's a real sudden thing,I don't even know what I did wrong.

My SS paper,which I took yesterday,was bad only because I didn't have enough time to finish all the questions,darn it.I lost 18 marks just like that!
At least Bio cheered me up considerably,because I was quite prepared for Bio.I was worried,of course,but prepared.That was the feeling I had when I aimed to pass my Sec 2 EOY Science exam.I studied like crazy.I managed to pass my Sec 2 EOY Science,a big leap from my results for my Mid-Years that same year.

Bio was surprisingly easy.Well,easy enough,I hope it won't turn out like Math.When I do Math,the paper seems so easy,and makes me think that I could maybe pass,but when I get the paper back after it's been marked,I become terribly disappointed because I did/do so badly.I knew how to answer most of the questions in my Bio paper yesterday.At one point during the exam,I panicked a little because I couldn't name the uterus.I just couldn't remember,it just vanished from my mind.
I told myself to calm down,and that I'll go back to that later.Moved on to the next question and the answer popped back into my mind. "Uterus"! YESSS. I was so happy,I started smiling to myself.People must've thought I was crazy.
Bio is the only paper that I'm happy with so far.All the others were crap compared to Bio.Now,"crap" not as in,you know,excrement,but "crap" as in rubbish.

Saturday,Apr 28th 2007

Ever wondered why women are so crazy about diamonds?
There's a saying that goes "Diamonds are a girl's best friend".I wouldn't know if that's entirely true or not,because I'm not that type.
To me,what use is a tiny see-through rock?It doesn't symbolise love,that's what I think.It's so useless,apart from the fact that it can fetch a sum of money,but if I were the diamond-loving type,I wouldn't sell it,right?
I can't generalise,either.Not all women like/love diamonds.

It's been a really boring day.I set my alarm at 10am,but turned it off and went back to sleep,only awaking at about 12.30pm.At least I didn't awake at 2pm instead,which is usually the case when I ignore my alarm.
Went to Jack's Place for lunch,had the sirloin steak set.I ordered "Medium",but it turned out too rare.I might as well have carved it off the cow myself and eaten it straight.I couldn't even chew on it properly.
Dad asked the manager to cook it to "Medium-well" for me.The manager took the steak away and ended up giving me an entirely new plate of sirloin steak,complete with "new" vegetables and fries!
Wow.
After lunch,I went to the library to return a few ditsy teen books I borrowed a few days ago.The photocopy shop below my flat still has my borrowed "Hannibal Rising",and the "Just Enough Italian-How to get by and be easily understood" is still in my room.Borrowed another ditsy book and the "Just Enough French-How to get by and be easily understood".
Spent the rest of my afternoon cooped up in my stuffy bedroom,reading the newly-borrowed ditsy book,and laughing at myself when I tried to speak French.I realised that it's so much easier to pronounce and speak Italian.It's closely-related to English.
Took a shower,had mee hoon kway for dinner,ate some strawberries and then here I am now.
I have just made plans to study with Si Jia tomorrow morning at AMK Library.We actually planned to meet at 10am,then she changed it to 9.55am,as if 5 minutes would make a difference.She said she got there at 10.05am last Sunday and there weren't any seats left,so we'd better be more kiasu and get there earlier tomorrow.
I have promised myself a big Ben & Jerry's "Cherry Garcia" cone after my exams,since I was sick and not allowed to eat anything diary when it was free-cone day.
I'm working towards at least a pass in every subject except Math,which I know is really too hopeless.Not sure if I can pass SS,given the circumstances,but I'm hoping the markers would be lenient.Not sure if I can pass my English,either.It seems/seemed hopeless,because there was no compo to save me,and the compre was especially difficult.The most difficult one I've ever done,actually.
Could they get any more cruel?

Thursday,Apr 26th 2007

With so many deadlines to meet,my patience is running thin.
At the start of the year 2007,I did all my homework on time,squeezed in time for play also.Managed to do all that and still meet deadlines.Now,I feel myself starting to lag.My patience is running thin.I had SYF,started to lag in homework,though only once for Math and Geog.
Am quite worried,because exams are dreadfully near.Too near for me to start lagging now.Luckily,most of the things that are tested for the Mid-Years have already been taught.Need to do more Math papers.They don't seem so bad now.I find it quite satisfying when I can arrive at the correct answers through correct workings.However,I still curse when I don't.

My elaboration skills have improved in the areas of Geog and SS,I think.It's much better than it was before.I used to get stuck at the very beginning of my answers.I guess it hasn't really improved for Geog.My elaboration skills still suck for English,especially for essay-writing,but luckily English Mid-Years are over,and essay-writing wasn't tested anyway.
I have finally gotten past both English and Chinese orals.No,not passed them.I wouldn't know if I passed or not.I'm quite sure I almost failed my English oral,because Mrs Nicholas' words were "didn't fail,but wasn't exactly excellent either".It sounded terribly sacarstic and annoying.
Chinese oral was over really quickly,but it was quite terrible.I was afraid that Mdm Hong would start yelling at me or something because I kept getting stuck in my conversation.Her patience must've been severely tested.
Am feeling a little panicky because I have to hand in my 5 art prep boards tomorrow.I have a feeling my sketches and stylisations aren't enough to cover 2 boards.How I wish those boards were smaller..
Also,what the hell is "experiment with different materials" on board 5?I'm supposed to paste the materials,or what?
Finally found the song "Miracles Happen" by Myra on imeem.com.Tried to find it a few years ago when I first watched "The Princess Diaries",but I couldn't tell which was which from the short samples they had on Amazon.com.Found a few other songs,like "Someday" by Nickelback,"I'll Be" by Edwin McCain,"Qi Li Xiang" by Jay Chou.Now I'll just have to start asking around to see who has the songs to send to me.

Tuesday,Apr 24th 2007

Things are getting awkward again.
Too tired to think straight.Problems with speech since 5pm+.Drained physically,mentally,vocally.
I want the song "Qi Li Xiang" by Jay Chou.I know I'm slow,but that can't be helped in the area of Chinese pop.
Very disappointed with the choir.Went out of tune,rushed,didn't breathe enough,too stressed on stage.I don't even want to talk about it,but it was really disappointing for me,as a senior.
Blah blah blah.
I still have Ms Yip's Geog homework to complete,which I haven't done and I probably don't have the strength to write anything.Pressing keys is much easier than having to concentrate on the movement of the pen,etc.I can also type faster than write.Ms Yip is going to kill me.
No,she won't.She'd just give me this scary soft-volumed lecture and then book me for defiance or something.
Can't think anymore.

Sat,Apr 21st 2007

I had dinner out tonight.I went to the new foodcourt at AMK Hub.It was difficult to find seats there,when my parents and I finally did,we sat down.Mom went to order her food.
A few tables away sat a group of foreigners.I assume this because they didn't speak like/dress like/look like locals.What's more,they seemed to find the foodcourt strangely interesting,and were taking photos of themselves,etc.I think they were Indonesian.Anyway,they were sitting at a table,squashed together,ready for a photoshot.They got a passer-by to take a photo of them,for them.The guy whom they asked got ready with their camera,but was stopped by a cleaner working in the foodcourt.

I just realised these cleaners are treated like dirt by society.Like I've said before,society is cruel.At the moment,I can't think of anything worse.

The poor cleaner blocked the shot.She tried to explain,in Mandrin,that photo-taking wasn't allowed in the foodcourt,according to rules set.She was of course,ignored by that stupid guy.The stupid guy just shrugged her off.She had to give up and get on with her job cleaning,poor woman.
I wonder if it would've made any difference if she had a different job?

Oh,and may I ask why everyone is so shocked by the "big" Virginia Tech massacre?I mean,you know,not that I don't feel sorry for the people who died in it,but why are people so shocked that 33 people died?Millions of people die all over the world everyday but nobody seems to care.33 people are gunned down and suddenly the world has gone mad.Logically speaking,it's no use taking measures to prevent it in Virginia Tech after this,because shooting rampages can happen anytime,anywhere.
Also,why are animals so insignificant compared to human beings?If an animal is killed,nobody gives it another thought.If a person is killed,the world goes crazy.Don't you find it quite unfair?It's not as if animals are lifeless things that don't feel pain,don't have feelings,whatsoever.

I had another dream last night:
It was like a zoo.People were viewing serial killers through glass panels like they were animals.There was Ed Gein [A real life serial killer whom I researched on,he was a cannibal].I walked past his glass panel.When I made a round and walked past his panel again,there was suddenly a big commotion.People in the crowd were shouting and jostling.Ed Gein had disappeared.
Later on,I went to the toilets with some people whom I was with (I can't remember who).Then for some reason,near an elevator,I blacked out.When I regained consciousness,I was in a room.There was a bed,a desk,windows with metal bars across all of it's panels except one.I didn't think twice about smashing the glass with my fist and escaping,although I didn't know where I was or who had brought me there.I was on the second level,so I had to climb down to the first,down a pipe that stuck to the side of a wall outside.The scene looked suspiciously like the school at Thompson Rd before we moved in 2006.
I was on the grass.Dunno how,but I caught sight of Ed Gein and 2 men walking towards the building I had escaped from.
I had to think quickly.If I pretended I was dead and lay in a drain,I couldn't escape,because he would chop me up and eat me anyway,so either way,I would have died.The only way I could get out of that place alive was to run,run for my life.
The people who were with me back at the "zoo" were captured and both managed to escape,too.We ran and ran and ran.Ed Gein spotted us and gave chase.I ran until blood pounded in my ears,but I didn't stop,I couldn't.I didn't want to die.
We reached one of those high green wire fences you always see in ball courts to keep balls from flying out.We had to climb over it,which we did.Anything to get away.After we climbed over,we continued to run.I kept running,hoping to find safety far away from that place,from that man.

Thursday,Apr 19th 2007

Society is evil.
It has influenced my father into thinking that girls can only have long hair.What's his problem?!First he keeps asking me to go for a haircut,then when I opt for short hair,he says I cannot cut anymore?Bloody hell.

Who the hell said that guys couldn't like pink and have long hair?Who said girls couldn't have short hair?WHO?!
Curse that person to death.

It seems to me now that society has more bad sides than good.I can't even think of any good sides of it.Society is so unwilling to accept,so narrow-minded,and so bloody stubborn there's no way they'll budge.
Stupid.

Wed,Apr 18th 2007

I have decided that one of the ways to practice "writing" is to blog. Of course, since tomorrow is my English paper, I had better type properly.
There are so many things going on in my life right now. There are exams, homework, SYF, constant worrying about a lot of things. One of them is choir, and how I am going to cope with it as well as my schoolwork. It was never much of a problem before, because I never really did my schoolwork until this year. I also fear that once my fellow Sec 4 choristers leave, the standard of the choir would drop, in terms of discipline, and also vocally as a choir.
Once they leave, I would be all alone again.
Sigh.
It is such a constant struggle to finish my schoolwork, as well as pay attention in class and try to absorb everything that is taught. Yet, I keep finding people breathing down my neck, forcing me to work harder.
That is what I hate about success, and the one thing I like about failure.
Take failing a test as an example.

If you were never good at Math, and you have been failing Math tests and exams for at least seven years, people's expectations of you would be that you fail Math again, but of course they would keep hoping for you to pass.
Eventually, you do pass, due to some kind of miracle. You just made it past the passing mark. Of course, even you would feel happy for yourself. However, from then on, people expect more of you. They develop greater expectations of you, and if you do not meet those expectations, everybody would be utterly disappointed.
Even I cannot see why, because nobody is perfect.

It has been exhausting trying to get through "Sophie's World" by Jostein Gaarder. "The Christmas Mystery" and "Through a Glass, Darkly" were much more straightforward and easy to understand. There is a lot of philosophy in "Sophie's World", sometimes boring, but I have found many interesting questions in that book. They require deep thought, but are fun to think about. You can come up with your own theories.

I had better stop here. Am still a little sick. I could not even eat ice-cream on Ben & Jerry's free cone day, and I absolutely love their ice-cream! Dearest Cherry Garcia.. My doctor said I cannot consume anything spicy, oily, or anything to do with milk. I have not had a decent night's sleep for the past two weeks. Not one consisted of at least eight hours. If I want to do well and be able to concentrate during the exam tomorrow, I had better turn in early tonight.

Sunday,Apr 15th 2007

Learnt to play "Moon River" and "As The Deer" on the piano today!If you try these few songs,you'll realise that they make use of the same few chords -_-"
I'm not sure if I played them correctly,but I think it's a start.
A very,very slow start.
Tsk!

Today,I was awoken by mom's shrill talking.I think she was talking about dogs.She was excited about the fact that a pet shop in Joo Chiat was closing down and thus giving away free dogs,though of very limited number and species/breed (which one to use,I forgot?).Most were of the large kind.Anyway,we didn't get any.I guess it isn't that big a loss,I already have Rabbit.

I woke up close to 9am.Waited till everyone was out of the house,except for my brother,who was in deep sleep,then I got up,washed up and dawdled for some,ate grapes and some milk chocolate for breakfast.Yeah,I know.What an unhealthy breakfast,but my choice was quite limited.Texted dad and asked him if he could bring me to the doctor since mom could claim the fee from her company.He replied "get ready now".
While waiting,I ate my breakfast and watched "Power Rangers" on TV -_-"
An hour and a half later,they finally came home,and they brought me to my doctor.Dermatologist cum doctor.Blah blah blah happened inbetween,I can't really remember.Too tired now.Dr.Chan gave me tablets to take,3 times a day,5 tablets each time.
That excludes the "poison" tablets I have to take twice a week.
Poor me.

Spent my afternoon watching "With Honours" on Channel 5.Cried while watching,it was sad at one point.Also,I never knew Brendan Fraser was so tall!
Then,I did my homework,which was Bio (bloody thick!) and SS.
I'm worried because I can't remember if we were given Math homework or not.I remember Mrs Khoo storming out of the class because she thought we weren't using the time she gave us,wisely.I can't remember what else she told us,except that we have to bring the 2 past years papers we did to class the next lesson.

I've been having a stiff neck,and I don't know why.It's only 9.40pm,but I'm tired already.

Saturday,April 14th 2007

I feel so insulted!
Was on Yahoo! Answers,asked a question about "Murder and Fun",if they ever associated the two.Some woman called me a "sick ****" and reported me.Lol.So I reported her back.It wasn't fair of her,I simply asked a question!
Several people who have answered that question have labelled me "crazy" and "sociopath".What gets to people so much?

10 days to SYF!!!
Had choir this morning.It wasn't a bad practice.The sec 2s,3s,and 5s had to go for their 2.4km run,so for most of the practice,only the sec 1s and 4s were present.We learnt a little of "Magos a rutafa",this Hungarian song which I last performed in Sec 1.It feels good picking it up again after 2 years,vaguely knowing how to sing it,notes especially,except maybe for the first page.The end of the first page,I'm not really sure about.Managed to teach juniors,I think they're going to be fine with the song.The language needs some getting-used-to,though.
I'm getting better at Chinese songs, too.Getting better at following the lyrics and singing along.For someone like me,it's not easy,but it's getting less tiring trying to guess the words in the booklet of lyrics.Don't forget in some songs,the rhythm is much faster than in others.
Also,I discovered that playing the piano is actually fun.I don't (and never did) like music theory much,but playing keys on the piano is quite fun,especially when you hit the right chords and it makes music.I only knew the VERY basics of piano,I took lessons long ago.I learnt to play "Seek Ye First" and "Father,I Thank You" by myself today!!!
Nice accomplishment after so long.

Still ill.I wonder what's happening in my body's digestive system?Something clogged up?Might be a bile issue.Scary.
Family isn't displaying any signs of worry,I've been sick for a week now.

You know,I've been thinking,if one is suffering from a terminal illness,why should he try to fight it?Shouldn't he just accept what's coming to him?

Tuesday,April 10th 2007

I had a dream last night.
It was more of a nightmare,but I didn't wake up crying or in cold sweat.It was quite frightening,though.

My dream went like this:
It was very near choir's SYF day,and I was getting my choir gown ready and stuff.For some odd reason,I decided to make soup while waiting for time to pass,the time between then and the time for a full dress rehersal at VCH.
I didn't have flavouring for my soup,so I brought plain water to a boil and hunted around for something to flavour it.
Finding nothing,my eyes landed on my dear pet rabbit.

Even while I was dreaming,I somehow saw how stupid my own thinking was when I was me in my dream.However,the "Me" in my dream didn't know how stupid her thinking was.
She thought that her rabbit could spare some juice and flavouring to/for the soup after boiling in the pot for awhile and somehow still be alive minutes later.She thought that her rabbit wouldn't die if she put it into the pot of boiling water.
So she did.

Eight minutes later,after she came back from the bathroom,she looked in and saw a shrunken rabbit,less than half it's original size.She expected the head to be the only "alive" part of the rabbit,but how silly of her.
To her horror,half of the shrunken rabbit's face had hardened,eye and all.It was all brown and baked earth-like.
It was boiling,boiling...
And she wept at her stupidity.
______________________

I think I've been reading/thinking too much (about) Hannibal Rising.
In the book,two things were boiled in the copper baby bathtub that belonged to Mischa.One was a little deer that was hunted by the soldiers who took refuge in the lodge where Hannibal and Mischa were hiding,the other thing was Mischa herself.
Hannibal had memories of the skull of the deer bubbling in the baby bathtub,it's horns hitting against the side as if making a last desperate attempt to butt it's way out.

I'm still ill,I've been since Sunday morning.I was fine yesterday,although I tried not to move around too much.This morning I ran 7 rounds around the track for morning run(s),and I had a pretty unhealthy recess.A piece of roti prata and a piece of fried egg.Thinking about that now,I feel sick.Little bit of honey when I was trying the samples at the temporary honey stall set up by some people in the canteen.I had a bad headache during some classes.
It was raining,so I asked dad to fetch me from school.He took exactly half an hour to get there.What is this?!He only takes about 15 minutes to fetch me to school.Of course,there are always delays,so lets make that 20 mins.
Oh yeah,while we're typing about this,I would like to add how difficult it is for me to get to school on time in the morning.

Choir just increased morning run(s) to twice a week,and we have to start latest by 7.10am.If I don't get there on time,my attendence won't be taken,then I'll be scolded,probably by Mrs Low.
How unfair is it if you're the first one to wake up at 5.50am every school day and is the one scolded for being late?I'll tell you why.When you're hurrying people at 6.40am,they say it's still too early.STILL TOO EARLY.
I can't stand my father's taunting face when I keep quiet after he says that because he knows that without him,I wouldn't be able to get to school on time.No,be it on time or not.I can't take the MRT because he'll suddenly become suspicious and go crazy about why I have to be in school so "early".
At 6.45am,people are still choosing clothes,what to wear,etc.It's bloody annoying.I don't even want to read/hear any comments on it.DON'T.
Can't you people see how difficult things are for me?It's not as if I'm running in the morning by CHOICE.Who the hell wants to wake up so early and have to make everyone else unhappy,just to go early enough to run?!
Just because I'm the youngest doesn't mean I'm not a person.
I don't feel like elaborating on that now.

Back to the topic of me being sick.
I think it was the Mac & Cheese that made me feel sick again today.I had that for lunch,perhaps it was too cheesy for my ill-conditioned digestive system to take.I couldn't finish the meal anyway.I drank a bottle of Yakult after that,all while watching "There's Something About Mary".
Took a shower,did some Math homework,felt too sick to complete.I felt strangely bloated and felt like vomiting.I lay daydreaming for awhile,then came outside to use the computer because I remembered my dream and wanted to blog about it.
It's now 8.33pm,I haven't had my dinner.Still feeling sick.Hands injured in many places.Poked by thick wire,thin wire,thinner wire,impaled by a pencil & safety-pin,cut by metal toilet-roll holders,cut by paper,bruised by watch,by wire,and being accidentally hit by people...

English Oral Prelims are tomorrow.I don't know how I'll do.Worried about my Accounts homework because I have no idea how to go about doing it.Just remembered the two English compres Ms Yip gave us today.I can almost swear just thinking about them,and how I'm going to have choir after Eng Oral tomorrow and get home really late with no time to complete,and my uncompleted Math homework as well,don't forget that we've to draw those stupid diagrams.Speed-time graphs/Velocity-time graphs/Distance-time graphs...There's SS tomorrow and we were supposed to do Q 1(b) from the 5-yrs series.I did that already,but I'm not sure if my answer will be considered acceptable.Curse the people who introduced Social Studies to the world.

Oh no,Mom just told me to drink some soup.

Sunday,Apr 8th 2007

Just my luck to be sick on Easter Sunday!Thought it was a day when everyone would rejoice.
It's only 2.49pm,and since 8am I've suffered from diarrhoea and vomiting.I won't gross you guys out with details,but I feel terrible.Can't even eat properly!Tried to do a little Math homework,but feel too terrible to complete it.I haven't touched paper 2.If I'm feeling better I'll try again later.
I'm more worried about my Chinese homework,which I totally forgot about until half an hour ago.I left the newspaper in school,and Chinese is first thing tomorrow morning!I'm so gonna die.Lao shi would never believe my long-winded but truthful explanation.I wouldn't either,if I were her.

Couldn't sleep well last night.Felt terrible around 7am this morning.Thought the terrible feeling was gonna pass,so I ignored it and stayed in bed till about 8am,couldn't take it anymore and sat up in bed.See,the most pitiful thing about me was that I wasn't comfortable in any position.When lying down,my tummy/intestines hurt.When I sat up,I felt like vomiting.When I stood up,I felt dizzy.
Even I found myself pitiful.
Here's the most ironic part: I vomited right after I finished brushing my teeth.

Been too sick to think much,but I wonder if Singapore is considered a free country?What on earth is a free country anyway?!

Thurs,Apr 5th 2007

Jie,
If you can't say anything nice about my hair,don't say anything at all.

Sunday,April 1st 2007

It's gonna be short,it's already late.

Well,that applies to my compo as well,the one that was due days ago,which I haven't written.
I've finally gotten my hands on the book "Hannibal Rising".It's difficult to pry myself away from it,but I did last night before I went to bed only because I feared that it would fall off the bed if I hugged it to sleep.
It's pretty scary,the way it makes one think while reading it.It makes one think so deeply,about the story itself and poor Hannibal,and wonder about a lot of other things.Quite enjoyable,in a way.
It's a library book,by the way.I got it after my 2.4km run,and I consider it my reward for not giving up halfway during the run.Oh,and for buying 3 packets of tissues from that old handicapped lady in a wheelchair I always see sitting infront of the entrance to the MRT station.
She's been making a living out of selling tissues for years,I should know.I see her sitting there almost everyday,looking tired,holding out 3 packets of tissues,hoping someone would buy them for a dollar.
I never could bring myself to go out of my way to stop and dig out my wallet to produce a dollar (definitely laziness),but I finally did afew days ago,and it felt good because I think she needs that dollar more than I do.